Those of you that are faithful readers will know that each week I go to
a dumpy bar in Bolingbrook with some friends. We play pool and every
now and then, some guys come up to us to challenge us to a game.
Tonight a guy by the name of Clyde came up to us with his old man
friend. He introduced himself to all of us and I told him my name was
Paul and Heather’s name was Samantha and Chris’s name was Jenny. For
some reason, he didn’t seem to care much for finding out the names of
the girls. I think it was because he wanted to play us in pool. After a
few minutes he walked away, it gave me a chance to come up with stories
for us in case he came back. See, when drunk strangers walk up to me in
bars, I always make shit up. So, I had a story planned out for Heather,
or should I say Sam, she was having an affair with a 62 year old man
she met on the Internet or an affair with a 18 year old linebacker from
the local high school, it was her choice. As for Chris, she was going
to be a single mother of 4 whose husband died in prison. She is a
hairdresser and a waitress and this was her first night out in 3
months. As it happened, we didn’t have to use those stories. He did,
however not only keep eyeballing the table, but he also came back
several times to try to get us to play for money. One time he came over
and asked me if his old man friend had challenged us. I said he asked
if he could play, but not challenged us. He told me that he would be
paying for any games. I said that due to “an incident several years
back, I don’t bet on pool game, since I spent 3 nights in jail the last
time I played for money.” He eventually walked away from me, but this
didn’t end. He came back up to us and said that he would play for $10 a
game. I told him we don’t play for any less than $500/game. His jaw
dropped and Randy quickly said we won’t play for money. The dude then
said “I want this table” like some kinda asshole. Randy told him to go
pay the bartender $6 and she can tell us to get off the table when we
are done with this game. The guy refused to do that, instead, he just
stood there trying to talk us into playing him and his old man friend
for money. This is when I realized we had to take him out. So I whacked
him in the kneecap with my pool stick. Ok, so it was more like I turned
around and walked away. He continued on with John and Randy for a while
longer before he gave us the rest of his pitcher of beer (which we did
not drink) and left.

A little while later, Heather, Randy and I went to play darts. During
the last round of the only game we played, Heather decided that she was
sick of sucking and wanted to just throw them all at once. I, the sober
one mind you, and I talked her into throwing all 3 with her eyes
closed. As you might expect, she didn’t even come close. I told her she
could throw again and bent over to pick up the darts. As I was coming
up, I heard this very loud bang and I fell onto the ground. It was
right about then that the pain set in. I had whacked the fuck out of my
head on a ledge. Heather and Randy both rushed over to me as I looked
at them dumbfounded as to what had happened. Keep in mind, I had drank
nothing but water. Honest. I swear sometimes sobriety and clumsiness
doesn’t mix. I should start drinking so that I could have an excuse
when I do stupid shit like that. Of course, if I were drunk, I probably
wouldn’t have felt a damn thing. We checked my head and it wasn’t
bleeding but I have got quite a headache now. How is that Heather and
Randy drank and I didn’t, but I will be the one to wake up with a
headache.

Every now and then, you have one of those great ideas that you are
going to write about and its going to be a great post that is very
important. Every now and then, you want to make a post that says
something powerful and meaningful.

This is not one of those posts. In fact this post has no meaning.
That’s right, it is devoid of meaning. Now, back to whatever it was you
were doing before this wasted 30 seconds of your life that you will
never get back (or even more time if you decide to leave a post. Either
way, it wasn’t as much time as I wasted writing this.)

Just a quick update, check this out, it kicks ass

http://youtube.com/watch?v=49IDp76kjPw

I swear, I HATE HATE HATE the
Detroit Pistons. Hate them. Fuck, do I hate them. I hated them back
when they used the bully the Bulls. I hated them after the Bulls
overcame them and dominated them for much of the 90s and I hate them
now that they are back to beating the Bulls. And, although it was a
very good and tough fought game tonight, I hate the fact that the Bulls
lost to them tonight. HATE.

I also hate Barry Bonds and what he has done to the game of baseball.
Fess up, dude. You used ‘roids. Everybody knows it. You know it. The
American people know it. The Giants fans are in denial, but deep down,
they know it too. I hate steroids and what they have done to the game,
my game. The thing is, Bonds was a hall of famer before the ‘roids. He
was a dick before the ‘roids and is a dick now. He will always be a
dick. And the more he denies using, the more he starts to look like
Pete Rose. Deny, deny, deny. You will probably deny for years and
years, just like Rose before you admit you did them. Maybe it will be
to sell a book or keep yourself famous. Or maybe, on your death bed in
10 years, Barry, you will tell the world that you did steroids and how
you regret it. But it will be too late. You would have still ruined
your rep, you still would have been a dick and you still will be dying
an early death because of roids.

But most of all, I hate racism. Its deplorable. I watched something
yesterday about the civil rights movement. Yeah, I have read and
watched a lot about it and understood it very well. But, what was
different about this special was that they interviewed people that grew
up in the south during the 50s and 60s. People that were children back
then. It is embarrassing how blacks were treated, especially children.
It didn’t matter to these white supremacists that these were children,
they hated them just the same. These blacks were human beings, and the
way they were treated remains a travesty. I know why they were treated
like that, I understand it very well. These whites had a fear of the
unknown and were raised to hate, it was the only way they knew. Still,
its no excuse. They should have been above that.  I still find it
hard to believe that this was something that just happened 40 and 50
years ago. 40 and 50 years ago, blacks and whites could not eat
together, go to school together or even share the same hospital. Just
40 years ago. Its appalling. On the other hand, we have come such a long
way. All of that is in the past. Sure, racism still exists, but its not
nearly as bad. We as a society still need to keep moving forward and
make sure racism does not affect people the way it can. White people
don’t like to hear this or believe it, but racism is still real and is
still out there. And blacks don’t like to hear this, but not everybody
and not everything is rooted in race. I hope someday, we are able to
overcome that and live together as a peaceful society.

Once when I was 12, Mark and our friends were wrestling around
pretending were in the WWF. Everybody chose to be a wrestler, somebody
chose Hulk Hogan, somebody else Macho Man except for me. As always I
was a huge baseball fan and I chose to be Kirby Puckett. I was
saddened today to hear that he had died, he has always been in my top
10, maybe even top 5 of favorite players of all time. I can still
remember being on the edge of my seat when I was 16 and watching game 6
of the ’91 World Series and how he basically won that game all his own.
In recent years, he had become quite the tragic figure, some of which
was of his own doing. It appears that he was quite a different person
once he was forced to retire because of the glaucoma he got as the
result of being hit in the eye with a pitch. I know he had had some
personal problems in recent years and I can not forget that,  I
will just choose to remember him as the happy go lucky fun player I
loved to watch growing up.

Speaking of sports, I saw a survey in Sports Illustrated in which they
asked players in the 4 major sports if they would accept an openly gay
teammate, and I was shocked by the results. 79.9% of NHL players, 61.5%
of MLB, 59.6 of NBA and 56.9% of NFL players say they WOULD welcome an
openly gay teammate. I was blown away by this, sports for YEARS has
always been very homophobic and anti-gay (as I wrote in my Dec 1, 2005
post, go back and read it. NOW!!!!) so I just assumed that players
would not be very open, but I guess things have changed. As tough as
the Christian Conservatives are trying to make it for gays, we are
slowly but surely gaining acceptance and its in the places you would
lease expect it. Of course, it is just a survey, who knows how players
would actually react, but this is good sign.

Speaking of accepting, I got in a conversation today with the Christian
from work about gays. He once again mentioned that he does not approve
of gays. Of course, he doesn’t know I’m gay, which is funny because he
really wants us to become good friends and we do have a lot in common.
Yet, I keep him at an arm’s length because of his views on gays. We
could be good friends if he wasn’t like this, but I don’t need him. I
told him today that his thoughts on gays were just as bad as him being
racist and gays can not help who they are, it was not a choice. He said
that he doesn’t agree with that. I asked him if he chose to be straight
and he said that he thinks for some people, being gay is a choice and
for others it isn’t. I asked him what he would do if one of his kids
(he has a 7 year old son and a 2 year old daughter) turned out to be
gay and he said they would not be welcomed in his house. Well, that
right there almost ensures that I will not go back to his house, at
least not until I am out to him.

Last night I played cards at Scott’s house. For the first time in the
history of our card games, Paul was the first person there. He brought
his dog, a 14 year old Australian Shepard. It was obvious early on that
this dog has seen better days. Not only is his sight not very good, but
his hearing is going too. And, I have never seen such a lethargic dog.
He was laying on the floor next to Paul and I pulled up a chair to sit
next to him so that we could start playing and I assumed the dog would
move. The damn thing didn’t move, even when I slightly bumped him. Paul
said that we pretty much had to move the dog, as the dog really doesn’t
like to move. Geez, I’m thinking this dog doesn’t have many years left.

As for the game itself, we had 7 people for the first game with a $20
buy-in. We also had a $3 buy in for a $21 pot for whoever had the
highest called hand of the night. The 2nd hand, Sean got 4 fives, which
everybody thought would hold up, including Sean who was convinced he
had it. An hour later, I was dealt pocket Jacks. Here comes the flop
and it was 2 more Jacks. I could barely contain myself. It was only me
and this guy Pat left and all I knew is that I wasn’t going to bet
shit. Pat, thinking he had something, not only bet, but bet big. As
soon as the betting was done, I threw my cards up and said “Now give me
my $21, bitch!” Sean’s jaw dropped, and I wound up having high hand for
the night. I wound up taking 4th place in that game, which didn’t
amount to any money. The second game, however, was a little different.
I held my own to start but soon started to win. A lot. Next thing I
knew, I was chip leader, but still had a long way to go. Richard was
very close to being done several times, but he hung in there and after
a while, was chip leader. I was still doing ok when it finally came
down to just me and Richard, who had a stack of white chips (whites are
worth the most) that looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Clearly, I
was way behind. Everybody kept saying Richard had me and he would win.
I kept telling myself that I could come back. The bad part was that he
kept doubling the blind and I kept folding. I told myself that was no
way for me to win and that he couldn’t have something every time. So, I
finally grew a set of balls and started to go after him, calling him on
several hands in which he had nothing. I chipped away and we were just
about even. Then, I would lose some and be behind. This went on for a
while, until finally, things shifted. I could see he was nervous (then
again, I was too, but was trying not to let it show) as he has never
won a game. I kept the pressure on him and kept staring him down when
he was trying to make a decision. Finally, he was short stacked
(meaning, I had more chips) and he went all in. I matched him and wound
up beating him with a simple pair of 6′s. Game over, I win!!!!

Since we got done fairly early, about midnight, Scott, Richard and I
went to the casino. Long, boring story short, I wound up losing about
$60, but still had a lot left over from my winnings earlier in the
night.

I’m convinced Scott is a closet homo. Even though he is married, he
shows a lot of the signs of a closet gay guy. He is extremely
homophobic, a staunch Republican, married to a very nice lady, who, to
be honest, is not much of a looker, and yet, can’t seem to stop talking
about cocks. His nickname for Richard is Big Dick. He keeps making
jokes about Brokeback Mountain. In fact, the room was all quiet and out
of the blue, he just says “so be honest, has anybody seen Brokeback
Mountain.” I suspect that he thinks I’m gay because he is always making
strange comments to me, like last night he asked me how I could be a
democrat, as only blacks and gays are democrats. On the way home from
the casino he was talking about all of these porns he watches online
and was telling us about a camera crew that goes around and gets guys
to be blindfolded and get blow jobs from hot chicks. In the middle of
the blow job, they replace the chick with a guy. Scott said he has not
seen this porn, but honestly, how else would he know about it? He also
mentioned that one day when his wife is out of town, I should come by
and he and I should get some hookers. Ok, so I think he might have been
kidding when he said that, but why would he say that to me and not
Richard, who was in the car with us? One must wonder, even though I
have NO attraction to Scott at all.

The Bulls played the Cavs tonight, and I have to say, I now know what
it was like for all those other teams all those years when the Bulls
had Jordan. I love Lebron, he is fun to watch and a great player, but
man, the media really kisses his ass. A lot. They would not stop
praising him, constantly talking about how great he is. Constantly.
Lebron this, Lebron that. “Oh, he is just so strong.” And then, Tyson
Chandler, who is older by the way, gets a shot blocked and they say
“well, he is so young and just not very strong yet.” Ok, does this make
any sense? And then there was Greg Anthony’s crazy statement
“Lebron  is the best athlete to ever play the game.” Enough
already. Sure, he is a great athlete and when its all said and done,
might be the best player ever when his career is over, but this is only
his 3rd year! That being said, holy fuck, he is good.

Last night I went to see Danel’s friend’s (Sandra) band play at The
Store in Chicago. And by Store, I don’t mean Jewel or Sears,  it
was an actual bar. The name of the band was Private Mind Garden. Or
Private Mind Trap. Or Primitive Mind Garden Trap. Honestly, I don’t
remember. I’m pretty sure it was called Private Mind Garden and they
have a myspace. Anywho, she picked me up at about 7:15ish. Traffic was
ok, not too bad but not too good either. Parking on the other
hand………………well, its the north side of Chicago and as we
know, there are about 3 parking spots on the north side. Danel was
almost out of gas by the time we left the ‘Ville. In fact, her gas
light was on before we even hit I55, but she insisted to me that we
would be ok. That being said, its not like we had all sorts of time to
drive around and look for parking. We drove down several streets before
Danel saw a spot across the street. She asked me to get out of the car
and go over and save it. Ahhhh, only in the city do you have to save
spots. She pulled up and asked if her car would fit. It looked like it
would to me, but what the fuck do I know, its not like this was a game
of Tetris. It was an extremely tight fit, she really had to work it to
get it in there and only tapped the car behind her once, but
eventually, with my very poor direction, she made it. We walked the
block and a half to The Store.

This place was one of those classic tiny ass bars that could only be
found in the city. The front of the bar was a long room with a bar. To
the side was another tiny room where the band would be playing. They
were doing a sound check as we arrived. Ahhh, the sound check, boy, that
brings back memories. See, what many of you don’t know is that back in
the late 90s I used to be a roadie in my friend’s band. It
was…………….an interesting experience, to say the least. Going
to this gig last night brought back a lot of memories. We were there
for a few minutes before heading across the street to a chocolate
lounge called Ethel’s. In front of the place right on the sidewalk was
a sign with a chocolate trivia question. It was a true or false
question. We opened the door and I walked in, looked right at the girl
behind the counter and said sorta loudly “TRUE!” Of course, she looked
at me like I was some sorta freak, which, in a way, I guess I was. This
place had all sorts of different varieties of chocolates, including
peanut butter and jelly. And, it was all very expensive. In fact, it
was $1.50 for a piece of chocolate. Or, 4 pieces for $6. I was talking
to the people behind the counter asking them all sorts of goofy
questions. And the one kid behind the counter was a cute, nerdy gay
kid. I asked him if Ethel was there and he said that sadly, she was
dead. I asked him who the hell Ethel was and he said that she was the
wife of the guy that invented the Mars company……….you know, the
people that sell M&Ms. Gay counter kid told me all sorts of stuff I
need to know about the company. I tipped him $1 for being so
knowledgeable. Anywho, I wound up ordering a hot chocolate and 4 pieces
of chocolate. In short, I spent almost $11 on chocolate. The hot
chocolate was……..ehhhh, but the candy was amazing. The peanut
butter and jelly was pretty yummy, but the best piece was this
strawberry flavored dark chocolate piece. Holy shit, it was amazing.

Danel and I sat at a table for a few minutes and ate and drank. We got
up to leave but I was still drinking my hot chocolate and didn’t want
to walk into the Store with a drink. So, we stood there talking to gay
counter kid. We caught him eating a piece of candy and I asked him if
there were any free samples and he gave me a piece of passion fruit,
which was very good. He told me not to tell anybody, so what do I do, I
post it on my blog for the whole world to read. Ok, not the whole
world, but about what, 10 people? Ok, so nobody reads my fucking blog,
that doesn’t make me a loser, does it? Anywho, we talked with him for a
few minutes. Danel said I was flirting with him, but shit, he gave me
free chocolate, that alone deserves extra attention, even if the person
is as ugly as Bill Maher.

After a while, we headed back to the Store. By this time, the place was
packed and it was not even 9 in the PM (there were going to go on at
9:30). Sure, pretty much all of the people were friends and family of
the band, but it had to be great for them to see a packed house. I was
wearing my “I’m the evil twin” t-shirt which is always quite the
conversation starter, I usually get all sorts of funny comments from
people. Anywho, somehow, we wound up right in front of the stage. Ok,
so I guess it wasn’t really a stage. It was a rug where the band set up
to play. While waiting for the band to start, I was standing there
talking to people when I felt something hit me in the head. I turned
around and somehow, I had gotten hit in the head with a cell phone. I
turned around and the girl that did it was very apologetic and was
laughing, as were a few other people, including myself. It didn’t
really hurt at all and I said to them that it was ok, this was the 3rd
time this week I had been hit in the head with a cell phone.

Having been a roadie for a band, I know that bands NEVER start on time.
NEVER. And these guys were no exception. I don’t remember what time
they started, but it was well past 9:30. There were six members of the
band. Sandra, who was playing guitar, the lead singer, a bass player, a
drummer, a keyboardist and, get this, a girl playing the flute. And it
was a wide range of people. The oldest person was the keyboardist who
was 40. The youngest, was the bass player at 21. They are also very
mixed, the singer and drummer are white, the guitarist, keyboardist and
flute player black and the bassist……..I think he was middle
eastern. Anywho, after a while, they finally started. I was right in
the front eye to eye with the lead singer. He was short and had on a
Marvin Gaye shirt which said “War is not the answer.” Already, I liked
him. Anywho, for some reason, the first song they chose to play did not
have any lyrics. Nevertheless, they sounded good. The next song they
played had lyrics and much to my surprise, he was rapping. They sounded
good, had a different sound. I mean, a flut and a rapper in the same
band? The only problem is that it was hard to hear the vocals or the
flute. I always remember back in my roadie days, getting the vocals
right was always very tough. A soundman can make or break the show.
They wound up only playing 4 songs, but it was 4 long songs.

After the show, we headed to the front of the bar where a guy who was
there celebrating his 51st b-day started talking to Sandra. He seemed
like a cool guy, he was wearing an earring the shape of a peace sign. He
told me that he was in a Pink Floyd tribute band called “Think Floyd”
and they had a gig in Milwaukee tonight. Me not being the biggest Floyd
fan around, I really didn’t give a shit. After a while, it was decided
that we would leave and get something to eat. Poor Sandra had a cold
and had lost her voice and couldn’t speak. It sucked.

We left and headed to the car. Although it was easier getting out of
the spot then getting in, Danel managed to do a little more tapping
this time. We headed straight for a gas station. I told her she
shouldn’t fill up much out here since gas was about 50 cents more in
the city than back in the ‘Ville. Still, $5 doesn’t get you much gas,
in fact, by time we got home, her gas light was on again. Being the
gentleman that I am, I made her pump while I went inside to pay. When I
came out she had trouble getting the gas to come out of the pump. Turns
out, I pre paid on the wrong pump. I quickly went inside to correct
that injustice.

We then headed over to her mom’s house on the south side. She had to
pick up something and I waited in the car on the account of her mom’s 3
large dogs. Yeah, I’m not a dog person, people. While I was waiting, I
thought about how it would be funny, yet mean of me, if I had just got
out of the car and left, leaving her to wonder where I went. I decided
against it. Damn, stupid conscience.

We went to eat at a mexican restaurant called ZaccoTacos. I got some
sorta of chorizzo and eggs sandwich and also snacked on chips and
salsa. Really, there isn’t much to this part of the story. We ate and
came home. I’m tired of typing. Be sure to leave comments, people.

All right people, most of you barely know me, so I thought it would be
perfect to have you tell me what you think of me. Yes, this seems to be
all the rage, others pointing out your flaws, so go at it, do you
worst, but most of all, be honest. Now, I know for some of you, I’m the
perfect person and while that is true, feel free to pick what fits
best. And for some of you, you will find you can’t pick just five
because you believe my flaws are endless, and well, for the most part,
this too is true, just close your eyes and pick a few, I’m sure it will
be accurate.

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=heckels

I don’t know who this Kevan dude is, but I’m sure he is having a big laugh about all of this.

Ok, as we all have learned sometimes, I’m just socially retarded.
Yesterday at work I saw a lady that used to work in my department but
transferred to another department. Anywho, I had a dream about her the
other night and when I saw her yesterday, I instantly said “Hey, I had
a dream about you last night.” Now, I know what you are thinking,
because honestly, this is what everything thinks when somebody says
they had a dream about somebody. I quickly told her it wasn’t what she
thought, but she still asked. At the time, I was standing next to
another co worker and said to him “This is a mistake, I shouldn’t tell
her this, but I will tell her.” I then told her that in the dream, she
was really large………like really fat. As soon as I told her this,
her jaw dropped and she walked away and said that she was “going to get
me.” See, I fucked up 2 ways. One, I shouldn’t have told her that I had
a dream, because as soon as I said that, it was assumed that the dream
is sexual. Next, when she confronted me about it, I should have made
something up and said something flattering like “I had a dream you were
president of the company.” But, no, I had to be honest, and honestly,
nobody wants to hear that they are fat.

You all want to see something that is positively frightening? Take a look at this picture:

Yeah, I aint down with that. That’s Barry Bonds dressed as Paula Abdul
for a “Giant Idol” contest the San Francisco Giants did yesterday. Let
us never speak of it again.

I talked to a girl I used to work with at AAA today for about an hour.
Good times, good times, turns out we are going to hang out sometime.
Should be fun. It was cool to talk about all the people we used to work
with at AAA. Wait, that sounds bad “talk about all the people” makes it
seem like we were talking bad about them. Ok, so we were talking bad
about them, but its only because we couldn’t stand these people. And if
you can’t safely make fun of old co-workers, than you really have
nothing left.