Well, Wednesday I have an interview for a position at work which is the
same thing I did at AAA. It pays a lot more than what I make now and I
know I can and probably will get it. WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

Sigh. I’ve got nothing else tonight. Later.

Yesterday I had a guy from Feldco (call 866……..4Feldco) come out and give me an estimate on residing my piece of shit garage. $4500! And that doesn’t even include having it reshingled, which could bring the total to $5000!! Seems like a bit much to me, so I’m going to explore other options.

Some of you might remember the story of my cousin (read post Nov 28, 2004-Nov 30 2004, very interesting). Recently she moved to Texas with her druggie loser ass husband. Well, she is back to “visit” and stopped by today. Turns out, she half-assed left him and came out here. I say half assed because even she told me that she should stay away, but she is 98% sure that she will just go right back to him. The only good thing about this is that she doesn’t have much stuff left, so we wouldn’t have to go all the way to Texas to get it this time (not that I would do it again), in fact, she is having her stuff shipped here right now, its only 3 boxes and it should be here tomorrow. Now, if only we could get her to stay the fuck away from him. I was honest and up front with her, I told her I felt she deserved and could do better. I told her that he was pretty much a loser and if he kept doing the shit he was doing, in 20 years he will just be a “brain dead hick.” She took a little bit offense to that. No, not the loser part, not the brain dead part, not  the deserving better part, but just the hick part. She corrected me and said he was a redneck, but did not deny anything else. She told me that she is addicted to him, much in the same way he is addicted to speed (although, thankfully, no longer crack). I told her its entirely up to her, only she can make the decision not to go back to him and only she can keep him out of her life. She said that he has told her that he is who he is and he can not change himself and she either has to accept him for who he is or leave. She chooses to keep going back. I told her that she is almost enable………..no, she IS enabling him and that if she really loved him and wanted to help him she would leave him and let him hit rock bottom. Of course, she knows all of this. By the way, did I mention she is 53 and he is 37?

I don’t know who among you watch the show “Big Love” on HBO, but in addition to it being a good show, the son on the show is S-M-O-K-I-N FUCKING HOT!!! Anywho, he lost his virginity on the show tonight and, although I am not an ass man myself, holy fuck, this dude had the perfect, bare ass! And that body!!! HUBBA HUBBA!!! Here is a pic of him

Damnit people, I can’t upload a pic……..I think my premium expired, I will have to order it again.

Tonight I had a date with Christopher. Or is it Chris? I think its
Christopher, but his voicemail says Chris, so maybe I should just call
him Tom. I dunno. Anywho, the plan was to meet at the Ferris Wheel at
Navy Pier. Really, if you are going to meet up with somebody in the
city, the Ferris Wheel (is that supposed to be capitalized?) is as good
of place as any, as you can’t miss it. Anywho, I left work at 6,
estimating that traffic into the city on a Friday night might be bad,
but it really wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I have a
fear of I290, which had some traffic, but not as bad as it has been
other times I have been on there. In fact, I made it there in a little
more then an hour and quickly found an over priced place to park ($20
for 3 fucking hours? Shit man!!!). It was a valet place, which I never
really like doing, I’m always worried they might either steal something
or go totally Ferris Bueller on my car, which really isn’t likely since
its only a damn Cavalier.

I headed toward the Ferris Wheel, which, of course, was very easy to
find. Navy Pier was not as busy as I thought it would be for a Friday
night, of course, I think that had something to do with the 35 degree
temp……..fuck man, its the middle of May, can we get a little love
from the Sun Gods? I mean, honestly!!! Anywho, I walked around the
Ferris Wheel but he was not there. I knew I was early, so I walked
around inside for a few minutes, checking out the restaurants. I called
his phone and left a message on his voice mail, stating I would be back
out by the Wheel in about 5 minutes. I waited out there again for a
little while walking around but not seeing him. At this point, I
started to get a little worried that he wasn’t going to show. Maybe he
canceled because of the crappy weather, and being that I don’t have a
cell phone and don’t have access to my email at work, I would not be
able to get a message. I went back and called him again and he said
that he was at the wheel. I walked around and at first didn’t see him,
but being a massive sized wheel, I knew he could be anywhere. Finally,
I saw a tall younger guy by himself with an umbrella. From a distance,
he looked like his picture………..cute. When I got up close, I was
able to confirm it was him and nearly fell over. He was fucking
hideous!!! Just kidding, he was very cute and seemed to have an
innocence about him. I could tell he was a little nervous, as he really
didn’t look me in the eye at first. We talked in front of the wheel for
a few minutes, both agreeing that because of the heights involved, we
would not like to ride it. We then went inside and searched for a place
to eat.

We settled on an Italian place in the front of the building. We walked
up and a host dude told us to order from the cashier and then grab a
table. Damn, I thought it was a sit down place. I had the chicken
parmesan, he had spaghetti. Honestly, with the exception of the kick
ass breadsticks (they were so soft!!!) the food was rather mediocre and
even borderline sucky. During dinner, we had your typical awkward first
date moments. I hate those moments. I mean, what do you say? I always
try to make conversation, but I’m the type of person to ask a lot of
questions, so its sometimes tough to keep the conversation going
without it turning into an interview. We finished eating and started to
walk around the inside of the LOOOOOOONNNNG Navy Pier building. We did
some browsing in some stores, one of the places was sort of a Chicago
type store which sold all sorts of old things. Very cool, he even
bought some sort of plate that had some sort of goofy saying on it. It
was cool.

After that store, we came across the fun maze/house of mirrors. It
looked cool and both of us wanted to do it. So, we plucked down the $10
and went inside. We were the only people in this entire house until we
got to the end when we saw 2 girls. First, you go into an elevator
which “takes you to the 150th floor”. The best part of this maze is
that its a Chicago maze, so it has replicas of all of Chicago’s famous
buildings, including my fav, Wrigley Field. Anywho, part of the house
had a really cool maze of nothing but mirrors. I guess the best way to
describe this thing is that it was sorta like a haunted house, complete
with a spiny vortex thingy (you know what I’m talking about) and also
some props that would be in a haunted house. Being a big haunted house
guy, I really thought this house was cool, but he didn’t seem to like
it so much, although he did seem to have a good time with it. The only
problem was that it was far too short for a $10 fee.

After that we continued walking and talking until we got to the end of
the building. There was a private party going on and I walked up to the
coat check people and asked them what was going on. They said it was a
private party and I asked them if we were on the guest list. They said
no. Damn. I told them that Chris/Christopher had wanted to get in. The
funny part was that he was sorta timid, when we came across the coat
check, he said “looks like this is the end of the line” and I said
“yeah, but I’m still going to ask them if we can go back there.” I
walked up while Chris stood back, almost embarrassed to go on, which is
why I had to tell them that this was his idea!

We then decided to go outside and talk while staring at the beautiful
city. Although it was sorta chilly with a slight breeze, it wasn’t as
bad as you would have thought………and it still wasn’t as bad as
that Cubs game I went to early last month. We stood out there talking
for a while before we headed our separate ways. Honestly, I had a
really good time, I have to say, it was one of the better and more
unique first dates I have been on. Its tough to get a good read on if
he liked me and I committed the cardinal sin of asking him if he wanted
to go out again sometime, which really seemed to throw him for a curve.
I told him to sleep on it.

On Monday I was on the way to work and as I was driving down 119th
street right near the golf course, there was a cop there blocking off
the road. At the time I was pissed that I had to turn around and go out
of my way and therefore, very nearly late to work. Today I found out
that it was closed due to an accident that killed one of Heather’s co
workers. When I think about it, it was pretty petty of me to be pissed
about a road closing, knowing very well that the road was probably
closed because of a serious accident, rendering my problem of being
late for work pretty meaningless. Although only one person died, he was
killed because a 16 year old driver hit him, which, even if it was the
fault of the 16 year old, it still ruined two lives, because now this
16 year old will have to live the rest of his life knowing that he
killed somebody, which is a remarkably heavy burden for anybody to
carry. This is what I thought about on the way home. I also thought
about how that could have been me if I had been driving on that road a
short while earlier. And yet, I had the audacity to get pissy about
being inconveinenced due to a road closing, meanwhile a 45 year old man
was dead and a 16 year old boy was responsible. In the future, I will
try to be more aware of how in the grand scheme of things, my little
problem is probably not nearly as bad as somebody else’s.

Well, once again, my HD channels are not working. I called Comcast last
night and explained to them that I was upset and felt that I deserved
compensation. I even got a supervisor on the line and was told that all
they could do is give me credit for the HD, which, in my opinion is not
actually credit because its like I’m essentially not paying for a
service I’m not receiving anyway. According to Comcast, they had been
at my house 6 times in the month of April. 6 fucking times! I explained
that I felt I should be given something extra for my trouble. Being in
customer service, I know there is always something they could give me,
so I pressed on and in the end, he gave me not only credit for the HD,
but also a discount on my HBO and internet for the next 6 months. I
think he said it would wind up being a $200 value, which made me more
than happy. They are coming out AGAIN on Friday to “fix” the HD. There
is so much more to this story, but its a lot to type.

Today at work, I was given a chocolate fudge Pop Tart, which was the
first Pop Tart I have eaten in months………well, since Scootyfest
back in February. It made me wonder, I love Pop Tarts, why don’t I eat
them more often? Sure, they are not very healthy, but I eat plenty of
other unhealthy things. Perhaps I should make a commitment to eating
more Pop Tarts.

This girl at work was given some book at her apartment complex about
the 10 Commandments and how we need to reconfirm ourselves to the
Commandments. I told her to bring it in and I would read it and lo and
behold, it was on my desk this morning. Now, I will give a full report
once I’m done with it, but its weird, because religious material is the
only thing that makes me laugh and pisses me off at the same time. Now
before any of you think I might be “finding God” I can assure you that
the only reason why I’m reading it is to learn more so that I can
strengthen my argument AGAINST Christianity and organized religion and
the only way to do that, is to learn more about it. Still, there is a
lot of material in this book for me to really make fun of and satirize.
Its a short book, I should be done with it real soon.

Somebody, please help the fucking Cubs. For my own sake!!! Fuckers!!!

Upon further review, it appears that there was a nothing at that bank
yesterday. That’s right, a nothing. Sure, there was a practically a
swat team of cops including snipers on nearby building, but there
wasn’t any hostages, guns or even a robbery on the inside of the bank.
Turns out, some guy who was “mentally unbalanced” was in the bank
acting oddly saying “In God We Trust” over and over and over. Honestly,
I think he was just reading his money. Extremely quick witted employees
easily interpreted this as him having a gun and wanting to rob the
bank. So, they called the cops, who in turn brought in more people
than  Bush sent to Iraq. Next thing you know, all hell breaks
loose. Evacuating people from a nearby restaurant, rushing customers out
of the bank, and in the end, the guy was brought out of there wearing
nothing but his underwear, for some reason. And because the media
really digs so hard for good, accurate info (previous examples are when
they reported Gore won in 2000 and the miners in Virgina surviving, and
we all know what great, accurate reporting that was) CBS 2 Chicago
reported that the man was robbing the bank and had hostages, so you can
see how one could get the impression that the bank was being robbed.
So, it turns out it was just a crazy, 45 year old guy who really likes
to read his money when he gets it, you know, just in case something
different was printed on there. I guess there are some lessons to be
learned here, such as never believing the rumors. Oh, and something
makes me want to sell my stock in CBS.

I had a long discussion with the Christian dude at work today about
many things, among them gays and religion and gay marriage. The thing
is, this guy is a nice guy, I like him and want to be friends with him,
but his views on gays prevents that from happening. And of course, he
doesn’t know I’m gay so he considers me a friend and is always trying
for us to become outside of work friends. I push him away and keep him
at an arm’s length, because, why would I want to be friends with
somebody who not only doesn’t approve of my sexuality, but also has
told me that if his son were gay, he would “not be allowed back in my
house.” I have stated in clear terms my thoughts and supports of gays
and I think that he just doesn’t get it, or chooses not to get it.
Still, I hope that he is smart enough to put 2 and 2 together to
realize that with an anti-gay attitude, I can’t be friends with him. I
know this is going to sound like bullshit, but regardless if I were gay
or not, I still would not be friends with somebody that is anti-gay,
much in the same way that I keep racist and sexist people at an arm’s
length as well. Some people might accuse me of being too judgmental,
but the way I see it, do unto yourself as you do to others. And, if
they are going to be judgmental of others, I will be judgmental of
them and choose not to associate with them. After all, these people’s
belief systems go against everything I stand for and believe in, I just
can’t be friendly with somebody like that.

So, a bank within walking distance of my work was robbed today and
according to rumors at work (which may or may not have been true) it
was complete with hostages and whatnot. Now, first of all, the whole
thought of a bank robbery in this day and age cracks me up. Can’t these
damn people find a way to do this online, shit, everything else in the
world you could do online, why not rob a bank? I mean, walking into a
bank to rob it is so 1920s. One would think that it would be easier to
rob a bank online as opposed to in person. Think about it, you pretty
much just need to find a way to hack into the banks system and go from
there, there is no need for a gun or a drawn out stand off. And, how
could one rob a bank without getting caught? 40 years ago you walk into
a bank and tell everybody to get down on the floor. Nowadays you
first have to yell at everybody to hang up their cell phones and give
them to
you, meanwhile the people behind the counter are busy pressing the
police button. And somebody could be hiding their cell phone, text
messaging to their friends “Yo, Tommy, the bank I’m in is being
robbed. Quick, we need help! Call FOX and have them send a camera for
their newest reality show. Oh, and if you have time, call the cops.”
People need to think of these things, which is why it is so much
simpler to do it online. Its quicker, less violent and you don’t even
have to get dressed. Imagine, stealing 1.5 mil from a bank without even
putting on your pants? Now, that’s where its at. Anywho, for those of
you that aren’t long time readers, I wrote criminals a while back, here
is a repeat of that post:
“

 Last night, John and I went to Scooty’s to play some games. It was cool, but I will spare you the details of the game playing. We also looked at just a few hundred pictures from his wedding and honeymoon, and if you think that sounds like a bit……..er……….much, you should have been there. Actually, it wasn’t so bad, I did like looking at them, but after the first 100 pics of the honeymoon, I think I was ready to go.

Have you all heard about the 33 year old man in Malaysia that married a 104 year old lady? I’m not making this up. He claims that it is not about money, he says she is poor and he truly loves her. Now, as much as I’m disgusted by the mere thought (as I’m sure each of you are too) the first thing that pops into my mind (and I’m sure of each of your minds as well) is the sex. I mean, just how exactly does one have sex with somebody of that age? I can’t even imagine it. Sex with a 33 year old! That’s just crazy. Really though, you have to wonder what its like for a 33 year old to have sex with a person that was 71 years old when he was born. And could you imagine taking her home to meet the parents? Mom, dad, I’d like you to meet my new wife, who, by the way, is old enough to be your grandmother. This is her 21st marriage. To put this into context, thats a little less then one marriage for every year he has been alive. One has to wonder why she has been married 21 times. Maybe she has had some of her other husbands killed. Maybe she is a cruel bitch. Perhaps she is the cheating type, you know, Hef just turned 80 perhaps she is going to try to bag him. Whatever it is, one has to wonder how and why a lady has been married 20 times before you even got there. I wonder what the wedding was like? Do you think she threw the bouquet? What about the garter? Did he use his teeth to get it? And if you were her family and you got the damn invatation in the mail, wouldn’t you just be like “oh, look at this, Vanita is getting married, AGAIN!! When will she ever find the one? And how many times do we have to get her a wedding gift before enough is enough?” Anywho, here is a pic of the lovely couple:

Actually, she doesn’t look bad. I mean, she only looks a couple of days past 103. Come to think of it, I thought cultures in the east frowned upon things so different. She is pictured here holding a deck of cards that Teddy Roosevelt gave her. Now, I all for what ever makes people happy. And if they truly love each other and are happy, that’s great. But, I’m completely blown away by this, I mean, he married a lady that is 104! I mean, what the fuck. Anywho, Letterman just had to do a top 10 list about this:

Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Marrying A 104-Year-Old Woman

Oh shit, people check this out:

http://www.usairguitar.com/

I guess there is now a contest for EVERYTHING. And, the best part about
this is that you can be completely drunk to do this. In fact, its
probably the only……..well, sport really isn’t the right word, uh,
how about competition in which being drunk IMPROVES your chances of
winning. this is crazy people, they even have a feature length film
coming out about it. That’s a bit much, don’t you think? Still, who
hasn’t played air guitar a time or two, or in the case of my friend
Keith, who plays air guitar more often than he eats. I don’t think I’m
exaggerating either. I don’t know what else to say except that I find
the fact that they have a contest for this funny as hell and I can’t
stop laughing about it…………especially picturing Keith doing
this.

Have you ever realized that only hot people drive Jeep Wranglers? I
think its some sort of law. I was driving home today and saw a HOT guy
driving a Wrangler. And although this wasn’t the case this time,
usually, its a hot guy and they have the top down and the door is low
and you can see the guy is wearing shorts and has hot legs. To make
things even better, all passengers in the car must be hot as well. Its
like they won’t sell you the car unless you are hot. And you have to
have hot friends. For some reason, since I was a kid, I have always
wanted one of those Jeep Wranglers. But, I could never own one, because
part of being hot is that you have to meet the height requirement,
which I, of course, don’t meet, so I could never own one. But, damn,
they are hot.

You know what religious group doesn’t get nearly enough press?
Satanists. The Christians of course get all the attention and have a
lot of the power. The atheists and agnostics such as myself, get a lot
of press because of how much the Christians hate them. The Muslims and
Jews are always fighting and if its not the Muslims fighting with the
Jews, its everybody else hating the Jews. The Buddhists of course have
Richard Gere and to a lesser extent, the Dali Lama. The Scientologists
have Tom Cruise and the bad press (that tends to happen when your
belief system  is almost crazier than the bible).  But,
nobody ever
talks about the Satanists. They need somebody to represent them. For
example, the face of Christian whackos is Pat Robertson. The face of
Wiccan is Stevie Nicks. Who can be the face of Satanists? Will somebody
ever step up and say they are a proud Satanist? Will a Satanist ever
run for public office? Maybe they can have a slogan too, sorta like
instead of God Bless America its Satan Bless America. And how about What
Would The Dark Prince Do? Now, because I don’t believe in Satan, I can
not be the face of Satanism. But, think about how much you could get
away with. You know how some  fucking nutjob does something
stupid, they are always hiding behind God? You know, like when somebody
shoots up a subway, they say “God told me to do it” or when other
crazies start wars they say “Oh, God told me to invade Iraq.” Well, if
somebody says “Satan told me to kill my family” everybody would be like
“well, if Satan told you do do it, you can’t be expected to be held
accountable for your actions.” Maybe there is a ball player somewhere
that is a Satanist and instead of pointing at the sky after a home run,
they just blow kisses and point down. Just once, I would like somebody
in an Oscar acceptance speech to say “I want to thank my loving wife,
my wonderful parents and all those that support me. But, most of all, I
want to thank the dark lord and my savior, Satan, without you sending
Tom Cruise to the nut house, I never could have won this award. All
hail Satan!” And imagine if a Satanist actually became president. I
mean, unless Bill O’Reilly runs, its never going to happen. Instead of
the typical prayer during an inauguration, there would be a High
Priestess of Satanism to lead the country in a reading of  “The
Dark Lord’s Prayer” and at the end, they would say “Satan be with you.”
And when somebody is talking about the afterlife, they wouldn’t be
talking about going up to paradise with God  in Heaven, but
instead talking about roasting with the flames with Lucifer in Hell.
See, you just don’t hear enough about Satanists. For some reason,
Christians think their natural enemies are gays and abortionists. But,
technically, shouldn’t it be Satanists? I would think they should be
protesting Satanists more than anything else, but they don’t and its
all because the Satanists won’t do more to publicize their cause. They
should get dressed up in devils outfits and go door to door, just like
the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Imagine, they ring the bell and start off by
saying “Hello friend, have you heard the news about Satan?”  Next,
they would go into their whole pitch about how they can pick up with
all the sins God doesn’t let you do and you don’t have to worry about
freezing in the afterlife. I’m thinking they can really get at least
some jaded Christians, such as lapsed Catholics, to join their cause.
Wait, I have to go, I think I see a couple of them coming down the
street now.