January 25, 2006

• I need Gaydar help, mine apparently is broken. Or maybe, it just has
  never worked in the first place. Perhaps its dysfuctional. Either way,
  it doesn’t work. The guy at work I thought was gay, aint. I was talking
  to him today and he mentioned his girlfriend. I think were my gaydar is
  broken is mistaking a straight guy for a gay guy. I usually don’t miss
  the other way around. I never think somebody that is straight and they
  are actually gay. I know a gay guy when I see one. But, its thinking
  somebody is gay when they aren’t is where I go wrong. Either way, its
  quite disappointing.

  Being male, I seem to get a lot of spam from places that claim to be
  able to give me a bigger penis. I think these people are going about it
  all wrong. You always see ads for bigger cocks, but never for just
  being bigger height wise. See, the thing is, guys shouldn’t want a
  bigger penis, they should just want to be taller. Take me for example.
  I’m only 5’6 (on a good day) so therefore, having my penis size
  increased does me no good, at least on the surface. The reason is, when
  a size queen sees me, they assume because I’m short, it means I don’t
  have a big dick. I don’t fault them for that, it would stand to reason
  that being a short guy, I might be, well, a short guy. When a girl/gay
  guy sees a taller guy, they think “man, he must have a big dick, I need
  to tap that shit.” So, what good will a bigger penis get somebody if
  they are still the same height? Thats why these spammers need to just
  instead need to find ways to make a guy taller. Shit, you can have a 10
  inch “big record” (as Aerosmith once sang) but that don’t mean shit if
  you are 5 feet tall and people think you have a tiny dick; it sure as
  hell aint gonna help you get laid. And I don’t care what girls or gay
  guys say, most of them want a guy with a big dick, the bigger, the
  better. See, its like a car. If you see a tiny car, you are going to
  assume it has shit pick up, when in reality…………ok, so it will
  have shit pick up. But the point is, I did not have sexual relations
  with that woman!! What? I mean, the point is, you can’t judge a book by
  its cover. If you want to be appealing to a sex fiend, you need to get
  taller not grow your dick. And just how exactly do these people grow
  their dicks? What, is it like a fucking Chia Pet, you put some sorta
  seed downtown and water it every day for 6 weeks and next thing you
  know BOING! an extra 3 inches? Perhaps its like steroids, you inject it
  and it gives you zits, makes you very angry and takes years off your
  life by putting the inches on your schlong. And what about the side
  effects? Every side effect of every non essential pill has a side
  effect of impotence. What would be the point of super sizing your
  little man if all he wants to do is sleep? Its like those hair growth
  things, they all cause some sort of limp biscuit (by the way, I HATE
  that fucking band, but was running out of references). So now, you are
  taking Jack’s Magic Beans to grow a bigger beanstalk only to have to
  take the Plumpy Pills to make your weiner plump and juicy. And what
  about the balls? Do the balls grow, or do they stay the same size? How
  fucking ridiculous would it look trying to hit golf balls with a
  baseball bat? Imagine, somebody gets down there and you have this
  HUUUUGGGGE dick with tiny balls, how could they not laugh. Its like a
  child having ears the size of a senior citizen. I say, just leave
  things the way you found them and don’t fuck with shit. You don’t see
  short basketball players trying to grow bigger hands so that they can
  palm a basketball, do you? So, there is nothing wrong with still being
  able to palm your own junk. If you are insecure about your tiny penis,
  just buy an oversized SUV to compensate for it like a lot of other
  guys.

  Just for the record, I’m not hung up on my own size. I’m secure in what I have thank you very much.

  • 10:38 pm
  • 9 Comments