Well this is it people. I now live in a shithole. At least, in the eyes of the Village of Romeoville. In my eyes, its a complete and utter shithole, but I digress. How do I know this? Because the ‘Ville has finally caught up to my illegal ways, at least when it comes to my place of residence. I came home today to find 3 code violations (not yet fines though, which is cool) about my little shack. One was for my wood section of my house which requires “protective treatment”. What does that mean exactly? Are they saying my house has been having unprotected sex with other houses? So they are saying my house is  fucking whore! Nice. So now I have to buy some sort of house condom, I mean, where the fuck does somebody buy something like that? Ok, so that’s the first violation, quite honestly, I don’t think its any of their business who my house chooses to fuck. Next, it was onto my back yard. Turns out, my fence is rusted and it requires paint. I guess I can see that, I mean, its so rusty that it almost looks volcanic. Ok, and here is the final one and I have to say, its about fucking time. Yes that’s right, they finally got me on the garage, for the garage fascia requiring paint. Now here is the funny part, they could have went ape shit on the garage. In fact, the other 2 might as well apply to the garage. What makes me laugh is that of all the things, you know, the shingles turned upwards from being old, the side door falling off, the siding breaking, the broken window and the only thing they could come up with was the fascia. Of course, they do not know that I am working towards a goal of having the garage done by Memorial Day. Shit, I’m glad they didn’t come inside the house, boy they would have been here all day if they had done that. Shit, the more I think about it, they could have probably written at least 3 more just on the outside of the house alone, which makes me wonder why they chose what they chose to write the violations on. I guess I really better get my ass in gear to get all this shit taken care of, and why not? Its about fucking time, isn’t it? I mean, the garage has been one strong breeze from blowing right the fuck over for quite some time now. And the fence? Well, just looking at it requires a technis (spelling please) shot. I just don’t understand the one on the front of the house, its really not that bad, I think they might have been being picky. Honestly, if they had just taken the time to look around the whole outside of the house, they could have found many other things to write a violation on. For example, what about the electric cord that is cut on the outside of my house? Sure, its not a live wire, but they don’t know that. And what about the piles of dirt from the shit I planted yesterday? Hell, it doesn’t look like I planted anything, it looks like I buried somebody. Or how about the basketball pole, which is in worse condition than the fence and  which by the way, is right next the damn fence. And then there is the whole matter of the shit that is next to my garage, such as the rotted picnic bench. Wow, when I think about it, I probably should just abandon the house and leave it to be condemned. I want to say that “its not as bad as it seems” but honestly…………….I guess it kind of is. Anybody want to trade houses? And by anybody, I mean Oprah or Michael Jordan.

I can’t believe the Bulls swept the Heat!!! That totally kicks ass. There is a guy at work who is a bandwagon jumper and has been a Heat fan for the past year and he also hates the Bulls. So, I just got back from buying him a broom! GO BULLS!!!!

I had to be up at 7 in the fucking AM yesterday morning, but it was for a good cause. Our work is taking part in a volunteer thing in which we help families fix and restore their houses in Aurora. So, yesterday was that day, which was going to make for a very long day since I had plans later in the afternoon and evening. I arrived promptly at 8 in the am and already, quite a few people from work were already there. The house was owned by a retired lady who was very nice and friendly. My job was to paint, something I have never done before. First, we had to cover countertops, cabinets and other things and also tape the woodwork and frames. I don’t know about all of this shit, you guys should all know about this. This took longer than I thought it would, but eventually we finished and started to put on the primer and then the paint. It turns out, I have no idea what I’m doing when I paint, which knowing me, shouldn’t come as a big surprise to anybody. At one point, my short ass was given the job of painting the ceiling. I struggled to keep control of the paint broom thing and to be honest, I was a disaster trying to do this. So, I outsourced it to a lady that is old enough to be my mom. This might sound bad, but what can I say, she did a much better job than I did. Next, I had to paint part of the kitchen and the back door. As I was finishing the backdoor, I did something that was totally me: I stepped on the lid to the paint, filling the bottom of my shoe with red paint. Because of this, I wound up driving home barefoot, which is not as bad as it seems. Anywho, I left there shortly after 11 and the am and headed home.

After exercising and showering, I headed to Whirley Ball. We wound up having 15 people, which cost each of us about $25 to play for 2 hours. Ok, so all of us didn’t play for 2 hours, but we all took turns playing. Now I will admit that I’m a pretty bad Whirley Ball player which is why I was surprised when I scored 15 goals! Or maybe it was only 1 goal, but honestly, who is keeping track. So, lets just split the difference and say I scored 18 times and call it a day. Anywho, in the last 2 games, I wound up with the fastest car on the court, I mean, this thing really flew. Unfortunately, I struggled to control it, slamming into my own teammates on several occasions. Ahhhhh, you gotta love Whirley Ball. What’s Whirley Ball you ask? Well, if you don’t know, that’s too damn bad, shame on you for not knowing. Ok, so maybe I’m just too lazy to explain it or post the link for you.

After Whirley Ball, we went to Hooters. When a bunch of guys go to Hooters, there is always a lot of innocent flirting with the waitresses. What made this kinda creepy was that the first waiteress we had was named Rosie, which made everybody at the table laugh since that was my mother’s name. So I went to the manager and demanded a new waitress or else we were going to leave. The manager got upset about this, so I got right the fuck in his face.I came really close to punching him, but instead, I turned over a tray of food and poured a pitcher of beer on Rosie. This worked, because they gave us a new waitress named Vanity. Turns out, she was named after Prince’s ex-girlfriend. This upset Dave, as he has always been in love with Prince. So, he started crying and became so upset, that he started to piss himself. So, he pulled down his pants and urinated on this old man’s cheeseburger. After that, we ordered, at and came home.

Ok, so none of that happened at Hooters. Instead, we just ate drank  and came home, but honestly, the truth is so boring compared to a made up story.

After Hooters, we headed to the Ditka Dome to play beanbags. The Ditka Dome is a sports bar in the truest sense, its a bar but also has a huge dome out back which is a driving range, batting cages and you can play beanbags. For some stupid reason, it was closed due to “good weather” which to me, doesn’t make a damn bit of fucking sense. So, we stood in the bar playing darts. It was just me, John, Dave, Jt, and Lance and we separated into 2 teams of 2 and one person was flying solo for cricket. What made this so fucking funny was that somehow, we (ok, mostly Lance, but everybody did it at least once, most people more than once) kept breaking the tips of the darts. I swear, they must have been poorly made because, and I’m not exaggerating this at all, we must have gone through 30 dart tips. We almost didn’t make it through the last game because we started to run out of darts.

We left Dtika’s about 9ish and headed to Dave’s to play cards, now down to just 4 of us, as John did not play. I wound up getting my ass kicked in both games and really there was nothing exciting to talk about.

I failed to mention this before, but I bought some shit to plant in the front yard. I bought day lilies (at least, I think that is what they are called) and some onion plants. Now I’m well aware of how odd it is to grow onions in one’s front yard, near the house, but why not? Sure, I know that this might result in animals being near my house. And it is true that I don’t have any fucking clue as to what I’m doing.  And yes, because I didn’t plant them far into the ground but instead just put some dirt that was on the side of the garage, probably nothing is going to grow and its all going to be just a big waste. However, these are onions we are talking about here. My goal is to grow them, and then sell them on the internet, eventually become an internet billionaire! As for the day lilies, well, they are day lilies by day and crime fighting night lilies by night, I mean, why wouldn’t I invest in them?

My front lawn is fucked, isn’t it?

Did you all notice the comment I got from yesterday’s post? I have gotten that comment before upon writing about religion. Apparently, this loser does a search for posts about religion on Xanga and then proceeds to leave bible verses as comments. Does he honestly think that leaving a comment is going to transform my entire life and cause me to find God? See, that’s the thing, he actually probably believes that. I just find it a little more than odd that these types of people have nothing better to do than to do a search with the sole intention of leading people to Jesus. These are the same people that say gays have a homosexual agenda and “recruit” kids to the gay lifestyle. But honestly, could you picture me leaving posts on random people’s blogs to encourage them to be gay or lose God? I would think that I have better ways to waste time. Its not to say that I’m upset at the comment, because I’m not, I just find it odd is all. Anybody is free to leave whatever comment they want on my Xanga, I just think its an odd think for this person to be doing.

So we had some nasty ass storms today, complete with funnel clouds and roofs being torn off and whatnot. Now I didn’t watch the news, but I heard they had the usual news reports on these storms. One of the things that I find weird is that they always talk about how the roof was torn off the building, but they don’t really report on where it landed. See, to me, that’s the bigger story. I mean, if a roof falls out of the sky and lands right the fuck on some old lady walking her dog, that’s news. Ok, so honestly, its not the bigger story. But, at least tell us where the damn thing landed, its kind of like starting a movie and not showing the end of it. Haven’t you always wondered how far a tornado can carry a roof?

Shit, I could have written that better. Fuck.

The village was supposed to take the remains of my bushes today. I guess I should clarify, they said they would pick them up 24-48 hours from Monday. I need to call them tomorrow and say “dude, what the fuck”. Not that I’m upset at all, I’m really not. If they don’t take them, I will just have to bag them or force Keith and Heather to have a burn at their house, say, maybe the day after John’s birthday, Saturday May 12th. And since I can’t fit it in my car, I would force Randy to go that night so that he can transport the bushes to their house. Not that I’m inviting myself over or insisting upon the use of Randy’s truck, but I’m just saying, should the event arise.

Well, I’ve got huge news. I had a feeling this day would come, at least eventually. Yesterday, I was forced to come out of the closet at work. Everybody was shocked, some people laughed, nobody thought I was serious. But, I had to convince them that it was true and this shocked them even more. That’s right, I had to come out of the closet and admit that I own a Stryper cd. See, somebody gave this Jehovah Witness a Stryper dvd as a joke. He said that it would be funny to give it to me, seeing as I’m an atheist. That’s when I had to come out and say that I owned their cd and was a fan back in the day. What can I say, though, except that it was the 80s and my older brother liked them. And at the time, I had no idea they were a Christian rock band. Now, those of you that remember them are probably thinking “wow, you are a slow fuck, how could you miss that one?” Well, keep in mind that  I was only 11 or so when they were popular and even more clueless than I am now, if you can believe that. So even though their lyrics were dripping with Christian references and they had a bible verse on the cover of their “To Hell With The Devil” album, I still had no idea it was about God until somebody pointed it out to me. After I found out, I was dumb enough to think that was cool because at the time, I was still (shutters at the thought) Catholic. And John didn’t exactly help matters either, what with him liking so much pussy music. I don’t mean music that got him pussy, but I mean pussy as in wussy music. I guess I should have suspected something, what with songs such as “The Way” “Calling On You” and lyrics like “Christ is the way” Long ago there was a man………who died for you” In a land of freedom, God has shed his grace” and the fact that they thank “The Champion Jesus Christ”, shit, this all should have been a dead giveaway. Oh for Christ’s sake, I really was a complete dumbass. Although I am ashamed to admit I listened to and liked Stryper, I can also not deny it. Ah, fuck me, I got their songs now stuck in my head. Fuck. Quick, I’ll put on my Bruce Willis cd.

How ’bout the Bulls? I’m excited, yet cautious to see them go up 2-0 in their series with the Heat. Sure, its a long way to go so far, but you have to like their chances, even if it is the defending champs. And, I can’t forget that the Bulls blew a 2-0 lead WITH home court advantage 2 years ago against Washington. Even if the Bulls manage to win Friday and go up 3-0, I still think the series would be a long way from being over.

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend, one of them being “Who Killed The Electric Car?” which was a documentary. I swear, my taste in movies has gotten really boring, at least if you aren’t into documentaries and stuff like that. Still, this one was interesting, unless you lived in California or Arizona (it was only tested in those 2 states), you wouldn’t know that there was an electric car that was out as recently as last year. The way it was killed off is quite………..greedy, not that I’m surprised. The auto industry  is just like any other industry, greedy, soul-less and only concerned about money. The term for people when they are environmentally friendly is green. Sure, the auto industry is all about the green, just not the same green that is earth friendly. I know the goal should be to turn a profit and make as much money as they can, I don’t blame them for that. However, there is still plenty of money to be made with an electric car. And one of the auto companies had a chance to be an innovator and be out front with this and they failed. Actually, I should clarify something, and this is going to come as a surprise. The electric car was invented 100 years ago. Shit, it was even driven on the road then. However, the internal combustion gas car was invented at the same time and people preferred it to the electric car. Not that I could blame people, it was a better car and they could not have known the issues we would later have with gas cars. Now, I’m well aware that this movie was environmental propaganda for the electric car. But, everybody agrees that we need to get off oil for many different reasons. And the electric car is another viable option which is much cleaner than oil, ethanol and even sugar. Those are facts that can be made without the movie. Like the fast food, gun, tobacco and (I shouldn’t go there with this last one, but shit, its not like I don’t know the truth) the (GULP) health insurance industries, the auto industry does not have a social conscious and doesn’t give a damn about anything besides money. I firmly believe that we as people and large companies have a moral and ethical responsibility to the world to do what is in the best interest of everybody, not just ourselves. Large companies in these industries (and even a lot not in those industries, such as Wal Mart) not only do not do much to help the world, they actually do things to make the world a worse place. The killing of the electric car is just another example of this. And I want to stress that the auto industry is not alone in the blame, there are many other people (such as the government) that can have a chunk of the blame. But, in a way, it all starts with the auto industry.

That’s all. I’m off my high horse. I really need to stop going on the horse and  preaching so much, it can’t possibly be very interesting and can make me sound more arrogant than I already am. Yet, when I can’t come up with other things to write about, this is what you get. Plus, judging by the lack of comments for these posts, not many people seem to want to read this.

Motherfucker, would it kill the damn fucking Cubs to win a close game? Fucking sonofabitch. Honestly, fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Waste my fucking night and keep me up late. Fuckers.

Thursday night, Rich gave me a Cubs mug. It seems he is going up the ladder in giving me shit that I like. Its funny as hell, I mean, his son just moved into a house, so you figure he could use things like mugs, but yet, I win out. I think we should play a game and try to guess the next thing he gives me. Then again, its not like he is buying me brand new shit, this is just stuff that he has owned for years that he found in his basement or garage.

Ahhh, Earth Day, in some ways its one of the more important days of the year. Its a day when you should do something good for the earth, such as picking up litter or planting a tree. Or in our case, getting rid of 4 bushes. Now don’t get me wrong, the bushes I most want to get rid of are George and Jeb, but we all know that’s not going to happen. So, instead, we got rid of the bushes in our front lawn. See, I have a goal of replacing my shingles and siding on my garage. Before I could do that, I need to get rid of some dirt on the side of my garage. Since the bushes in my front lawn are pretty much dead, my thinking is that we could remove the bushes and replace it with the dirt on the side of the garage and then plant something where the old bushes used to be. Sounds simple enough, right? So, I asked Mark to come over to help us, shit its the least he could do since he is the one that put the dirt on the side of the garage. He brought some shovels and other things and we also borrowed stuff from our wonderful neighbor help remove the bushes. I have to be honest, there was really nothing exciting or even remotely interesting about this whole project. Sure, I can tell a story about how we dug straight down to hell and found a shrine dedicated to my mother’s sister or that the bushes transported us back in time to the days of the old west. But, neither of those stories are true (although, if there is a hell, I’m sure the shrine would be there). Instead we just dug and clipped the branches while listening to the Bulls game. My neighbor across the street had the Bulls game on his big screen in his garage and it was funny to see how far ahead the radio was compared to the tv. Come to think of it, what kind of dumbass sticks in big screen in his garage? Then again, knowing this thug ass kid, he probably stole the tv from somebody and keeps it in the garage so they never find it. Of course, watching tv with the garage door open aint too bright, but then again, neither is doing things to get yourself into prison, which he has done.

We got 2 of the bushes up yesterday, leaving John and I to finish the other 2 today. It was much hotter today then it was yesterday, so much hotter that I gave serious thought to trying out the new AC. One of the bushes came out pretty easy, the other one we had all sorts of issues with. After a couple of hours, we finally got it up, which if you didn’t know any better, sounds really dirty. After two days of digging, pulling and trimming, my back and legs are pretty damn sore. Shit, this whole thing is really boring. I’m going to stop now.

This is exciting news, this guy I play cards with is trying to get a summer baseball league together. And while this might not mean much to some of you, but for me,  my brothers and some of my friends, this is awesome. Now if only I could get a basketball league together too.

I was talking to Danel tonight and she was explaining that her husband has never been jealous of me because I’m not a threat. Now keep in mind, they don’t know I’m gay. So, what the fuck gives? I want to make people jealous and pose a threat. I want to clarify, I don’t want somebody to have a murderous jealousy rage, but just enough to make them wonder.  I mean, what gives? Is it my girly arms?

Shit, I want to get into this more, but I have to run, so I will pick it up later.

Damn, I usually don’t complain too much about work, but we just have been so overwhelmingly busy lately that I feel like I’m in dire need of a well earned vacation. I want to go somewhere and just relax and have massages and just lay around and do nothing. I haven’t have a vacation like that in a long time. Actually, come to think if it, I have only had one of those vacations and that was when I went to Puerto Vallerta back in 1999. I say its high time that I take another vacation, but I just need to find somebody to go with. 

I know a lot of Sox fans like to rip on the Cubs for the whole “have a celebrity sing take me out to the ballgame” tradition that was started after Harry Carry died, and I have to agree with Sox fans, to an extent. But, here is a perfect argument for and against the singing of the 7th inning stretch: Ozzy Osbourne. Once again, YouTube comes through, take a look:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OdwOoinuJi0

On one hand, he is a complete and utter embarrassing disaster. On the other hand, just try and tell me that this isn’t funny as hell. I don’t think there is a bigger or better example as to why you shouldn’t do drugs. Its amazing that he didn’t fall out of the booth.

I have been reading a text book for a class I’m taking for work and I tell you, there is nothing more boring. Ever read something and not pay attention the whole time you are reading it because it is just so boring? I guess that question is better left un-asked, because after all you are reading this blog. But anywho, I sometimes have to go back and read pages a second time because I get down to the bottom and say “what the fuck did I just read?”. And then there are practice questions at the end of each chapter, as one my expect, I totally bomb those. I’ll tell you, it will be nothing short of a small miracle if I pass this damn class. I’m thinking about just taking the practice quiz now and studying all the right answers instead of wasting my time and boring myself to tears reading the actual material. I know skipping it all is easy way out, but honestly, I don’t feel I’m learning a damn thing and am definitely not retaining any of the information I read. Its too bad I couldn’t find a way to get the answers to the test, it would be easier for me. Shit, I would pay money for it. See, I think that should be an option, purchasing the answers, I mean, why not? When you are talking about school or classes after you get out of high school, employers don’t really give a shit if you learned the stuff, just as long as you have a degree or something to show that you took and passed the class. So I say the people with the money to buy the answers should be able to. Its a win-win situation for everybody. The student gets to pass the class. The company or school gets to make more money and turn a bigger profit and that is the bottom line, right? Sure, this is not fair to the people that take the class but don’t have money to buy the answers. But, it all evens out, because those are the people that work their ass off to pass and they are the ones that really know the shit and get promoted faster. Ok, I should just stop now because clearly, I’m talking right out of my ass.

Thursday night I walked into the bar to find out that Jt’s dad was waiting to talk to me. I was a little worried that he wanted to talk about the whole Jt situation, as I don’t know if he knows what happened between Jt and I, but I know that he knows that we don’t talk anymore. As it turned out, he was cleaning his garage and found an old Michael Jordan poster and he wanted to know if I wanted it. The funny part is that (I’m assuming that he did not call Jt) he gave it to me instead of his son. After all, he son lived there for 14 years, it realistically could have been his poster. When I mentioned it to Heather, she said that Jt’s devil girlfriend (ok, so she is his fiance now, the term devil fiance doesn’t have the same ring to it) probably would not let him have it. When I mentioned the poster to Mark and John, they both said the same thing as Heather, that maybe she wouldn’t let him have it. Geez, if things like this keep up, people are going to start to think that she might be controlling.

Friday night was the big sister party for Addison. It was a small gathering of just family, although Amy’s parents had friends that came from Canada that were there too. I guess I should explain what a big sister party is. Amy read in a magazine an idea to have a big sister party for older sisters when the parents come home with a new baby, so that it makes the older sibling feel accepted still. Sure, Addison is only 20 months and she might not quite understand the whole concept, but what the hell, why not have a party. The twins slept most of the time, because, hey, that’s what newborns do. Addison doesn’t seem the least jealous of the new babies at all. In fact, she loves them, when we put them in her lap to take a picture she didn’t want to stop holding them. She is going to be a great big sister. She was even wearing a shirt that said “I’m the big sister.” Very cute.  We wound up staying until about 11ish.

Last night, I played cards at Scott’s house. He was focused on making comments about the whole Don Imus situation, he kept repeating the now infamous comment that got Imus fired. I know that he was doing this just to piss me off. Although for the most part, I ignored his comments, choosing not to react to them, however one time I told him that he was racist. He tried to defend himself and I told him that if he didn’t want people to call him racist, he should probably stop talking like that. Yet, he continued on, soon he was calling me a “knappy headed ho”. I ignored it the whole time, what made it better was that nobody else paid attention to him either.

Before I finish talking about last night. I should mention that Scott has always had this strap on dildo that he loves to pull out and be goofy with. Well, he found out last night that his wife threw it out. He got pissed off about it and his wife said it was “filthy and moldy from being everywhere, in the garage and other places” to which I finished up by saying “yeah, like Scott’s ass.” This brought laughter from everybody, except Scott, who chose to ignore it. I swear, he is a classic closet case.

Today John and I went to the Cubs game. We left at about 11:30 and traffic was a breeze the whole way. Finding parking was, however, a different story. We used to always park at this one bowling ally a few blocks away, but that has since shut down. So, we were left with trying to find parking. I swear, its so damn over priced. Most places wanted $25-$40. The problem is that the only way to not be blocked in is to pay the higher amounts, which to me, was nuts. Finally we found one place that wanted $25 and we would not be blocked in. This really old man who walked very slowly with a cane would show us where to park. We drove behind him as he FUCKING CRAWLED down this ally, it was actually quite comical. What was not comical was that he wanted us to give him the key to the car. Yeah, I wasn’t to thrilled with that idea, even if he has been there since before the park was built in 1914. So, I drove off down the ally. As I drove off, I looked in the mirror to see him waiving at me and yelling. Heheheh, I’m a dick. I didn’t feel so bad because there was somebody else that drove in right behind me to take my place.

We got into the park and John went straight for a hot dog. I was determined to check the prices on an authentic Cubs home jersey with no name on the back. I went into the Cubs shop inside the park, expecting them to be over priced. See, I have been looking for one for years, online and in the MLB catalog and they all either are over priced, have a name on the back or in most cases, are both. I was shocked to find one for only $89 and so I jumped right on it and bought it. As for the game itself, our seats were pretty good, in the upper deck a ways down the left field line. As usually happens, the fucking Cubs lost.

I should mention that it was Jackie Robinson Day, as today was 60 years to the day when he debuted. Even if you aren’t a baseball fan, and most of you aren’t big fans, you should all know the significance of this event. Most people think he was the first black to play baseball, but that is not true. There were blacks that played in the 1800s but sometime around 1890, they were banned from playing, that is, until Jackie. He was well ahead of his time, though. Most people credit him with starting the civil rights movement. After all, this was many years before Rosa Parks and still many more before Martin Luther King. He truly transcended baseball and sports. I found out today that when he played his first game in Chicago in May 1947, over 46,000 fans packed Wrigley Field, which is a Wrigley  Field record which still stands today. In honor of Jackie, players on every team (including some whole teams, as was the case with the Dodgers) wore his number 42, which has been retired across baseball since 1997. To show how much he meant beyond baseball, Los Angeles Clippers forward-center donated one of his game worn #42 jerseys to the Jackie Robinson foundation. I always loved Elton Brand going back to his days with the Bulls and this only makes me like him even more. Kudos to him, and a million and one kudos to Jackie.