I watched a documentary on HBO over the weekend called Sand and Sorrow. It is about the genocide that is taking place in the Darfur region of Sudan. If you know me, you know this is a situation that I have been following very closely. The movie itself was heartbreaking, yet hopeful in some ways. Heartbreaking for obvious reasons, but hopeful because they also talk about a couple of teen-aged sisters Riley and Hannah MacDonald from Batavia, IL (only about a half hour from where I live and very close to where I work) who helped organize a vigil at Riley’s high school. Also in the movie, two Senators who could not be bigger political opposites, Barrack Obama and Sam Brownback, came together to not only bring attention to the crisis in Darfur. It really shows just some of what can be accomplished when we come together. Still, as you all probably know, much more still needs to be done. I’m going to include a couple of links, the first one is a website for the movie:

http://www.sandandsorrow.org/

The 2nd one is for a website which helps to raise funds for the children of Darfur who are now living in a refugee camp in Chad. A donation of $36 will go towards a backpack filled with shoes, books, school supplies, soap and toothpaste. These kids are already 2 strikes down based on the tragedies that have happened to them so far and need our support to have even a slice of a normal life. Here is that link:

http://www.jewishworldwatch.org/donate/backpackproject.html

Holy fuck, we are at the end of another year. I’ve decided to do things a little bit different this year and every couple of days go back and summarize what happened in each month. This is a good way to find out what happened in my life this year without having to read the whole year. I always try to look for themes of each year and this year seemed to be the year that people did weird shit. If you read each month’s summary, you will see what I mean.  Today we will start with March. See, you thought I was going to go in order didn’t you? Well, that would really make too much damn sense for me and seeing as I’m kind of nuts that way, I’m starting in March. I will include the dates should you want to go back and read those posts. If you don’t know how to go back, just look at the column on the left side of the screen and scroll down to the date. The rest is pretty self explanatory.

March 1 post- I set a goal of getting addicted to something. With hilarious results. Sadly though, I’m still not suffering from any addictions. But, I am hopeful, for next year is another year!
March 12 post- This might be the month’s funniest post. We spring ahead 2 weeks earlier than we used to. With hilarious results.
March 14 post- As the Rolling Stones said, what a drag it is getting old. Now with the added bonus of smell, for your own enhancement.
March 18 post- Christie’s St Patty’s Day party in the city. As if there needed to be any more documented proof that I’m a moron, I nearly knock my brother out by hitting him in the head with my trunk. Also, by moving my car closer, its further away. But, most of all, this night will be remembered for me hearing a story about a dog that eats his own shit. His own fucking shit! Then again, I’ll bet everybody wishes they had a dog that picked up after himself.
March 26 post- My crusade to ensure that every massage has a happy ending. Come on people, you know I’m right!
March 28 post- VICTORY AT LAST! My 2 year war with Sears finally ended. If only the Iraq war lasted 2 years.

So that was March. This month in review thing that I’m doing is kind of like when tv shows do those LAME ass clip shows. Something tells me that with the strike going on right now, we will be seeing a lot of those in the coming months. What can I say though, its a post when I don’t have a lot to post about.

Last night Dave and I went to the casino. In what can only be described as classic Dave, when we were getting ready to leave his house, he spent the better part of 10 minutes trying to find his shoes. The whole time he kept muttering “I know they have to be somewhere weird.” I think he found them in the closet, which is not weird at all. But it would not surprise me if he had found them in the oven or in the mailbox. See, this is the kind of guy Dave is. For example, he keeps his work boots on his front porch. I’m not making that up, they are literally on his fucking front porch. He says they are muddy and he doesn’t want to get the floor dirty. Which, I guess makes sense, but you mean to tell me you can’t take them off outside and bring them INTO the house? Then again this is also the same guy who when we worked at the haunted house, we would park our cars in this huge open field with every other staff member and customer. And Dave would get out of the car, lock the doors and throw his keys underneath the car. Somehow, it never got stolen or broken into so who am I to argue. Dave is also the same guy who brought us the warped thinking of stirring his coffee with a fork. See, this is Dave.

Yesterday I went to the store to buy more razors for my razor. Ok, technically, I guess they weren’t razors but instead replacement cartridges, but either way blades to shave my face with. Every time I buy them I always forget about just how damn expensive the things are. Its about $10 for 4 blades. And granted, I do manage to get probably 7 or 8 shaves per blade, I honestly probably should be getting less shaves but I really stretch it out until I can’t possibly use them anymore. Yesterday as I was choosing which ones I was going to buy, it got me to thinking. There are lots of guys that don’t only shave their face, but they also shave the rest of their bodies. Well maybe not their legs so much, but their chests and downtown regions. And sure, I certainly do understand the appeal of a smooth chest and even though a smooth public area is creepy, I do know why they do it, I just don’t think its worth it. Do you realize how much money these guys must spend on fucking shaving materials? Sure, a can of shaving cream is about as cheap as they come, especially when you consider that one can seems to last for-fucking-ever. But, one must go through a lot of razors to keep the body smooth, especially if he is a hairy guy. And even if not very hairy, shaving the nether regions has to not only be a lot of work, but also take a razor or 2. Plus, a smooth region does not look attractive in the least. If anything, it looks creepy. Although I certainly do appreciate a trimming, one can not find much fault with that, its the COMPLETE shaving which makes no sense, especially with the cost of fucking razors. Just think how often somebody has to shave down there if they want to keep it smooth? Pretty much, every damn day. And its not like you can exactly rush through it either. For many obvious reasons, that area is the last place somebody would want a cut. And if they are like me and try to get as much use of each razor as possible, the chances of a cut or even a small nick are greatly increased. And yet, shaving in that area is probably at an all time high, especially with people under the age of 25. And to think, I always thought young people were lazy and didn’t have much money, yet they have enough money to afford to shave down there and are motivated enough to keep it grass free. Of course, if it improves their chances of sex, than they are more willing to pay the price for the sex. Then again, isn’t everybody?

Yesterday was Mark and Amy’s annual Christmas party. I told John that I would drive since he had driven for friends Thanksgiving. We were one of the first ones there, arriving shortly after 3 in the pm. Amy’s sister and her husband (Matt) and his parents were already there. Matt’s dad was a Bolingbrook cop for years and of course I had to ask him about Drew Peterson. Come to think of it, I probably should not go into anymore detail on account of me campaigning to be a juror should he ever go to trial. In fact, why don’t we just forget I even mentioned it. Now go back and pretend you didn’t read that part and erase it from your mind.

Mark has an air hockey table in his basement which we always play at the Christmas party. John and I played the first game which would turn out to be a very good game. Normally John does not know his own strength and he always hits the damn puck about as hard as he can, leaving his opponent with cut and or bruised hands and fingers. In the past, I have taken to wearing winter gloves when I play him. Yesterday though, he told me he would not hit the hell out of the puck. This also works well because it increases his chances of scoring and also the puck does not fly all over the room, scratching up the walls and anything else unfortunate enough to get in the way. It was a low scoring, close back and forth game throughout when we got to the last minute of play. This is when things really started to get crazy. I went into the last minute with a lead, but he scored 2 quick goals for the lead. I came right back and tied him, before he scored again. The last 20 seconds were a blur of scoring. He scored to get a lead. I scored again to tie him before he scored to take the lead. At the last second, I hit one in just as the buzzer sounded to tie things up. At first, I thought I had won the game, but was told by John and a couple of others that I only tied things. We played a sudden death overtime in which the first player to score wins. I lost when I hit the puck and it bounced off the side and came back right into my goal. What a disappointing way to lose.

My cousin Ann and her longtime boyfriend Desi were telling us all about their recent trips to Vegas. Yes that’s right, I said trips. They went in October and did so well that they went back 2 weeks later. Now I don’t want to get into specifics, but let’s just say Desi is fucking nuts. And also very lucky. When I asked him how he did in Vegas, he stood there with this sly smile on his face that expressed how he did. That was really all I needed to see to know that he won, but of course, I needed to know how much and how he won. Let’s just say holy fucking wow, I wish I were him.

Mark and Amy are good friends with a gay couple, Jeff and Dan. The night ended in a very unusual way, at least as far as Christmas parties go. It was just them, John and I left about 1 in the morning when Mark, John and Dan decided to watch some porn on the computer in the basement. What is it about porn that is either VERY funny or VERY disgusting. Honestly, this porn probably turned none of us on, but instead just made us laugh a lot. Amy of course, had no interest in watching this so she went outside to smoke, but for the rest of us, it was fucking funny as hell. I guess nothing says Ho Ho Ho like internet porno.

Just an update on the Tuesday post. I had SOOOOO many votes come in, it was hard to keep track! In the end though, I gave $40 to  2 of the guys in the league and $20 to a food drive we are having at work. The guys that I gave the money to were very surprised and even touched. One of them said it was “very noble” of me. Wow. Can you believe somebody called ME noble? And all I had to do was pay him!

So today is the Jewish festival of lights, also know as Hanukkah. Or Chanukah. Or even Hanukah. This to me is a total mystery. Why so many different spellings? Was the Jewish person who came up with the holiday feeling a bit indecisive that day? After all, we don’t spelling Labor Day that way and then Labour day. See, that’s a bad comparison, because in all honestly, it would be the same pronunciation. Whereas Chanukah would be a totally different pronunciation. I guess it would kind of be like calling the 4th of July the 3rd of July. Or Memorial Day Smemorial Day. And what is even worse is that not only does nobody know why there are different spellings, all spellings seem to be accepted and ok. Geez, how open minded is that? I mean, could you imagine how America’s biggest pompous ass, Bill O’Reilly would react if we all of a sudden added another spelling of Christmas and started calling it HChristmas? Instead, the Jews just accept all 3 spellings and move onto the 8 crazy nights of gifts. By the way, is the term Jew a racial slur? Honestly, I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this one. I mean, if it is a racial slur to shorten the term Japanese, than it probably should be a slur to shorten Jewish. That being said, I often hear people casually use the phrase Jew to describe the Jewish people. Kind of like “Well, the Iranians really hate the Jews.” Would that be considered a slur? Then again if they are so carefree to allow people to have multiple spellings of the festival of lights, than shortening the term is probably acceptable. Still, I challenge somebody to come up with the reason for the different spellings. Shit, I can’t even come up with a good, funny bullshit story about it either. Oh, and if you happen to find out if Jew is a slur, please feel free to help me out with that one as well.

Every now and then I have to rip on the Democrats just to keep myself balanced. Not that I’m ripping on them for that sole purpose, I mean, I do find legitimate fault with something. See, all reports that I have been hearing over the course of the last few months is that much to everyone’s shock, there is actually progress being made in Iraq. Progress in the sense that violence is down. I have been a STRONG opponent of the war since well before it began. It has always been a bullshit war. It will always be a bullshit war. It will never be worth everything that we have gone through. Still, since we have made actual legit progress, (or so it seems) now would not be the time to leave. I’d hate to admit it. I’m never one to give Bush credit. And honestly, I’m not even giving him credit for this. I think progress has been made in spite of him, not because of him. He still should be removed from office and belongs in a jail. He is still the worst president we have ever known. None of that changes. However, with progress being made, now is not the time to talk about leaving. I’ve always said that we almost have an obligation to stay since we totally fucked up their country. When you wreck somebody’s house, I feel the only responsible thing is to help rebuild it. Even though we are making progress (assuming all of the reports are accurate, and honestly, I do believe them), the Dems still want to pull out. I’d hate to say it, but its almost as if they don’t want to see too much progress for fear that it would cost them the election. Well, they shouldn’t care if it costs them the election, because the war is more important than the election. And even if there is progress, the Democrats can still win the election. Its not as if this election is a one issue election. And the Democrats are not a one issue party. Winning the war should not effect whether the Democrats win or lose the election. Losing the war on the other hand, can obviously effect the Republicans losing. But if the Democrats still believe in leaving just as progress is being made then they almost deserve to lose. It would just give the Republicans the chance to say that the Democrats would rather win the election than win the war. And you know what, if they Democrats can’t see this, than they deserve to lose.

Of course the problem with politicians is that they don’t have their own mind. They either only tell you what you want to hear or they stick to the party beliefs even if they don’t truly believe them. Come on, do you honestly think Gulliani is AGAINST gay marriage? And they pander to certain groups only to get elected. They use people. Nobody speaks their mind and say what they really mean even if it means that it would cost them votes. Its pathetic and the reason why I could never win an election because I would refuse to lie. Why can’t any of them be unbiased even if it costs them or even if it helps a political enemy? John McCain once said that just because they are our opponents, doesn’t mean they are our enemies. And I firmly believe that. Honestly, if Bush does something good, I would be the first one to give him kudos. Of course, the problem is that he has never done anything good. Still, is there anybody who will be honest? McCain used to be honest, even if it meant it would hurt him. But, since he got fucked during the 2000 election and has set his sights on the 2008 election, he has become just like the rest of them: a pandering, lying sack of shit who doesn’t care about anything but getting elected. His core belief of “straight talk” has long been forgotten. All of a sudden, he is sacrificing his values to try to get elected. Its quite sad actually. But, he is not the only one. They are all like that. I want to believe Obama is different, but I know better, even though I haven’t seen it. Yet. Hillary? Well, she seems about as real as Pam Anderson’s chest. None of them can truly be trusted. Its so frustrating and makes me feel hopeless. Yet, its too important not to pay attention. Its too critical to not have an opinion and to voice that opinion. In the end, that’s all that matters.

Last month (or maybe it was the month before) I did a post about how the commish in my fantasy football league was cheating his way all the way to last place. Let me explain what happened last week. See, he, this girl he may or may not be fucking and his brother are also in this league along with 4 other teams (besides myself). Although my had the same record as his brother’s team, I had more overall points and therefore I held the 4th and final playoff spot. Well, I totally got my ass kicked last week. Which wasn’t an issue. Here comes the issue. His brother was playing the chick and she sat HER ENTIRE team except for 4 players. Needless to say his team won. I was not made aware of her sitting most of her team until Wednesday of last week when another guy at work told me about it.This guy posted messages on our league message board about this and the commish instantly deleted the messages so that nobody would see, but the guy told me at work what happened. As you might expect, I was PISSED. So I came home and not only posted my own message on the board but also sent an email to the entire league pretty much calling it for what it was: cheating. This, as you might imagine opened up not only a whole can of worms, but like a whole case of cans of worms. I went to work and talking to this other guy about it and he basically talked me off the ledge of being extremely pissed. Next thing I know, the floodgates opened. While I was at work, the commish and his brother proceeded to post messages for what it seemed like every hour, calling me a baby among many other things. They also said I was only crying because I had lost and was no longer held a playoff spot, even though there were 2 weeks left to go. They went on to say MANY things about me. So I shot back saying that the only reason why they were name calling was because they new they were guilty and were calling me names to distract from the real issue, their cheating. I also stated that I do not have a reputation a being a winer. Now I will rightfully admit to being a sore loser at times, but I never complain about cheating. When I lose, I’m normally pissed at myself for losing. I’ve also been losing at things my whole life, so I’m kind of used to it. And in all my years of fantasy sports, many of which have been playing with these same people, I have never once complained about losing. Even when I blew it last year, I was upset at myself. I then said that to refund me my money and delete my team. Again, while I was at work on Friday, they just really lit into me again, but now they were getting personal. The commish even went as far as to rip on me (over and over…………he even did it again yesterday) on me for supporting Darfur by wearing my Save Darfur shirt. At this point, he made it personal. The other guy who originally informed me of the cheating started to email and post messages about how this was a scam. Next thing I know, there was another guy at work posting messages ripping on everybody. Again, I was getting ripped on but I would not respond to the personal attacks. I just let him keep on going. I decided to post one more message saying that if I came back and won the whole thing, I would refund the ENTIRE league their money except for the commish, his brother and the chick. Again, after that, more posting and name calling. It finally got down to an unprecedent move: we ended the entire season and everybody got full refunds. Of course, this still did not stop the posts, the commish continued on posting and although he was ripping on me and the other guy, I was his prime target. Again, I did not respond. It was very very tough not responding, but I did not want to dignify his posts with a response. There was a post about what we should do with the money and somebody said that we should all donate it to charity.  Being the smart ass that I am, I posted that I would give it to the Save Darfur foundation. I also fully intend to wear the shirt at work the next chance I get, which would be this Friday. The fucking guy probably doesn’t even know what Darfur is. Even if he does, he is too heartless to care. Nevertheless,  I feel bad about the whole thing (especially for those couple of guys who were probably going to win, they didn’t even say much throughout this all), in fact, its embarrassing for all of us and pretty much leaves us all with a fantasy black eye. In spite of it all, I do feel vindicated. I mean, there is no way in hell the commish lets the whole thing come crumbling down if they were innocent. I know if it was me and I was innocent, I would fight it until the bloody, bitter end and never give up. Still, the leaves me with an extra $100 and not knowing what to do with it. Here are a couple of options:

1. Give it to its rightful owners, the 2 guys who did not complain and who probably would have gone head to head for the championship.

2. Give it to some charity. Many options here, the only question is which one? The Save Darfur fund would be a natural given all of the shit he was saying.

3. Give it to my nieces and nephew for their college fund. I have been meaning to donate to their fund for a while now and have not. This would be a good way to get started.

4. Keep it for myself. Although I don’t need the money, I can certainly put it to good use.

So what do you think I should do with it?

This post is just in time for World AIDS Day on December 1. I was reading an article on Yahoo the other day which was about Hillary Clinton attending a evangelical Christian conference on AIDS. I know what you are all thinking, “evil-gelicals actually care enough about AIDS to hold a conference?” No, they don’t. Not at all. One VERY disturbing thing I read in the article was this: According to a
2005 poll by the Christian research group Barna only 17 percent of
evangelical Christians surveyed said they would be willing to help AIDS
orphans. That is shocking. I mean, can you believe that they actually found 17% of evil-gelicals that are Christian enough to care about AIDS orphans. Seriously though, is anybody else just half as appalled as I am that 83% DON’T give a shit about AIDS orphans? Only 17%, which means that the AIDS orphans have a lower approval rating than President Bush. Keep this in mind, these are the same people that campaign against abortion, some of their reasoning being that it kills innocent children. And how an 1/8 of a second of Janet Jackson’s nipple hurts children. And gays recruit and hurt children. Ok, so they claim to be all about children. Yet, when a child has no parents due to AIDS, which the last time I checked was NOT the fault of the child, they do not want to help them?

Wait a minute. I think I might be wrong about something. Let me go get something. Ok, I have it, right here, its the Holy Bible. Let me turn to it. Geez, look at all these pages. Ohhhh, God smite who on this page? Wow, can you believe Cain did that? What’s that, Jesus was having his feet washed. Oh, wait, here it is. Wow, I’m sorry everybody, turns out I owe every evangelical an apology. Its right here in the bible, somebody asked Jesus about AIDS orphans and his reply, word for word (ok, so it was translated): MAN, FUCK THOSE FAGGOT CHILDREN!! They don’t deserve help from anybody. All they deserve is to die and spend eternity in Hell. How dare they shake their fists at God by having BOTH their parents die from AIDS!!!” Looks like I totally got this one wrong. After all, they are supposed to be doing what Jesus would do and they are followers of him. And I think its as clear as day, Jesus would HATE the AIDS orphans and would not do anything to help them.

How can these so called humans consider themselves Christian? I am an atheist and people, as I have said before (and others have said) I’m far more Christian than any of these people. If you want to get down to the true meaning of Christianity. Then again, the meaning of Christianity changed years ago. I know a lot of Christians don’t like to call people who die from AIDS “victims”. And well I obviously disagree with them, one thing they can not even argue is that these children are victims of AIDS too. True victims. They did nothing wrong. You can debate if the parents did something wrong. And yes, most of the time, those parents could have done something to prevent AIDS. But the kids? The kids did not ask to become orphans. They did not have unprotected sex. They did not do needle drugs. They were just born.

So let me understand this. These evil-gelical Christians don’t want people to use a condom. People get pregnant from not using a condom. So, the evil-gelicals don’t want the pregnant lady to get an abortion and murder the innocent child. The innocent child is born. The parents then both get AIDS and die. And now, the innocent child is an orphan and the evil-gelicals DON’T want to help the innocent child. Perhaps I’m having one of my legendary bouts of stupidity and I’m just not understanding this logic. No. Come to think of it, I’m not the stupid one. Or, maybe I am stupid, but I sure as hell aint heartless.

83 percent. EIGHTY-FUCKING-THREE PERCENT!! I might be making too big of a deal of this. But, when 83% of evil-gelicals hate and essentially wish death upon children, that is a big deal. And people need to call them out on this. People need to stand up and say “See, this is why evangelicals are EVIL-GELICALS and are full of shit.” This is a big reason why poverty is so high in various parts of the world. This is why AIDS runs rampant over parts of Africa and why there is probably not a chance in hell to control AIDS. Sure, non evangelicals may not pay enough attention to the problem, but they sure as hell would help an AIDS orphan if given the chance.

Every now and then there are stories or things that happen that make me open my eyes and really notice something. When I was 18 I read somewhere that a Catholic church was protesting Barney the dinosaur because he teaches to love everybody and gays should not be loved. That opened my eyes and really started me on my path to hating the Catholic church. In the 2004 election, when Bush and the evil-gelicals used gay discrimination to get elected, it made me realize just how much bullshit they were. And yes, I knew before then they were bullshit, but it took my distrust and hatred of them to another level. And this AIDS orphan thing is another one of those things that takes it to the next level.

If I was hanging over a ledge and my choices were to die or be saved by an evil-gelical, I would try not to land on my face so I can have an open casket.