May 24, 2006

• Picture this if you will. You just score a goal in a soccer game.
  Everybody is excited. Since this is Europe, people are crazy with
  excitement, jumping up and down doing all sorts of crazy shit because
  they have no fucking life. Your teammates are hugging you and jumping
  on you and celebrating like nuts. Speaking of nuts, one of your loyal
  teammates is so excited and happy for you, that he does the one thing
  that really makes his over excitement seem like too much: he bites your
  testicle. Fucked up? Well, this very thing happened in a soccer game
  some 5 years ago. That’s right, this dude bite his teammates fucking
  ball! I can not imagine, under any celebratory circumstance, what would
  lead somebody to bit the testicle of another teammate. Maybe you jump
  in his arms and accidentally kick him in the nads. Perhaps you push him
  down and a pole gets shoved up his ass. But, to bite him in the ballsack
  would require you not only to go down there, but also to open the mouth
  and bite down. I don’t care how hot my teammate is, I would never bit
  his teste after scoring a goal………I mean, could you imagine how
  sweaty and stinky he would be downtown? Shit, I wouldn’t bite (maybe
  nibble, but only if asked) a lover’s ball during sex, I sure as
  hellfire wouldn’t bite it during a sporting event, in front of a whole
  stadium full of people and countless more watching on tv. Just what was
  the guy thinking? Is this a way to reward him for the goal, because if
  so, I’m so fucking quitting this team if I were the victim. The nut
  biter’s coach said that he was just overly excited and it was something
  that happened “in private.” Yeah, it was in private all right. The
  thing is, you can’t even say this was on accident. There would have to
  be a whole shitload of fucked up circumstances to accidentally bite
  another man’s balls. In football, you always hear about players going
  after fumbles and player punching and kicking opposing players in the
  balls, but this wasn’t the case at all. They were on the same team for
  shit’s sake. Let this sink in for a minute. He bit him on the testicle.
  What ever happened to a high five or hitting each other’s fists, or
  even a celebratory reach around? But the biting of a testicle? What
  would he do if they just won the championship, start circumcising? I
  guess nothing says “GOOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLl” like a little love nibble on the ball
  sack.

  • 9:38 pm
  • 1 Comment