April 18, 2006

• Those of you that are Christian, perhaps you could answer this one for
  me (I’m going to pretend for a second that Jesus was actually the son
  of God and not a mortal) if he could walk on water, does that mean that
  he could not swim? I mean, obviously, if one walks on water, one would
  not need to swim. But, think about this for a second. Perhaps he wants
  to go swimming with friends and play Marco Polo, could he do that or
  would be not be able to because he technically could not go in the
  water? And if he did play Marco Polo, he would have the ultimate
  advantage. Also, imagine trying to dunk Jesus? That would be
  impossible. And what
  if he was walking down the street and saw somebody drowning, screaming
  “HELP!! HELP ME, JESUS, SAVE ME!!!” If the person is sinking he
  couldn’t
  actually go into the water to save the person. Once the person went
  under, he/she would be screwed because all Jesus could do is walk on
  water. The person would be gasping for air and flip off Jesus as he
  stands there on the water shrugging his
  shoulders and watching them sink to the bottom. I mean, you aren’t much
  of an immortal or Son of God if you can’t save a person from a simple
  drowning. Shit, even children can save adults from drowning, yet your
  “savior” could not save you from drowning. Sure you can turn the water
  into wine and heal the sick, but a simple task such as saving somebody
  from drowning and you are fucking worthless. Perhaps Jesus can turn if
  off and on when he needs to. In other words, if he wants to go for a
  dip, he can just turn off the power of being able to walk on water.
  Which brings us back to the original point, which is could he swim? Its
  not like anybody could teach him. Imagine, his parents paying the local
  lifeguard $45 an hour to teach him to swim and he gets nothing out of
  it because, oh, by the way, “Mr & Mrs Christ, I was unable to teach
  your son how to swim, turns out he just walks on the water instead.”
  And this brings up another point, how did he bathe? Its not like he can
  just fill up the tub and have a nice, relaxing, hour long soak. One
  can’t take a bath if one is just on top of the water. Did he have to
  pay people to wash him? They just leave this vital points out of the
  bible, but yet, I know in the thousands of years the bible has been
  around at least one other person has to have wondered the same thing.

  • 10:55 pm
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