First of all, thanks for the advice about the roof. Its pretty much unanimous, everybody that I ask agrees that my priority should be the roof. Now to try to get somebody to give a quote. In spite of the fact that it has been leaking for quite some time, I really don’t think there is any mold up there. It is a drop down ceiling complete with insulation which may have helped prevent mold. At least, that is what I’m hoping for. I’m hoping and keeping my fingers crossed that the roof can be fixed for under $5000, although I am not holding my breath. Then again…………..if there is mold, I probably should be holding my breath, don’t you think?

Just when I all but gave up on my Cubs-Cards trip to St Louis next month, another guy from work said he might be interested in going. I don’t know if he was serious though. He also mentioned going to New York City for a Red Sox-Yankees game 4th of July weekend. See, he is a big Yankee fan and just got back from NYC a couple of weeks ago. He wants to go again especially with this being the last year for Yankee Stadium. And, I have never been to Yankee Stadium myself. The Red Sox have always been my second favorite team, but do I dare wear my Red Sox jersey to a game in New York? Certainly there will be other Red Sox fans there. Still, I hope that I’m able to afford to go, what with the roof and all. Something tells me (and by something, I mean Yahoo)  airfare is going to be ridiculously priced that weekend. Still, to a more immediate future, I have to determine by the end of the week if I will have somebody to go with me to St Lou or else cancel the trip. I have already booked the room and don’t want to pay the full cost of the room by myself. Wow, that all sounds pathetic. I would not be going by myself, Mark and 3 other guys have a room, I just don’t have a partner to room up with.

I do have some extra money coming to me though. Long live the Douche Bags of Fashion! My fantasy basketball team, the aforementioned Douche Bags of Fashion, won my fantasy basketball league championship. This will net me $80 which is after the $30 fee I paid to join before the season started. Sure, it won’t pay for a roof or a trip, but it can’t hurt. It was a trying season too. We had the first draft back in the first week of November. One of the guys in the league bitched about how he didn’t know how to use the draft room and how he was not happy with his team and that he wanted to redraft. I was VERY opposed to a redraft, as we had already drafted a couple of days into the season. I was happy with my team too, but this guy managed to drum up support for his cause. I told the commish that although I was vehmetley  (spelling please, I fucked this one up so bad that even spell check couldn’t help me) opposed to a redraft, if the majority of people wanted a redraft, than we should redraft. So we did. In the process the commish made an error and somehow I wound up with the 2nd pick in the draft. And after the first team took Kobe Bryant, that meant that I would take Lebron James! Even with him though, I started off slow, even losing back to back weeks in a blow out, which really hurt my team. Still, I managed to come all the way back to have the top seed for the playoffs. It also helped that another guy never paid and even though he finished with the best record, because he never paid he was ineligible for the playoffs. So looking back, I guess I owe my winnings to a hell of a lot of luck. That being said, most of the other guys did not pay much attention to their teams throughout the season. And while that worked in my favor, I did pay attention to my team every single day and in the end it paid off.

Douche Bag pride!

I almost forgot, the other night at Clem’s I also arm wrestled with that chick, once left handed and once right handed.  And yes, I did beat her. Twice. I still got it!!!!

Yesterday was Nate and Izzy’s 1st birthday party, as opposed to Wednesday when Mark and Amy  had us over for dinner on their actual birthday. The party was at the American Legion in Joliet from 1-4. I was going to get there at noon to help set up. They had their name on the sign out front.

That was cool.

I was prompt in arriving, however as it turned out, there really wasn’t much to do. So John, Mark, Matt and I sat around for about a half hour playing Rummy. At about 12:30, some dude showed up with the food. And I want to stress dude. In spite of the fact that it was 40 degrees out with a mix of rain and snow, (although, mostly rain), he was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and moccasins looking like a surfer who was fresh off the beach. Still, I didn’t mind, he was young and cute. As for the food, it was very good, everybody was raving about it. They had some very good baked pasta, along with beef, garlic mashed potatoes and potato wedges.

The party was only about 3 hours long and went by very quick. Not much to say about it except that we had a nice time. Afterwards, some of us (just Mark’s siblings and Amy’s immediate family) went back to Mark and Amy’s to hang out. This meant Wii. In the first game of Wii bowling, Mark was perfect going into the 10th frame. The first 2 balls were strikes. He was one strike away from a perfect game. I could tell he was a little overly excited as he tried to roll the ball and he must have forgotten to press the “B” button while rolling because he got that message on the screen that tells him how to bowl. He then went again and BOOM! He knocked down all but 2 pin, giving him a 298. In the next game he got a 200. The next few games he got even less. After playing a game of golf, we were at it again with the bowling. Once again he went into the 10th frame perfect. This time though, things were very different, he finished it off for his first Wii bowling perfect game. He then followed that one up with another perfect game. Ok, now it was old hat and I could stop rooting for him to get a perfect game. After all, he was kicking my ass.

Later we sat around talking about my house situation. See, in addition to the leaky roof and the busted floor, I’ve also got some serious mold building up in the crawl space. The mold could be a very serious situation or so I’m told. My difficult decision breaks down like this. Which do I get fixed, the mold or the roof? See, the roof could cause mold in my attic or ceiling as well. Or, I can fix neither and just sell the house as is and take a big hit. After all, in all honesty, I have probably about $15,000-20,000 worth of work needed on the house. I’ve got money saved up, but not that much. Plus, if I decide to sell as is, can these problems hold off for a year for me to sell? With a crappy economy and a horrible housing market, I can’t take a hit because repairs are needed and expect to get a decent amount for the house in this market. I feel so overwhelmed with the situation, made even worse by the fact that not only do I not know how to fix any of this, but even if I did know a little bit about these sort of things, these problems seem so complex that they almost need a professional to fix them. The question is, what do I do?

Yesterday was the twin’s birthday so we went to Mark and Amy’s house for dinner. Back when Addison had her first birthday, Mark’s father in law made a wooden chair for Addison and he put a little plaque on it saying her name, that it was from him and the date. He did the same thing with each of the twins as well. He is very handy, the chairs look great and I don’t think I could ever make a chair like that.

Mark and Amy have a set of 3 or 4 folding wooden tv trays which they keep in their kitchen. I’m always worried that one of the babies would crawl into it and it hit them. After dinner we were given a pretty big scare when somebody bumped into one of the trays  and it fell on Izzy. I swear it hit her in the head, but I guess it must have hit her back or her leg. Although she cried, her head was not hurt and we didn’t see a bruise or mark anywhere on her body. Still, it scared the shit out of me and everybody else who saw it.

Last night we went to Clem’s instead of going on Thursday like we normally do. While we were there, this cute girl walked in with 3 guys, one of them was kinda ugly, one was kinda cute, and one was SMOKIN. As for the girl, I was reminded quite frequently by Randy, Scooty and Keith about how amazing a certain part of her body was. Of course, I kept reminding them that her boyfriend (or at least the guy we assumed to be her boyfriend) was fucking hot too. While we were playing pool, she came up to me and asked me if she could play pool. I said after this game, it would be all hers. I mentioned that for this bar, she was overdressed as she had on a long white skirt with a red top. She said she always dresses that way.

After we started playing darts, she came back up to us and asked for our names. Keith said his name was Keith but somehow, she didn’t hear Keith but instead heard Cage. I dunno………….I’m thinking she might of had drunk ears. You know how people slur their speech when they are drunk, well maybe their hearing is slurred as well. Shit, it makes sense. Your speech is slurred, you are seeing double, why shouldn’t your hearing be fucked up too?

Anywho, this chick seemed to be all over the bar, back and forth between pool, the bar, the juke box and the dart board. As I was picking a song out of the juke box, she was asking me what I was picking. She talked me into playing Frank Sinatra’s “Luck Be A Lady Tonight”. Once the song started, she said she wanted to swing dance. She started to show me some moves when her “boyfriend” came up. I know you are all expecting things to turn bad, but honestly, he was cool. She tried to teach him how to dance but he just wasn’t getting it. Ironically, I think for the first time in my life, my gayness started kicking (gay guys can dance) in because all of a sudden, I was able to dance……………..at least better than him. So on she danced with me and her boyfriend thought nothing of it. And its not like he knew I was gay because to a stranger or the casual observer, its not very obvious. My guess though is that this was not his girlfriend. Shit, she was way to friendly with me and a couple of other guys at the bar to be dating this dude. Of course, the ironic part is that although she was very fun, I was not interested in her but instead in her “boyfriend”.

Keith had remarked that even if he were single, he could never start talking to a stranger like that. He said that its just my personality. Shit, I wish that John had at least some of my personality when it comes to things like that. I’m quite certain if I was interested and applied myself (assuming she was not with that other dude) I could have gotten her number last night and maybe even bagged her. Then again, maybe that’s just my ego kicking in, after all I was not the only guy she was flirtatious with.

I swear to all thats holy and sacred (which for me really means nothing, since I don’t believe anything is holy. Its part of the price of being an Atheist, nothing can be holy) winter just won’t fucking die. Saturday is the twins 1st birthday party and a high of 43 fucking degrees (yes that’s right, fucking degrees, which means that fucking is the best way to keep warm) is expected with an ever pleasant rain/snow mix. By then it will be mid April. And after this past weekend’s nice weather, I can’t go back to snow and 40 degree highs. We are passed that. And its not that I don’t like winter. I do, I’m just done with it and so ready for spring. As far as I’m concerned I’m done with wearing a coat. That’s right, I’m boycotting coat wearing until October. And I know I’ve got a cold now, so yes I’m willing to risk pneumonia or crotch itch by going coatless.

Wow, how pathetic have I become. I’m blogging about the fucking weather. What am I, 78 years old? No, I don’t mean a 78 year old today, I mean me in 50 years. Let’s face it, while today’s 78 year olds are known for bitching about the weather, they are hardly known for blogging. I’m just assuming that should I be so fortunate to make it to 78, I have every intention of still blogging.

Once again its time to go an a magic link ride:

http://backhand.uchicago.edu/Center/ShooterEffect/

This site has a test which helps to determine if you might be subliminally racist. See, you have to shoot at people if they have a gun and not shoot if they have a cell phone. Although honestly, I think we all want to shoot people who have a cell phone, am I right people? Anywho, all of the people are either black or white males. The study has shown that even people who say they aren’t racist, they are still shooting blacks quicker than they shoot the whites. Subconsciously, they might be racist. Now I’ve always been curious as to if I’m as non racist as I claim to be. Here are my results:

Your Score:  275

Average reaction time:

Black Armed:614.64ms

Black Unarmed:673ms

White Armed:602.52ms

White Unarmed:660.04ms

Well, the numbers don’t lie. Turns out, I am prejudice……………..against whiteys. Oh, and also, I’ve got a very slow reaction time. I can’t even count how many times I was too late to shoot. Hmmmmmmm……………….maybe I am already 78 years old.

Its pretty safe to say that I’m pretty well fucking steamed right now!!!! See, you may know that for years now I have been trying to get pregnant. I am desperate to get pregnant. In fact, I would love nothing more than to get pregnant. Ohhh, to have a little one growing inside of me. Just think of the money I would make if I became the first guy to get pregnant. That is, until now.

Have you heard about this one, people? It turns out that some guy in Oregon is pregnant. He was on Oprah. David Letterman did a top to list about him. And I’m sure he is getting more publicity and probably money from this. Here is the catch though. In spite of his beard, deep voice and hairy chest, he is not a true man. Even though the bulldozed her mountains down to a flat field, he/she is still missing something very essential. Now, sure he had a sex change from chick to a dude. But, that’s not the end of the story. See, he/she never had the plumbing switched over. Turns out, nothing is dangling in between his legs. That’s right, he still has a baby hole. And although I’m by no means an expert or some sort of genital scientist, boys have boy parts, AKA cock, dick, beefstick, magic wand, frank and beans, pogo stick, or demon pencil. Girls have girl parts AKA pussy, fuzz box, fun hole, hot box or cooch. So, if this person has no fun bags yet no doodle, what the hell is it? Honestly, how the hell is he going to breast feed? In an episode of Family Guy Peter tried breast feeing Stewie, but let me tell you, this person is no Peter Griffin.

So this begs the question, male or female? Honestly, I lean towards female because, well, shehe doesn’t have a penis. Yet, shehe doesn’t have titties either. The only thing I can figure is that this is some sort of third option combo of both sexes. But, what would that be called? I mean, you have male and female what would the third type of person be called? Shmale? Feeman? Barbara Bush? I know some people would say hermaphrodite, but that’s too complicated. We need something that is as simple as boy and girl or male and female. A title that says it all. One that pretty much speaks for itself. Any ideas?

Now I didn’t post about what happened and I’m not going to go into details, but I found out yesterday I get to keep my job. I know it sounds weird that I won’t give any details, but the last thing I want is for my work to find me on Xanga and fire me over something like that. I know its VERY unlikely that they would even find me, but I just don’t want to take that chance.

Last night I went out with Danielle, who I used to work with at AAA. We went to the Bolingbrook Golf Club for dinner. For those of you not familiar with it (which is probably most of you) the Bolingbrook Golf Club is a VERY nice golf course which is about halfway in between my house and work. I’ve never actually been there but every year comedian Tom Dressen has a charity golf benefit which brings out a lot of celebrities and athletes. The closest I’ve come to going to the Golf Club was getting pulled over on the road that its on and pulling into the parking lot so that the cop could give me a ticket while I blew his partner. Anywho, where is a link to the website:

http://www.bolingbrookgolfclub.com/

I expected the food at their bar and grill to be outrageously priced, but it was more reasonable than I thought. Sure, the Awesome Nachos Danielle got were $10, but these things were a meal in themselves. They were fully loaded on a large dinner plate, piled high with cheese, beef, sour cream, onions, olives and peppers on the side. And even with me having some of them, Danielle was still not able to finish them. Not only that but she left behind a lot. Oh, and they really kicked ass, they might have been the best nachos I ever had. I got the ravioli which came with my choice of soup. I chose the French onion which was very good as well.

There was this really cute bartender who working there. I kept checking him out as soon as I got there. The more I saw him the more I thought he was gay. And after dinner we moved to the bar, I had a chance to talk to him and interact with him. He was very cool, always smiling (he has an AMAZING smile) and having a good time. He is 23 and started working there 6 years ago as a  busboy. Turns out, he is the manager of the bar and grill now. And he loves his job, which is always cool. All that was wonderful, but it also doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to me at this point because he has a girlfriend, which means that he is straight. And yes, I know what everybody says “well just because he has a girlfriend doesn’t mean he is straight.” And yes, that can be true in some cases, but for the most part, most guys who date girls are straight. And I’ve never been the type to be the other man. I also don’t like to live under the delusion that I can convert a straight guy. Gay guys that believe that really annoy me.

Still, it all means that I’ve got no gaydar. In fact, I’m starting to believe that there is no such thing as gaydar. I usually just try to base my opinion on if somebody is gay by their mannerisms and how they talk. It never works.

Ok, this is bullshit. I just got over a cold last week and today I have a sore throat, which for me is usually how colds start. I certainly hope I’m not catching another damn cold.

Do you remember how once at my last job I used my cock to stir my coffee?

The season is only 2 games old and already the Cubs are pissing me off. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not panicked as there is still a LONG time to go, I’m just frustrated. Fuckers!

Once again I thought of something to write about earlier but for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was. Therefore I’m going to have to insist that one of you follow me around at all times and take notes on my thoughts. To keep things interesting, I’m not going to say  my thoughts, you are just going to have to figure them out. After all, speaking is just a crutch.

Remember a few weeks ago I said I had some friends who took a trip to Cambodia, Thailand and Japan? You don’t remember? Well fuck you then, you should have been reading damnit! Nevertheless, the pics have finally been posted on my friend’s website. You purchase them if you like, here is the link:

http://www.otpweb.com/

Enjoy.

All right, you have got to check this story out, I didn’t get a chance to write about it last week. I really wish I had the original link because it gave more detail and since then the story has changed a little bit.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080328/ap_on_re_us/daughter_s_death_prayer

It seems these wonderful parents decided to leave the health of their 11 year old daughter in the hands of God. As it turned out, God was at spring break in Daytona Beach all week and therefore she died. See, they refused to bring her to the doctor or hospital because they believe the Bible, which says healing comes from God. Shit I can think of better ways than to leave it up to God. Why not flip a coin. At least then you will know right away if the kid is going to die or live. Or why not determine when you will take her by who gets voted off American Idol. That way, you know you will be guaranteed to devote time at least once a week to her condition. Ok, maybe twice a week I really don’t know how many times a week that stupid piece of shit show is on. Or, maybe you leave it up to the Democratic presidential race. If Obama wins the Wisconsin primary, she doesn’t go to the doctor, if Clinton wins, she does. That way, you can make a point about their health care plans in the process. Of course if they had gone that route, she would still be alive as the Wisconsin primary was weeks ago. Then again, she would still be dead because Obama won Wisconsin.

And these Christians are probably the same people who are against gay adoption. Well, this story is positive proof that some radical Christian zealots are more dangerous than gays. They like to say that children need both parents and should not live in a household without a mom and a dad. Or in this case children should not live at all. They want to try to prevent gays from reproducing, yet they don’t have enough Goddamn sense to take their dying child to the doctor when sick. “Oh, don’t worry about a thing Jenny, God’s got our back. After all he is our Father and he won’t let anything bad happen. Now where is the repentance whip, I need to repent because my hand brushed against the fine, firm ass of Tom Johnson’s at church today.”

I don’t mean to make light of a tragic situation. Ok, so I do mean to make light. But its only because I’m so very outraged at the whole injustice of the situation. In spite of it all, I actually don’t believe the other children should have been taken from them. After all, the government should not be intervening with the way people choose to raise their kids. I know it sounds crazy because obviously these parents are about as fit as Brittney Spears to raise a child. But, nobody, especially the government, can tell people what is the right way to raise their kids. And I do understand the argument that bad parenting can put the children’s life at risk and I do recognize that thinking. I also don’t disagree with it either. But, if a parent wants to home school their child in spite of the fact that the child would obviously be better off in a public school then so be it, that is the parent’s right. And in the cases of child abuse, I can understand the government stepping in. But, this was not a case of child abuse. And also, we have a  glorious thing in this country known as freedom of religion and if somebody’s religious beliefs precludes them from taking their sick child to the hospital, than you can not charge them with a crime. These used to be core Republican beliefs, which was against big government and kept the government out of our personal lives. Somehow though, it all went wrong and now the government sticks their nose anywhere they can stick it.

I know the mere thought of me agreeing with some Republican beliefs is really weird. I feel all dirty. But, keep in mind that was old school Republican thinking. The Republicans lost their way years ago and are so far away from those beliefs that they can never be trusted again.