March 26, 2007

• Ever since we went to Lincoln Park for St Patrick’s Day, I have been thinking about something that is a travesty. I’m pretty stuck in my convictions on this issue and it is very important. I firmly believe that all massages should have happy endings. Think about it, a happy ending really just goes along with the rest of the whole idea of the massage. I mean, after all, the massage is supposed to be relaxing and soothing and set your mind at ease. If it is supposed to be relaxing for every other part of your mind and body, why not just go for the trifecta and be sexually relaxing as well. Plus, it takes the pressure off of everybody, you don’t have to be going through the whole massage thinking “is there going to be a happy ending? Should I ask?” And the masseur  doesn’t have to worry about offering, as the happy ending would be expected. Oh, for the love of Tom Johnson, you are naked and all aroused already anyway, why not just finish things off by getting off. Look, they dim the lights, put on romantic music, light candles and lube up every other part of your body, shit, they are sending every damn sign imaginable that an orgasm is imminent. You know damn well that as soon as you walk out of that room somebody is going to be masterbating, either you or them. So let’s just save everybody the embarrassment of having to ask or offer and just have it part of the package. Whenever you are done with a massage they leave you alone to “get dressed”, its assumed that you are going to jerk off, I mean why else would they leave a box of tissue in the room. The way I see it, its not prostitution at all, its all part of feeling good. Sometimes, the massages are so erotic, you leave there more tense then when you went in and the only thing that will cure the tenseness is a quick tug-a-lug. Shit, some of them charge as much as a hooker, why not get a hand job as well?

  We got our bonuses today!!! It was a lot more than last year, which is good. Another thing that was good was that I didn’t embarrass myself in front of the president of the company like I did last year when he overheard me saying that I was going to blow my money at the track. Now I just have to figure out how to blow it this year. More than likely, its going to be on my garage, since that still needs to be fixed. But, I haven’t ruled out other things. Perhaps a trip, after all, I hear Antarctica is nice this time of year. Or maybe clothes, I have been wearing the same clothes to work for 5 years now. Maybe I will spend it on somebody else. I think it would be cool to fly my nieces in for a couple of weeks in the summer. Oh, wait, I’ve got it! Happy ending massages!!!!

  • 11:18 pm
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