Just a quick post. My damn piece of shit computer died! Or at least, the hard drive died. It is still under warranty and I should get it up and going within a couple of days. Until then, fuck computer!

So I was at the gas station to night filling up and sending a text message when I hear somebody call “hey” from behind me. I turn around and its a couple of guys in an SUV. Now, I’m sure you have all had something like this happen to you before. This is how the conversation went.

SUV Jackass: “We just picked up some speakers off the street, you know, for like a stereo in your house. We just found them off the street. You want them?”
Me sounding excited and interested (and this is probably why I’m going to get my ass kicked someday): Ohhhhh, really? Speakers. Hmmm……….Interesting.”

I could sense that he got a little excited at the prospect of a sale.

Me (still excited): “Yeah……………I’m gonna go head and say no.”

I could see an instant look of disappointment on his face and his friend laughing at my response.

SUV Jackass: “Oh. Well, that was a very good response. Sure you aren’t interested, these are great $2500 speakers we want to sell.”

Me: “Sell? You mean, you want to give me money to take them from you?”

Again, I’m surprised that I haven’t gotten my ass kicked at least one time in my life.

SUV Jackass: “Me pay you? No, you have to pay me, just like you could pay me for sex. Do you want to pay me for sex?”

Me:.”Sex eh? I’m gonna pass on that as well, but it sounds like you got yourself quite a business. Perhaps you can have some sort of sex and speaker deal. Good luck with the sex and the speakers though, I’m sure you will find a taker.”

See, there are a couple of ways to look at this situation. Normal people would be bothered, or even scared at the fact that there are people out there selling stuff in this manner on the street. Not me though. Than again, I’m not normal. See, what I’m thinking is “what the hell kind of fucking vibe am I putting off that makes people think that I might be in the market for some stolen speakers.” I  mean, honestly, do I really look like the type? I don’t look like a gangster or a criminal. I’m 5’6, 135lbs, with girly arms,  wear glasses, dress shitty and drive a Cavalier, none of that exactly screams out mafia or thug. What would make them see the site of a guy lookin like that and say to each other “Yo Bobby, I think that punk ass might be our man.” Or is it maybe that I might look gullible enough to fall for them selling stolen goods on the street? See, I still don’t think I do, although I’m not the smartest guy around, I at least look smart. See, the stereotype for small guys with glasses is that they are smart because they can’t exactly use their size to bully people. That being said, I still have to wonder “what the fuck?”

All right, this is exciting news people. There are 11 7-Elevens across the country that have converted to Kwik-E Marts because of the Simpsons movies. They will be selling products from the Simpsons, such as Buzz Cola and Krusty O’s cereal. The nearest one to me is in Chicago, so you bet your sweet yellow ass that I will be going at some point before the movie opens. The only thing I was disappointed in was that none of the 11 cites are named Springfield. If you ask me, every town in America named Springfield should have one. Sure, I know they want to do it in all the big cities to reach as many people as possible. But, how can they not have it in at least one Springfield? Anywho, here is the link:

http://www.7-eleven.com/kem_chi.asp

While 7-Eleven was making me happy, I have now added another company to my “FUCK YOU” List The list is basically a mental list I have come up with of places that I will never patronize again. For example, because of their various business practices, Wal-Mart is on that list. Also because of a very bad experience I had, GM is on that list. Mcdonalds is not yet on the list, but it is close, in fact, I think it is a rising star and might be on my FUCK YOU List in the future. But, they have a lot to do to catch up to this horrible fast so called food place: Pizza Hut. Recently, I was at a Cubs-Sox party and because my friend is too cheap to order real pizza but also has too much pride to ask people to contribute, he ordered from The Hut. Not only did it taste like complete shit, but it also bothered my stomach and “kept me busy” if you know what I mean. Now I should explain that when I was growing up, I liked Pizza Hut. I liked it a lot, in fact, up until about 10 years ago, which is when I was awoken to what real pizza is. Those of you that live in the Chicagoland area know that Pizza Hut isn’t even from the same planet as such great places as Giordano’s, Lou Malnati’s or Geno’s, among many others. Once I started eating from those places, it started to mark the end for Pizza Hut. Although those places cost much more money, they really are worth it. For example, you can cheap it up with certain things, like mustard or even toilet paper, but certain things need to be of a certain standard. My thinking is that if you are going to waste the calories and eat unhealthy, you might as well eat something that is the best quality, right? Also, even though a pizza from Giordano’s is $5 than Pizza Hut, its still a pretty good value. Think about it, a crap pizza from The Hut might cost $8.99 and can feed 3-4 people. Giordano’s, its $13.99 and feeds the same amount, which is still about $5 a person after tax and tip. Try going out to a restaurant and paying only $5 a person. And the difference in quality is amazing. Its like going from driving a 1987 Chevette to a 2007 Lexus with not nearly as much of the cost.

See, the way I see it, pizza has certain levels. At the top level, you have your Giordano’s, Lou’s and so forth. Next you have some really good local places that are in all towns. After that, you have the secondary places in town which are decent, but a little off. Next you have the frozen pizza, which are slightly below average, but ironically really really good when you are drunk or hung over.  Next you have the any of the top level pizzas that has been partially eaten, dropped on the floor, stepped on and thrown in the garbage for a day and a half. You can pick it up out of the garbage, see that it looks kind of funny and have a bit of a funk to it, but yet, it still is above Pizza Hut. The next level is cafeteria pizza, which is really only good if you are
a kid, and even then its not very good, but at least they make it
healthy. Next is shit on a stick, which although is not even a food, still would taste much better than Pizza Hut and you probably still would not get nearly as sick as you would get from just one piece of Pizza Hut. Finally at the very bottom is Pizza Hut, which I would only even consider eating if I was starving to death and there was literally nothing else left in the world to eat. And I mean nothing else, I would honestly resort to cannibalism before I was forced to eat Pizza Hut. Yes people it is that bad. Its so bad that I don’t know how it is legal for them to have the word pizza in their name. Some big wig exec at Pizza Hut has to be giving somebody from the FDA the greatest fucking, complete with multiple orgasms, screaming and crying afterwards on a daily basis to even still be considered pizza.

Of course, my problem is that my friends and family have no problem with The Hut. Even my brother, John, who is almost as big of a pizza snob as me, has no problem with Pizza Hut. My friends just think I’m being picky. Sure, they all have kids and for kids, Pizza Hut is great. But, again, I have to say if you just upgrade a little to even one of the local places, you can still have a good meal at a decent price. Look, I’m not saying you have to order from Giordano’s every time. But at least spring for the local places. One of my goals in life now is to never have Pizza Hut again, even if free. I would rather pay for other pizza than get paid to eat Pizza Hut. So if I’m at a party and we are all going to order pizza, I will just order my own pizza from one of the other local places and if anybody wants to join me, than they are more than welcome. But I simply will not force feed myself another shit piece of Pizza Hut only to wind up in the fucking bathroom a half hour later. I could tolerate the bathroom thing if the pizza at least tasted good. But, Pizza Hut doesn’t even come close to tasting good, which makes its popularity that much more baffling. And when you think about how unhealthy it is, that makes it even worse. For example, one slice of pepperoni pan pizza has 400 calories, 21 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, and get this, 900 milligrams of sodium. Now to be fair, I’m sure most other pizza places are about the same with regards to nutrition or lack there of. But, if you are going to eat that unhealthy, you might as well make it taste good. About the only good thing is the cost, which in my opinion, is not worth it. So for this, I say FUCK YOU, Pizza Hut!