It seems like its been a while since we have heard about somebody saying something this offensive and stupid. You are probably going to be stunned at this quote, I mean in this day and age, how could somebody be this fucking stupid to say something like this. Yes, I would imagine some people do think this way. And yes, he might have been doing it for attention. Well, I guess I shouldn’t keep you waiting, here is the quote that has me and many others in an uproar. Speaking in support of a proposed state constitutional ban on same-sex
unions, one Rev. Hayes Wicker of First Baptist Church in Naples, Fla.,
was recently quoted by the Naples Daily News as saying, “This is a tremendous social crisis, greater even than the issue of slavery.”

WHAT. THE. FUCK!!!!???? Really? Greater than the issue of slavery? Honestly? I don’t know if this guy is black or not, but not only is this comment bigoted towards gays, but it also reeks of  racial undertones as well. Let’s compare slavery and gay marriage, shall we?

Gay marriage- A celebration of the love between 2 people of the same sex.
Slavery- A slaveowner’s love of being a lazy, racist, inconsiderate person.
Gay marriage- Homosexuals being granted equal rights among all other people instead of being treated as second class citizens.
Slavery- Slaves being given equal rights among other slaves but still being treated and thought of as second class people compared to whites.
Gay marriage- Still not legal in 49 states
Slavery- Still not legal in 50 states.
Gay marriage- Battle fought in Senate whether an amendment should be written into the constitution guaranteeing that one class of people should not have the same equal rights as everyone else.
Slavery- Civil war that nearly tore the country apart fought to give one class of people freedom to go along with all other classes of people.
Gay marriage- Resulted in nobody being stolen from Africa, forced onto a ship bound for a country a world away, sold, held against their will, sometimes raped, beaten and treated lower than a sewer rat.
Slavery- Resulted in nearly every one of those things by every man, woman, and child who was ever a slave.
Gay marriage- Gives gays respect and dignity.
Slavery- Takes away slaves dignity and any respect or self respect they ever had.

Ok, so I stand corrected. Both are the same, I mean, both are illegal. But to be fair, you can truly compare the two unless gay marriage is made legal, only then can we compare the two. So I say make it legal so that we can see if society crumbles and another civil war breaks out. Oh. Wait. It is legal in Massachusetts, how could I forget the violent and bloody war that wasn’t fought. And how can I forget how Massachusetts has crumbled to the ground since it became legal in 2004, I mean, the Boston Red Sox have only won two World Series since then compared with three before then. And how about the other countries such as Belgium, The Netherlands, Spain and Canada that have legalized it. I mean, I don’t know about you, but Belgium Waffles have tasted less Belgiumee since it became legal.

I think its pretty damn clear, this so called “man of God” fucking reverend has gone so far over with this statement that it just might be the most offensive and dumbest thing a reverend has ever said. It almost reminds me of the religious right’s king of saying stupid things, Pat Robertson. I haven’t posted anything about him in a long time so I’m long over due. This one is courtesy of positiveatheism.org check them out sometime. Anywho, here’s Pat:

Many of those
people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were
homosexuals — the two things seem to go together.
– Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television
program, January 21, 1993, ignoring the facts that the Nazis killed
homosexuals as ruthlessly as they did Jews and that Satanism emerged
with Anton Szandor LaVey

First of all, check out Liam’s (iusedtobeneat) new blog which has a brilliant post on gay rights and why gays should not get married.

http://blogs.the217.com/withtongue/

Perhaps you might have missed this one, but it turns out that masterbating at least 5 times a week can help prevent prostate cancer. Finally. I mean, when has something fun been known to be good for you? It seems like everything fun is also bad. Well, here are some other headlines I’d like to see.

• Eating chocolate helps you lose weight
• Drinking helps improve your memory
• Sex with random strangers can prevent heart attacks.
• Eating lots of dairy products helps your digestive system
• Eating meat helps your blood flow
• Listening to loud music cures headaches.

I guess we won’t be seeing any of those headlines anytime soon. But still isn’t it refreshing to see that something as fun as masterbating is good for you. And the best part about it is that for good prostate health you should do it 5 times a week. Unlike the whole “drinking wine in moderation is supposed to help your heart, masterbating  5 times a week is a good amount. I mean, if they had said no more than once or twice a week, we would all be screwed. But 5 times a week? Shit, that means that even if you skip 2 days a week, you are still meeting their goal. Of course, what they say now may not be true a few years from now. Shit, they may decide that masterbating is bad for the prostate or bad for another part of the reproductive system, but for now, I say jerk away. Now if you’ll excuse me…………..

Well today I had my first gig. That’s right, I got to perform the funeral songs that I wrote live in front a full audience at a funeral. Oh sure, there maybe have only been 11 people there (and that includes the corpse) but a gig is a gig, right? I got there and some dope dressed up like a minister yammered on for what seemed like forever about God this and heaven that and how the dead dude had come to accept his demise and got himself right with the lord. I guess he had died of some sort of blueberry infection or maybe it was a car accident or perhaps even choking on one of those new gold $1 coins, I don’t know I really don’t pay attention to details. The important part was that he was dead and the family responded to my internet ad giving me my first gig. Haven’t seen the ad? How the hell could you miss it, I did some mass promotion it was popping up everywhere and in all sorts of emails. Shit, I guess I probably should have advertised on some porn sites, I know people use those. Anywho, here is the ad:

           “Have you recently lost a loved one? Is the pain more than you could bare? Or maybe your close relative just died and you are about to CAAAAA-CHING!!!! Hit the jackpot! Either way, let Unkee Mike’s Timely Funeral Songs say how you feel in a way that you never can. Not dead yet but planning on dying sometime soon? Why pay some over priced bitch ass lawyer tons of money to express how you feel. Just say it in song to everybody who pretended enough to care about you to show up to your funeral. With Unkee Mike’s Timely Funeral Songs, you get the time and semi-loving care that you think you deserve. Order now and we’ll throw in our internet only special: The Final Fuck You! a song dedicated to the person you hated the most in your life. Unkee Mike’s Timely Funeral Songs: Because your family shouldn’t have to worry about entertainment at a time like this.”

Isn’t it a great ad? See, I knew you would like it. So this family contacted as soon as their dad died, even before the coroner had a chance to violate his dead body. They were also very excited that they had the honor of being my first gig. They wanted a small service but that didn’t stop people from trying to get in. Hundreds of people were banging on the doors of the church trying to get in. Tickets for my first gig or “funeral session” as its being called on the internet, were going for over $500 on StubHub. Still, the family stood strong and refused to let any of them in. Besides, it didn’t matter to me as I found a way to have a live feed so that it could be streamed live on the internet and on closed circuit tv across the country.

After the deacon priest minister dude did his thing, it was my turn to shine. They announced my name and I went up there with my back up band, The Pallbearers. Since there were no hills in the area, we started off with “Now He Burns”. Well, I guess the dead dude’s son hadn’t heard my stuff. At first I thought he was crying out of sadness but I quickly found out it was due to rage. The lit candle he throw at me confirmed his rage. No need to worry though, I was able to dodge it and it only took out my bass player. I turned around to start the next verse and next thing I know his son tackled me. Normally I don’t mind being tackled, except that I fell backward and knocked into the priest dude who was trying to get hammered on the sacramental wine. The wine went flying out of his hands and into the coffin, landing on the corpse’s head, spilling down into his shirt. This was a big problem, I mean, after all, nothing gets wine out of a dress shirt as it stains like a motherfucker. By now the family was in complete hysterics, people screaming and yelling and crying, except for his 21 year old niece. In the midsts of all the chaos, she was getting double fucked by the drummer and one of the alter boys. It was really quite the scene.

Things were really getting out of control when out of nowhere the Hells Angels showed up. What were the Hells Angels doing there? Well they were playing bingo in the church’s gymnasium and you know the Hell’s Angels, they are never ones to miss out on a good funeral fracas. They came racing in to save the day, breaking up the fight. Oh and they robbed the corpse blind in the process.

So that’s the end of my first gig. I certainly hope things get better from here. I certainly don’t want to get a reputation. I mean, having only 11 people at your first gig can be a lot to overcome  especially if two of the eleven are dead (the Hells Angels beat the son to death).

This has the potential to be a very long post, so do yourself a favor and get out now. Ok, now that I have separated those who think they might be finding porn here with the one person that is left to read this, unplug the phone (or in this day in age, should i say turn the phone off),  grab a cup of coffee and forget about masterbating.

Yesterday was a very long day. It started with me getting up at the unheard of for a Saturday hour of 7:15 in the am. Did you follow that or was it a little confusing. I was volunteering along with 42 other people from my company to help rebuild a house of an elderly couple. This is the 2nd year in a row we have done this. Last year I had to paint and to be honest, I was a total disaster. So this year I was put on landscaping duties. I never realized how hard it is to tell the difference between a weed and a plant/flower until yesterday. I started to pull something up and much to the laughter of many people, what I was pulling was not a weed but instead some sort of plant flower type thing. I’m sorry but if you can’t smoke it than it should be pulled up and destroyed. Outside of that little incident (which I found funny enough to include in here) I really didn’t do anything else that was too overly embarrassing. Well, there was the struggle of carrying bags of sand and mulch, but I was the one making most of the jokes about myself.

I was home by about 12:30 and after exercising and showering, I headed over to Scooty and Kris’s for our murder mystery party. The party was not starting until 6, but I got there about 3:15 to help Scooty and Kris decorate and set up. When I arrived Kris was not home and Scooty and I left shortly after I arrived to go pick up booze. I guess I should give some background as to what the theme of our murder mystery party was. It was an Immortal Costume Ball, complete with vampires and Merlin and Kings and Queens and magic and spells and all that shit. Being a costume ball, we were given free rein to dress however we wanted. My character was an undead asshole of a being. So, I went as Cupid or a dead Cupid, kinda like the song which you can hear on this very blog. Shit, I’ve got a ton of pictures so perhaps I should post some of them here.

Really, I look like hell here but its the best way I could give you the full effect of my costume. Oh, and as for the afro, I thought the costume came with a wig, but it didn’t so I used an old afro wig I’ve had for years.

Here is a picture of everybody, most of us dressed up. Take notice of Mark licking Kris’s leg like a lollipop.

Those of us that have seen the pics think this was the best pic of the night.

Anywho, back to the story. We got started shortly after 7. Now keep in mind, this game takes about 3 hours to play. Kris was not actually playing but instead the host. I was like the detective person but since I co-planned the whole thing with Kris, I knew who the killer was. The 2 characters that were killed were Scooty’s and Kristine’s. Here is how we found their bodies.

No, it wasn’t my ass that killed them, although it probably could have been. they were both poisoned. Although those two were the only planned murders, we had 4 other people murdered throughout the game. After being murdered, you come back as another character which Kris and I planned. We though it would be hilarious to bring Scooty back as Christie’s love slave who she liked to treat as a dog.  That is how this following picture came to be

Yes, that is a pink dog collar which I picked out. Unfortunately, it was too small for him to keep on his neck. I also bought him a chew toy. As for the game itself, we all had such a good time, even those of us who were confused (I was not confused but that is only because I knew the outcome the whole time). Although the party was to celebrate Kris’s birthday (her birthday was actually April 17), yesterday was actually Todd’s birthday so we decided to make him the killer.

After the game, we all hung out and it quickly turned into another Scootyfest. Scooty had recently bought a trampoline for the kids. Well, since there were no kids there, we adults soon found ourselves on the trampoline. I walked out back and on my way to the trampoline for whatever reason, I took off my entire costume and jumped on the trampoline wearing only my boxers and socks. Sure it was only about 40 degrees out but for some reason I wasn’t cold. Maybe it was the fact that I  was drunk. Actually I think that probably explains it all.

A little later we started playing the infamous card game we play when we are all together. It involves a lot of drinking and exchanging of clothes. All I know is that by 1:45 I was exhausted and passing out at the table. So I went to the basement to pass out not even realizing that I didn’t have my pants or shirt on. As it turns out, my shirt partied longer than I did. It also got more action than me having been worn by just about everybody else playing the game. I woke up about 3:50ish to hear some of them (Todd, Pam, Christine, John, Keith and Heather) talking about my being gay. I don’t think it was anything bad, but it still made me cringe. So, I got up, but by the time I got up there the conversation had changed.

All in all it was a fun and memorable night. Come to think of it, a lot of us didn’t remember much of the night. For example, I had to be reminded about how I spilled an entire glass of wine on the table and into Scooty’s  lap. Kris had to be reminded of how during the game she told me to take over her hosting duties because she was too drunk. Scooty had to be told by Kris that somehow, he passed out under the covers with his head at the foot of the bed.

In spite of all the work and planning that Kris had to do for this party, it was all worth it in the end, as you can tell by the pictures we had a tremendous time.

After many many years of searching, I have finally found out what I want to do with my life. I want to write funeral songs. Ohhhh, I know that sounds cliched  I mean after all who among us has not wanted to write funeral songs. Maybe it has been your dream since you were a kid to write funeral songs. But, I’ve decided that I’m finally going to do it. See, there just aren’t enough funeral songs out there and the ones that are out there are centuries old. I’m going to write songs that bring funeral songs into the new millennium.  And not only will I write them, but I will also perform them. As George W Bush would say “I put the fun in fun-eral!” Ohhh, what a long and prosperous career its going to be. I mean who doesn’t want to have a new, fresh song played at their funeral. I think I will start off with just generic songs about funerals, but maybe as I go along and get more gigs I can start to personalize them. Here, let me give you an example of both and in the process show off my brilliant and amazing writing skills.

Today is Earth Day. Of course if you are reading this tomorrow then that means that yesterday was Earth Day. And by yesterday, I mean Tuesday, which is actually today. Therefore if you are reading this today than today is actually Earth Day. This much I do know, you are not reading this yesterday because I didn’t write it until today. Oh, and Who’s on first.

Anywho, with that out of the way, lets talk about the earth, shall we. I’ve always considered myself a bit of an environmentalist so here are some issues that are dogging the earth.

• Global warming. As it turns out, the earth has been undercooked all these years. Global warming is the earth’s way of raising temperature so that it can properly cook. Many people think this is bad for the earth, but honestly why would anybody want an undercooked earth. I say, lets fire things up, after all if the earth has been cold all these years it deserves to finally be comfortable and happy, especially after all it has done for us.
• The ozone layer. Everybody knows about the hole in the ozone layer. It actually has gotten smaller in recent years, or so I’ve read. We need to do what we can to help the earth out and reverse the trend. See, the ozone layer is like a gross layer of slim that covers a body of water; it looks nasty and nobody wants anything to do with that water. We need to remove this gross film that covers the entire earth. Just think of how nasty you feel after not showering for a few days. The earth feels like that all the time. We need to help the old man out.
• The cutting down of trees. Trees…………..what a fucking nuisance. Trees are kinda like ear hair or nose hair or chest hair that has just grown out of control. You trim that shit, its the only way to look good. Nobody wants to look in the mirror and see a hairy ape starring at them. Well same thing for the earth. Cutting down trees keeps the earth looking spiffy and neat.
• Polluted water. Recently there was a study that revealed that most of America’s drinking water has prescription drugs in it. There has also been water that has been polluted with other chemicals. This is good for the earth. This means the earth is having a good time and partying hard. So the earth would fail a drug test, big fucking deal. It just shows that the earth knows how to unwind and live it up. I say good for the earth, finally after a few billion years she is able to let go and not worry about what others think. Its about damn time.
• Litter. On the surface litter is good. Literally. See, the litter and garbage on the surface of the earth  covers up the earths bad spots. Its kind of like make up, put there to hide the wrinkles and make somebody look good. Just ask a celebrity if they are willing to go without their make up and the answer is “hell fucking no.” Same thing with the earth and my thinking is why should be deprive the earth of looking as good as possible at all times.
• Air pollution. We all love a nice sunset right? Well, that comes from pollution. Its kind of the earth’s version of plastic surgery. Somebody gets old and they want to still look young and attractive, well the pollution helps the earth keep its youthful look. Shit, he has to do something, I mean after all how many billions of years old is the earth?
• Extinction of species. Well, that’s just like the earth having an STD. Getting rid of some of those annoying species is like getting rid of crabs. Sure, crabs aren’t deadly like some STDs, but instead they just annoy the shit out of you makin you wish you had never nailed that chick in the port-a-potty at Lollapoloza. The faster we can help the earth get rid of some of those species the easier it will be for the earth. And, he won’t have to keep reaching down to scratch “the south pole” if you know what I mean.

See, now I hope you all understand how important Earth Day is. I know this is about the 37th or 38th Earth Day and I say its about damn time the earth had a day to celebrate itself., kinda like the earth’s birthday. And why not celebrate by the earth getting totally wasted. Now if only there was a way for the earth to roll a big fat blunt.

Great, wonderful, shocking news. Sears was able to fix something the first time they came out! That’s right, the hot water tank is working! Although I guess I should wait and see and if it is still working in a few days maybe then I can say Sears was successful. Much thanks to Heather and Keith for use of their shower on Saturday. Yesterday I showered at Mark and Amy’s house. Amy’s only rule was that I could not jerk off in the shower. So I jerked off over the toilet instead.

I finished watching that John Adams mini series on HBO last night. The whole thing was ok, not great. I watched it mainly because it was about one of the founding fathers and I have always had a fascination with them and the American revolution. Last night focused on the final years of his life. So as you could imagine, he was old. One thing that I found amazing was their teeth. The teeth were disgusting. They were all sorts of different colors, black and yellow and just gross. They had summer teeth…………some are there and some aren’t. And I do realize that they probably didn’t have dentists back then and oral (heheheheheh……….I said oral!) hygiene was not really practiced, at least not with regards to brushing or flossing. All I could think of was having to kiss somebody with teeth that bad. They must of had some pretty kickin death breath. And no way to make the breath smell better, its amazing that they had as much sex as they did back then. I know I’m overly insecure about my breath as I know I have had cases of bad breath myself. I just can’t imagine having to deal with something like that.

We are less than 2 weeks from the Kentucky Derby. I’m trying to talk some people from work into going to Arlington race track to watch a simulcast of the Derby. Of course they have racing the rest of the day at Arlington. It has been several years, shit, now that I think of it probably 5 years since I have been to the track. I always love going. I remember last time I went one of the jockeys asked me to have sex with him in front of his horse. He said that the horse loves to watch him have sex. And not just sex, but sex with random people, either male or female from that day’s crowd. The watching of the sex gets the horse all pumped up and ready to go. I found it a bit odd myself, but who am I to turn down sex, especially with an athlete. Yes people, jockeys are athletes. So, we go back into the stable area and start to go……………..

Wait, stop. Do I really want to go there? Do I really want to make up a story about how I had sex in front of a horse? Is that just too creepy? I should remember that sometimes complete strangers happen upon my little blog here and I wouldn’t want them to think I’m weird or something like that. I’m thinking its probably in my best interest to stop the story right there.

I’m kinda pissed right now because my hot water tank has stopped working. Sears is “supposed” to be out to fix it tomorrow. Then again, Sears was supposed to do a lot of things. Still this has left me to scramble to take a shower. Yesterday was at Keith and Heathers. Today will probably be at Mark’s. Hopefully after tomorrow I won’t have to worry about it anymore, but with Sears you never know. They are also “supposed” to call today to confirm the appointment. Well, its almost one in the pm and so far no phone call. My thinking is that if I don’t hear from them soon I will call them to confirm myself.

Last night was Christie’s birthday party. John, Kris, Heather and I decided to car pool. Christie lives in Lincoln Park so I had a brilliant idea of eating at Giordano’s for dinner. The plan was to go to the one in Willowbrook. Heather and John both had the brilliant idea of calling ahead and seeing if we can place the order so the pizza could be cooking while we drove to the restaurant. This actually worked out like a charm, as the pizza arrived at the same time our drinks did. I guess I should explain that we were eating deep dish pizza which can take 45 minutes to cook. So, ordering ahead saves a lot of time, especially since we were pressed for time because we got a late start. On the other hand though, it meant we would spend less time at Giordano’s which was a little disappointing because Heather and Kris really enjoyed bouncing up and down on their very bouncy booths.

Oh, I almost forgot. Before we left Heather’s, I had to pull my car out of the driveway so that Kris could pull her van where my car was. John and Kris were still in her van and Heather got into the back seat of my car, which truth be told, was a bit of a mess. As she sat back there she said “you could have at least cleaned your car” and I looked over at her sitting in the back seat and said “well, you could have at least closed my passenger door”. Yeah, she left it open. I didn’t have much room to complain though, as my door was open as well. So I drove down their driveway with both doors wide open.

We got down to Christie’s right about 7 and much to my surprise, we had no problem finding a parking spot. In fact, we even managed to find one almost right in front of her building. This was a welcome change of pace as normally it takes a long time to find a spot. Also for the first time, we were the first ones there! Originally we had asked Christie and Jeff if they wanted to go with us to dinner but they were unable to. We had every intention of saving Christie a piece of pizza, even going as far as to get her a large. But, it was so damn good that we at the whole thing.

I’ve got to go for now. Will update the rest of the post later.

So anywho, I’m back now, had to watch the Cubs game. So anywho, some of Christie’s other friends showed up. We hung out there until about 11 when John, Heather, Kris, Jeff, Christie and I went to a bar called Hogs and Honeys. Although I had never been there before, the girls all had. Much to our surprise there was no cover charge even though it was late. There were a lot of people there, but I wouldn’t say it was packed. It was a very diverse crowd too, blacks, whites, Hispanics, old, young, male, female, gay, straight honestly there were people from just about all walks of life there. They were playing dance music and they had a mechanical bull which there was a short yet very slowly moving line for. Kris and I waited in line for what seemed like forever to get on, but while waiting I saw how the guy in charge of controlling the bull treated another guy who was riding the bull. So, I changed my mine. Heather and Kris however got in line later and both rode it.

They also let chicks dance on the bar there too. In fact, Kris and Christie both walked right in and started dancing on the bar. Later on they had this contest in which 5 guys got on the bar took off their shirts, drank a beer and then did 5 pull ups on a pipe that was hanging from the ceiling. The guy that won was very cute and had a great body. I had thought about getting up there too when they were looking for guys to go up there, but I was driving and not drinking, so that quickly ruled me out.

The whole time we were there we were standing next to a bar table with a bunch of drinks on it. I was drinking water and put my water down on the table. After a while I picked it up and drank it and when I did, I realized it was a very strong water. In fact, it was not water at all but somebody’s vodka on the rocks. Turns out my water was on the OTHER side of the table. How fucking nasty is that, I drank some stranger’s drink. Ewwwwww.

Anywho, that’s all for now. Fuck. I wish I could shower without having to leave my house.

Today I appeared naked in front of an older man.  He touched my special area and felt around. No, I’m not talking about in a sexual manner, get your mind out of the gutter. I had my annual physical today. The doctor says I don’t need to go every year, but shit, since my health insurance covers it, why not go. Last year I found out I had slightly high cholesterol, so I responded by cutting back significantly on meat and started eating a lot of oatmeal. I should find out in a couple of days if it worked.

 As for everything else, the doctor strongly recommended that I start taking steroids. He said I have puny girly arms and a tiny cock. He said that the roids would make my arms bigger and give me an excuse for having a tiny cock. “Shit, if you are going to have a tiny ass fucking cock, you might as well have an excuse for it, right Mike?” is what he said to me. Hmmmmmm………….would I be right in thinking that might not be the most professional thing to say to me?

Since I didn’t have to be into work today until Noon and I was done at the doctor’s office about 8:45, this gave me over 3 hours to kill on what was a heartbreakingly beautiful day, although probably just a little too windy. I went to a place called Blueberry Hill in Aurora (at least, I’m pretty sure it was Aurora) for breakfast because I heard some good things about it. Turns out, it was very good and since I have been dieting for a couple of months (not that I need to diet, but I wanted to make sure I had my cholesterol down) I felt I earned the right to eat unhealthy today. That being said, I still had what is probably the worst thing a person can eat: corned beef hash. Ohhhh, so good. After breakfast I did some shopping before heading into work.

Those of you that have been reading for a long time probably know how much utter hatred and disdain I have for motorcycles. I HATE them with a burning passion, at least the loud ones. The sole reason being is that I live on a busy street and when it gets warm like this, jackasses like to zoom up and down my street making all sorts of noise. Also, the asswipe across the street has a very loud Harley and he is known for starting this damn thing early in the morning. Well, today being the nicest day of the year thus far, this presented him with the perfect opportunity to rev up that loud hunk of shit. Let me tell you how early it was. This no good, inbreed, piece of shit, cocksucking, ass-eating, mother raping, donkey dick eating, stinky ass sniffing, fuck monster decided to rev up that loud ass piece of shit scrap metal at 6:-motherfucking-15 in the go fuck your whore of a mother morning. Now, I wasn’t getting up until 7 this morning so as you can probably tell, I was none to happy. He seemed to leave it running for what felt like 3 fucking hours. In reality it was probably only 5 minutes, but 5 minutes at 6:15am when you are woken up feels like 20 minutes, at least when you are trying to fall back asleep. Now I want to be clear about something I don’t normally make mother jokes. But this guy has been doing this FOR years and I am sick of it. Now I know what you are thinking “Mike, why don’t you march your girly arms over there and talk to him?” Well, for starters even though I have not interacted with him much at all, the little interaction I have had or somebody I know has had with him shows me that he is a first class asshole. If I did ask him to stop, he would not stop and actually do it more often. Sure, I can call the cops, but honestly, at that time in the morning all I really want to do is fall back asleep. If I get up to call the cops, even if my phone is right next to me, that is going to keep me awake as I would be unable to sleep after that. Plus, by the time the cops get there, he is long gone. He does it just long enough to wake up the fucking neighborhood. What a worthless drain on society this fuckbag is.

42 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT JACKIE ROBINSON

By Mark Kelly,
ESPN Research

• heckels's Blog
• older »