Finally, another update. Friday night I went to Don and Dayna’s to
watch the 40 Year Old Virgin. Have you seen this movie? It was fucking
funny as hell. I have always like Steve Carrel, he was funny on The
Daily Show. We watched it on his big screen hi-def tv. Before the
movie, he was showing me the tv and we watched a little bit of a PBS
show on Yellowstone, but it was in hi-def. Damn, hi-def is where its
at! The next day, while driving to Target and Best Buy, I decided that
I have to have a hi def big screen tv that will be bigger than Scooty’s
tv. In fact, I think all of our friends need to have hi-def tvs that
are bigger than Scooty’s. It would be funny as hell. No, I didn’t buy
the tv…………….yet. But, I will probably be making the purchase
within the next month.

Now onto what turned out to be a VERY exciting weekend of playoff
football. My Broncos won!!! YAAAAAYYY!!! My Bears however, didn’t.
BOOOOOOOO!!!!! I went to Keith’s mom’s house to watch the Bears game.
Yes, Keith and his entire family were there too. It would have been
mighty weird if it were just me and his mom watching football together
(although, she is pretty cool). The game was, how should I say,
endlessly frustrating is a term that comes to mind. I knew this game
would be tough and I thought they might lose. The thing is, I thought
they had a decent shot at going to the Super Bowl and losing to the
Colts. Of course, that is impossible for this year, as the Colts also
lost too. I’m not shocked that the Bears lost, I am, however, shocked
at how they lost. I mean, their defense was AWFUL today. It is a pretty
big disappointment, but when I think about it, this team made big
strides this year. After all, Sports Illustrated had them as the worst
team in the NFL. I thought they would finish with an 8-8 record at
best, but more likely 6-10. I never thought they would wind up with the
2nd seed in the NFC. Still, its progress from last year. Next year,
they need to win a playoff game. Keep moving forward. Of course, this
is easier said then done. A lot of teams have played very well one year
and gone to shit the next year, so we will see.

Dave went “winter” camping this weekend with Kelli’s racist family. I
have never liked her dad at all; he treats Dave like shit and is
EXTREMELY racist. Dave told me some stories about what they did this
year (I fear Dave took part in some of this shit too, although I hope
he didn’t) which included them putting on monkey masks and pretending
they were black people looting after hurricane Katrina. They also
lynched a Jesse Jackson bobble head doll from a tree. This type of
behavior appalls me. I can’t understand how somebody as open and sweet
as Kelli could come from such trash. When I heard these stories, I lost
all respect for Kelli’s family, such as her uncle and her brother in
law. Her dad, I never had much respect for anyway. I have always been
fond of her brother, so I would rather just not know if he was involved
in it as well; although he is a pretty timid and introverted guy, so
maybe not. I just find this sort of behavior unacceptable in society
today. And what makes it even worse, is that it was on Martin Luther
King weekend. Just when you think we have gotten closer to his dream, I
hear about something like this which makes me realize we have a lot
further to go then what I thought we had. Discrimination of any kind is
one thing that I have always fought against and has always bothered me.
And to hear that one of my best friends might have been involved in
something like this upsets me and disappoints me a great deal. I will
just leave you with lyrics to a song that I have always really liked a
lot that help to represent how I feel. Its called Color Me Blind and
its a little known song from the album III Sides to Every Story by
Extreme. Yes, that is the same Extreme that did the lame and cheesy
ballad “More Than Words.” I have always been a big fan of Extreme, they
were more than just a crappy hair band. Their music actually had
substance.

As I have mentioned before, every Thursday my friends and I go to a
little bar called Clem’s. This week was about as odd a night I have
ever had a bar, and it was all within the first, say, 35 minutes.
First, my friend Don showed up and he hadn’t been there in a few years.
Don, John, Heather and I started to play pool. Shortly thereafter a guy
walked in wearing shorts and for some reason, slippers. Sure, it was
warm today, but it wasn’t short weather. Ok, so right now as I type
this, its 1 in the AM and still 47 degrees out (no global warming my
ass), but still, it was an odd scene for the middle of January. Anywho,
first he walked up to the bar. Then, he came over to us, looked at me
and I assumed he was looking to play pool. Not so. He walked right past
to be and walked up to Don and whispered in his ear. Don said “No” and
the guy walked off. I instantly asked Don “Did he ask you if you had
any cocaine?” And Don said yes. At this point, the guy was asking
people at the bar for come blow. Of course, nobody had any. The guy
then left. What the fuck? Its like this guy escaped rehab wearing
shorts and slippers and came up to Clem’s to “get his blow on”. Its not
like this is some sort of seedy, back ally bar. Sure, its not exactly a
high class place, in fact, some people might call it somewhat of a
dump, but by all means, it aint a drug bar.

Shortly after he left, another guy came walking in with, for the most
part, was Easter fucking dinner. He had a large full size
ham………probably 20lbs. He also had mashed potatoes and gravy in
pots and pans. He also had brought in plates too. And I don’t mean just
paper plates. He brought in actual dinnerware………glass fucking
plates. Next thing you know, he starts offering all of this to
everybody and anybody in the bar (which at the time consisted of
probably 12 people, but there were more people there later and he
offered it to them too). And I have to say, this fucking ham was
amazing. He made it on the grill and put all sorts of seasonings and
marinades on it. It was very juicy and tender. And the smell was
amazing. He starts telling us all about various recipes he had been
making since he is living alone. I assumed his wife left him. He is
standing there, slicing up ham and talking about cooking like he is the
Iron fucking Chef. I told Don that this sorta thing doesn’t happen
every week. The guy (Don, that is) shows up for the first time in years
and he has a guy asking him if he has coke and another feeding him
dinner.

A short while later, I went to sit on the ledge next to one of the
tables and knocked Heather’s full rum & coke right the fuck over. I
felt bad, but I just bought her a new drink and she would have never
known that it had happened had we not told her, because she was at the
bar at the time talking to the Iron Chef.

That’s all for now people. Remember, lots of garlic the next time you cook ham.

Crap. I think there is this girl I used to work with that likes me. She
just quit a couple of weeks ago. She has been calling me a couple of
times a week since (ok, in all fairness, I have called her a couple of
times too) and she is always sweet talking me. She is the one that has
been telling me I should join Second City (in fact, she even printed me
out stuff from their website)and constantly telling me how funny and
smart I am. She laughs at just about everything I say. The thing is,
she is so smart, we have such great conversations and if I weren’t gay,
I think I could have a relationship with her. Damn, how the fuck do I
always manage to get myself involved in this sorta situation.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060111/ap_on_re_mi_ea/israel_pat_robertson

Israel has suspended contact with Pat Robertson. I don’t know if this
means much, but at least this fuck-up is finally being held accountable
for his actions.

I saw a sign today on the back window of a tow truck that read “HELP
WANTED”. This is pretty much a standard in every tow truck, for the
most part, being a tow truck driver is AWFUL. Working for AAA (no, I
was not a tow truck driver) I got to know this almost first hand. But,
the thing is, isn’t it a bit, oh, I don’t know, weird to have a help
wanted sign when you are going to be helping people? I mean, honestly.
Do you see the irony in this? Why don’t they just say “I’m here to help
you, now get to work towing that fucking car!”

I got nothing else for now. The thing is, I could have made that last
paragraph a lot better, but I’m just not into it right now. Sorry
people.

Aint this pic awesome?

There is a cute guy at work who started about a month and I think he
might be one of us. At least, I hope he is. He gets off at 5 in the PM
and I get off at 6. My desk is right in front of the time clock and he
came by to clock out as he was leaving (he worked a little OT and got
off about 5:20ish) and I, of course, had to start talking to him since
it is dead at that time (although, to be honest, I should have been
doing other things) and managed to keep him there talking to me until I
left at 6. I tried to drop subtle hints that I was interested, such as
mentioning that I go to bars on the northside (I don’t normally), that
I was extremely liberal, an atheist and I pinched his ass on the way
out, so I hope he gets the hint.

After work, I had an eye doctor appointment at the Lens Crafters. This
was my first time there since, oh, I don’t know, like 8th fucking grade
or some shit like that. Anywho, I get a pretty big discount for being a
Blue Cross employee. And I do mean a big discount. Anywho, I walked in
and the lady behind the counter started to help me. You know the type.
She is the annoying co-worker that would rat anybody out in a second
and goes by the book, however she is nice. Or at least, she pretends to
be nice. When I opened my wallet, she asked if the pictures of my
nieces were my “precious babies”. I quickly replied back “No, bitch,
they are hideous and its non of your damn business, you fake nice
whorebag.” Or, at least I said something like that. Or maybe it was
“no, they are my nieces.” Either way, I’m sure she got the point. While
I was up there, a very attractive employee (who I will dream about
tonight) came up to the counter. He gave me a friendly smile and I just
sorta looked away. It took my stupid ass a minute to realize that he
might be gay. Damn, I missed my chance to give a flirty smile right
back. And he was cute too. Tall, sorta built with blond hair. He
couldn’t be any older then 25. Ohhhhhhhhhh.

I was told to “browse” the glasses, even though I knew what I wanted.
After a few minutes, another gay employee came up to me to take me
through a battery of tests. He was a borderline flammer (he reminded me
a lot of a guy I used to work with at AAA) but not was not too
attractive. He was a few years older then me and seemed
sorta……..gaunt. Nice guy though. He seemed to at least pretend to
laugh at my jokes. He made me look through some thing and blah blah
blah, is that blurry, blah blah blah do you get excited when I touch
you here and blah blah blah, hand me a tissue. He also gave me some
test in which I look in some machine,  down a road at a little
tiny farm and inside the farm, is a farmer fucking his cousin. Next was
the test everybody hates, where they blow a spitball into your eye. I
punched him right afterwards.

After my tests, I was told to wait for the eye doctor person lady. I
sat down in an area in which I could see the hot employee so that I
could send signals that I was interested. Yeah, it didn’t work. I guess
since he worked there, he had to help customers and whatnot. Fucking
people and their work ethic taking precedent over their sex drive. After
what seemed like an eternity, the eye lady took me into another room.
She poked around and prodded in my eyes for a few minutes, reviewing a
pic of the inside of my eye that the flammer dude had taken. It was
weird. It looked like a planet. She also dilated my pupils, which at
the present time, really sucks. This white screen is very bright and
for the past couple of hours, things have been blurry. Its almost like
what you see when you are drunk, except you aren’t slurring your speech
or falling over. Ok, so maybe a little falling over, but I do that
everyday.

After that, I was sent to wait again for the dilation thing to take
effect so that she could look at my eyes. Fuck man, my eyes were going
crazy. Finally, she took at look at my eyes and told me it was all
good. For some reason, she then gave me a lap dance.

I was sent back out where I had to wait for another employee to go over
my glasses and shit. I was hoping that employee would be the hot dude.
It turned out to be some very nice, yet unattractive, older guy who was
old enough to be my father. He sold me this and sold me and next thing
I knew, the bill was getting pretty high. As we spoke, cute guy walked
passed me. I then made it OBVIOUS I was checking him out. He gave me a
smile and raised his eye brows. I gave a flirty smile back. Ok, this is
a good sign and it probably meant that yes, he was gay. I couldn’t do
anything though, as I was with the dad guy and cute guy was with
another customer. Damnit.

I told the man that I worked for Blue Cross/ Blue Shield and he set up
my discount, which, when all said and done, was a BIG discount, but
holy fuck, it was a lot of money. The before bill was well over $500.
The after discount brought it “down” to $359. The last time I got
glasses at my local eye doctor, I got buy one get one free for the
glasses and total, I think I paid about $225. Fuck, without these
discounts, its over $500! Wow, fucking wow, Lenscrafters is a fucking
rip off. And, when it was all said and done, I was there for about 2
1/2 hours! I always remembered the last time I was there, it seemed to
take forever and cost a lot of money. Of course, I was a kid then, so I
had a different concept of time and money……….no, no, its still
the same, it took a long ass time for them to charge me up the ass.

Oh, I never did get a chance to talk to the cute guy. Maybe I will when
I got back there to pick up my glasses in 1-2 weeks. Thats right, I
said 1-2 weeks for a pair of fucking glasses!!!

Here, read this article real quick before I comment  on it.
Basically, its about a gay solider who was discharged from the army
after getting the shit kicked out of him for being gay.

http://www.gay.com/news/article.html?2006/01/06/2

I have said it before and I will say it again: the United States
Military is fucking ri-damn-diculous. For reasons such as this, I can
never support the armed forces. Let me get this straight, a guy beats
the shit out of his fellow solider because the fellow solider is
gay  and because of this, the guy that gets the ass whipping is
kicked out of the military? I’d like to think we have reached the peak
of hypocrisy and injustice, but we all know that somehow, the American
military will find a way to top itself.

So, you all have heard about those wildfires in Oklahoma and Texas,
right? Perhaps we should pull a Pat Robertson and say that the fires
are God’s wrath to Texas because Texas unleashed George W Bush on the
world. In fact, maybe I will email that to Pat.

One thing I forgot to mention about Friday night. Among the people at
the Foundry with Danel was a semi-big wig from AAA. I was explaining to
him that I used to work there but got layed off when the call center
closed. I then said that it was ok, because I got even with the company
by stealing a box of pens. He asked me if they were the push button
pens, because a box of those pens were missing and nobody knows what
happened to them. Great. I make a joke about stealing a box of pens and
it turns out, a box is missing. Just to set the record straight, I
didn’t steal anything when I left. Perhaps this year will be the of the
comical mis-understandings.

Today, I went to get my haircut. While waiting for the million and one
people to get their haircuts before me, I watched most of Shrek 2. I
have only seen all of Shrek 2 one other time, so it was nice to watch
it; I almost forgot just how funny it is. After the haircut, I came
home and cleaned a room in the house that, well, for lack of a better
term, filled with lots of junk. It is the smallest room in the house
and therefore almost used as a junk room. It was amazing, though, how
many empty boxes I found. Now, the room still has a lot of uneeded
stuff in it, but it looks a LOT better and is way more organized.

Ahhhhh, playoff football………….ya gotta love playoff football.
Washington-Tampa game was almost a classic today. Can’t wait to see
more games tomorrow.

I played cards tonight at Scott’s house and for the first time in a
long time, I did very good. Don came with tonight, which was cool since
we don’t get a chance to hang out all that often. Anywho, the buy-in
was $20 plus an extra $2 for the highest called hand of the game. It
worked out well for me, I wound up with the highest called hand, almost
in spite of myself. Early on I had a very good hand and wound up, well,
blowing my load on it. I overbet and drove the only other person left
from the hand before it could be called. I thought then that I had
blown my chance at high hand, but later on had another full house and
did manage to keep people in for that hand. I had a good night, not
only was I getting great cards, but I was also, for the most part,
playing smart, even halfway bluffing a couple of hands. I also managed
to catch a couple of people in a bluff. In the end, it came down to me
and this other guy, Paul (I have written about him before). People were
waiting to start another game to start and Paul and I were going back
and forth and were about equal in chips. I was getting pressure to just
split the pot and tie for 1st. Don had no interest in a second game
(but, I was itchin to play more) and I already had the high hand of the
night, so I would still come out ahead of Paul if we split. I thought
about it, and did what I always hate to do: I split the pot, knowing
that he and I could have gone on for quite some time, seeing as we were
already about 3 hours into the game.

Don and I left about 11:30ish. We went back to his place and watched tv
with his wife and daughter. Shortly thereafter, his other daughter,
Korine, came home. Korine is 16 and desperately wants to participate in
the study abroad program in Japan. We talked for quite some time about
it and I offered her some ideas and encouragement. I hope she is able
to do it in a couple of years, it would be great for her.

Before I get into any post, of course, you know I have to mention this from Yahoo:

Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested Thursday that Israeli
Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s stroke was divine punishment for
“dividing God’s land.”
“God considers this land to be his,” Robertson said on his TV program
“The 700 Club.” “You read the Bible and he says `This is my land,’ and
for any prime minister of   Isreal who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, `No, this is mine.’”

In Robertson’s broadcast from his Christian Broadcasting Network in
Virginia Beach, the evangelist said he had personally prayed about a
year ago with Sharon, whom he called “a very tender-hearted man and a
good friend.” He said he was sad to see Sharon in this condition.

He also said, however, that in the Bible, the prophet Joel “makes it
very clear that God has enmity against those who ‘divide my land.’”

Do you say this sort of thing about all your friends? Jerry Falwell is
a friend of yours Pat, is the recent mining accident God’s wrath
because of something he did? Pat Robertson has got to be one of the
most hate filled people in America and, although a majority of people
don’t take him seriously, there is a small percentage of people that
do, and his thoughts and beliefs on Jews, gays, liberals,
evolutionists, abortionists, Muslims and just about any other non
conservative is helping to fuel the fires of hate. Somebody, please
stop him.

Here is another thing that is way crazy:

Here it is, part of my year in review (I can’t post EVERYTHING, but if
you ask nicely, I might be able to share somehow). So, lets start with
January. First of all, I should add, I always hate when people do a
year in review while still in that same year, I mean, what if something
happens during the last 2 weeks of the year? Anywho, here you go.

January
Ring in the new year with my brother saying to me “holy shit, we are
going to be 30 this year.” I slug him in the stomach for reminding me.
I also go out on couple of dates with a guy that complains. A lot. It
doesn’t last. Also notable in January, I new disappointing Chocolate
Lucky Charms. You ain’t missing much. Nothing else of note
happens……….at least, not in the public posting!!!

February
I have a run-in with Jt’s girlfriend at Scooty’s house (Feb 12, 13
&14 if you want to read the posts) during Scootyfest. All I can say
is that it is just the first in a series of conflicts I would be
involved in in 2005. I’m also sick with some nasty fever for a few
days. I miss my only 2 days of work all year. I feel like shit, but
when I start to get better I get some good ass Culver’s ice cream to
soothe my throat. Also a week after the Jt incident at Scooty’s, I’m
sorta involved in another one at Rusty’s 30th bday party (Feb 20th
post) involving Mark and his friend Dan. What a bunch of drama!

March
I meet Uvon for the first time. Turns out, he is not as funny looking
as he claims to be, but instead, is sorta like a character from Charlie
Brown. I also get hit on my TWO waitresses at breakfast with Dave and
Dori (March 13 post). One of them gives me her number. I throw it away
when I find out that, and I’m not making this up, she has a boyfriend
in prison that she is currently cheating on with somebody else. Oh, and
I’m also gay, so she stands no chance. I also have another date with a
guy from Lisle who refuses to let me in his apartment. Odd guy, that
one. I wonder if he had piles of bodies in his apartment or something
like that.

April
The Cubs’ season starts. So does nearly 6 months of complete and utter
frustration. Fuckers! I also wait in line at a local store for 2 hours
to not meet Bulls guard Ben Gordon. I waste 2 hours and all I got was a
picture of Ben Gordon and an erection from fantasying about the hot
dude in front of me. I go to the doctor to have a physical. Doc gives
me 5 months to live. I start to cry and he says “but, I do have good
news. I just saved a bunch of money on my auto insurance.” The jokes on
him, I’m still alive and he was sued and now lives under an I55
underpass. I also take a new position at work which at the time is a
lateral move. Eventually (I mean, on Jan 16 of this year) job level has
been adjusted and will be making lots more money. Turns out, it was a
good move.

May
Highlight of the month, I meet my boyhood hero, former Cubs’s
rightfielder Andre Dawson. I don’t embarrass myself when meeting him.
The Bulls lose in the playoffs. I have my first of 4 or 5 dates with
Josh. There is a HUGE conflict/fight involving my mother’s family at my
cousin’s graduation party (May 21 post), reconfirming that they are
nuts. Also, the day after, I have a Cubs-Sox party. Cubs lose, which
really sucked, but to make matters even worse, I accidentally get punched
in the eye playing drunken basketball with Mark. This was the first of
a few bad basketball things of the year. Later in the month, I jam a
finger playing.

June
I manage to find a way to get banned from a American Cancer Society
volunteer event (June 7 post). The whole thing is so Larry David like.
I also go to a Cubs game in which they lose at home, another Cubs game
in which they lose in Milwaukee, and another one in which they beat the
Sox on the road. During the Milwaukee trip, I get drunk in the middle
of the day at the Miller Brewery. I also hold a card game at my house
(June 12 post) in which this asshole comes over and spends a better
part of the night pointing out the many flaws of my house. Thanks for
noticing, dick! Also, while sitting in my car at a bar, I get
approached my a drunk shoeless lady who thinks I might be in her car.
Turns out, she was only kidding. I think. For the 11th year in row, I’m
not drafted to play in the NBA. Bastards.

July
Kick ass time at the Taste of Chicago. Food rules!! I also go to my
first Red Sox game, which is against the White Sox in Chicago. I
finally come out to my friend Don and his wife Dayna. I stop seeing
Josh. You will just have to read about this one in the private post.
There is also a mud guy at the bar I go to (July 30 post). Its so
fucked up, you have to read it for yourself.

August
My niece Addison is born. I am instantly taken by her, she is
wonderful. Days before, Mark and I get our asses kicked at a community
beanbag tournament. I also learn what a Hollaback Girl is. While
camping with friends, a teenager asks me of himself and his 3 friends,
which one I’m most attracted to (Aug 15 post, its towards the end). I
also buy Green Day’s American Idiot and am still addicted to this
album, its been a long time since I felt this way about an album.

September
I go to Denny’s with a complete stranger (what can I say, he was hot)
where I get hit on by another chick (Sept 5 post) who thinks I won’t
date her because she is black, little does she know its because she is
a she. I met Steven (Sept 19 post) which is altogether nuts. Not that
he was a dick or anything like that, but it was crazy.

October
Normally, October is a very good month. This year though, it was
somewhat dreadful. Not only did we turn 30, but The White Sox won the
fucking World Series. In honor of our birthday, our great friends throw
us a 30th birthday party which kicked total ass. I also have weddings
on consecutive nights, one of which was a family wedding. The big shock
there, is that for the first time in a very long time, there is no big
scene created at the wedding or reception by anybody. On October 24, I
run right the fuck into a brick wall playing basketball. It sounds and
looks much worse than it was, but once again, its another confrontation
in the “Year of Confrontations.” I also get premium on Xanga, which
means I can start posting pics. Doesn’t mean I did post pics, just that
I can. I dress as George Washington for Halloween and for some reason,
people hate me for it. I got death threats, damnit!!! I’m also
confronted by an arrogant Sox fan at Clem’s (Oct 30 post). But the big
news, I learn that black and tan match!!! WOOOOOHOOO!

November
I come out to Dae and Jean. They are cool with it. Dave and I
accidentally start to deep fry a turkey with the burner turned upside
down (Nov 20 post). This stands as one of the dumbest things we have
ever done, but hey, we were drunk.

December
I make the playoffs in both of my fantasy football leagues. I finish
3rd in the money league, getting me $30. The management at Cracker
Barrel pisses us off at Christmas Eve breakfast in yet another
confrontation. I also play Santa Claus not once, but twice. I celebrate
New Year’s eve in million dollar condo 40 floors above downtown
Chicago.

See, crazy year. Wonder what next year will bring?

DAVID LETTERMAN RULES!!! I just saw his interview with America’s 2nd
biggest blowhard, Bill O’Reilly (Rush Limbaugh is #1, but O’Reilly is
making a serious run at the top) and Letterman really handed it to
O’Reilly, saying things like “I have a feeling that 60% of
what you say is crap.” The look on O’Reilly’s face was pricless, he
looked like he was having a hard time containing himself from snapping,
as we know, the man has a incredible temper and loves to yell and
disregard people that disagree with him. It was classic! O’Reilly
looked like he was ready to start shaking. I’m thinking O’Reilly won’t
be on again anytime soon.

This post has only one point, and that is to waste your time reading
this sentence. What can I say, I got nothing except a nasty head cold.