Month: May 2007

  • Tonight was my big poker tournament to benefit the American Cancer Society. Yeah, the same American Cancer Society that banned me from one of their events 2 years ago. That’s a long story that I’m not going to get into, however you can go back to June of 2005 and read all about it. Anywho, it started at 7 with dinner at 6. At the last second……….and I mean the last second, Dave texted me about 10 to 5 saying that he was in, which was funny because he kept saying that he did not want to play for charity. But, I guess in the end, gambling is gambling, so why not? Plus, this was a good way to gage how good we actually are at poker. I told him I would pick him up about 5:30, since he had not paid yet he would need to pay at the door, so I wanted to make sure that there was a spot for him. I arrived promptly at 5:30 which meant that we left about 10 to 6. Now, it was in Joliet, so it was not that far of a drive. We stopped off at Walgreens so he could use the cash station and I could buy pretzel rods……………I can’t play poker without Rold Gold pretzel rods. For some reason, though, they were out of rods. And since we were almost out of time, I had to go without them. I swear, its just not the same without rods. When we went in, it was not raining, yet we were in the Walgreens for not even 5 minutes and came out to discover that it was raining, which really sucked because I left my window open. Still, I’m hoping for lots of rain, after  all, it is the only way for the shit that I planted to grow (even though, I know they won’t grow).

    Anywho, we made it to the poker place about 6:15. They had some raffles and shit that we could do. For example, you pay $10 and have what’s called a 50/50. Those of you that go to Bulls games might be familiar with this. Its raffle, in which have the money raised goes to charity, the other half goes to the prize winner. Another thing they were doing is you pay $5 and if you have the highest called hand at the end of the night, you win that jackpot (although, I think some of the money goes to charity). As it turned out, none of the money went to me, as I bought into both, but did not win either. The buy-in for the game itself was $100, which I had already paid.

    We walked in and of course, I went straight for the food. They had some really good beef sandwiches, which I wound up having 3 of. I got assigned to table #8, Dave was at table 3 and Rusty was at table 5………….unless he was at one of the other tables, I really don’t remember, the point is that the 3 of us were all at sperate tables. There wound up being 8 tables with about 8-10 people per table. I thought there might be a younger crowd, but it turns out there were a lot older guys. I would guess most of the guys were in their 30s and 40s, some in their 50s, even a couple (but very few) in their 60s and only a handful in their 20s. There were also only a few females playing as well. I was at a table with some good guys, one of whom looked a helluva lot like former Cubs pitcher Greg Maddux. We started playing about 7:10. This was by far and away the biggest game I have ever been a part of, so I was concerned about how good I would do. I won the first hand which really got my confidence up. As it turned out, I would go on to win 3 of the first 4 hands. I never want to be that asshole that bullies and bets big at the start of the game, but I wound up being that guy for the first few hands, because, hey, I had the cards. I even had Ace/King on back to back hands, I won the first hand and lost the 2nd. I quickly cooled off, but it was nice to get off to a good start.

    We took a break about an hour into the game. I was holding my own at that point, Rusty was a little down and Dave seemed to be on a roll. He told me that he was at a table with a bunch of rookies who had not played much. This might sound good, but the problem there is that those types of players don’t know when to fold, so they wind up staying in on hands they have no business staying in. Because of this, they tend to win hands that normally, aren’t hands one would win on. But, up to this point, Dave was doing very well. As for myself, I was starting to get a little down when finally, more then an hour and a half after we started, the first players from my table lost. We were down to just 5 at our table. It was right about then when I heard my name announced. Turns out, I won a door prize, which was a Texas Hold-em poker set along with 4 decks of World Series of Poker cards. They are very nice, good quality cards.

    Anywho, back to the game. Shortly after we came back from our 10 minute break, Rusty wound up losing. We wound up having 2 people from another table join us, one of them was a guy who was short stacked (meaning, he didn’t have a lot of chips) and a lady who was kicking ass. We had a hand in which 3 guys went all in and I called them, leaving me with just a few chips if I were to lose. This was pre flop (meaning, before the community cards are dealt up) and also, the lady called us as well. I had a good hand, a Jack and a Queen. It was kinda of crazy while everybody tried to figure out who would win which pot, since the guys that were all in could not win as much as me or the lady could. Honestly, this took about 5-10 minutes to sort it all out, but finally, we saw a flop. A jack came up on the flop, which was good for me. However 2 Queens came up on the flop and in the end, the rich got richer as the lady with most of the chips had a Queen and beat the rest of us. After that hand, we had just 3 or 4 people left at our table, so we all split up and were sent to different tables. I wound up at a the table Rusty had been at. I checked in on Dave, he was down to just one $500 chip. Even though he had one chip and I had a lot more chips, he still had more money than me. Things were not looking good for us, Dave kept saying that he was down to just a chip and a chair. As for me, I didn’t even have enough to cover the blind, but I have seen people make miracle comebacks being that far down. Did either one of us have a miracle in us?

    I sat down at my new table and looked around the room. Within the past 15 minutes, we lost a LOT of players. In fact, it looked like we were down to about 30-40 people, which means that more than half were out. I felt pretty good about myself then, knowing that I had done more than just show up and donate. Still, I knew things were not looking good for me at all. The first hand at my new table, I was dealt a Jack and 8 of diamonds. Not the best hand to stake all that I had left on, but not a bad hand either. After all, they were both the same suit, which gave me the chance for a flush, also, they were was is called “connecters” which means they have a potential for a straight. And of course, a Jack is a high card, so that was another plus. The minimum bet was $400, but this was totally a chance I had to take. I had 2 guys call me, which means that if I win this hand, I would triple my money. Really, this was a good way to get back into the game, or at least find a way to outlast another 5 or 6 people. Soon, the flop came and it was nothing that I could use. Neither of the other 2 guys bet, which was a good sign for me. Next came the turn and the river, and still nothing I could use, but no betting. At this point, I had a Jack high and I knew I was toast. My fears were confirmed when the guy next to me turned up his pair of sixes and I was done. I stood up and looked across the room at Dave and saw him stand up. We had both gone out at about the exact same time. We sat around for a few minutes talking to Rusty before we left.

    We stopped off at Mark and Amy’s for a couple of beers before heading home. All in all, it was a pretty good time, I look forward to doing it next year.

  • If you haven’t seen this yet, well, then you missing out. Its a video of Bush dancing with some African natives. At least, I think they are African natives, you be the judge:

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qw16lhdoUB4&mode=related&search=

    The videos I pulled up on YouTube don’t do the dancing and the faces he makes justice. I saw this on a normal tv and it was much funnier on there. But, you can still sort of appreciate it on YouTube. I don’t care who you are, this is bipartisan fun. If you are one of those dumb ass Republicans who think this video is just “the liberal media making fun of Bush” then you need to lighten the fuck up. If you are one of the many people who have a proper hating of Bush and you say that he has more important things to do then you are just missing out on another chance to laugh at him. Watch it, its funny.

    Its been a crushing week. First, I get those code violations. And now this: once again, I have been left off People Magazine’s list of the 50 most beautiful people. What the fuck people? I mean, how can they say no to this

    Just try telling me that is not all sorts of hot. The people on the list must be like so hot, they would make the sun melt. Is it possible I’m #51 on the list? I must be, because there is no way there are 5999999951 hotter people than me. After all, I’m sure people has a whole team of people that go around looking at every single person on the planet and then they use a whole rating system to determine hotness, otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair. I think I missed the day when they came to my house, I must not have been home. Oh well, I guess there is always next year.

  • This post is going to be a rant. That is because with the weather getting warmer comes what just might be by biggest pet peeve: loud ass motorcycles. I have a neighbor that has one of these motorcycles. A few years back, he used to sit there on a Saturday morning, usually between 6am and 8am and rev his engine on his Harley for 20 fucking minutes. I guess he was working on it, but still, you mean to tell me you couldn’t work on the thing at noon? What the fuck? When we were kids, my mom would not let us outside until 10 am because she was worried that we might wake the neighbors, which I always understood, even when I was a kid. Now the guy no longer does it, but he still does ride the bike, he just doesn’t rev it for a long time and usually its not that early in the morning (although, I’ve probably spoken too soon, it will probably happen this weekend). Of course, if he doesn’t do it, there is still a lot of people that ride by on their loud ass Harley’s that you can hear for miles. Why do they need to be so damn loud? Is it a show of manhood? If you have a loud motorcycle, is it supposed to prove that you have a big cock? Or are they just compensating for the small penis and having a loud motorcycle is supposed to make up for this? You have a small dick, we get it. Somebody told me once that they have a loud bike because its a “note” that they are trying to hit. That’s funny, because I always thought notes were for singing and music. What even funnier is that there is a debate about if there should be a law making helmets mandatory. I totally support them, I don’t believe they should be forced to wear helmets, after all, if somebody doesn’t want to wear one, its their own damn business. I mean, if some tiny-cocked dumbass gets in a motorcycle wreck and splits their head right the fuck open, how does that affect me or anybody else? But, making their bike as loud as they want is perfectly legal, even though their loud ass piece of shit bike disturbs everybody within a 12 state radius. How the fuck do they get away with it? And its not only when I’m trying to sleep. I can’t watch tv with the windows open because of these loud fucks. Or if I’m talking on the phone in the front of the house with the door or window open? Well, I might as well just hang up, because nobody can fucking hear me. And again, I ask, what is the appeal? Does this loud ass bike somehow get them pussy? Are you trying to tell me that a Harley is a magic pussy machine, ride it and thou shall have a plethora of pussy? The funny part is that I know the answer and of course, it is yes, these guys always have chicks with them or they have girlfriends/wives/hookers that they are in a relationship with. My question is, what is the appeal of a guy with a loud ass bike? I mean, for the guy, its easy, the bike gets you laid and because its so loud, it drowns out the voice of the chick nagging you to stop and get directions. But for the chicks, what is the damn appeal? You know they have tiny cocks because they have to compensate with this Harley. Also, they probably don’t have money, since all of it is spent on this bike and leather chaps and biker jackets. Also, have you ever seen a biker dude that even looks like he has showered within the past week? I’m not saying they should smell like roses, but would it kill them not to smell like  a locker room for 5 damn minutes? Ok, so maybe its the whole bad boy image of a biker, but can’t you get that with a guy that drives a muscle car? Or how about the guy that robs your house while you are at work, its not like he is trying to make a getaway with your shit on a Harley? Look, I’m not saying they need to stop riding motorcycles, whatever they do is none of my business. I just think they should think about somebody besides themselves when they decide to make their bike loud enough to break the sound barrier. I betcha they are all Republicans too. Fuckers.