When one is on a roll, one waits for the sign that the roll is now
over. Today, as my little car headed west down 119th street, a Will
County Sheriff happened to notice that my car was traveling 53 miles an
hour in a zone which 35 miles an hour is what the man would like you to
travel. I saw him parked off to the side and looked at my speedometer.
He had his rollers on before I even got to him. I knew I was caught and
as I went by him, he made a circle like an umpire does after a homerun.
He started to move and I pulled over right where I was going to turn
onto Rt 59. I pulled over and he walked right up. I felt like a batter
that knew that he had just struck out looking. He walked right up and
said “You were doing 53 and its 35 through there. There were signs, but
they are really getting on me, I need to give out more tickets. License
please.” I handed it right to him and he walked away. Its so
humiliating waiting there as cars pass you buy, looking at you. Keep in
mind not only was this my first ticket, but also the first time I had
been pulled over. Although it seemed to take an eternity, he came back
only about 5 minutes later and told me to sign something and if I
signed clearly, he wouldn’t need my license. It was at this moment that
things got just a little bit more embarrassing: Danel drove by,
pointing and laughing. I can’t blame her, I would have done the same
thing. To be honest, I found the whole thing quite funny. In fact, as I
drove off, I sat there, chuckling at the whole week I have had. So what
if its $75, that’s not so bad. I’m still up for the week, at least with
all the money I have made.
I guess there is some new “Sex Soda” that they have come out with. Anywho, Letterman did a pretty funny Top 10 list about it:
Top Ten Slogans For The New Sex Soda
10. “Have a glass for your fine ass”
9. “Soft drink? I don’t think so…”
8. “Goes down nice and easy…just like you”
7. “Get fizzy, get bizzy”
6. “Makes more than your tastebuds tingle”
5. “Available in ‘Classic’ or ‘Brokeback’”
4. “Why not put a kitty in your pants?”
3. “Have a coke and a smile, a smoke and a long satisfying nap”
2. “It’s like a carbonated lapdance”
1. “Get it in the can”
Ever have one of those days where everything just turns to gold for
you? Well, sometimes, when you are hot, you are hot and lately my
friends, I have been SMOKIN’!!!! Friday, I won playing cards. Saturday,
I got my big screen tv. Sunday, I took 3rd in a 21 person Hold ‘Em
tournament. I also won 2 quarters in Mark’s Super Bowl Squares. Today,
they told us at work we would be getting an additional bonus on top of
the bonus we are already going to be getting. I got the extra bonus
today, this happened about 1:45ish. Right about 5 in the PM, my boss
tells me that there has been a rate adjustment on level of the position
I’m on. Now, I just got bumped up to this level on Jan 16, which I
already knew about. My boss told me today that this latest rate
increase, which is about 35 cents more an hour, is retro to Jan 16 and
on my next check I will get retro pay dating back to Jan 16. Since
November, my pay has gone up by, get this people, $3.72/hr! Now, as if
that wasn’t good enough, 5 minutes after I get back to my desk, a
co-worker comes up to me and hands me $50 which, I had unknowingly won
in a Super Bowl strip card over the weekend. There is really only one
thing to do when one is this hot: PAR-LAY!!!! You gotta parlay that
shit.
I was going to work OT tonight, but instead decided that this was an
official casino emergency. I got home and instantly called Dave. Of
course, he didn’t answer. I did a few things and headed first to the
gas station to pick up some lotto tickets and then to the Empress. I
used to go to the casino about once a month, but since the boys and I
“broke up” and they have started charging to get into the casino, I
have stopped going. They have, however, recently stopped charging to
get in, which was cool. I gave my coat to the coat check and quickly
headed into the casino. I went straight to my mom’s favorite slot
machines, the Blazing 7′s. I’ve said it before and I will say it again:
I wonder if they have Blazing 7′s where my mom is?Anywho, my mom always
said to bet 3 each spin (which, normally I don’t do on every spin, but
today was different) which I did, but to no avail. Finally, I got down
to one last chip and spun. It hit on 3 7′s, which, had I bet at least
2, would have gotten me $100. Since I bet one, though, it got me jack
shit. Oh, cruel fate. I always seem to have something like that happen
when playing her machines.
Next, I went to play roulette. It has been, I think, almost 3 years
since I last played roulette. I bet all the numbers I used to bet, 0
and 00, 2 and 1 for my mom’s b-day, 10 and 7 for mine, 6 for Dave’s and
just for old time’s sake, 28 for Jt’s b-day. I also threw 8&9 into
the mix for Addison’s b-day. I won on all of those numbers except the
zeros and the 8&9. Now, I know in roulette, you should try to avoid
getting married to one number, but I always manage to get stuck on one
number and tonight, that number was 34, over and over and over. The
more it didn’t hit, the more I would put on 34 and around 34. Towards
the end of the night, the ball rolled, stopped for a split second on
34, and continued on, gently stopping 2 motherfucking, cocksucking
numbers away!!! I was so frustrated, it was almost like that time in
Vegas, which none of you know about. I played a couple of more times
and I was out of the money that I had planned on spending, and fresh
plumb out of luck.
On the way out to the coat check, there were a bunch of people coming
in from some sort of Joliet Jackhammers (local minor league baseball
team) thing going on. There was a guy standing there waiting for the
valet with an autographed ball. For a second, I thought about asking
him if he wanted me to sign the ball, but passed on the idea of saying
it.
When I got home, I found out that I did manage to win $5 on the scratch
off that I had purchased. Tomorrow is the pick 6, maybe I can get lucky
again. I’m telling you, I have been on the roll of my life over the
course of the last couple of months. I really should take some of this
money and give it back, you know like give to charity or something like
that.
::deep sigh:: Man, I HATE making the same mistakes. I’m really
interested in the guy from work, the new temp. I’d hate to sound like
one of those typical gay guys in denial, but I’m just not convinced
this dude is straight. I know, I have been through all of this before,
but shit, he just shows too much interest in talking to me to be
straight. The thing is, even if he is gay, he is in a relationship and
whether its with a guy or a girl, he is taken and therefore off limits.
I know this, and yet I still try to talk to him and drop subtle hints
that I’m interested. Not only is that self-destructive, its also wrong
to “mow another person’s lawn.” ::sigh::
You know what drives crazy? The overweight doctor. How can this fat
fuck sit there and tell me “take care of yourself, eat right, exercise,
don’t drink or do drugs and don’t smoke” when all the while he is the
human equivalent of a hot air balloon. Take my nurse practitioner for
instance. Now, I really like my doctor, but when I’m sick and the only
person available is the nurse practitioner, I see her. Yet, she is
tipping the scales at oh, I don’t know, lets just say a Mini Cooper.
The thing is, she is very nice, but I just can’t take Mrs Mini Cooper
seriously. Its worse than the fat ass gym teacher. None of my gym
teachers were too hefty, but there was a couple of the girls gym
teachers that were a little on the girthy size. Maybe girthy isn’t the
right made up word. Perhaps celestial is better, you know, sorta like
they were their own planet. Don’t get me wrong. I know how tough it can
be to lose weight, but I’m just saying, when you are a gym teacher or
in the medical field, I think you should set an example for your
patients/students. Its hypocritical to sit there and preach losing
weight all the while you can’t fit on the scale to weigh yourself. I’m
mean, if you have to go to the truck weigh station to weigh yourself,
you just might want to put yourself on a diet. As
far as I’m concerned, if you are under 5’8 and in excess of 275 pounds,
you have no business telling people to stay in shape. And the thing
about some of these gym teachers, is that they are so fucking mean. Its
not bad to force these kids to do these exercises, but while you are
screaming and yelling at them to do some fucking jumping jacks and all
the while, you are out of breath bending over to tie your shoes, maybe
its time to turn the yelling on yourself. Maybe they need to have a fat
camp for gym teachers and medical professionals. Perhaps we can get Dr
Phil’s pudgy ass to get out there and yell at them and essentially
shame them into shape. Now, I’m not blaming these people for other
people being fat, shit, everybody is responsible for themselves, but
you are supposed to be setting an example for others and 2 donuts and
large coffee for your pre snack before your mid morning brunch is
probably not sending the right message.
Just call me butter because I’m on a fucking roll. Wow, what a SUPER
Sunday it was for me. First HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!! WOOOOHOOOO, YOU
ROCK!!! Its also my boss’s birthday, which is cool, I guess. Today was
the big Texas Hold ‘Em tournament at Sean’s house. I pulled up just as
some other girl pulled up. She and I were both standing out there
knocking on the door and ringing the bell for a few minutes. Finally,
she called Sean and told him to let us in. It pays to be the first one
there because I got a seat right next to the tv, which was important
since I would be watching the game too. The goal was to start playing
by 3:30 and be done by halftime. I pretty much assumed that I would be
out early and therefore, would be able to leave at halftime and be at
Mark’s house for the start of the 3rd quarter. As usual, though, people
were late. I think we wound up getting started about 4:15. We had 20
people and the buy-in was $30. Sean also had squares which he was
selling for $4 a square. I bought $20 worth. Scott had strip cards
which was $5 a card, I bought $20 worth. I also had Mark put me in for
$15 in his squares.
I started off not so good. I really wasn’t doing much when the first
couple of people got out. Then, things started to pick up for me. I won
a couple of hands but still was not chip leader, but was doing ok. Next
thing I knew, people that are usually at the final table, such as
Richard and Chris were out. I look up and next thing I knew, I think I
was chip leader or close to it on our table. A little while later, we
were down to one 10 person table. When we combined tables, I was
sitting next to Chip. I always seem to wind up next to him, which is
cool because he is a fun guy and is cute. Although when we had 2 tables
Chip was at the other table, I still wound up sitting next to his even
cuter brother, who was out pretty early. Anywho, back to the game.
Paul, who usually does pretty good, was teetering on the brink of
extinction. I was hoping we could get him out before he mounted a
comeback. Chip was chip leader and he is always one to worry about.
This other guy, Jeff, is always one to worry about as well. He always
seems to hang in and next thing you know, he is in the money (meaning,
he wins money. In this tournament, top 5 got paid). Now, I can’t
remember who went out next, but it was either Sean or Jeff. This meant
we were down to 5 people, and I was guaranteed my money back, which is
unusual, as I usually finish one spot from money.
At this point, halftime had started. So much for me being at Mark’s
house by the start of the 3rd quarter. The Stones were playing a kick
ass set (then again, the Stones always kick ass, don’t they?) on a kick
ass stage that was shaped like a tongue. We took a break for a few
minutes for pizza. We started back up. We were all pretty much equal,
there was nobody running away with things. Within a few minutes and
much to my surprise, Chip was the next one out. Down to 3, and honestly,
I had as good of a chance as any to win this thing. Paul won a couple
of big hands and was chip leader, but nothing that I couldn’t overcome.
I was then dealt pocket aces. Scott was first to bet and he bet big. I
too bet big. The flop came and it came with 2 kings. Scott again bet
big. I upped him and went all in, thinking that unless he had a king, I
had a decent shot to beat him. Well, he had a king and no other aces
came up. I was done, but still wound up with a 3rd place payout of $90.
Halftime was almost over and I was out the door fast and speeding down
the road to Mark’s.
I made it there with about 8 minutes left in the 3rd quarter. I walked
in and found out I won one of the quarters, which really was a wash
because I still owed them for the squares anyway. Once the game ended
21-10, I won another quarter and wound up with $15. I still don’t know
how I did in Sean or Scott’s squares or strip cards, but hopefully I
will find out soon.
I’m happy for Jerome Bettis. He has always been a class act and
deserves to go out on top. The game was good and not without
excitement. I did miss a good portion of it either playing poker or
driving in my car. Still, you gotta love Super Bowl Sunday, its sports
version of Christmas. In fact, I always say it should be an official
holiday, complete with Super Bowl songs and a Super Bowl being that
brings shit to people, you know, like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.
We can call it, “Super Sunday Man” and he would come in through the
garage door with footballs for all the kids and Super Bowl Squares for
all the adults. And the kids can leave nachos out for him to eat. Are
you with me on this one, people?
Anywho, that ends this whole great weekend. Friday night, I won playing
cards. Yesterday, my big screen tv was delivered. And today, well, you
just skipped all sorts of paragraphs about today. When I look back on
this year, this weekend will stand out as a very good one. Now, if only
I had gotten laid……..
Hot fucking damn, I’m SOOOOOOO very tired. I have not slept well all
week, and it seems like each night I get less and less sleep. Thursday
night I was out ’til late and up early. Friday night, we played cards
in honor of my mother’s birthday. It was me, Mark, Dave, Rusty, his
father in law, Mason and Lance surprised us by showing up. I wanted to
do dealer’s choice just like my mom used to play. I love dealer’s
choice, its so much fun. Sure, I love Texas Hold ‘Em as well, but
playing dealer’s choice and games like Between the Sheets, Black
Mariah, Baseball, and Pass the Shit are just so much fun, we always
laugh a lot while playing them. Its not often when we play dealer’s
choice, because Hold ‘Em is the fad right now thats what everybody
wants to play. Having 8 people, I was over-ruled and we wound up
playing Hold Em. I started off poorly and Mark started off very well.
When it was all said and done, it was just myself and Rusty left going
head to head. We battled for about 20 minutes, but we all really wanted
to start playing dealer’s choice, so we just chopped the pot and
started playing dealer’s choice. Mason kept saying that he was going to
leave at midnight, but we kept talking him into playing another hand,
and next thing we know, it was 1 in the AM. He left then and we played
for about 15 or 20 more minutes before stopping. It was ok, because I
had to be up very early for the tv to be delivered.
Grant’s was supposed to call between 6-7AM to schedule delivery for
today. I just couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just give me a time
when I bought the damn thing, you know, like a real fucking company? As
it was, for some reason, I woke up at about 6:15 and couldn’t fall back
to sleep. Finally, they called at about 6:40 to say they would be here
between 10-2, which could be cutting it close, since the cable guy was
going to come to install the hi-def between 1-5. After a little bit, I
finally fell back to sleep. I woke back up shortly after 9 in the am. I
had some shit to do before 10, so I got up. I ran to the bank and got
some money. Next, I was off to the post office to ship Liam some Smores
Pop Tarts he was craving. I can’t blame him, Smores Pop Tarts rule. I
did, however, have a hellva time trying to find a box to ship them in.
I managed to get one from Meijer, but for a few minutes thought it
would be really funny to ship a lone box of pop tarts in the box that
my 56 inch tv came in. Fortunetly, common sense prevailed, as it would
have been VERY expensive to ship that damn box. As it stands, it was
more money than I originally expected, but still a reasonable price. I
can now cross off mailing food internationally off of my list of things
I need to do. I
headed back home and the wait was on for said tv.
John and I had to move the old 36 inch console tv into a spare bedroom.
This was a big of a challenge, but eventually we got it moved. This
part of the story had no point.
Finally, at about 12:15, the tv arrived. They told me I would have to
wait a couple of hours before turning it on. I quickly removed the box
and started to tear it apart. There was also a stand that I had no
business putting together, so I made John do it after he got back from
the store. By 3:30, we had the tv all set up and I was enjoying 56
inches of non hi-def tv bliss. I waited for the cable guy. And waited.
I called about 4:45 and they said he was on his way. He arrived about
5:20, which is very typical of any cable company anywhere in the world.
It took him some time, but finally he had it set. Thing were looking
great. I was watching the Bulls game (not in hi-def) and they were
getting their asses kicked, so I started to surf around a bit. It was
then that I noticed that although we had MTV2, MTV Hits, VH1 Classic
and VH1 Soul, we had no original MTV or VH1. Also, no Comedy Central.
And no TNT or CNN. We didn’t even have any Comcast Sports Net, which
was really weird since this was Comcast Cable. In fact, we did not have
any basic cable channels. I was baffled by this and thought that if I
wasn’t going to have any of these, I woudl cancel the whole damn thing
and switch to (SHUTTERS) satellite. I called Comcast and found out that
they messed up and they quickly had things corrected and I have all the
channels I’m supposed to have.
I was trying to come up with the perfect dvd to watch on my new tv. I’m
not really into action movies and since neither the dvd or the dvd
player would be hi-def, I would have trouble finding something that
would look as good as I wanted on the tv. I found what I thought would
be a great movie to watch on there, and it was one of my all time favs:
Fargo. I love this movie, and it looked great on my tv. It showed once
again why this is one of the top 5 movies I have ever seen. Great
camera work and filming, some of the wide scenes with the snow looked
great.
Thats all for now people I have shit to do.
There is a new temp that started in our clerical department at work, he
sits not too far from me. Now, if this guy ain’t gay, than Oreos aren’t
my favorite cookie (hot fucking damn I love Oreos!!!!). First of all,
our clerical department has all females except one confirmed gay dude.
This new dude isn’t a flammer by all means, but seems gay. I mean, he
has to be gay. If he is not, than I need to hire one of you fuckers
that actually have a working gaydar to come on out and be my own
personal walking and talking gaydar.
Because the Hornets got evacuated from New Orleans, the Bulls played
for the first time ever tonight in Oklahoma City. It was weird hearing
the announcers say Oklahoma City and the crowd seemed so much
more excited than other cities. Sure, I have seen highlights of Hornets
games this season, but haven’t actually watched a game, or at least a
good portion of a game. I feel bad for the people of Oak City, next
year, the Hornets will start playing some games back in New Orleans and
the year after that will be playing all of their home games back in
“chocolate town” and Oak city will have nothing left. I hope the
Hornets make the playoffs for them this year.
Really, I got nothing else people. I’m so damn busy working overtime,
as we are busy as fuck at work. I hope to have a better post over the
weekend.
