Its been a while since I went on a political rant, but here is one that is overdue. You all know I’m about as liberal as they come, but I don’t call myself a Democrat and this is the reason: Democrats are gutless, spineless pussies. Just about every single one of them, from both Clintons to Jimmy Carter to Barrack Obama to John Kerry. Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. Such big pussies, that it pisses me right the fuck off. Its safe to say that the Dems too back Congress last year because of how crappy the war has gone. They campaigned on a complete and utter lie that when they won, they would end the war. They claimed they would do this at any cost. This spring, they had the power to end the war and once again, they have failed the American people and showed their true pussy colors. Twice. Don’t get me wrong, Bush has fucked up way more than they have with this bullshit war, of course, I have been saying that since day one. What he has done is unconscionable and he should be held completely accountable (but, we know that will never happen). But, what the Dems have done is pretty fucking bad too. First, they could have not approved funding for the war at all, which would have ended the war in June of this year. Of course, they would never do that, because they would be called un-American and people would say they were against the troops. In short, it would be political suicide, if not done right and as we know, the Dems usually don’t do much of anything right. But remember, they said they would end the war at any cost and  if that were true, than losing elections because of it shouldn’t have mattered. After all, the lives of the people dying are far more important than any election. Ok, so I can almost accept that because they had another plan: they would not approve Bush’s war funding bill without a time table for leaving Iraq. As promised, Bush vetoed the bill. So what do the Democrats do? They fucking fold like a cheap and POOF! the bill is passed. Of course, Bush knew that they would cave, which is one of the main reasons why he stuck to his guns. And Dems have the audacity to ask why people think they might be weak on terror. Shit, if they can’t stand up to the worst president in history, than what chance they have against Bin Laden?

Which brings me to Jimmy Carter. He rightfully and correctly said that Bush was the “worst president in history when it comes to foreign policy. Finally, a Democrat with balls enough to stand up and speak the truth. If only he actually meant it. If only his balls had not shriveled up a couple of days later when he took back what he said. Fuck, Jimmy, you are well over 80 years old, your political career is over and you have nothing to lose, if you can’t stand behind what you say now then when can you? I thought when people got old, they were supposed to stop caring what people think of them. All of a sudden, people were saying there is an unwritten rule that former presidents aren’t supposed to criticize sitting presidents. Well, that’s news to me, because there seemed to several former Republican presidents talking smack about Pussy Clinton when he was in office.

In 2004 when John Kerry was running for president, they said he was a flip flopper because he changed his position on the war. I don’t ever think its a bad thing to change ones position on something as important as a war. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 and sometimes, you have to realize that things aren’t good and that you fucked up. Sometimes, you just have to admit you were wrong or that maybe your way is not the best way. Bush refuses to do this and Republicans say he is “consistent” and this is sign of strength and resolve. Democrats SHOULD respond that its a sign of stubbornness and arrogance. Dems need to point this out while saying that sometimes, its ok to change your mind on certain issues. Sometimes, events and time change views, as well they should. But they shouldn’t change overnight when the president vetoes a bill.

I can go more into this, but I need to go right now.

Well, today was finally the big test for the stupid boring ass class I was taking for work. I was to take the test at 2 in the pm. I arrived promptly in our HR department where they set me up in front of a computer to take the 75 question multiple choice (or in my case, multiple guess) test, for which I was given 3 hours to complete. Shit, 3 hours, that’s a LOT of time, just look at it this way, I could average 25 questions an hour and still finish on time. Its not like this is an essay test, every single question is multiple choice. But, I guess they want to make sure each person has plenty of time to fail………..I mean take the test. The test itself was kind of tough, but what made it worse was that once again, I wasn’t paying attention to the questions. I kept thinking about weird shit, for example, could I steal the speakers to the computer? I wonder what they would do if I just stuffed them in my shirt like I had a pair of tits. Then I thought about how I could pretty much masterbate right in the room here and they would never know. I mean, how would they react if they came into the room and my pants were down by by ankles and I was yankin’ away? And the test was so boring, I started to fall asleep, in fact, I could feel my head bob a couple of times. So, about an hour into the thing, I got up and walked around the room just to wake myself up. I went to the back of the room and saw the book from the first class I took. You know, I wonder? Hmmmmm. Take a wild fucking guess as to what was under that book? That’s right, the book for the class that I was taking the test for. Well shit, if they didn’t want me to cheat then they shouldn’t have left the damn book sitting right there on the other side of the room. Of course, my only problem was that I didn’t have a clue as to where I would find any of the answers. Also, what happens if I get caught cheating? I mean, its not like getting caught masterbating. I weighed the consequences of my potential actions. If I did it, would it be worth getting fired over? Hell no. Or maybe they would just fail me in the class and ban me from taking any more classes, if that is the case, it would totally be worth it. Then I thought about it, if I’m having trouble paying attention to the questions, how the hell am I going to pay attention long enough to find the answers? After all, I would feel like a total dumbass if I cheated and still flunked the test. So, I walked back to the desk and continued taking the test.  35 minutes and 2 jerk off sessions later, I was done. I pressed the button to find out what my fate was. Within seconds, I read the screen:

“We regret to inform you that you are a dumbass because you……..”

My mind drifted off to another topic for about an hour. Shit, even the results are boring. But, I think you get the picture, I failed. I got back to my desk and everybody was asking me how I did. I responded that it didn’t matter how I did, the important part was that I was finally done with this stupid fucking class. Oh, and I failed. Even though I bombed the test and it cost me $325 (the company reimburses me for the class and gives me a $100 bonus if I pass), I couldn’t be any happier knowing that I was finally done and I didn’t have to do anymore reading or studying. That being said, I have a newfound appreciation not only for college students, but also for those people that go to school and work at the same time. For example, there is an amazing lady I work with who works full time, has a husband and kids and is still finding time to take 3 (fucking 3!!!!) classes at the local junior college. And not only take them, but pass them with good grades.

In continuing with the songs on my player, I put “Bulls on Parade” on there because it is my favorite Rage Against The Machine song. For those of you that don’t know, Rage is a very political band and they are raging against the Republican machine. The song has one of my all time favorite lyrics in it “rally around the family, with a pocket full of shells” which, pretty much means that Republicans like to talk about family values and how family is so important and yet they continue to be pro gun and against gun control, making them hypocrites.  Like many of their songs, it is filled with rage and anger towards the establishment, which as you might expect, I love. I can’t listen to the song without reacting to it and making me think of how evil Republicans can be most of the time. Of course, even if you are liberal, the song might not be your style, but I’m sure the message is. And if you are a Republican well……………all I can say is when the hell are you gonna wake the fuck up and realize how evil the Republicans are?

Well, today I asked my boss for a raise, which is the first time I have ever done that at any job. See, the thing is, my boss has been in and out of the office for various reasons over the course of the past few months. She says that I am her “right hand man” and when she isn’t there, I’m her and everybody is to report to me. I feel I have handled this well and even some other supervisors have had much praise for me. My boss was also saying a few months ago that she was looking for somebody to pretty much be, what amounts to, an assistant supervisor, complete with more pay. I asked her if there was any progress on that front and she said that she and I are on the same page. What’s more is that she was just promoted a couple of weeks ago to assistant manager, leaving us to wonder if they would hire another supervisor to replace her and she said she didn’t know. I know that in a previous situation, it took them more then a year to hire another supervisor, so there is still a lot of hope for me. Nevertheless, I was kinda nervous and there was all sorts of awkwardness, which I covered up nicely with humor. Ok, at least I think it was humor, she did laugh at it.

Ever have one of those situations in which you keep biting the same part of your mouth over and over? Well, I must need to learn how to chew, because that is what keeps happening. Every couple of months, I will bite the same part of my mouth, pretty much the inside of my lip, opening a cut. Then, over the course of the next week or so, I will bite it over and over again, just irritating the absolute shit out of the sore, kind of like what a boxer does to an opponent, except as far as I know, my teeth and mouth are on the same team. Well, I was thinking of a way to stop this from happening and I came up with a disgusting solution: chewing with my mouth open! I know it is gross and not good table manners, but fuck, I can’t continue to bite down in the same spot. The thing is, do you realize how hard it is to chew with my mouth open after chewing with it closed for all of these years? So, I was eating dinner tonight, forgetting to chew with my mouth OPEN. I reminded myself when, if you can even fucking believe this shit, I bite the fuck out of my tongue! Yes, my tongue, not the same area I had been biting. So now, I’ve got this cut on my tongue and the inside of my lip. I swear to shit, my mouth should be declared a disaster area. See, I purposely set people up jokes they can use here.

As promised, I should mention more about the music player at the top of my Xanga. For those of you that are not familiar with it, you can actually pause it if you don’t want to listen, the pause is at the top right under where the name of the current song and right above the listing of songs. Because I need something to write about, I have decided to write about why I chose the songs on the player, starting with the first song I added, “American Pie”.  Those of you that know me really don’t need to know why I picked that song, but I will share with you anyway. As you might have guessed, for starters, it has long been my all time favorite song. Its even my ring tone for just about everything on my phone. I also happen to think it is one of the greatest songs of all time; I feel it is brilliantly written. I have heard rumors of what the song is about, that is about the history of rock and roll up to that point (the song came out in 1972). For example, everybody knows that the day the music died was when Ritchie Valens, Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper died in a plane crash. But, also, in the line  “the jester sang for the king and queen” the jester is supposed to be Bob Dylan, the king Elvis and the queen……………well, I don’t remember who that is supposed to be. But, you get the idea, which is part of the song’s brilliance.

I have loved the song since I was a kid, but back then I had no idea who it was or what is was called or anything about the song. Now, it means so much more to me because back in the day when we used to go watch our friend play acoustic guitar and sing that was usually the song he ended the night with. This song has gone on to almost become my anthem. When we used to go rafting, I used to get everybody to sing that song at the top of our lungs as we were getting towards the end of our rafting trip. Also, at our friend’s weddings, I would have it played and all of us that went camping and rafting together would sing and dance to it. Its almost like the unofficial song for our group of friends. Every time I hear it, it brings a smile to my face no matter what kind of mood I’m in and I have to sing along to it. At this point, and I don’t wanto sound self-centered here, but I think its safe to say that when most of my friends hear that song, it reminds them of me. In fact, the one year when I was unable to go rafting because I separated my shoulder, my friends told me that they sang the song towards the end of the trip just like I would have. Now if that is not the definition of a favorite song, than I don’t know what is.

My friend Tom, who is in Iraq, left a comment the other day bringing up a good point about Iraq. He said that even if we started leaving Iraq today with just half of the shit we brought over there, it would take us 2 years to pack up our shit and go home. Great, our military is basically, a packrat. That’s right, we are the nation version of Sanford and Son. See, but I have a plan. What does everybody do if they are going to be moving? They have a garage sale! Yes, we should hold a huge American-Iraqi garage sale, or I guess in this case, it would be a base sale. Yes, everything must go! See that tank over there? Its yours for just $750,000 or best offer. Having trouble sleeping? Well, with this hardly used American Army cot, you are sure to get a restful nights sleep. Perhaps you are an outdoorsman, well than this outdoor living tent is perfect for you. Maybe you know somebody who can’t take a good shit without being far away from everybody? Than do we have the perfect gift for that special someone on your list, its a portable latrine! Yes, its all here, from stoves to hospital beds, from computers to AK47s, we need to get rid of as much stuff as possible to help ease our withdrawal from Iraq. Anything can be had for the right price, including our president’s dignity! Presidential dignity is at an all time low, only $3.50! Don’t delay, because once we decide to leave, everything will go fast, contact us now!

Wow, I’m shocked that the Bulls went into Detroit and beat the living hell out of the Pistons. Now granted, this is only 2 wins and they still have a LOOOOOONG way to go, but if you had told me after the game 3 disaster that the Bulls would force a game 6, I never would have believed it. And yet, here we are. I still don’t think the Bulls are going to win the series, after all if it does go to 7, the Pistons have home court and the team with home court usually wins game 7. I’d like to think the Bulls will win game 6 in Chicago on Thursday, but stranger things have happened in this series. Still, it would be totally fucking sweet if the Bulls come all the way back from a 3-0 deficit to win the series. Needless to say, I’m very excited, although also realistic at the same time.

And to make me even happier, the Cubs beat the shit out of the Mets tonight. See, I hate the Pistons more than any other team in basketball, so having the Bulls beat them was great. But, I hate the Mets more than any other team in professional sports, so the Cubs creaming them makes for a great night. I wonder what’s next? Pat Robertson dying?

Have you heard the good news about Jesus? That’s right, he finally whacked Jerry Falwell! This is about as great as Pat Robertson dying: Jerry Falwell is dead!!!!! Yes, one of the worlds most hateful bigots has finally died, proving once again that even though it takes a long time, even evil people can’t cheat death forever. I guess his steady diet of Big Macs, ice cream, Oreos and gay hate pie finally caught up to him. I say they should cremate him, put his ashes in a coffin, go to the bottom of the ocean, dig for a mile and drop him in, that way he doesn’t have to go as far to get where he is headed. Before you say I’m being mean on a dead dude, keep in mind that this is the same guy that said September 11th was the fault of the gays, ACLU, abortionists, and the feminists because God was let his guard down to punish all of the above. That was just one stupid thing he has said. In dishonor of the man, here are some others:

“If you’re not a born-again Christian, you’re a failure as a human being.”

“I had a student ask me,
“Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?” Of course, we know the
blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.”
– Rev Jerry Falwell, cited in Cary McMullen,
“Falwell: Now Is the Time for Gospel,” in the Lakeland (Florida)
Ledger (November 12, 2001), quoted from Randy Cassingham, This is True (18
November 2001). Falwell added: “We visit prisoners on death row, and some of
them are saved, but we believe their sentences should be carried out because
they have a debt to society.”

“I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won’t
have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and
Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!
– Rev Jerry Falwell, America Can Be Saved,
1979 pp. 52-53, from Albert J Menendez and Edd Doerr, The Great Quotations on
Religious Freedom

“AIDS is not just God’s
punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that
tolerates homosexuals.”
– Jerry Falwell
(attributed: source unknown)

“The idea that
religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians
from running their own country”.
– Rev
Jerry Falwell, Sermon, July 4, 1976

Really, I could go on and on and on and on, but we don’t have that much time.

Well, you all probably know by now, but today the price of stamps went up to 41cents. For the record, I still think its a pretty good value, I mean after all, what other things have only gone up 40 cents in 200 years? This time though, they came out with what is called a “forever” stamp. Let me explain this one to you. Its a stamp that doesn’t have an price on it, meaning that next time they raise the cost of stamps, they won’t have to print any new ones. Also, you will be able to use the remaining stamps you have left without having to buy any 2 cent stamps. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think this is a great idea, but what the fuck took so long? We are 200 years into this thing and they are just now coming up with this idea? I mean honestly, what the fuck? Now I know what you are thinking “well Mike, you didn’t come up with the idea either.” This is true, but cut me some slack here, I have only known how to talk for about 28 or 29 years. After that, I needed to learn how to read and write and find out what a stamp is. Also, I’m not paid to come up with ideas like this, as some people within the United States Postal Service are. See, but I don’t blame them as much either, I mean, they have to be pretty busy. I blame people for the first 100+ years, they should have been all over this idea YEARS and YEARS ago. Shit, 100 years ago with no internet, no tv, no radio and shit, not much electricity, they had plenty of time to come up with ideas. Let’s face it, all they did back then was drink and fuck (ok, so they worked a lot too, I’m just thinking of their down time) at some point, couldn’t somebody come up with this one in a drunken haze? You know, every town drunk has a million ideas that sound crazy at first but are actually pretty good, say, 25 or 30 years later.  Or perhaps, maybe after some wild sex during some pillow talk, you know, before the burning sets in from fucking somebody with several stds. I guess when I think about it, I should go easy on them, after all, its not like it was an easy job, I mean its not like people lived right next to each other. Just mailing a letter from Chicago to Indianapolis took days and they were probably getting sick and dying and shit like that, just to deliver a letter. But still, you mean to tell me during these long rides from town to town, nobody ever said “Shit Sam, it sure is taking for-fucking-ever to get there. Say, you know what would be a good idea? Forever stamps!”

Fuck, I hate being busy and not having time to write a real entry. The good news though is that there seems to be a light at the end of the traffic congested tunnel. In a little more then 2 weeks, I will be done with this boring class. Also, I will be done with some of the outside house shit that THE MAN is demanding that I do (although more outdoor shit would be soon to follow) In the meantime, here is a brief synopsis of my weekend.

Thursday night was one of the most crushing defeats in my time as a Bulls fan. I really don’t need to say anymore, except that I’m glad they won today to avoid the sweep.

Friday was John’s birthday so Mark and Amy had us over for dinner. On the way, we stopped off at the store to pick up an iced cream cake. John was at the other end of the store when I found the ice cream cakes and I sat there for a few minutes trying to decide which one to get. Fuck though, they all looked so damn good, so in the age of advanced technology in which we live, I called him on my cell phone to have him choose a cake. I know I should never trust John to make a decision, because he seemed to take longer than I took to decide which one to buy. Eventually he picked one that as it turned out, totally sucked. Ok, so actually it didn’t suck at all, it was actually VERY good.

We got to Mark and Amy’s and had dinner, which was a bbq chicken pizza that Mark made on the grill. It was actually pretty damn good. Although we had a good time, there really wasn’t much to say about the night. We hung out, watched the Cubs game and the Sopranos while the twins took turns crying. I guess it was more Nate that was crying than Izzy, I shouldn’t lump her in with his crabby ass.

Yesterday was another busy day. I mowed the lawn and painted the facea on the garage, which sucks since I’m only going to be tearing it down in a couple of months. The people that live behind me have grass that is out of control along with a telephone wire that is hanging all the way down to the ground in their yard. I  mention this because while I was painting, the teenaged son was mowing the lawn while his friend literally stood there watching him mow. What was even more amusing was that for some reason, he was mowing with one hand. I swear, it must have taken him over an hour to mow the backyard, it was so long he had to keep lifting the mower over the grass. Then came the best part when his friend lifted the wire so that he could mow underneath it. You know, there is a really simple solution to all of this and best of all, the only thing you need to know to use is the phone. Just call the phone company and tell them to come out and pick their shit up. Ok, so maybe their phone doesn’t work because the line is down, but you can borrow somebody’s phone. Here, borrow mine if you need to, you fucking bumpkin!

Yesterday afternoon/evening, I went to Keith and Heather’s for a bbq and a burn. As usual, I was the first one there, partly because I’ve got nothing better to do and partly because everybody else is chronically late. The night seemed to fly by really fast. The weather could not be any better. Sure it was kinda chilly at night, but that just made it the perfect night for a burn. Mark brought his flood lights, which allowed us to play beanbags until 2 in the am. Towards the end of the night, Keith and Jt were pretty drunk which really made for a crazy game of bags. Jt had to keep pissing during the games so Keith started calling him teacup for some reason. I know it sounds lame now, but last night it was pretty damn funny. As for Keith, a couple of times he almost fell over and one time he fell right into the box, scratching (I guess it was more of a scrape) the hell out of his shin, so we started calling him shins. Oh, and I’m never one to be left out. Although I wasn’t drinking, I did manage to do something that was classic. I thought Jt and Brian were all done throwing their bags, so Keith and I bent over to pick up the bags and put them on the box when all of a sudden, a bag that Jt threw came flying in and hit me right the fuck on the head. Obviously we all forgot he had one left, but I know Jt well enough to know that once he saw us bending over, he would take this opportunity to hit one of us with the bag. Not that it wasn’t funny, it was actually funny as hell. Plus, I guess that’s what I get not knowing how to count up to 8 (there are 8 beanbags that are thrown).

Today, John and I spray painted the fence. I would write more about it, but honestly, the only thing more boring than watching paint dry is hearing about watching paint dry. Just use your imagination, I’m sure that will work just as well.

That’s all for now people, see I told you it would be brief. I feel kinda bad, I don’t update for 4 days and this was all the shit I could muster. Oh well, I guess you get what you pay for, after all, this is free to you.

It doesn’t happen often, but I’m having a little bit of writer’s block. Ok, I mean I guess I can pick any topic and write about it. After all, I can write about baseball ’til I’m purple in the face. I use purple instead of blue because purple is kinda the color of a cock head…………..ok, well maybe not purple, but its closer than blue, am I right people? In addition to baseball, I can also write about politics or religion, but I want to write about things that interest the 3 or 4 people that actually read this. I guess I could write about my day, but shit, I have been busy working and reading my stupid, boring as fuck book (I should rephrase that, as fuck is not boring……….lets just saying boring as pissing) for work. And really none of that is too exciting. The book is boring me to tears and I’m tempted to give up, the thing is I get a $100 bonus and I’m refunded the cost for the class (another $250) if I pass, so that is my only motivation to keep going. I take the test on May 30 and still have nearly 200 pages to read. Also, I have to manage to study for the test as well, which is going to be bad because I haven’t paid a damn bit of attention as to what I have been reading. A guy at work took the test yesterday for the same class and failed it, which isn’t very reassuring. However, he also told me he didn’t read the book, but instead just studied from the practice test. I’m thinking of going that route, since I’m not getting anything out of the reading anyway and time is quickly becoming an issue. That being said, I am determined to finish the book, but each time I read it, I find myself more and more tempted to say “fuck it” and just start studying. Also, if anybody has the answers to the test, I’m willing to pay as much as 81 cents for the answers!

Wow, look at that. I thought I had nothing to write about and still I managed to get a whole paragraph out of my boring ass day. Sucks to be you if you wasted time reading about it.

I’m so disgusted right now. The Bulls can not do anything with those fuckers from Detroit. They looked awful in game one and looked so pissed after losing………….no, after getting their asses handed to them. So, what happens in game 2, they look almost as bad and don’t stand a chance. Now as you probably know, I HATE the Detroit Pistons with ever fiber of my being. That being said, they are a great team and much better than the Bulls, inspite of the fact that the Bulls won 3 of 4 during the regular season. This is the playoffs and things are always different in the playoffs. The Bulls look nothing like the team that beat Miami, the defending champs, in the first round. I expected the Bulls to lose to the Pistons, but I assumed they would at least be competitive and interesting during the series. At this point, they don’t stand a chance. Now I know things can be different once they get home, but they still have to win a game in Detroit to win the series and after seeing these first 2 games, I can’t see how they are even going to be close if (and this is a very BIG If) they manage to take the series back to Detroit. I know fans of other teams probably have no sympathy (not that I’m asking for it, because I’m not) for us Bulls fans, seeing as the Bulls won 6 championships in the 1990s. But, that doesn’t mean I still don’t want to see my team win. I still root just as hard for them and live and die with them regardless of what they have or have not won. I make no secrets, I want the Cubs to win a World Series more than seeing the Bulls or Bears win a championship, but I still burn for the Bulls. The best way to explain it is that its an investment, you invest so much time and hope into a team and the reward is when (and if, especially in the Cubs case) they win it all, that is the big payoff. And when the Bulls lose in the playoffs, especially to a team I hate as much as the Pistons and especially the way they lose, its very frustrating. I always say I would rather my team lose a close, heartbreaking game than get blown out as if they didn’t deserve to be there. Sure, a heartbreaking loss is tough to swallow and frustrating, but losing by thrashing is tough too. I just kept waiting for them to go on a run tonight and take the lead or at least make it interesting, even though I knew that it was never going to happen. The point is, I still had hope. After the disaster of these first 2 games, I have little hope for them winning this series.

I forgot something about Friday night that was classic Dave. We walk out of his house to go to the poker tournament and what should I see on the roof of his car? The keys! That’s right, Dave was keeping the damn keys on the top of the car. It reminded me of when we worked the haunted house years ago and how he would park his car in the middle of this field and leave the keys under the damn car. Now I know nobody would ever think to look under the car for the keys, but when you leave them on top of the car…………well, you are just inviting them to take the damn thing, at least for a joyride.

Yesterday Dave called me up at about 2 in the pm. He wanted to go to the nearest OTB and throw some money down on the Kentucky Derby. So, being one that doesn’t often turn down a chance to gamble, I picked him up and we headed to an OTB in Joliet. Now, I knew it would be busy, what with it being the biggest racing day of the year. But, we arrived and the parking lot was FUCKING PACKED. In fact, they ran out of room in the lot and we had to park on an access street and walk a little bit. This place as huge and there were wall to wall people. That being said, it really didn’t take that long to get our bets placed. Since I had a birthday party to go to, we had to leave right away, well before the race. On the way back to the car, we were stopped by an older Asian couple who asked us why there were so many cars and people around. We told them it was because of the Kentucky Derby and the responded with the line of the year” “Oh, the Kentucky Derby is here?”. Yeah dip shit, and the Boston Marathon is held in Topeka Kansas.

I dropped Dave off and had to head to the party which was in Lakewood Falls. The only problem is that not only did I not have the address, but I also didn’t have directions. Dave didn’t know where it was, but when I told him it was near Jt’s house, he gave me an idea of how to get there. Normally, I don’t trust Dave’s directions but when I called John to give me directions, he sounded about as clueless as I was. So, I sort of followed what Dave said until I came to a couple of streets that John told me about. I managed to drive right past the house before recognizing John’s car. I guess I should mention that this was a 40th birthday party for my cousin. We needed a couple of more coolers, so John and I went home to get them and so that I could drop my car off. This meant that I was able to drink and yadda yadda yadda, I got drunk, spilled my beer on one of my other cousins and that was the night. Ok, so that makes it seem like she was pissed or that it ended the night, it really didn’t, but there was nothing else too exciting to write about.