Some guy in the IL House (at least, I think its the IL house) has proposed a bill that would make gay marriage legal without forcing the churches to accept or marry these people. This is an idea that I have long promoted and said was the happy medium to the gay marriage debate. Although its still a LONG way from being law and still doesn’t stand much of a chance of passing, it really has got me scared. I will no longer have a built in excuse as to why I can’t marry. Right now, we can always say “oh, well I can’t get married, its not legal” and that was the end of the argument. But if this passes, gays that have a fear of commitment can no longer hide behind the law. Its almost a case of “Holy shit, what the fuck have we done!!” We have it good, no marriage means no nasty and messy divorce. You don’t have the $10,000 wedding to pay for. Weddings are always so much stress and have much family drama that nobody needs. You know, things like “my mother is insisting that my ex con brother stands up in the wedding”, Aunt Hilda is pissed off because you didn’t invite her neighbor’s sister or your mother’s evil sister calls the week of the wedding demanding not to sit in the same region as her nephew or the ever popular  its 10 minutes before the wedding and the bride is blowing the photographer. And there is also the case of a girl I work with whose mother in law called the hall the day of the wedding and canceled the reception because the mother in law had a fight with the groom. This is all shit that all of a sudden, gays would have to deal with. Why do we want to deal with any of this bullshit and drama, especially since most marriages end in divorce? Plus, everybody knows the sex ends after marriage. Ok, maybe not all the sex, but the good sex ends. After getting married, all of a sudden sex becomes a chore. You spent all those years pulling out all your best stuff so that you can get married and fuck it, you have already bagged your prey, you no longer need to be good in bed. So then it just becomes the same old routine, you don’t even take off all your clothes, its just a few quick humps, squirt squirt and done in time to watch Letterman. Why do gays want this life? This isn’t really something to envy.

As for me, I honestly don’t have commitment issues. I want to get into a relationship, its just that I happen to be cursed with not being gay enough. For example, I was walking in the mall last week and saw a gay guy coming to me. Well, he sees me and because I don’t stand out as gay, he doesn’t give me much of a glance, whereas I check him out. Perhaps I need to make some changes, maybe “gay it up” a bit. I mean, walking with a polo shirt, Dockers, a Bears coat and two different color shoes doesn’t exactly scream “I’M FUCKING GAY, HAVE AT ME, BOYS!”. I guess I should probably learn to dress with style or at least more flamboyant. Maybe I can get a really bad blond die job, like a real gay guy. I have to develop some sort of gay walk for an added touch. Also, I should probably start showering, that always helps. I have lost weight, gay guys are always in good shape, so that’s a start. But, I still don’t think all of that will work. Nothing short of carrying a sign around that says “I’m gay” will work. I should just face the face that I’m not gay and move on. Ok, so I’m attracted to guys and only date guys, does that really make me a homosexual? Well, actually, answers.com defines homosexual as “Sexual interest in and attraction to members of one’s own sex”.  Ok, so by definition, I’m a homosexual, but……….ok, there is no but about it……….well, I guess there is a BUTT, but not in the terms of but. Wait, what is the definition of but? Where was I? Oh, yeah, that’s right, I was starting to explain my sex change. Damnit, that wasn’t it either. Oh, I guess I can just read what I wrote. Anywho, if anybody has any ideas on how I can gay it up, I’m open to them. Sure, I will never use your ideas, but the important part is that we are getting a dialogue here, kinds like what Bush did with the Iraq commission.

Whoa, look at me. I just found out that somebody has an instant message crush on me. Now if only that person weren’t a 63 year old lady from Spain…………….

I guess I should apologize. I would imagine everybody couldn’t sleep last night because you were wondering how the my first waffle ironing experience turned out. I’m proud to say, I did not have to call the fire department. The gas company on the other hand, well, thats a different story. But enough about those fuckers, you all aren’t here to read about the gas company, you all came here for waffles waffles waffles! As you might expect, I made a mess. I had to use the 2 discs from The Departed to pull them off the waffle iron. And people thought The Departed would be useless when it came to making waffles. But, as you might not expect, they actually turned out pretty damn good, way better than the frozen ones. And they were filling, I ate them at about noon and didn’t eat again until like 6ish.

While everybody else was busy watching the long, pointless and annoying as hell Oscars, I was watching The Departed. I have to say, there was a lot of departing in The Departed. It also totally kicked ass. I don’t know that it is my favorite Scorsese movie, I mean, there is a little movie called Goodfellas that totally rules.  I am glad he finally won an Oscar, it is well deserved, however I still feel that United 93 was the best movie of 2006.

I have never been much of an awards show person. People make such a damn big deal of them. They seem to represent everything that is wrong with Hollywood. Now, I don’t mean to shit on everybody’s good time, but why is it always such a big deal? Its all about these damn celebs stroking their massive egos and “Look at me! Me Me Me Me!!! Did I mention me?” type attitudes. I know chicks really get into it to see what everybody is wearing and I guess I’m just not gay enough to understand any of that jazz. And I just don’t know how anybody can watch 5 hours of this shit, people blathering on about I’m grateful for this, and thank the lord for that, and may satan strike this person down for this and go fuck yourself for winning type of shit. And its always one lame ass joke after the other. And you want to talk about a greedy, what about these gift bags they give to every presenter? Its like $100,000 worth of stuff, and if there is anybody that doesn’t need this shit, its these people, they  can all afford it. What they should do is take $100,000 and give it to the charity of their choice. Or better yet, how about making these people PAY to present these awards, after all for most of them, its the most high profile thing they will do all year that doesn’t involve a divorce proceeding. Its like free publicity for themselves. Actually, its like getting paid for it, because they are getting all these damn gifts.

A lady at work is selling shit from a catalog for her kid’s school. One of the things in the catalog was chocolate waffle mix. The only problem is that I don’t have a waffle maker/waffle iron Which is the proper term? I have always preferred waffle maker, so we are going to go with that. After discussing it with people at work, I made an important decision: I was going to invest in a waffle iron. Today was the big day when I purchased the waffle iron. First, I went to Best Buy where I was not able to get a reasonably priced waffle maker, so I bought the next best thing most like a waffle maker: Martin Scorsese’s “The Departed”. This was the first time I have ever bought a movie without ever seeing it. I have no doubts I will like it; it is my type of movie. Best Buy had only one waffle maker and although it makes 4 waffles, it was also $80. So I went to Meijer. They had a couple of different waffle makers, one was about $40 and the other was $10. Although I got approved for finacing for both, I needed a co-signer for the $40 one. This was a tough call, I mean it took me the whole week to get approved financing for the waffle maker. I also have to take into consideration re-sale value. Whenever you buy a waffle maker, it starts to go down in value as soon as you get it through the door. If I buy the $10 one, it will be worth $6 by the time I get home. Also, would it still be around for me to pass on down to my kids or nieces when I die? Sure, the payments are much lower than the $40 waffle maker, but is it worth it if its a lemon and I have to keep having to have it repaired. It also had no extras, there was no AC, no cruise control, no waffle defroster, and no anti-lock breaks, but it does stand as good a chance as starting as Randy’s truck. Of course, the other one did not have any of those extras either, but it came in a bigger box because it made 4 waffles instead of 2. Then again, no waffle makers come with any of those extras, although they still stand a better chance of starting compared to Randy’s truck. In the end, I decided on a compromise: I would pay for the $40 waffle iron and steal the $10 waffle maker. Being winter, I had on a really large coat. I stuffed it underneath my coat, but left it unzipped because, hey, it was fucking hot in there. The checkout lady asked me what I had in my shirt. I told her nothing, I was wearing 3D shirt of a waffle iron. Nobody else questioned me until I got to the door, at which time I turned around, screamed SUCKERS, flipped them all the finger and started to run. At first, I ran back into the store. Then I ran out, and slipped on some ice. I fell over and landed right on the waffle iron, almost hitting my head on a blue 1988 Ford Festiva with a license plate that read BLUEBALL and a bumper sticker that read “I brake for MILFS”. I got up and quickly made it to my car, which at first wouldn’t start. Turns out, I was attempting to steal a Lexus. Stupid car. I got out and went to my real car and drove off into the sunset, wondering, “what the fuck am I going to do with 2 waffle irons?”.

Ok, so I didn’t steal any waffle irons, but instead bought the $10 one. Think about it, why the fuck would I steal a $10 waffle iron and pay for the $40 one. Anywho, I also picked up some waffle mix, so we shall see how it turns out when I make it in the morning.

I played cards tonight at Scott’s house. The first game, I was awful, not really into it and finishing  8th out of 9th. The second game, I took 2nd and the guy that was last in the first game actually won the 2nd game. He was a nice guy who I had never met before. The funny part was that he almost seemed to have a vendetta after finishing last in the first game, because I think he took every single person out in the 2nd game. He rolled to victory, in fact, it was never even close.

Oh, I’m so excited, spring training has started, we are now less then 6 weeks from opening day and 6 1/2 weeks from when the Cubs being eliminated. GO CUBS!!……………fuckers!

Did you hear, there is a worldwide vote being held to help determine the new 7 wonders of the world. Here is a link:

http://www.new7wonders.com/

I have to say, this was a tough vote, even though you vote for 7 wonders (there are 21 choices). Honestly, you can make a strong argument for just about any on the list. I have always been a huge fan of the Statute of Liberty and loved going there. But, it is only 121 years old, a newborn compared to the other wonders. Because of its age, I don’t know if I can justify voting for it, even though I love it. Perhaps if it got some breast implants, a tummy tuck and make the booty a little bigger, it might get my vote. There is also the Kremlin, which has always fascinated me, especially since the name reminds me of Kermit the Frog. You also have The Great Wall of China, which I’ve always found amazing. I found it interesting that it was built just 13 years ago in 1994, and it took only 3 days to build. I was always under the impression that it was built over the course of 3 weeks in 1980.And how about the Eiffel Tower, another one of my favorites, especially since it kind of reminds me a large cock. The Colosseum in Rome has always reminded me of pizza, and pizza can never be bad. Then again, how can one not vote for Stonehenge, it really is the ultimate wonder, I mean, everybody wonders “what the fuck is this damn thing and how the hell did it get here?” And how about the Statues of Easter Island, those huge ass faces are so damn creepy that you almost have to vote for them, or else they will curse you. And how about the Christ Redeemer, although its not very old, but can you picture this thing taking a piss? The whole damn town would flood. And so the list goes on and on. In the end, here is what I voted for:

1. Acropolis. Do you even realize how damn old this thing is? Its even older than Larry King, that should be reason enough to vote for it, but then you take everything else into consideration and its pretty much a slam dunk.

2. The Roman Colosseum. I debated this one back and forth, but had to include it. Everybody has heard of it and seen pictures of it and it has influenced so many buildings. Oh, and its been standing since before the Cubs last won the World Series

3. Statues of Easter Island. Nobody quite knows who it is supposed to be and there is a lot of wonder about it. Oh, and I was also worried they might curse me.

4. The Great Wall of China. This damn thing has been around for a long damn time and took centuries to build. Its also really really really really long, almost like 10 feet long. Ok, it might be a little longer than that, but not much.

5. Machu Picchu. How the hell do they build something up there? I mean, could you imagine how long it would take to get to work each day to build it. Also, it was missing for YEARS (big surprise, its not like it has a convenient location) before it was rediscovered in 1911.

6. Pyramids of Giza. The main reason why I voted for it was because its the only original 7 wonder still standing. I also would love to impale somebody on the top of it. Or, maybe have myself impaled, what a way to go!

7. Stonehenge. What the fuck is it? How the fuck did it get there and in those positions? What the fuck does it mean? Its the very definition of wonder. Also, it was in National Lampoon’s European Vacation. Ok, so I know the movie sucked, but I couldn’t come up with another reference.

It really killed me to have to leave off the Statue of Liberty. When I first heard about the list, I hoped for Lady Liberty to be on there, assuming I would vote for it. I knew that if there was one American thing that would deserve to be on the list, she was it. But, when I sat and looked over the choices, it became harder and harder to justify a vote for the Statue. These other places have been around for much much longer and there is so much wonder and amazement with them and so much history with each one. The choice was made even tougher when I read up on the Ancient 7 Wonders, which included a couple of statues. But, in the end, I just didn’t think the Statue of Liberty was old enough yet. Also these structures I voted for were architectural achievements not only of their time, but still today. If the Great Wall of China were built today, we would still be amazed at it, the same with Stonehenge and Manchu Picchu. I also had a hard time leaving off the Kremlin and the Eiffel Tower, both are beautiful and great choices. I have always found the Sydney Opera House to be such a fascinating building, something that was way ahead of its time when it was built in 1954. But, again, its just not old enough, I mean, shit, I know people that are older then it. The Taj Mahal has always been very stunning to me and nearly won my vote, but I was just so overwhelmed with the other choices that I could not find a place for the Taj.

This was very interesting, though, and I learned a lot. Maybe someday I can visit these places. And please, feel free to leave your comments, I think its an interesting topic to discuss.

You might have seen commercials for this website and awareness drive called Join Red. Here is the link.

http://joinred.com/

This is the part where I comment all about the site and the cause. I don’t mean to be preachy………..wait, yes I do. I just feel very strongly as to doing what we can to help make the world a better place. And doing something as simple as buying a product you were probably going to purchase in the first place can go a long way to making the world a better place. There is an endless amount of  causes out there and so many people that need our help that everybody should be doing their part to help others. We all can have such a large impact by doing something small. These companies that take part in this should be commended, they recognize that the world’s problems need to be shared by everybody. I know you might be thinking “there he is again, on his fucking soapbox” and although that may be true, its also true that people are suffering and dying. The way I see it, we are in a war with death and suffering and my writing about this is getting the message out there and making people aware, which can only help. Stories like people dying of AIDS in Africa, the Darfur situation, poverty and natural disasters around the world are not getting the attention they desperately need. The media instead wants to dedicate entire days to Anna Nicole Smith dying or spending an hour talking about Brittney Spears shaving her fucking head, stories that really don’t matter. They spend time on these stories because this is what we as a society want to see.  Meanwhile,  the people that need the attention and the spotlight don’t get it. Also, this whole  thing is not coming out as I want it to and nearly as good as I am  capable. So,  just check out the site and I hope you will join me in making a difference.

Had another bad experience with Giordano’s yesterday. We had a party at work in which I ordered Giordano’s. I ordered 3 extra large pizzas, one small deep dish and one sandwich at about 10:50 in the am. The total game to $77 and some change. The lady that took my order read it back to me and told me it would arrive shortly after 12. I went to lunch about 11:40ish. By 12:20, it had not arrived, so I called for a pizza ETA. I was told that the driver had just left and should be there within about 10 minutes. That sounded reasonable. At 12:40, the driver arrived. I walked up to the reception area. I saw 3 or 4 small boxes with individual size pizza. I said to the driver that it wasn’t my order. He said “are you Mike?” and showed me a receipt with my name on it. I said yes, but none of this was mine. In fact, the total of the food before me came to $56, well short of $77 we had ordered. Instantly, I became agitated and slightly pissed. He sat there trying to tell me this was my food. I told him that I had ordered 3 extra large pizzas and I needed them here right now, I wasn’t going to wait another 2 hours for pizza. He told me he would call his boss, but I told him I was going to call. I stormed back to my desk and called. At this point, I was no longer just agitated and slightly pissed. I called and asked what the hell was going on. The guy that answered said that there was another order placed by our company. We have over 600 employees and people are always ordering from there. I clearly expressed my frustration with the situation. He told me that he would give us half off our order. He told me the driver would be there shortly. I walked back to the reception area and told the driver that we weren’t taking this order. He asked me what he should do, I told him that I didn’t care, it wasn’t my problem and that I had to get back to work. I went back to my desk and a few minutes later, heard a page for whoever ordered Girodano’s. I don’t know what ever happened to that driver and the food. At 1:10, I called Giordano’s back and instantly said “I ordered a large amount of food nearly 2 1/2 hours ago that is still not here. You told me you would give me half off, well now I want it for free or else I will never order from your place again!” The guy paused for a second before saying sternly “Fine. Its free”. He said it with quite an attitude. I explained how pissed off I was and how a year ago, it took 2 hours to get $40 worth of food and they gave it to us for free. I said that I got the feeling that he was upset with my demand for free food. He said he was not, but just frustrated with the situation and that I had a right to be pissed. I told him that I was in customer service and that I understood it was not his fault, but I didn’t care if he was upset with the situation. I went on to say that I don’t blame him or the driver and that I was still going to tip the driver (I gave him $10 once he finally got there). I explained that I work in a call center and we have to stick to a scheduled lunch and how 15 people (it was probably closer to about 8 or 9) did not have any food to eat on their lunches. I also said “I can’t stay mad at you people, what, am I gonna order from Pizza Hut? No, they suck.” And its true, I won’t sink to the Pizza Hut level, however, there are other local places we can start going to.

Bigotry. Is there an uglier word? First, it was Mel Gibson against the Jews. Then, Michael Richards against the blacks. Now, we have the trifecta. By now, I’m sure everybody has heard about Tim Hardaway’s comments on gays. If not, here is a quick refresher. A former NBA player recently came out of the closet. Former NBA player Hardaway was asked to comment and said that he hates gays and he doesn’t believe that “it should be anywhere in the world or in America.” What makes these comments so disturbing is that this is a black man and we all know the long history or discrimination that blacks have had to deal with in our country. What amazes me, is that homophobic blacks don’t seem to remember that all the hatred and discrimination that gays have to deal with is the same kind that blacks have or even still do deal with. How they can not be more empathetic and understanding of gays is beyond me. I do also understand that his feelings and thoughts are probably rooted in religion. Most blacks are very religious and because religion breeds intolerance of gays, we get these kind of attitudes. At least he was honest, though. Let’s be real, there are probably far more NBA players that feel the way he feels than not. Also, its great to see the people that are coming out agaisnt what he said. This situation is much different from Gibson or Richards. For starters, he was in an interview and surely he had to know that he was going to be asked about gays. His thoughts might have even be premeditated. With Gibson, he was drunk and obviously, wasn’t planned, as nobody plans to get pulled over. With Richards, it was a racist rant filled with rage and was set off by hecklers. For Hardaway, it was a planned interview and he can not use alcohol or rage as an excuse. Although, one has to wonder if he is going to wind up in rehab over this.

I never really quite understood Valentine’s Day. You know, I really can’t think of any better way to celebrate the violent and bloody beheading of a man than by getting laid. See, that’s what happened to St Valentine, he got beheaded. Now perhaps there is somebody out there with a beheading fetish so they decided that his beheading would be a good excuse to get laid. Now I know what the myth is, that we are supposed to celebrate how he defied law and married soldiers that weren’t suppose to be getting married. But, it makes for a better story if somebody has a beheading fetish.

So, you all know about the whole Rev Ted Haggard story. If not, lets do a quick recap. He was born gay. When he became an adult, he decided to go into religion, who knows why, maybe because he hated himself. Anywho, he eventually blows enough people to become the head of the Evangelicals here in America. Apparently, blowing his way to the top just wasn’t enough, he must have developed a taste for the cocksucking. I can’t blame him, I’m a bit of a cocksucker myself; its the pretending to be Christian and the hating of gays I find so appalling. So, a few months ago, its discovered that he is having an affair with a gay hooker who happens to sell meth. Wait, maybe I should Christian this up a bit. He repeatedly  sins with a solider of Satan while doing a mind altering drug. Of course, all of this was Satan’s fault and made worse by liberals and  the homosexual agenda. So, Reverad Ted was sent to homo rehab, so that he can be cured of the Gay and become pure again, ridding himself of all that bad man juice and damning sin that his life had become. So, my question is, how does one become “cured of homosexuality?” Well, fortunately, we gays had somebody on the inside to show us what a day in the life is like when one is trying to give up mansticks completely cold turkey.

5AM Wake up call. What could be a more manly wake up call than spraying everybody with cold water from a hose. Nothing looks more heterosexual than staring at a room full of soaking wet recovering homosexuals in nothing but drenched t-shirts and boxer shorts. After seeing this scene, Rev Ted can be anymore awake…………in more ways than one.

5:20AM Morning workout. Nothing exudes masculinity than a well shaped man. Nobody can understand why Ted worked up the biggest sweat, even though all he did was spot a couple of weighlifters and hand out towels in the locker room.

6:30AM Shower. The Rev is the last one to finish showering and for some reason, can’t seem to keep the towel wrapped around his waste

7AM Breakfast. We want to keep things as straight as possible, no sausage links for us. The Reverand is not very hungry, so he just has some fruit. He goes right for a banana.

8AM-10AM Morning poker game with the boys. Gambling for money is not legal, so Ted comes up with an idea to play Strip Texas Hold-Em

10AM-Noon Tv time. Since there are no new Sportscenters on at this time, Ted insists upon The View followed by Oprah.

Noon Lunch. In trying to serve nothing but manly meals that remind the men of female body parts, lunch consists of pink tacos. Rev Ted must not be that hungry because all he eats is the beef from the taco and the sour cream.

1PM Nap time. Most manly athletes take naps. Ted spends this time sneaking a peek at the latest issue of Franks & Beans Magazine .

3PM Afternoon movie. The goal here is to try to watch a manly movie, such as a John Wayne movie or Die Hard. Ted picks out Brokeback Mountain.

5PM Dinner. Time to have the ultimate man’s meal, steak and potatoes. The good Reverand has a potato but refuses to eat the steak, saying he is “watching his figure”.

7PM Game time. Its time for a game, tonight’s game is Risk. Ted’s color: pink

9AM Lights out. Ted’s hands fall asleep between  what appears to be 2 pillows. Only, those aren’t pillows!

The point is, you can not cure homosexuality. Why can’t these people understand this? Perhaps they would be a little more laid back if they just smoked a little pot. I mean, imagine how much more easy going and accepting they would be if Jesus was actually a stoner. They wouldn’t care what anybody did as long as you didn’t fuck with their stash. In fact, I have the perfect picture they can use:

I talked to Dave tonight and he had a very interesting idea that I’m overly excited about. See, our friend Steve (ok, so he is more of Dave’s friend Steve) moved to Kentucky recently. For more about him, see the entertaining post from Saturday, January 13, 2007. Anywho, he hasn’t totally moved yet, he is living down there with his in laws while his wife stays up here to sell the house. Why somebody would want to live with their damn in laws while their wife is 6 hours away is beyond me, but then again, Steve has always been weird like that. Anywho, Dave talked to Steve over the weekend and he told him that if he sold his house by May, we would go down there for the Kentucky Derby and stay at his house. Ohhhhh, I would LOVE to go to the Derby. See, I’m quite the gambler and even love horse racing (NO, I DO NOT HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM!!!) and as I’m sure you know, the Kentucky Derby is horse racing’s premiere event; as far as horse racing goes, it gets no bigger than the Kentucky Derby. Anywho, even though our going is still a longshot, actually, our odds are probably going are at 150-1, wait, make that 168-1, wait, now its down to 135-1, that 115-1 that Mike and Dave will go to the Kentucky Derby. Holy shit, the odds are all the way down to 98-1, its never been a better time to get in on the Mike/Dave Kentucky Derby action. I just saw the price of the tickets which are tough to get, odds now stand as bad as ever, 200-1. But, wait, down the stretch they come, I was looking at the website, this looks like it might actually be do-able, odds are now 50-1! Wait, I have just been given a piece of info by Dave that make things very difficult  the odds have been revised, its now 1500-1 that we will actually go. And pulling up with a 10 length victory is Homer’s New Job, making it damn near impossible that we are going to go.

Still, I was looking into maybe traveling by train down there and as it turns out, for some reason, Amtrak does not have train service that goes from Chicago to Louisville. That sucks, people. I was all excited because not only the dwindling potential of us going there for the Derby, but also, our friend Julie is going to be moving to Louisville in a couple of months and I was kicking the idea around of everybody going to see her via train. I just think that a train trip with my friends would totally be the shit, we would have so much fun on a long train ride together. I guess that would be something to do if I ever became rich and all of the kids were grown.

Heh heh heh……………..I love hidden messages that nobody gets but me.

Thursday was a long day. For starters, I found at work that long story short, my hours are going to be changing. Right now, I work 9:15am-6pm. But, starting Wednesday, I will be starting work at 8:fucking15 in the morning! That is going to suck such much donkey ass. As many of you know, I’m a late night person. Sure, I will be getting up an hour earlier, but I know I won’t be going to bed or falling alseep an hour early.

Thursday night was Cara’s grandma’s wake. It was to end at 8 in the pm, as you read previously, I get off work at 6. I work in Aurora and the wake was in Stickney. That is quite a drive, especially at that time of night, however, to be honest, traffic was not all that bad. In fact, I make it in the area right about 7. I drove write the hell past the damn funeral home, which I thought would not be a problem. Turns out, every damn street in that area is a one way fucking street! It wasn’t long before I was lost. And to make matters even worse, for some reason, the speed limit was only 20 miles per hour. I know its a residential area, but usually its 25 in a residential area. Geez, listen to be, bitching about 5 miles an hour, like it actually makes a fucking difference. Anywho, I wandered around for 15 minutes before finding the damn funeral home again by pure luck. I parked and went in. They had already started a service, so I didn’t walk right into that since I was late. Instead, I walked around the funeral home, taking some of the caskets for a test die and making faces on some of the dead bodies. Soon, the lady that was talking about Cara’s grandma was done talking and I nervously walked in. Cara saw me. Quickly, I flipped her the finger and mooned everybody else. Cara then walked up to me and said she was glad to see me and gave me a long hug. I can not confirm this, but I think she might jerked me off in the process. I could also see that it wasn’t only me that was nervous about this reunion. After saying hi to her family, we walked over and looked at some pictures of her grandparents. I told her all about how Dori had found Jesus and how it made me uncomfortable since I’m an atheist. Anywho, I can go on about the whole time I was there, but to be honest, it was quite uneventful. She also told me that she would be back out here next weekend for brother’s wedding. We plan to get together then, although I’m still not sure it will happen.

Friday after work I had a date with Matlock. Seriously. The dude’s name was Garrett Matlock. I planned to pick him up about 7ish. He lives in Oswego, which is about a 20 minute drive from where I work. That is a 20 minute drive for a person who knows how to follow directions, and as the previous paragraph can attest, I am clearly not one of those people. Soon, I found myself lost, driving down dark country roads with nobody around. After officially being late (I HATE HATE HATE being late to anything) I called him and asked for him to help me become un-lost. I think I wound up getting there just before 7:30. He was outside waiting for me. We decided to eat at Giordano’s (for those of you not from the area, its only one of the best pizza places on the planet). Now, as you may know, I am quite the talker, but this guy actually talks more than me. The one thing we never were was without conversation, the whole night. Anywho, Giordano’s had about a 25 minute wait. We wound up being served by a hot, giant waiter. This guy seemed to be about 6’6, but he was built and had a nice face. I have been going to Giordano’s for years and just refuse to try anything besides their pizza. I’m sure everything else is good too, but I just love their pizza so much, that I can’t get something else.

After dinner, we decided to see a movie. Now, I hate the cliched date of dinner and a movie, but there really wasn’t much else for us to do, what with it being negative a million outside. We got to the theater with about 45 minutes to spare before the movie started. So, we paid the manager $50 to let us have sex in the popcorn machine. 60 seconds later, we were back talking about all sorts of shit. The movie we wound up seeing was Smokin Aces, which was actually pretty good. After the movie, I drove him home somehow managed not to get lost on the way home.

Today was a pretty unproductive day/night. I decided to have a movie marathon, watching The Illusionist, Idiocrasy, and Flags of Our Fathers. I could give you a review of these movies, but that would take too long and shit, I had a hard enough time just trying to spell the names of the movies.

Sometimes, YouTube is awful what with no talent hacks doing covers of U2 songs or stupid lame teenagers using their camera phones to video themselves getting drunk for the first time. But, the site was intended for talented and funny people to have an outlet. Therefore, I have decided to put video of me washes my dishes while in drag. Now, I know what you are saying “Mike, you mean to tell me you actually wash your dishes?”. Of course I do, I consider spraying them with the hose washing them. But anywho, where was I? Oh, I was about to tell you that I was full of shit about myself on YouTube. What I do want to show you is a link to a kid I found who is brilliant and someday will be a comic genius. He has 3 videos on there, one of them is kind of long, but very funny. I swear, this kid should be on the Daily Show, he would be perfect. Anywho, check him out and let me know what you think:

http://youtube.com/profile?user=boburnham

You people are in for a real treat today, TWO links in one post. That 2 represents the number of people that actually read this! WOOOHOOO!!! Read this first if you want before reading my pointless drabblings.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news?slug=ap-amaechiout&prov=ap&type=lgns

A former NBA player that I actually never heard of has come out of the closet. Just to set the record straight (no pun intended………….or was there? We will never know), I am a HUGE Bulls fan, have been for almost 20 years. Anywho, I was encouraged by what some of the players said about him coming out. I mean, simple math says that with over 450 players in the NBA, a few of them are going to be gay. Maybe this means some of them will start to come out. Sure, they will have to go through a lot. This is an obvious and cliched comparison, but I feel its very accurate, but it would be much like what Jackie Robinson went through. Only, it might actually be worse. When you are talking about guys being naked and sharing a locker room and the contact that comes with basketball, there are bound to be players accusing the gay player of checking them out or feeling them while they play just because they are gay. There is probably more trash talk in the NBA than any other sport. The gay player opens himself up to a lot of abuse, not only from opposing players, but also from fans, both at home and on the road. This would have to be a thick skinned, rock strong player to be able to handle that sort of abuse. Also, his teammates would have to not only be accepting, but also be able to handle the abuse that they would have to deal with. Sometimes, teammates are like brothers, and how would some of them handle opposing players saying degrading things to a teammate. I feel that its about time for a current player of any major team sport to come out. However, I wonder if we as a society will be ready for such a thing?