First of all, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY ASHLEY, YOU ROCK!!!

Well, I got another quote on the garage today from a local guy, he
seems like a good guy and although I don’t have a price yet (I just had
him out to look at it) I’m pretty sure I’m going to use him. I like
what he had to say. Another place called back and gave me a GREAT
price, but honestly, they have not seen the garage yet, so I’m
skeptical on the rate.

The Cubs made a trade today. Not a big move, but who knows, I just wish
they had made this move a month ago and perhaps it could have made a
difference in at least a few of the games they lost in May.

Here is an interesting (yet very long, if you are going to read it, put
on a pot of coffee, you are going to be here a while) article that
makes a lot of sense about gay marriage. Its a Christian’s view of it
and why it should be legal. It brings up a lot of points that I don’t
hear our side saying, but now that I have read it, I’m going to use it.
Oh, and thanks Ashley for posting the link on your MySpace, please
don’t sue me or beat me for stealing it. Ok, you can beat me, just be
nice about it, ok?

http://www.musingson.com/ccCase.html

You know, I gotta be honest…………I kinda wish more people hated
me. Now, before you think thats crazy, hear me out. Sure, everybody has
tons of people that love them, even if they don’t realize it, but not
many people have people that genuinely hate them, therefore, the hating
is more rare and therefore, more valuable. I mean, I can count on one
hand……..ok, I might have to start a second hand, of people that
honestly hate me. Fortunately, most of them are relatives so they don’t
really count. But, the people that do not hate me, is long and
endless, just like it is for everybody . Sure, not all of those people
love me, some of them just like me, others are indifferent, some
dislike me, some don’t care for me. But, the honest hate,
well…………..that’s something that is thoroughly special. I mean,
think about what you have to do to get somebody to hate you, basically,
you have to do a lot. And I don’t mean the casual “oh, I hate you
today, but will love you again in 2 weeks” I mean the long term hatred,
sorta like the opposite of a long term relationship……….kinda like
a long hate relationship. How many people do you have that you long
term hate? Probably not many. In fact, I can count only one. But, to
achieve legit, long term hate, well that’s not an easy thing. And I
don’t mean fake hate for a celeb that you don’t know. You know, kinda
like how the whole city of Cleveland hates Michael Jordan or the hate
most sane people have for Paris Hilton (I think Cleveland has forgiven
Micheal, thank you very much Lebron and as for
Paris…………uhhhhhh…..nah, I hate her……..again, not real
hate), but real, old school hate, kinda like the hate I have for my
mother’s sister (I shutter just thinking about her)  and the legit
hate she has for me. Yeah, its a mutual hate. I mean, an honest
“wouldn’t go to your funeral, wish you get a scorching case of herpes,
you deserve the ice cream cone to break and ruin your new shirt” type
of hate. HATE HATE!!! If somebody hates you that much, you know you
have left quite an impression on that person’s life. Congrats, you
matter to them!

This is ri-damn-diculous, I can’t get a fucking garage person to give
me a fucking quote on replacing siding and shingles on my garage. They
either won’t return my call or they say they will come out and never
do. For shit’s sake, normally when you don’t want somebody to sell you
something they are beating down your door, but if you want help, they
ignore you like you have the bird flu.

Yesterday, I accidentally scared the shit out of Addison and she started
crying. Of course, I felt bad, but I love the face she makes when she
cries, its so funny and adorable. She makes the most sour and pouty
face, its hard to describe. And the noises……….she makes a goofy
noise when she starts to cry and it cracks me right the hell up. After
her scare, she was afraid of me for about 10-15 minutes. I guess its
kinda good Mark and I aren’t identical, otherwise she would have been
afraid of her own father.

Saturday during the day I didn’t do anything during the day but watch
the Cubs game and talk to my cousin, she told me the whole story about
the 2 times she cheated on her lame husband. She eventually left her
husband for the loser ass that is her current husband. Now, I’m not
going to defend her for cheating on her husband, but he was quite a
fucking bore, all he did was sit home and watch tv all day long (he was
on disability and could not work). She said some days, the only time
she talked to him was when she said good morning and good night. That,
my friends, is not much of a marriage. Anywho, later that night, I went
over to Mark’s house for a burn. He finally met his neighbor who had
moved in about a year ago. He is a happy go lucky guy who kinda looks
like Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano. He came over with his wife and
adorable 18 month old daughter and gave Mark a bottle of tequila which
he got in Mexico. Now, keep in mind it was about 9 in the PM and he
told us he had been outside and drinking since 10AM! Fuck. Needless to
say, he didn’t stay too long and staggered his way home about 10. His
daughter had to be one of the happiest toddlers I had ever seen, she
was constantly smiling and laughing.

Amy’s sister Mandy was there too. Mandy lives in Florida and had broken
her foot in February. Now, here is the fucked up part. She was standing
on her counter painting and fell and broke her foot so bad, that the
bone came through the skin. It’s important that you remember this
happened in February and this is the end of May. Her bone is still out
of the skin, for some reason, her dumb as fuck doctor, who must be Dr
Nick from the Simpsons,  has not done surgery on the foot yet. I
was even able to see the bone, it looks just like a scab, except that
it is leaking bone marrow. And yet he wont put her fucking bone back
into her foot. Oh, and also, her Achilles heel has moved and needs to
be put back into place. Of course, she has yet to go for a second opinion, but fuck this doctor is a fucking dumbass.

Yesterday, we had to help Randy’s mother move. John and I arrived at
her old apartment about 10:20 in the AM. She didn’t have much stuff and
honestly, we were all packed up by 11 at which time we headed to the
new place. Unloading was even quicker, we were done within about 20
minutes. His mother then gave us $50 each for what amounted to under 2
hours of work.

After heading home to shower, we met Randy and his wife Cathy, Scooty
and Chris and Keith and Heather to watch X-Men 3. The kid that sold us
the ticket was a complete flammer, although he was kinda cute to be
honest. As for the movie itself, it was good, and there probably
doesn’t need to be another one. After that, we headed to Scooty’s place
to hang out. First, though, we stopped and grabbed something to eat at
some sub place in Plainfield. I had an Italian sub which totally
fucking rocked! WOOOOHOOOO!!! We arrived at Scooty’s shortly after 6
and played some beanbags. Chris brought out some bubbles which I spent
the better part of an half hour blowing them. I love blowing bubbles!!!
I mean, who doesn’t like bubbles? You would have to be evil if you
didn’t like bubbles.

After beanbags, we played Uno and Rummy. Chris didn’t know how to play,
so we quickly gave her a lesson. At first, she started off bad and was
very bitchy about it. She told us that she was not a good loser, which
I guess is why her 11 year old son is such a poor sport. Scooty jumped
out to a huge lead but we all came back and eventually, Scooty finished
in last and Chris won. Oh, shit, I just realized, Chris’s name is
spelled with a “K”. Everybody pretend that I had been writing her name
with a “K” the whole time.

Today was baseball and a bbq back at our place. As for baseball, we
showed up right about 12:30PM and after hitting around for what seemed
like forever, we picked teams and got started. I had a solid team which
included Rene’s shirtless son Tony, Jt’s asshole friend Dan, Dan’s baby
friend Ted (he is a baby because he lost in cards and threw his chips
at Dave………then again, Dave does have a way) who looked like the
lead singer of Fallout Boy. Later in the game, he confirmed baby status
by missing a flyball and throw his glove on the ground and yelling and
bitching. I guess he has what is called an anger problem. The best part
of the game for me was when Mark hit a ball to right field and I ran
what seemed to be about an hour before I finally got to it and stuck my
hand out and somehow, the ball landed in the glove. I love the fact
that I miss every other fly ball hit to me except for when Mark hits it
to me. As for other parts of the game, Keith, who is not known for
being strong, actually hit a home run to dead center, and it was not a
cheapy at all, it cleared the fence by at least 10 feet. I think he is
on ‘roids. Or just Icehouse.

After the game, we came back home and played bags before it started
pouring out. We had to bbq in the garage, but everything worked out
well, including some kick ass steak burgers Keith and Heather brought.
After it stopped raining, we played beanbags again and Dave and I
kicked complete and utter ass, winning each game we played. Well, I
have shit to do, so that’s all for now. Hope you all had a great
weekend.

Sorry people, don’t have time for a big post, been busy, will post more
later. All I can say right now is, man, fuck the motherfucking Cubs.

Picture this if you will. You just score a goal in a soccer game.
Everybody is excited. Since this is Europe, people are crazy with
excitement, jumping up and down doing all sorts of crazy shit because
they have no fucking life. Your teammates are hugging you and jumping
on you and celebrating like nuts. Speaking of nuts, one of your loyal
teammates is so excited and happy for you, that he does the one thing
that really makes his over excitement seem like too much: he bites your
testicle. Fucked up? Well, this very thing happened in a soccer game
some 5 years ago. That’s right, this dude bite his teammates fucking
ball! I can not imagine, under any celebratory circumstance, what would
lead somebody to bit the testicle of another teammate. Maybe you jump
in his arms and accidentally kick him in the nads. Perhaps you push him
down and a pole gets shoved up his ass. But, to bite him in the ballsack
would require you not only to go down there, but also to open the mouth
and bite down. I don’t care how hot my teammate is, I would never bit
his teste after scoring a goal………I mean, could you imagine how
sweaty and stinky he would be downtown? Shit, I wouldn’t bite (maybe
nibble, but only if asked) a lover’s ball during sex, I sure as
hellfire wouldn’t bite it during a sporting event, in front of a whole
stadium full of people and countless more watching on tv. Just what was
the guy thinking? Is this a way to reward him for the goal, because if
so, I’m so fucking quitting this team if I were the victim. The nut
biter’s coach said that he was just overly excited and it was something
that happened “in private.” Yeah, it was in private all right. The
thing is, you can’t even say this was on accident. There would have to
be a whole shitload of fucked up circumstances to accidentally bite
another man’s balls. In football, you always hear about players going
after fumbles and player punching and kicking opposing players in the
balls, but this wasn’t the case at all. They were on the same team for
shit’s sake. Let this sink in for a minute. He bit him on the testicle.
What ever happened to a high five or hitting each other’s fists, or
even a celebratory reach around? But the biting of a testicle? What
would he do if they just won the championship, start circumcising? I
guess nothing says “GOOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLl” like a little love nibble on the ball
sack.

Just a brief synopsis of my weekend. Friday……shit, what did I do
Friday? That’s right, I went to see the DaVinci Code. Saturday
morning/early afternoon, I went to Scooty’s to watch the Cubs get
whipped by the Sox. We also played beanbags, which I had a much easier
time with than the Cubs. Somehow, Mark and I wound up on the same team,
need I say anymore? The first few games, we played Dave and Jt, and
Dave, who has a hard time with losing sometimes, blamed Jt after losing
one game, even though Jt did way better than Dave. I found myself
arguing with Dave that Jt had actually done better than him. In fact,
Jt, Mark and I all said Dave sucked ass. After Scooty’s, I went to
Scott’s to play cards. I did pretty good, I wound up winning the
mystery pot and also took 3rd, so my net gain was $1 at the end of the
night. After that, I went to the Johnson’s house and did what we
usually do there…………get drunk and bullshit in their basement.
Ok, so I didn’t actually drink, but you get the idea. Sunday, I didn’t
do a damn thing, except watch the Cubs actually win a game.

Let me tell all you people the 2 greatest words in sports: Game Fucking
Seven, 2 words that are so great, that you need to add the third word,
fucking, just to comprehend how great it is. Watching the Mavs-Spurs.
What a series and what a game, overtime. And, its only the first of 2
game fucking sevens tonight.

I need some major help and was hoping you fine readers could help me.
Please. I beg of you. Somebody please explain to me why a fucking prime
time karaoke contest is the hottest thing in America and has been for
like 5 years now. Now, I have never seen an episode of America Idol to
know that it fucking sucks. Big time. In fact, its even painful to
watch the damn commercials for it. The frustrating thing about FOX is
that they either have the best shows or the worst, there really is no
in between. And since I watch several of those great shows, I’m
subjected to the previews for the crap ass shows, such as American Idol
and So You Think You Can Fucking Dance. Oh, f.or u.nlawful c.arnal
k.nowledge, what gives with this shit? Can America really not get
enough of karaoke that they have to watch it on tv 23 times a week?
Wait. I mis-counted. Its not 23 times. Its like 27 times. What fucking
gives? Is it Paula Abdul? Is she promising to fuck people if they watch?
Perhaps its Ryan Seacrest, a chance to see somebody that is a bigger
ass than themselves. Could it be Simon Cowell? Do people just love to
see an insecure fuck being a complete dick to people? I think all of
that plays a role, yes. But, I think its the beer companies. With
communities rightfully cracking down on drinking and driving, the beer
makers need to keep making money, so they come up with a prime time
karaoke contest so that people can get drunk and and watch karaoke from
the comfort of their own homes. This has to be the case, its the only
way it makes sense. Karaoke is only fun if you are drunk and it sure as
hell is only close to being tolerable to watch if you are COMPLETELY
fucking wasted. Now, I know this show is popular among teens, but think
about it? Its the perfect cover for kids that like to drink. Katlin:
“Mom, Dad, I’m going over to Janie’s to watch American Idol”. Dad: “Ok,
princess, have fun.” Parents think American Idol is a wholesome family
show and kids would not be doing anything wrong during it. Don’t get me
wrong, I think these kids are watching American Idol, I just think they
are getting drunk during it. And, this is why these kids have such a
hard time voting. They are always complaining that they “can’t get
through” or they “voted for the wrong person” of course you couldn’t
get through, the * button is not a fucking number, and they have drank
so much that they can’t see straight enough to tell the difference
between #1 and #2. This is the only way the show’s popularity makes any
damn bit of sense.

I saw the year’s most controversial movie tonight, The DaVinci Code.
For those of you that don’t know the premise of the movie, DaVinci hid
a bunch of secrets in his paintings and artwork, such as a killer
recipe for key lime pie, the combination to his hope chest, and his ATM
pin number and in the movie, Tom Hanks runs around Europe trying to get
this info so he can make a pie for his daughter’s graduation party. In
addition, the movie and book (I’m going to give away the most
controversial thing in the movie and book, so if you don’t know, shame
on you for sleeping through the news the past 3 fucking years) also
says that Jesus Christ was married to Mary Magdallen and they made
whoopie and he knocked her up. Quite frankly, I don’t understand the
controversy here, would it be so bad if Jesus was married? Hardcore
Christians and Catholics are saying they don’t like the way Jesus was
portrayed, but honestly, its not like they are saying he killed people
or that he raped little boys……….I mean, he was a Jew, not a
priest. Basically, all it is saying is that he was married and had
kids. What is so bad about that? Also, its not saying that he wasn’t
the son of God or a Savior and its not even saying there was no God. So
what do Catholics and other Christians do? They try banning it and
telling people not to see it, because we all know how much people
followed the Catholic Church when it came to divorce and pre marital
sex. When will they learn, that tell people NOT to do something just
doesn’t fucking work. Jesus, for shit’s sake, can they honestly be that
fucking stupid? Then again, I guess they can……….it is the
Catholic Church we are talking about here. But, I should be fair, lets
examine and compare and you can judge for yourself what makes more
sense and is more believable.

Christianity believes: Jesus born by immaculate conception
Non believers believe: Every person that has ever been born has come
from a sperm and an egg and some sort of sexual contact or test tube.
Christians: Jesus walked on water
Non: Jesus sank to the bottom until a lifeguard dove in and gave him mouth to mouth to resuscitate him
Christians: Jesus turned water into wine
Non: Spend all of their days trying to turn water into some form of alcohol, believing that it has never been done before.
Christians: Believe Jesus could heal people
Non: Believe that riding a shopping cart down a flight of stairs was a
bad idea and nobody in the history of the world could have ever healed
their broken pelvis and torn scrotum.
Christians: Believe Jesus died and came back 3 days later
Non: Believe the greatest comeback of all time was Travolta and it was
only his career that was dead, certainly nobody has ever came back
after being dead for 3 days.
Christians: Believe that Jesus was never married and Mary Magdallen was just a prostitute that stalked him.
Non: Believe that no straight man would not have “hit that shit”. If he didn’t, than he was gay and she was just his fag hag.

Now, I want you to make an honest assessment and tell me which is more
believable. Do you suspend all logic and reason and go just based on
faith alone or do you use common sense and blasphemy to say that Jesus
was human and not the son of God? You all already know my thoughts, and
if you don’t, then you haven’t been paying attention to many of my
previous posts.

For several years now, my friends and I have been playing darts at a
local bar. We always play “high score” which basically is what it
sounds like, throw darts and highest score after 10 rounds wins. Well,
the all time high score for us has been Randy’s 696, we have always
been chasing the number 700 since nobody has ever gotten it. Me, when I
can see I’m having a good game in darts, I almost get obsessed with
the number 700, because I wanted to be the first one to do it, it was
almost like when the Bulls were the first team (and still only team) to
win 70 games in a season (they did themselves 2 better, going 72-10 in
the 1995-96 season). Randy has always said that it would happen on a
night when we least expect it, and tonight, we were unable to get the
board until about 1:30 because other people were on it. As soon as we
got the board and even before we started, Keith said that if somebody
threw 14 bulls eyes, they would get 700. I thought this is nearly
impossible, because you only throw 30 darts, so thats almost half of
your darts bulls eyes. I said its tough enough to throw one bulls eye a
round and that to get 700, you have to pretty much average 70 points a
round, and none of us are that good. I started off the game good and
was having a decent game until I think it was the 7th round, when
somehow, while aiming for the bulls eye, I luckily off shot and hit a
triple 18, triple 20 and 13 for a 127 point round. Now, I knew I had a
good chance and had another good round, giving me 614 going into the
last round. Right before my last round, I told Keith that all I needed
to do was hit 2 bulls eyes in one round and I would get it, I said that
I have done that a lot before, its no problem. He responded by saying
that 700 had never been done and was just a myth and I said “well,
tonight is the night it happens.” My first throw was a bulls eye. 664,
but to be honest, I was so focused on getting another bulls eye that I
didn’t even look at the score. Now, normally when I hit a bulls eye, the
dart in the center is a distraction and that is what makes it hard to
hit another one. This time though, I didn’t even see the other dart, I
just threw my second dart within seconds of throwing my first dart.
Bulls eye! 714 points, the highest ever!!! A surge of adrenaline and
nervousness came over me, knowing that I had finally reached the goal
that none of us had ever done. Next dart I hit a 2 to give me the new
all time high score of 716. Kick fucking ass, I was so proud of myself!
Now, enough bragging and cockiness, I mean, its nothing compared to
good players that could probably get like 1000 points.

So, today I had my interview for that other position at work, which
started at 2:30. I was
debating what to wear and decided that a plain blue  button dress
shirt would be ok. Its a fairly old shirt and sorta thin, but should be
professional enough to wear. I vetoed wearing a tie. Anywho, I went to
lunch at 1:15 and was planning on walking to the mall to have Subway
for lunch. I walked out and looked at the sky, lots of clouds, looked
like it could rain but the forecast said maybe rain, so I thought to
myself “I’m only going to be gone for 15 minutes, I’m sure I can make
it back before it rains. Plus, if it is raining, I’ll go back inside
and buy an umbrella.” I knew I had to hurry up, because I had to get
back to work to call and pay for my car which was being fixed. So, I
was in and out of the mall quickly and as soon as I stepped outside, I
noticed it had gotten much darker and, lo and behold, it was drizzling.
Drizzle is the key word. I thought that I could make it before it
started raining harder and be ok. Well, I go about a hundred feet and I
could see my thin shirt wasn’t doing so good. Plus, it went from a
drizzle to a rain and after a minute or so, the fucking shirt was
nearly soaked. Fuck. I decide that even though I had just gotten
through eating I had no choice but to do a full all out sprint back to
work if I was going to have any chance of staying dry for an interview
that would take place in a little more then a half hour. I get back to
work, get in the building and look at my soaking wet shirt, not to
mention the black pants that were also wet. Fuck me, what the fuck was
I thinking walking to the mall on a cloudy day. I’m was thinking that I
would walk into the interview with what amounted to a see through dress
shirt (I was not wearing any thing underneath the dress shirt). This is
not a good sign. I walk into my boss’s office and she was kind enough
to give me some paper towels to dry off with. Much to my surprise, it
worked! The disadvantage of having a thin shirt is that it gets wet and
you can almost see through it, but the advantage is that if wet, it
dries quickly. A half hour later, the shirt was as dry as can be!

First, I had to take some test on the computer for Microsoft Excel. I’m
a little weak in Excel, but I think I was ok, at least showing I had a
working knowledge. I started right about 2:40 and finished about 3:20.
I knew that would be my weak point, so I knew I would have to let my
resume do the talking and also blow the lady away during the interview.
Just like every other interview I have been in, I was as cool as the
other side of the pillow. Sorry people, but I’m fine with interviewing,
I have never been nervous on an interview, and this was no exception.
Of course, having 3 1/2 years experience with this type of position
certainly helps. I got in there about 3:25ish. I’m going to be
honest……….I bowled her right the fuck over! My theory about
interviews is that the longer the better. This one lasted ’til almost
5, and it could have gone longer, but I need to get back to work seeing
as I was the only one that works from 5-6. Clearly, she liked what I
had to say. At the end, she told me she was really looking forward to
interviewing me and was very impressed and that I’m going to give her a
tough decision. I replied back that I wanted to make it an easy
decision for her. We really hit it off in the interview, I made her
laugh several times and I watched her reaction to various things I was
saying. I have a great feeling about this and will be extremely
disappointed if I don’t get it. I should know something within a couple
of weeks.

Now, I get off work at 6 in the PM. Right about 5:50, I notice that it
had gotten very dark and cloudy out. VERY DARK. Like, almost tornado
dark. It didn’t actually start raining until right about 5:58 and by
the time I got outside, it was a complete and utter downpour. Now,
usually on my second break I move my car closer to the front of the lot
(the lot is HUGE and since I have later starting time, I’m usually far
away) but today I never got a 2nd break, so I wasn’t able to move my
car up. Also, normally I don’t lock my car door, but I had my sister’s
car today so I locked it. I stood there, underneath the overhang of the
building staring at the downpour. There were a couple of ladies
standing there with umbrellas and I asked them if they wanted to give
me their umbrellas. Then, I thought “what the fuck!” And took off
running even harder then I had earlier. About halfway to the car, it
started hailing. I never realized, but hail hurts. By the time I got in
the car, I was more wet then I was earlier! What a day. I get rained on
twice and have a great interview.

CUBS WIN!!!
CUBS WIN!!! THE MOTHERFUCKING CUBS WIN!!! After sucking major, major
ass, for the better part of the last 3 weeks, the fucking Cubs, yes those same Cubs that “play” in Chicago on
the northside, have actually won a major league baseball game against
another major league team!!!!

I would imagine none of you have been watching the NBA
playoffs, but they have been endlessly entertaining. Although they will
probably lose to the HATED Pistons, Ashley’s Cavs have rallied to tie
the series at 2-2. The “Lebrons” need to steal one in Detroit which is
always easier said than done. With my team out of it, I want the Cavs
to win it all, even though I know they won’t.

My car is in the hospital again, and once again, it is for the brakes.
They weren’t sounding good the past week, in addition to squeaking,
they have been making some sort of weird sound, kinda like chains. This
isn’t good, but I don’t think it will be too bad.

Well, my cousin (read the May 14 post) is going to be staying with us
for about a week. This isn’t a good idea is it? My fear is that she
won’t want to leave, but I think that is everybody’s fear when somebody
comes to stay with them for a while. Although I do get along well with
her, I worry that she might be………….a bit much after a while. We
shall see.