Fuck, I’m right smack dab in the middle of a busy few days. I’m not going to have much time to write about of it right now, but at least wanted to make a brief appearance. Of course we here in Chicago are also in the middle of a week of pretty crappy weather, even by Chicago’s standards. Not that I don’t like the snow. Honestly, I do like it, but we are in a rut of having to clean off our cars what seems like damn near every time we go somewhere. This of course means needing more time to clean our cars of snow and or frost (even if it is only 2 minutes in some cases) and if there is snow on the road, even more time. This also means that I have leave myself more time in the morning to get to work. And of course, more time to get home from work as well. And I’m trying to work overtime as much as I can (even if it does amount to only a few hours a week) that means even less time. And because I’ve got plans every night from Wednesday through Sunday, that does not leave me with much time to have a good post.

Oh shit, look at me, the snow has got me delusional, I’m thinking I have good posts!

So today was the Florida primary. The Democrats have pretty much skipped Florida and Michigan, instead choosing to punish the states for moving up their primaries. I feel this very well might be a grave mistake. After all, nothing says “we don’t give a shit about your state” quite like we won’t count your delegates. Sure, this might not hurt them right now, but come November its hard to imagine the swing voters of those states voting Democrat and honestly, you can’t blame them. In short, it was a stupid fucking move. The only thing dumber than pretending Florida doesn’t exist is being convinced that they are the only state that counts. This is what the brilliant Rudy Ghoulianni did. He pretty much has not campaigned in any of the other states except Florida as if Florida is the only state that matters. Win Florida and you are automatically in the White House. He must still be living in the year 2000 when the whole damn election came down to Florida. Well somebody should tell Rudy that these are the primaries and you need to actually win states delegates to get the nomination. This guy was leading the Republican polling back in August and September and now he is pretty much done. He effectively killed any chance of winning with this stupid game plan. If you ask me, any candidate who plans to only win one out of 50 states is too dumb to be president. Perhaps because the voters know he has no chance in hell of winning, he finished a distant third in the Florida primary today. I’m guessing he will be dropping out of the race any time now. Of course, being as stupid as he is, he will probably try to focus on next year’s presidential campaign. Then again, I guess nobody should be surprised about his stupidity. This is also the same guy who after the World Trade Center was attacked the first time, put New York City’s emergency headquarters in the very same World Trade Center. Also, his whole campaign for president has been based on one issue and one issue alone, his response to September 11th. What a total dip shit.

I read something recently about Shaq O’Neal’s monthly expenses . See, he is going through a divorce and listed his monthly expense. According to court documents, he has a whopping $875,000 in monthly expenses. He earns 1.6 million monthly from the Miami in addition to another $220,000 from other business investments. Let’s breakdown his expenses, shall we?

$468,345 in mortgages. He does own 3 homes, but honestly, nearly 500k in mortgages? That’s more than 3 times the size of my total mortgage. Ok, I guess I can cut him some slack on this one. His combined square footage of his 3 homes is probably more than 3 times the size of my single home so I guess………….wait  a minute, its not like he is only paying 3 times the cost of my monthly mortgage. Well fuck me silly, that’s a lot of fucking money.

$110,505 on monthly vacations. Monthly vacations? Judging by the way he has played this season it seems like its more than just a monthly vacation. And even so, are these monthly vacations trips to the center of the fucking earth? Dude, he is in fucking Miami, if he takes the kids to Disney air fare can’t possibly be that much. If he wants he can skip a vacation one month and pay off my mortgage and still have over 5 grand left to spare.

$60,417 on gifts. Who the fuck does this guy think he is, Oprah Claus?

$46,500 on child care. What, does the babysitter give him lap dances before she leaves for the night? Ok, so I’m sure he probably has a live in nanny for his 6 kids. And because my mother ran an in home daycare, I can understand the challenges of caring for children. I will give him this one too, I think its great he pays his babysitters as well as he does, after all with 6 kids that has got to be a challenge. And since they are Shaq’s kids, even his youngest kid probably out weighs the babysitter.

$24,300 on gasoline for his cars and  boats. I think he missed the memo on global warming and weaning ourselves off of foreign oil. Maybe he can hire somebody to explain to him the effects of global warming and oil usage. Great. Another monthly expense. I’m sure that will probably run him at least $35,000.

$23,950 on clothes, dry cleaning and laundry. Who the fuck is doing his laundry, Halliburton?

$12,775 on food. Perhaps this is why he has gotten so damn fat and he can’t play?

$1,495 on cable tv. And that’s just for basic cable! Fuckin cable companies. This shit is gettin out of hand, am I right people? (ok, so I made up the part about it being just for basic cable, you get my point).

On top of all of this he pays $500,000 a month in income taxes. If this isn’t an argument for a consumption tax than I don’t know what is?

So tonight I had another guy that Mark knows come out and look at my floor. He seems like a good guy and although I have met him before honestly I’ve don’t remember him. He was supposed to be out originally on Saturday but had to cancel. He rescheduled for yesterday but once again, had to cancel. He showed up today about 7:30, nice as can be. He did however keep saying that he needed a vacation. Yeah, well welcome to the fuckin club, who among us can’t use a vacation? When I spoke to him on the phone I told him several times that I was looking for the cheapest shit he can put down there as I’m looking to sell the house within a year or so. He showed up with samples that, although very nice, were probably more than I am looking to spend. Even when I mentioned that I wanted to probably put down tile again because its cheap, he briefly acknowledged the tile but went right back to the laminate and Pergo that he had brought. I guess it was understandable, after all he needs a vacation. He also named dropped that he had done former Chicago Bear Dan Hampton’s house. Mark had also told me that he also did former Boston Red Sox Carlton Fisk’s house. Sure, I understand the need to try to impress me, but he he was laying it on kinda thick, almost like he was a politician campaigning. The rate he gave me was about $1700 for my kitchen and bathroom, which amounted to about 350 (or maybe it was 372) square feet. Still because Mark works with the guy’s wife and he seems like a nice guy, I want to help him. In fact, I almost feel obligated to help him. So, I figured since he needs a vacation so bad he can have some time off by not working on my kitchen.

The $1700 didn’t even include the crawl space.If you  remember from yesterday’s post, I’ve also have a crawl space that needs work. As you all know, for the first 5 years after my mom died, we kept her body in the crawl space. One day the funeral director showed up with a swat team of undertakers and raided my house and crawl space, in a daring pre-dawn raid about noon. Ever since then the crawl space stinks of that weird funeral home smell, you know, the smell funeral directors give off after they molest one of their clients. Oh, and there seems to be some sort of leak down there, which as is my understanding needs to be taken care of before mold starts to set in and what not. So who knows how much that is going to end up costing. I’ve also got a leaky roof I need to take care of. There might not be a better time to start my internet porno career.

Another update from yesterday after my fall down my steps the right side of my body feels like its been in a car accident. Ok, maybe not that bad, but it feels like I played Whirley Ball. My right hand is swollen and discolored, if only slightly. I’m quite certain its not broken, I’ve only got some slight pain in the hand and still have full movement. Still the whole thing is kinda funny when I think about it. I literally took one damn step outside my house and slide down the 2 steps like a runner sliding into home plate. I immediately jumped right the fuck up as if nothing happened, wondering if anybody saw. Being dark out at the time, I’m certain nobody saw, but I was now covered in snow. I now curse the very ground I walk on!!! Ok, at least the one step. I’m sure if there had been a video of me falling it would been quite funny. One guy at work said he would have paid money to see that. Maybe I can reenact it for $1700!!

Oh, the story about my mom’s body in the crawl space is not true. I don’t want anybody getting ideas like I’m some kind of crazy person that would store my mom’s dead body in the crawl space. She is buried in the back yard.

Just kidding about the back yard too.

Last night I played cards at Scott’s  house. As if I needed anymore proof that Scott was gay, he spent the better part of 10 minutes talking with another guy at the table about which guys they find hot. In fact, he even has a list. Everybody has a list, so I don’t feel the need to go any further. Ok, fine, I will go further. List as in celebrities who you are most attracted to. I swear, he is one midlife crisis away from leaving his wife for another man.

This one guy I play cards with has a brother who is a doctor. He was telling us about how his brother was performing a surgery and one of his interns accidently sliced his hand open (of course, he was wearing rubber gloves, but it went through the glove as well) with a bloody scapel. The blood on the scapel (spelling please, I misspelled it so bad that spell check didn’t even know how to correct it) was from a patient who is HIV positive. What are the odds of something like that happening? He doesn’t know yet if he is HIV positive, in fact he might not know for another 6 months. Still, I found out that there is medication that one can take within 24 hours of a potential HIV infection which might cure the HIV, at least as is my understanding. Still what are the odds that something like that would happen.

Dave had a very lucky night. Not only did he win both games of cards last night, he also had highest called hand of the night for an additional $15. Then on the way home we stopped off at Shell and he won $40 on a scratch off.

As lucky as he was last night, I was as unlucky today. I woke up about 8:30 to a phone call from the guys that are coming to look at my kitchen floor. See, the tile is cracked and it feels like part of the floor is sinking. I of course have no idea how to do any of this so I’m hiring somebody to do it for me. So they got there and were looking at the floor. They decided to go into the crawl space to see if they can look at the floor. As it turned out, the crawl space has its own issues. There are some pipes down there that are leaking and the crawl space also needs to be rotted out. Because I have intentions of selling the house within the next year, I probably should get that fixed because as the guys said, it probably would not pass inspection. As for the floor it was sinking because the assholes that built the addition to my house did a very shoddy job and just crushed the plywood that was there to get the washed and dryer out. Also, they didn’t replace the plywood, hence the sinking. Between the roof, the floor and the crawl space, my house needs thousands of dollars of repairs. And that’s not even all of it, it needs more but that’s all I’m going to do before I sell the house.

So that was the start of my day. I still had plans to hang out with a guy I had been chatting with online for the past month and a half. Well, as it turns out, one thing led to another and we weren’t able to hang out today. Then, to add insult to injury, I take one step outside my back door tonight (and I mean literally, one step) and I slipped on some ice and fell down the 2 steps resulting in the nastiest fall I have taken in years. My whole right side is sore and parts are cut and bruised.

Oh, and tonight’s episode of the Simpsons sucked.

Recently I added a few more songs to my Playlist. In case you are blind and or deaf, the playlist is the music that is playing at the top of this site. Of course, if you are blind you probably aren’t reading this and if you are deaf you aren’t hearing the music. Wow. The past 2 sentences really made me look like a total asshole. Oh well, too late now its not like I can go back and change what I wrote or erase it. Ok, so maybe I can, but I’m not going to. Let the record reflect that sometimes, I’m just an asshole.

Nevertheless, all assholeness aside since I don’t have anything too interest to write about I will post about those songs that I’ve added.

“Walk This Way” -Aerosmith. For a long time, Aerosmith has always been one of my all time favorite bands. In fact, I would go as far as to put them in my top 4 or 5 favorite bands. I’ve even read their autobiography which was really interesting. I’ve never had one clear cut favorite Aerosmith song but there are many that I like a lot. I guess I prefer “Janie’s Got A Gun” but then I think of some of their other songs like “Dream On”, “Cryin’”, “Living On The Edge”,  “Rag Doll”, “Sweet Emotion”, “Back In The Saddle”, and think how can I honestly say I like any of those songs better than any other. Then there is “Walk This Way” which very well might have one one of the all time great beginnings in rock history what with the drums and guitar. And once Run DMC got a hold of the song, it brought Aerosmith back from the dead and maybe even changed music history forever. Run DMC came out with it in 1987 the year I turned 12. I had never heard of Aerosmith before than and to be honest, at first I really didn’t like the song. But, the more I heard it, it started to grow on me. It wasn’t long before I started to love it. And honestly, I really love both versions. I only picked the original on here as an ode and tribute to old, classic Aerosmith. Although ironically, the DMC version was so long ago, that it can probably be considered classic Aerosmith now. Try to find many people that do not like at least one of the versions of the song. How can you like rock music and not at least appreciate the song?

“Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town” -Pearl Jam. It took me longer to type the name of the song than it did for me to play it. Sure, it might have a comically long title, but it really is a beautiful song. Both my friend Danel and my sister in law Amy love this song. In fact, at lot of chicks love this song. And its easy to see why, Eddie Vedder’s voice sounds amazing on this song. The lyrics are haunting and reflective, brilliantly telling the story of an older lady who has ran into a long lost love. Ewwww…………I almost sound like a music critic describing the song. Even though Danel and Amy don’t read my Xanga, the song in on there for them. Oh, it also helps that I like the song a lot too.

“Prisoner Of Society” -The Living End. This was a song that my friend’s band, Forgotten Toys used to cover back when Dave, Jt and I were roadies for them. It is by an Australian punk band and having a little bit of punk in me, I love the song. The lyrics took on added meaning for me when after my mother died my siblings and I no longer had to deal with or even associate with my mother’s evil to the core sister. The lyrics pretty much sum up what I would want to say to her if I could stomach to even be within speaking distance of that fucking cunt long enough to tell her.

“Mr. Brightside” -The Killers. My friend Heather and I have had several songs that we both really like and sing together when we play it on the jukebox at Clem’s. One was “Semi-Charmed Life” which is also on my playlist. Another one is “Brightside” which when you listen to the lyrics is actually kind of creepy. The man is a stalker. Then again, how many of us haven’t felt jealous when we can’t have somebody that we want. Also, the music is very catchy, IT stalks you and won’t leave your head for days.

“Hurt” -Johnny Cash. This of course is a remake of the Nine Inch Nails song. Since NIN kind of sucks, I never liked it. And although I have never been a Cash fan, once I head the song it really captured me. Its the perfect ending to Cash’s legendary career. The lyrics seem to sum up one at the end of their life, looking back at a complicated life. If you get a chance, go watch the video on YouTube, its an even more fitting end to Cash’s life.

“Walk Of Life” -Dire Straits. This song is on here because Ed (AKA Iron Knee, check out his Xanga sometime, he is an amazing man) requested it. That’s right people, I take requests! But, they have to be good requests. And this song was a song I used to love when I was a kid. Then there was the music video which featured a lot of baseball players.

“Cupid’s Dead” -Extreme. That’s right, turns out I’m a huge Extreme fan. No, honestly, I am, I’m not being sarcastic. They are remembered for doing the uber cheesy “More Than Words” but I’ve always loved their other stuff. “Cupid’s Dead” is from what might be my all time favorite album, III Sides To Every Story. This was the only song I was able to find and that is why its on there and not one of the other songs from the album.

“Smoke Two Joints” -Sublime. I love Sublime. And this song is an ode to weed, which I firmly believe should be legal. ‘Nuff said.

This lady at work had a heart attack on Monday. No, she didn’t have the heart attack at work (we were closed Monday for the holiday) but tomorrow she will have triple bypass surgery. I find the term heart attack kind of funny. An attack, as if your body is starting a coup and attacking from the inside. Its like your body is saying “the heart has attacked you and unless you do what we say, the kidney will attack next. Really, what it is, is your body rebeling against bad shit that you have been doing all these years. Things like smoking, being overweight or eating poorly. And your body is finally saying “listen here fucker, we have had e-fucking-nough of this shit, we are in charge and we are going to show you how serious we are!” Next thing you know, you are having shortness of breath, numbness in your left arm and chest pains. And you instantly say “Oh fuck, what’s going on?” Its like there is a civil war going on inside of you. In fact, they might want to start calling it a heart civil war instead of heart attack. I mean, as long as they are using the term heart attack, they might as well go all out and really over do it. After all, your heart is going all out in its unplanned attack. And in this day and age in which everything is so over dramatic and sensationalized, maybe heart civil war is the better term. Maybe they can have different terms for heart attacks. You know, like if its a minor heart attack, they can call it a “heart insurgence”. Next, you have your heart revolt, a little more serious but does not yet require a zipper job. Then, once you have to be cut open, its a heart civil war. That really gets to the seriousness of the problem. And finally, should you be unfortunate enough for it to be so serious that the party is now over, that can be called a heart nuclear war. See, this really helps to describe the heart attack. I mean, if you say somebody had a heart attack, you automatically think the worse and assume its very serious. Which is not to say its not serious, but lets face it, there is a huge difference between a mild heart insurgence and a heart nuclear war. Otherwise, some people hear heart attack and they start clearing their schedule for the funeral they assume they will be attending in 3 or 4 days.

Fuck. I sure as hell hope that karma doesn’t come back and bite me into a heart nuclear war.

I can’t let today pass without mentioning it. Its a very significant day. One year from today, we will no longer be under the rule of the worst president in American history. Less then one year left, hang in there people. Sure, there is a chance he might be replaced by another Republican, but as long as its not Mike Huckabee, it can’t possibly get any worse. Since January of 2007 I have had a Bush out of office countdown calendar which counts down not only months, but also days until he is gone. And yes, they even included a January 2009 in which the month ends on January 20th. Yes, he has been this bad. Most presidents that were bad only hurt America, but this president has hurt the entire world. And not only that, he has also severely hurt America’s standing and image with the world. And he still has just under a year left, I wonder what else he could do? Maybe invade Madagascar? Sure, it sounds crazy, I mean, what has Madagascar ever done to us? Then again, what did Iraq do to us? Also, because the name Madagascar contains the words “Mad” “Gas” and “Car” Bush probably thinks its some magical land mad with oil that can be used for gas in cars. Let’s see, what other damage could he cause? The value of the American dollar is already so low, its hard to see it sinking any lower. He hasn’t violated people’s rights in a while, maybe he can find a way to spy on people while they take a shit, as that does seem to be the last bastion that is private. Or maybe like in the movie American Dreamz, he can be a judge on American Idol? Seems to be a fitting way for him to go out, after all, isn’t the voting fixed on that show too?

Check out this link:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080120/ap_on_re_mi_ea/saudi_forced_divorce

This couple in Saudi Arabia is being forced to get an annulment because the bride’s family has determined that she has married beneath her. My initial reaction to this story is that maybe I can use this as a basis to force my cousin to divorce her loser husband until I remembered her own family and realized that her husband is probably not much lower than her family. Sure, we all know LOTS of people who we wish we could apply this law too. Yet, we all know that this is total bullshit. If somebody wants to marry a total loser, that is their own business. What’s even worse is that there are many other things wrong with this case. For example, the family has been jailed for living together illegally. Woman virtually have no rights in this country. They need their family’s approval before getting married. They can not travel abroad with out permission from a male guardian. They can not drive or appear before a judge without male representation. And I didn’t even get into the lady who was raped but SHE was the one who was sentenced to lashes and jail time. I’m afraid to ask what they do to gays or people who have committed adultly. Hell though in that fucked up shit ass country, Hillary Clinton would have probably gotten a life sentence for Bill cheating on her. Shit, And yet, we still continue on a relationship with this country.

What I found creepily odd about this case was that the lady wants to get this resolved so that if she can not be with her husband, she can kill herself. Like it was nothing, so casually written (and probably spoken) about her killing herself, almost as if she needed them to hurry up or else she might miss her bus. What the fuck kind of society is it that they speak so casually of suicide that its almost expected? Then again, what the fuck kind of country is it that suicide is the better option for some of these ladies. Something is really fucking wrong with this picture. And this country makes millions of off us because of their oil. And because Bush is dating a whole fucking Saudi royal family, we won’t do much or anything about their sad human rights violations. Maybe I’m being too tough on Bush on this one, after all, we had a relationship and got oil from Saudi Arabia before he was in office and will continue after he leaves office in 364 days, but still, because of his relationship with them, he should use it to influence them into not treating their women worse than most people in America treat their pets.

I think I might have overused the word “Fuck” or other variation in this post. What do you think, did I over-fuck-afy things or is it justified?

With today being Martin Luther King Day, I was off work. I didn’t know what to do today, so when I rolled out of bed at 10:30 in the AM, I called Mark and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch. Ok, so it would be lunch for him and breakfast for me. The last time we did this, we went to Cracker Barrel, but I don’t like the service there so we decided on another place in Romeoville called The Crispy Waffle. I have eaten there one before and although the food is kinda pricey, it is also very good. I would love to have Christmas Eve breakfast there, but its such a tiny restaurant that it could never fit our group of friends. I got there about 12:40ish and the place was packed. On my way in, I saw an older guy who was in an electric wheelchair. I got the impression that he might be a paraplegic. There was also a very young girl who was probably about 3 or 4 years old with a cane that a blind person would use along with a seeing eye dog. She also had glasses on, so maybe she was just starting to go blind. Either way, it was heartbreaking to see, even as I tried to not focus too much attention on her because I didn’t want to make her or the people she was with feel different.

The last 3 companies I have worked for have given us MLK Day off as a paid holiday. More and more companies seem to be making it an official holiday, which I think is great, but I have to wonder if they are sincere in doing it. Do they really think it is a worthy holiday or are they doing it to be politically correct? The cynic in me believes that it is all just a show for political correctness, yet the dreamer in me believes that these companies are sincere in making it a paid holiday. I honestly believe my current company is sincere, we have a lot of things that we do with regards to diversity. For example, they have held several diversity classes for us. They also have a diversity calendar that employees kids can submit drawings for. We also have a diversity council that does things to promote diversity among the company. Then again, how do I know they just aren’t doing this because of a previous lawsuit? Granted, I have never heard of any lawsuits involving racial issues at my company, but I still have to wonder. After all, Denny’s was sued due to a racial issue some time ago and as a result, they were giving a certain amount of sales from one of their meals to the MLK foundation. Companies have a habit of doing things like that to cover up poor behavior and make themselves look good. So, who is to know what is legit and what is bullshit? It sucks that we live in a world that makes us cynical to such things. I think After all, I want to believe companies and people are just that good. Then again, the reason why we need days to honor people like King is because of hatred of some evil people. And the bottom line is usually the bottom line. Companies rarely do things out of the goodness of their heart and instead only do things that positively affect the profit margin. Then again, even if its for the wrong reason, the mere fact that its being done is good. So here I am, back at square one not knowing if its sincere or total bullshit.

Damn. Why are things so complex and never clear cut?

There is this guy I used to work with  who is “straight” and has a girlfriend. Actually, I think I heard he is engaged now. Nevertheless, he and I were kind of friends at work, but there was always a sexual tension with us. He did not know about me being gay, but he had confessed to me that he has homosexual desires. We were always making comments to each other and doing things that were inappropriate at work, such as pretending to deep throat a breadstick. We talked often about the two of us going out and getting drunk together. I never did it because I didn’t want to drink and drive. Shit, we even talked about taking a road trip to Ho Chunk casino in Wisconsin gambling and getting drunk up there so that we wouldn’t have to drive. I believe that he probably has had some sort of homosexual sex in the past and drinking was the way he could justify doing it again.  I haven’t seen him since our company closed, which was about 3/12 years ago. For some reason though, every few months, I have these hot, sexual dreams about him. The other night, I had one of these dreams. And its not like he is hot or that I’m even that attracted to him, but its just the thought of getting a straight guy that is such a turn on. Shit, to be honest, for some reason I’m probably more attracted to straight guys than gay guys. This got me to thinking.

Why are people always attracted to what they can not have? And this is something that crosses gender and sexual orientation. For example, a straight guy’s biggest fantasy is usually two lesbians. And what’s even funnier is that a lot of times its not even the straight guy having sex with them both, its the fantasy of the two chicks doing each other while the guy watches. Then you have got chicks, whose ultimate fantasy is converting a gay guy. Girls always seem to be more attracted to a guy once they find out he is gay. As I have mentioned, you also have the gay guy’s who want a straight guy. With all this wanting and fantasizing, its almost amazing that people even have sex.

Then there is the whole threesome fantasy. Allow me to explain. I will be chatting with gay guys online (or even in person) and the first thing they ask me when they find out I have a twin brother is, “Really? Is he gay too?” mainly because they instantly get this thought in their head of them having sex with twins. Of course, this is also a big straight guy fantasy too (just ask Hugh Hefner) of sleeping with twins. Did it ever occur to these people that most people would not want to sleep with their sibling? Not only would they not want it, but they would also be disgusted and repulsed at the very thought? I mean, after all would THEY want to sleep with their sibling? No, they wouldn’t so what makes them them think twins would want to?

Really that’s all I have for now.

Check this shit out people, there is a cheese conference and competition held every year! In fact, this July will be the 25th annual and its being held in Chicago! I’ve heard of Chicago! Not only have I heard of it, but I only live a short 27 miles away. Of course, it can sometimes take 90 minutes to travel those 27 miles, but perhaps by July I will own one of those new flying scooter car things. They do have flying scooter cars things, don’t they? What’s that, they don’t? Ahhhh, fuck. Anywho, as it turns out there is a whole American Cheese Society, which as is my understanding is not a society dedicated to American cheese, but instead is an American society dedicated to all cheeses. You can check out more info on the society and the competition here:

http://www.cheesesociety.org/cde.cfm?event=174802

 
As you might have guessed, I’m a complete and total cheese freak. The only food I’m more crazy about is chocolate. But, cheese is pretty damn good too. I particularly like the combining of cheese and chocolate. I have often said that Eli’s Chocolate Chip Cheesecake is pound for pound the best desert on the planet. It just goes to show you what the dynamic and unbeatable combination of cheese and chocolate can become. As for the competition, I just have to find a way to sneak inside. See, I could never make my own cheese. But, I certainly would like to go and be a judge. Or not even a judge, but just be going around trying all of these cheeses. Wow, talk about binding……………..or completely unbinding if you are one of those people who can’t handle dairy. Fortunately, I’m not not of those people, although the potential is there since John and now Mark (at least, he thinks so) have that problem. I guess I might not be far behind. It would totally suck if that happened though. I don’t think you understand how much I love cheese. For example, I think Parmesan is my favorite and I have been known not only to OVERLOAD my pasta with it, but I also take handfuls of it and eat it straight up. Fuck, that’s some good shit.

I think I know who I want to play me in a movie, should they ever make one about me. In fact, I’ve got it pegged, I know who would be perfect for the part: Denzel Washington I mean, look at him

And then look at me

Really, I think the resemblance is uncanny. See, he was recently voted America’s favorite actor. And I of course was recently voted most annoying person to ever work at my job. So really, as you can see we have a lot in common. I really can’t think of anybody else to play me. Well, except Cameron Diaz.