Van Halen is playing in town tonight with David Lee Roth for the first time in 22 years. Now I’m a huge Van Halen fan and that is why I can’t believe I had only a Van Hagar song on my play list and not anything from Roth. I have limited my songs on my play list to one per artist, but with Roth and Hagar, Van Halen is like 2 different bands. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Van Halen with Sammy, but have always preferred them with Roth, I just think they are better. Although I think its bullshit that they dumped bassist Michael Anthony for Eddie Van Halen’s son, I still think its cool that they are touring again with Dave. A local radio station here in Chicago was playing all of the Roth Van Halen albums in their entirety today and I had the chance to catch most of their classic 1984 album. It has been such a long time since I heard that album that I almost forgot how great it was. I swear, its one great song after the other. Jump from the 1984 album was the first Van Halen song I ever heard and instantly I loved it. I remember watching the video over and over and seeing Eddie Van Halen smiling so much in the video that I thought it was it was odd. My brother used to always say that he was smiling because he was happy and loved what he did for a living. Of course, at 8 years old, I didn’t quite understand that, but now, it totally makes sense. Although I think it will be surprising if Van Halen completes the tour without killing Dave, if they do, I hope they don’t make an album again. I just really believe that their best music is far behind them and they should probably stay retired from recording. I know that might sound crazy, but just look at the Stones, as much as I love them, they probably should have stopped making albums years ago.

I’m excited that the Colorado Rockies have made it to the World Series. Going into the playoffs, if the Cubs couldn’t win it (and believe me, they Cubs can never win it…………or so it seems) I was pulling for the Rockies. Although the Cubs are my clear cut favorite team, the Rockies have been probably my third favorite team. See, my sister lived in Denver for years and years until she moved last year to Golden, Colorado, home of the Coors brewery. Anywho, before the team had even played a game, she had sent Mark and I Colorado Rockies t-shirts, which I still have, roughly 16 years after getting it. I remember wearing the shirt to school and trying to convince one kid that they were an actual real team that wasn’t going to start play for another year. He didn’t believe me, but part of that, much like today, I was always making shit up. Not that I’m one of those people that tells stories to try to impress, I just always tell stories that are so over the top and ridiculous that you know they aren’t true, stories like writing a song about a guy with a mannequin fetish (I finished the first verse today). Anywho, I digress. I’ve also been a fan of the Denver Broncos for years and years as well and even the Nuggets to a lesser extent. I guess its just because my sister lives out there. Anyway, this Rockies team is a great story and is very compelling, even if you aren’t a huge baseball fan. They were pretty much left for dead at the start of September, but somehow came out of nowhere and won 13 of their last 14 to force a one game playoff against the San Diego Padres. In that game, they go into the bottom of the 11th down by 2 against arguably the greatest closer in the history of baseball. They somehow manage to score 3 runs and win. They then sweep the Philadelphia Phillies in the first round of the playoffs before sweeping the Arizona Diamondbacks in the NLCS to go to their first World Series. That gives them an amazing 21 wins in their last 22 games. This is already one of the greatest runs in the history of professional sports, if they do go on to sweep the World Series (and that is a big if because either team they play, the Red Sox or Indians are very good teams) it will go down as quite possibly the greatest accomplishment in the history of team sports. What makes the story even more compelling is that they had a minor league first base coach, 35 year old Mike Coolbaugh, killed when hit by a foul ball in a game back in July. The big league Rockies have voted his family a full share of their playoff bonus, which means that the further they go, the more money his family gets. I’m not one to believe in the paranormal, ghosts or divine intervention, but this has got to make you wonder. I mean, every break is going this team’s way. Their mere presence in the World Series is so improbable that it has to make you wonder. I hope they can keep it up.

All right people, this is it; I’ve had an epiphany of sorts.  I’ve finally found out what I want to do with my life. After years and years of searching, I now know what I need to do: write a song about a guy who has a mannequin fetish. Oh, it may sound crazy, but when you find out what you were meant for, it always seems crazy at first when you start to tell people. I’m sure people thought Walt Disney was nuts when he said he wanted to create a talking mouse. Or when the Wright Brothers decided to make airplanes. And I’m sure lots of people thought Da Vinci was out of his gourd when he invented the blow job, but yet here we are. Just think, 50 years ago, I will be as respected as Edison because I created something that will have such an influence on the world. Now I know you might be saying “Mike, you always say you are going to do something and never follow through.” Well, to show that I’m serious, I have quit my job. And because I don’t want to be tempted to go back to my job, I burned bridges. And I don’t mean that in the metaphoric way, I actually burned a bridge at my job that connects two parts of the office. Yeah, legally I can’t come within 500 yards of the place. Also, I don’t want any other distractions, so I’ve disowned my family. I know that might sound a bit harsh, but can I honestly get any work done if they are always bothering me. I mean, the other night, my sister called me up to say she wants to divorce her husband; like I give a shit about that, I’ve got more important things to worry about, like the chorus of the song. I’m tellin you people, this song is going to be bigger than that one Captain and Teneille song…………uhhhhh, “Enter Sandman”? I will get mass props from everybody. Weird Al will ask to open for me. That’s right people, I will be so huge, he will be opening for me. Malls will be shut down because they won’t be able to handle the crowds of people beating down the doors. Dudes with mannequin fetishes will be so grateful that they no longer have to hide in shame that they will name their first 3 born after me, even if they are girls. The song will be so successful, that Michael Bolton will do a remake that will make him bigger than Jesus, only to have him fall from grace when people remember that he is Michael Bolton and he still sucks. And I will be taking you all along on the gravy train, and just to make you feel like you aren’t freeloading, I will let you massage my feet and pre chew my food for me. Ohhhh, what a great time its going to be, aren’t you all so excited you can’t contain yourselves?

Ok, obviously the above is all total bullshit. What can I say, I didn’t have much to post about today.

Went to a party at the Compound yesterday, it was fun, but not a whole heck of a lot to talk about. Today Scooty had his daughter baptized and although I skipped the baptism, I went to the after party at his house. What I find totally funny is that he is supposed to be an Atheist, yet he had his daughter baptized. I questioned him on this and he said that he considers it a “right of passage.” I swear, sometimes Scooty is half assed…………..no, whole assed backward.

The other night I started chatting with this guy online. We really hit it off and he called me on the phone. The phone conversation was…………….very odd to say the least. He told me some information about himself that, well, honestly, scared me off. I can not comprehend how or why a guy would tell somebody that stuff the first time time talking to them, especially if you want the guy to like you. I’m not going to go into detail on this blog about what he told me, but it was crazier than you could ever imagine. Needless to say, I haven’t heard from him since.

I’ve got a headache. I’m gonna go now.

This going to be a brief post. Congress is trying to pass a resolution that condemns the genocide in Turkey back in 1915. Bush won’t sign it, which is good and bad. I mean, it was a genocide for shit sake. On the other hand, the whole thing is being raised because of, and I’m not making this up, the Armenian lobbyists in Washington. Its frustrating because that is what rules politics is lobbyists and money. The other thing is, it was a genocide that happened nearly 100 years ago, don’t we have bigger, more urgent problems to work on? And instead of going back to focus on a genocide that happened 92 years ago that you can not do anything to stop now, how’s about doing something to stop the current genocide in Darfur? I want to stress that I’m not saying we should go into Darfur, but I’m just saying that we can do more than what we have already done. I really wish I had more time to get into this, but I have to go.

See now that the Cubs are out of my life (at least until the spring) I’ve got more time to write. Of course, I will still watch the playoffs and World Series, and there is still football and at the end of the month, basketball, but those won’t demand as much of my time as the Cubs. Speaking of the Cubs, the past few days have really made me realize how low White Sox fans and Cardinal fans truly are. They just can’t stop heckling me about the Cubs. You would think that each of their teams winning the World Series the past couple of years would give them gratification enough to not even bother wasting their time with the Cubs, but I guess that’s not true. All I can say is that when the Cubs win the World Series, I will be too excited and overcome with happiness to even focus on those sub human Sox fans and Cardinal fans. If only all these Sox fans were as classy as Keith was about it; all last week he kept telling me to keep believing in the Cubs. Wait a minute, telling me to believe in the Cubs is almost worse than ripping on them, after all, the believing in the team is what got me in this mess to begin with. Oh well, at least Keith offered his honest and genuine condolences when they lost.

You all remember my loser cousin from the Sept. 1, 2007 post (and several other posts over the past few years). You know the cousin who I hate with every fiber of my being? Well, I’ve got good news. Ok, maybe not good news, I guess it just depends who you are. I found out recently that he has tumors on his kidney that may be cancerous. So, maybe I’m a little bit…………..how should I say? Un-sad about this turn of events. Ok, maybe the more accurate term is happy, seeing as when I found out about this, I let out an enthusiastic YES!!! and pounded on the table with excitement. What can I say, it was during one of the Cubs playoff games, so I was already pumped up about the game. Still, I can’t help but wonder, is it wrong for me to be this happy about his problem? Certainly, I know its not good karma to take joy in the misfortune of others. Hell, the only other person I hate is my mother’s sister and I don’t know how happy I will be when she finally “kicks it old school.” But the difference between her and my cousin is that although she talks shit about me to my relatives, she basically leaves me alone. She doesn’t prank call me, doesn’t show up threatening me and doesn’t break beer bottles in my backyard. I guess I should explain that last one, a few weeks ago after the run in with my cousin,  I found a broken beer bottle in my backyard. I was wondering who did it when Dave brought up a good point: maybe it was my cousin. That makes the most amount of sense, after all, he is an alcoholic, is nuts and I had recently had a run in with him. I’ve gotten to a point with him where every time there is a prank call, I wonder if it is him. If something happens to my house or any of our cars, I wonder if it is him. I have to almost look over my shoulder when I leave the house because there is a chance he might show up. When you take all of this into consideration, I think being happy that he is incapacitated and maybe even dying is not a bad reaction. I mean, I’m not saying I’m hoping he dies. All I’m saying is that I just want him to leave me alone and if death or a horrible disease is the only way that guarantees him leaving me alone, than so be it. Still, it makes me wonder, should I move to France and become a nun? I mean, honestly, it would be quite a transition, going from Atheist to Catholic nun. Just think, I won’t have to waste time trying to decide what I’m going to wear. Plus, nobody ever blames a nun for anything, except maybe beating Catholic schoolchildren, but I was planning on beating them anyways. And I would finally be able to use that nun’s bumper sticker I stole off that old man’s truck. And everybody loves when nuns try to predict the outcome of sporting events. Ahhhh, nuns, religion’s version of Jimmy the Greek. Anywho, where was I? Oh, I know, stay out of my booze people! Oh, and since my cousin is completely incapable of change, why shouldn’t his demise make me at least a little bit happy?

There has been a lot of talk recently about race in America. Actually, come to think of it, there has always been a lot of talk about race in America, since………..well, forever. As I’m sure you all know, I always been a big opponent of racism and bigotry of any and all kinds. A lot of you probably have heard of the case in Jena, La. If not, then you can read all about the case here:

http://jena6.vesana.com/thecase

You can also check out John Mellencamp’s wonderful song and video about the case on his website:

http://www.mellencamp.com/

And there is another very troubling case which was brought to my attention by Iron Knee, you can read about it on his Xanga by clicking on the link under my subscriptions. Just a little background on it, a 14 year old black boy who was serving time in a detention center died due to what amounts to mistreatment by the so-called guards and nurse at the facility.

The thing about race is that nobody ever wants to talk about it. It is a taboo subject in the truest sense. People are afraid they are going to offend somebody and companies are afraid they are going to get sued by saying or doing the wrong thing. A lot of this is based on the fact that there are many socially retarded people in the world, such as myself. Granted, I usually don’t say things about other races to offend, but you get the idea about other socially retarded people. Just the slightest thing is taken the wrong way and offends people. Something like “Sally, I hear you are dating a black man. Is it true that once you go black, you don’t go back? Is this why you have been walking bull legged recently?” Next thing you know, Sally is hurt and pissed and her boyfriend who actually is white is on his way to kick some mothingfucking ass. Or the dumbass at work who asks if the reason why you don’t eat chocolate cake is because of the color. People are just so ignorant, they can’t control what they are saying because they were raised by other racist fucks and as we know, racist people have racist children. I guess its kinda like how fat people have fat children. Of course, its not like they can just go on some sort of racial diet in which they listen to Snoop Dogg, watch old reruns of the Jeffersons and start following Jesse Jackson around and POOF! all of a sudden, you are no longer racist. Its a whole process of having an open mind. And I don’t mean the kind of open mind that leads to threesomes with your best friend and his girlfriend, but I mean the kind of open mind in which you get to know blacks. Relate to them, see that they are just like you: open-minded enough to have a threesome with your best friend and his girlfriend.  See,  what it comes down to is that  blacks and white and people of  all other backgrounds are all the same; we all want  to be happy and live a  gratifying life  for us and our families.

But the the best part is the back pedaling, by saying things like “well, I don’t have a racist bone in my body.” What the hell is that supposed to mean, not a racist bone in my body? As if people have actual racist bones. Charlie is not really racist, but stay clear of his right knee cap, its extremely racist, it hates blacks. Oh, and the bottom of his right testicle has a big problem with the Jews. And when a person is discovered to be racist, they have to always submit their “racial resume”. You know what I mean. They all of a sudden start listing the black people (or other group they are racist against) or black situations they are familiar with. Things like “Oh, I’m not racist, I totally nailed this black cheerleader in high school” or “I have lots of colored friends at bingo, I even let them sit at the table next to me” or “I can’t possibly be racist, I love Michael Jordan.” See, that last type pisses me off, because not only are they racist, but they are also hypocrites and the type that would give free shit to famous people just because they are famous. The black person should be avoided and treated like a second class citizen unless they are a celebrity, if that is the case then they have obtained the same status as normal white people. All blacks deserve to be treated the same way as you treat everybody else.

Of course, much of the racism stems from either the fear of the unknown or in some cases, a bad experience with somebody of that background. The key to overcoming it is learning about others. If somebody commits a hate crime against a black, as part of the sentence, that person should have to take a black history class so they can learn and maybe even appreciate the great contributions of blacks. Also, we as a society needs to stop suppressing discussions of race. These things need to be brought to the forefront in a frank and adult way and differences talked out and then find a way to meet on a common ground. I know it seems hopeless because there are still a lot of racist people out there, but we can be brought closer together. I’ve always believed that as a society, hatred of others based on race, gender, sexual orientation, age and religion does nothing but hold the entire society back from achieving greater things. Just imagine how many problems we could solve without the distraction of bigotry and everybody working together towards a common goal. If we all worked together, we could accomplish so much, such as maybe finding cures for awful diseases or rendering Paris Hilton socially insignificant.

I honestly can go on and on with this post, with many different ideas and thoughts, but I have to end it sometime, so why not now?

With this whole thing about China putting lead on toys and in toothpaste its really made me realize just how much stuff China makes for America. This keyboard I type on and the mouse I use were both made in China. Same with the monitor. My very fingers that I type with? That’s right, China, which is really interesting since the rest of me is Italian. Still, it is astounding all of the things made in China. Its also disheartening. I realize that all of these Chinese products are going to take years off of my life. I know what you are thinking “Mike, you are really overreacting on this, its not like you have been eating or chewing on all of these inanimate objects.” Welllllll, actually……………….See, I’ve got this oral fixation of sorts. I’m always chewing on things, anything really I can put in my mouth. Ok, maybe not the mouse, keyboard or monitor. Ok, well at least not most of the monitor. But the fingers? I’m always chewing on my nails. And the pens at my desk at work? In my mouth all of the time. The little mini Cubs batting helmet? In the mouth it goes. The stress relievers and little toys (such as a top and mini Slinkey) at my desk are in my mouth when not on the desk. Shit, even the toothpicks I have were made in China. I put so much shit in my mouth, one would think I was teething. This also helps to explain the poor condition of my teeth, not the chewing on everything but the chewing on lead. Now don’t get me wrong, I have changed a lot and have stopped putting random things in my mouth, since I assume that they are all made in China and therefore are tainted with lead. But I still would not be the least bit surprised to find out that I have lead poisoning.

I know that most of the overly patriotic, flag waiving Republicans out there probably want to boycott China made products just because they are not made in America, Well, first of all, good luck finding anything not made in China. And should you find something not made in China, good luck finding something made in America. Shit, even that afro I wore for Halloween one year was made in China. But, boycotting all non American products is not that simple. Take the China situation for example. In a weird way, the whole American economy is dependent on these products being made in China. Of course, the Chinese economy relies entirely on us as well. And before the Republicans go on saying “fuck the Chinese, who gives a shit about them?” consider this. As is my understanding, China has the power to turn America into a third world country virtually overnight. I know that is a powerful statement and I really wish I could be better at explaining it, but to simplify it for me and you, China owns a good portion of America. We are for the most part, in debt to them. If they call in those debts, we are toast. Now again, I want to stress that I’m not explaining it as well as a real economist could, but that is the bottom line of it. That being said, because so many products are made in China, if they did that to us, we would not have the means to have our products made there and therefore, the entire Chinese economy would come crashing down. On the other hand, if we all of a sudden stopped having our products made in China, they can call in those debts and turn America into a third world country. And if they didn’t do that, the cost of all of our products would increase so much that our economy would crash on its own. So, America and China are basically reliant on each other and need each other for survival. We have each other by the balls, so that pretty much ensures that there won’t be any change.

That being said, with the numerous human rights violations going on in China and the fact that China is a BIG supporter of the genocide in Darfur, how can we turn a blind eye or bury our heads in the sand. At some point, I believe we have a moral obligation to toe that ever so delicate line between doing what is best for America and what is morally right. This is where international diplomacy and politics comes in. The tough part is that we don’t exactly have any leverage, its not like we can very well pull all of our products from China. Also, its not like the human rights violations in China are a top priority for us, we have so many other more pressing issues to deal with. But, this is where the people and corporations of America come in. I firmly believe that they are the ones that can influence change. Of course, I have no idea how we could do that. Its such a tough situation with no easy solution, compounded by the fact that not enough people know or care about the situation.

Thursday night we watched the Cubs game at Mark’s house. Of course they lost so I won’t even go into more detail. Friday morning at about 5:30 in the am, I was awoken by a text message from Dave. Kelli had given birth an hour earlier to Joseph Michael, who weighed a certain weight and was so many inches long. I don’t exactly remember the details. I quickly responded back with a congrats text. Friday night I went up to the hospital to see them, to be honest, the baby kind of looks like Dave’s brother. And Dave’s brother’s kids look like Dave. I wonder if there is any sort of wife swap action going on there? For some reason  (that reason being, its just Dave) Dave said that his son has a huge ball sack, he said that is almost bigger than his own. So, I guess Dave is pretty much admitting that he is hung like an infant.

Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment in the morning which was nothing too exciting and barely even worth writing about. As for the Cubs game, I wanted to go to Sluggers in Wrigleyville not to far from the ballpark to watch the game. Plus, after every home game they have dueling pianos, and you all know how much I loves me some dueling pianos. I know that might have come off as sarcastic, but I do honestly love piano bars. Anywho, unfortunately, all of my Cub fan friends were either busy or too wimpy to trek into the city for the game. John and I wound going to watch the game with our cousin, Ann and her longtime boyfriend, Desi. And I do mean long time, something like 15 years, or probably even longer then that. The plan was to meet at a bar in downtown Naperville called Quigley’s. Turns out, they don’t have enough tvs, so we went to Bar Louie which had lots of tvs but none of them big screens. We drank, ate and watched the ever depressing game. The Cubs were eliminated by virtue of a pathetic sweep. During the last few innings of the game, we got the bill, which was $132. My cousin’s boyfriend insisted on paying for it, which was mighty generous of him.

After a brief stop to pick up some wine that they had bought, we walked past Ethel’s chocolate lounge. Fuck, I love chocolate. I mean love it. I got a few pieces of chocolate filled with pudding. It was pretty damn good. I also got some chocolate milk which was very good as well, but very heavy. I think they must have used whole milk. It was very filling and between all of the chocolate, the Mexican dinner I ate, and the beer, I had a pretty bad tummy ache. In fact, I couldn’t even drink any more beer. Ok, so I drank like a half more beer at another bar we went to, but that was it.

I swear, even though Sox fans have won the World Series, they are still dicks who have severe inferiority complexes. 3 cases yesterday that prove my point. The first pitch of the game was hit out by The Diamondbacks Chris Young and a Sox fan at the bar pointed to the tv and laughed. The next batter, Stephen Drew, hit a double and again, he laughed. Later we were walking to the bar and of course, we had Cubs shirts on. Well, some kid walked past us and said  “The Cubs lost, get over it”. Ok asshole, nobody was even talking about the Cubs. What, are we supposed to take off our shirts right after the game is over and walk around shirtless? And then later on as we were walking back to the car, another asshole walked past us and put his hand in the air in the shape of an L as if to say “losers.” Well fuck you dude, your team won the World Series 2 years ago, isn’t that good enough?

Losing fucking sucks.

This is all baseball talk, so you might want to skip this post.

Well tomorrow starts the playoffs. Honestly, I have no clue as to who is going to win in any of the series, but especially the Cubs series. The Diamondbacks seem to defy all baseball logic, so that is as good a reason as any to think they are going to win. On the other hand, I don’t think they are as good as they appear to be, especially that they were outscored this season by 20 runs and yet still managed to have the best record in the National League. They seem to always find a way to win. The Cubs-D-backs head to head stats seem to be very reflective of Arizona’s whole season. The teams played each other 6 times. The Cubs had a higher batting average, scored more runs, and had a lower ERA, yet somehow, Arizona managed to win 4 of the 6 games. That’s what I mean when I say that they defy baseball logic. Arizona just might have the best pitcher in the league in Brandon Webb, yet the Cubs managed to beat him this year. Nothing in this series is as it seems. I can’t decide who is going to win, but yet, I have no doubts about who I want to win.

Overall though, there is a lot of parity in baseball. For the first time since 2000, no team in baseball won 100 games and no team lost 100 games. I can honestly say that this year its a total crapshoot, any of the 8 teams can win it all and any of the 8 can get swept in the first round. Just take a look at the NL. Can anybody honestly say that they picked these 4 teams, the Cubs, D-backs, Phillies and Rockies to be in the playoffs this year? Its wide open, I don’t have a clue as to who goes to the World Series.

Back in 2003, I thought the Cubs had a great chance to win the World Series because I felt they were just that good. Honestly, I expected them to win it. When they didn’t even get there, I was devastated. This year, I have no expectations, just hope. The NL is just that weak that the Cubs might be the best team and the team that goes to the Series. That being said, they can also be the worst team and the first team out of the playoffs. All I can say is go Cubs.