June 9, 2008

• Some of you or maybe even all of you are really going to appreciate this holiday I just made up. Today is LUNCH Day. What exactly is LUNCH Day you ask? Well, allow me to tell you all about it. See a few years ago my brother Mark taught me and our friends a cool card game called 99. No, its not named for Agent 99 from Get Smart. I will spare you the details of the game except to say that potentially at one part in the game, the point total equals 69. Mark, in his hilariously juvenile shouts “LUNCH” when the score hits 69. Soon he had all of us shouting it. So, with today being June 9, the 9th day of the 6th much, its LUNCH Day, which is not too much unlike Steak and Blow Job Day, which is March 14.

  So what should entail LUNCH Day? Here are some brief guidelines I have cum up with.

  • Well for starters everybody should be in a good mood because, hey, who doesn’t like a little 69?
  • Second if somebody asks you for the date you are obligated to shout out “LUNCH!” At that point its up to them to realize that today is indeed June 9 or LUNCH Day. If they fail to figure it out, well then they are just really missing out, aren’t they now?
  • For this day and this day only, you can legally do 69 on the expressway. If a cop pulls you over and questions your speed you just shout “LUNCH” and he let’s you off. Its really that simple.
  • Those of you are are fortunate enough to be 69 years old are entitled to a free meal at Denny’s. Those of you who are actually turning 69 on 69, well that’s better than a golden birthday. Not only do you get a free meal, you also get to 69 a local cheerleader at no cost to you.
  • Their is a special 69 lottery ball inserted into every lottery game. Its pink, has a number 69 on one side and a big ‘ol pink smiley face on the other side. Its known as the “LUNCH Ball”.
  • Minor league baseball teams will host a special promotion called “LUNCH Day” in which every fan at the park 6 foot 9 inches or taller gets a free lunch.
  • At 6:09pm everybody, no matter where you are or what you are doing,  shouts in an exuberant, exhilarating, and orgasmic manner “LUNCH!”. Bonus points if you actually have an orgasm at 6:09pm.

  See, I happen to think I’m off to a good start here. I’ve always been a guy who has been open to suggestions and ideas so please feel free to add your own ideas or traditions. I’m sure there are a lot of great guidelines that I’m just flat out missing.

  • 10:17 pm
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