Some of you or maybe even all of you are really going to appreciate this holiday I just made up. Today is LUNCH Day. What exactly is LUNCH Day you ask? Well, allow me to tell you all about it. See a few years ago my brother Mark taught me and our friends a cool card game called 99. No, its not named for Agent 99 from Get Smart. I will spare you the details of the game except to say that potentially at one part in the game, the point total equals 69. Mark, in his hilariously juvenile shouts “LUNCH” when the score hits 69. Soon he had all of us shouting it. So, with today being June 9, the 9th day of the 6th much, its LUNCH Day, which is not too much unlike Steak and Blow Job Day, which is March 14.

So what should entail LUNCH Day? Here are some brief guidelines I have cum up with.

• Well for starters everybody should be in a good mood because, hey, who doesn’t like a little 69?
• Second if somebody asks you for the date you are obligated to shout out “LUNCH!” At that point its up to them to realize that today is indeed June 9 or LUNCH Day. If they fail to figure it out, well then they are just really missing out, aren’t they now?
• For this day and this day only, you can legally do 69 on the expressway. If a cop pulls you over and questions your speed you just shout “LUNCH” and he let’s you off. Its really that simple.
• Those of you are are fortunate enough to be 69 years old are entitled to a free meal at Denny’s. Those of you who are actually turning 69 on 69, well that’s better than a golden birthday. Not only do you get a free meal, you also get to 69 a local cheerleader at no cost to you.
• Their is a special 69 lottery ball inserted into every lottery game. Its pink, has a number 69 on one side and a big ‘ol pink smiley face on the other side. Its known as the “LUNCH Ball”.
• Minor league baseball teams will host a special promotion called “LUNCH Day” in which every fan at the park 6 foot 9 inches or taller gets a free lunch.
• At 6:09pm everybody, no matter where you are or what you are doing,  shouts in an exuberant, exhilarating, and orgasmic manner “LUNCH!”. Bonus points if you actually have an orgasm at 6:09pm.

See, I happen to think I’m off to a good start here. I’ve always been a guy who has been open to suggestions and ideas so please feel free to add your own ideas or traditions. I’m sure there are a lot of great guidelines that I’m just flat out missing.

You all remember (you all……………..shit, that makes me sound like I’m from fucking down south) the guy from work I was telling you about, the one I have a slight crush on? Well Friday was his last day of work so last night a bunch of us were planning on having a little farewell party for him at a bar right next to work. It was to start at 7 in the pm, and I arrived about 7:05. Not to my surprise, but I was the first one there. Now this is a rather huge bar so I wandered around looking for him or anybody else from work. In my wanderings I rode on elevator with a waiter who had this very good looking desert which was iced cream along with a brownie of some sorts. I just had to have it and later on, I ordered it, except instead of a brownie I got a cookie. Good shit, but not as good as it looked in the elevator.

He finally got there about 7:20ish. As it turned out, the girl who was planning the whole party actually got sick and wound up in the hospital, which meant that her boyfriend and several other people would not be making it. In fact, only one other person made from work which was kinda disappointing. I felt bad for him but we just tried to make the best of a bad situation and just hung out for a couple of hours.

Now this guy is a very liberal guy, he does not like Republicans or hardcore Christians, even though he is Catholic. Most liberals are very friendly to gays, but Friday at work he told me something that lead me to believe otherwise. Now keep in mind he does not know that I’m gay. He insisted that being gay is a choice and that gays only say its not a choice so that people would feel sorry for them. This upset me and made what was already a bad day even worse. Normally if somebody has that sort of attitude I just write them off and don’t really talk to them anymore. And yes, I’m very tempted to do that with him. On the other hand, I feel this obligation to come out to him for the sole reason that I believe I might have some sort of a responsibility to show him that he is wrong. Being a masculine gay guy who loves sports and many other “straight” things means that I have a unique opportunity to have an influence on people like him, people who are not clouded by the prejudice of conservative Christianity. Sure, I might lose a friend and I’m right back where I started but on the other hand I also might change a perception and help the gay cause. Sure, its just one person, but every person helps and makes a difference. I often have trouble making new friends because I am……………er……………very selective with my choice of friends. In other words, I don’t want to have a friend who is racist or a bigot. This guy and I get along very well and could probably be good friends but only if he is able to accept me for something I can not change: being gay. Its not like we are all that close though, he doesn’t live very close to me and we don’t hang out all that often outside of work. I thought about telling him last night but could not muster the courage to tell him, which is a common problem with me. But maybe sometime over the course of the next few weeks I will gather up the appropriate amount of courage.

Today we were supposed to play baseball at noon. The forecast called for a 30% chance of scattered storms, so we liked our chances of playing a game. As we were about to leave though, we heard that part of our county was under a severe thunderstorm warning. And looking outside it was cloudy with some threatening storms off in the distance but it was also very very windy meaning that it very well could blow right over us. We had 8 guys hitting the ball around for a while when it started to sprinkle a little. Then it stopped. Then a few minutes later, it started to rain. It rained for a few minutes before stopping. So, we quickly picked teams and got started. Within minutes of starting it was raining and very windy. I told everybody that I was fine playing as long as it wasn’t lightening out. I dunno, something about swinging an aluminum bat next to aluminum fences that really doesn’t appeal to me. Plus, like a slightly small percentage of people (I’m really not sure, but I think the percentage is somewhere in the neighborhood of 100%) I have an allergy to lightening. If struck, one of the allergic reactions I could potentially have is death. And never being a big fan of my own death, I have always feared lightening. And lo and behold, after a while it started to thunder and lightening out. In spite of having only 4 on 4 (we even had to close a field meaning that if you hit it to right field or left field if chosen, you were automatically out) and in the middle of what probably was a severe thunderstorm, we played. The field was VERY muddy and wet. My glasses were dotted with rain drops making it very difficult to see. The ball was heavy and brown which made things even worse. It was hard to throw and even harder to catch. Furthermore because the balls were water and mud logged, when you hit them they didn’t go as far as they should have. Running from base to base was a chore, in fact we probably would have been better suited using skis. Its not like it rained the whole time though, in fact it was pretty much off and on for the entire 4 innings that we played. Finally though we had had enough and stopped with hopes of playing again in 2 weeks.

Some of you might know this, but as of January 1 of this year, the state of Illinois has gone smoke free in all public buildings. That includes bars and casinos. I have to be honest, I’ve got some mixed feelings about law. On one hand, I’m all for freedom of choice and the government should not be allowed to tell us what to do as long as it doesn’t affect others. That being said, secondhand smoke has been proven to harm people. On the other hand, people have a choice about going to bars or other places where smoking is allowed. Then again, people have the right to be in a place and not have their health put in danger by others.

All of this is besides my point. See, one of the reasons they made this law was to discourage smoking and encourage people to quit smoking. At least, that was their thinking. If they really wanted people to quit, they would make it a law that smoking is required everywhere. Now I’ve never been a smoker, although amongst my friends I’m kind of an honorary smoker. Sometimes I have a smoker’s cough. I drink Pepsi (that’s a subject for another post, long story short smokers drink Pepsi, non smokers Coke). I like to play with lighters and matches. For years when the smokers go outside to smoke I’ve always joined them. Its no secret, I’ve always considered smoking cool. People look cool smoking. In movies, they look cool and like badasses. One of my favorite scenes in my favorite movie, Goodfellas has Robert De Niro slowly taking a drag from a cigarette while the opening guitar rift of Cream’s “Sunshine of Your Love” bellows in the background. All cool. Cool, cool, cool, there is no other way around it. I almost regret that I never started smoking. Of course, now its too late, nobody starts smoking at 32 years old. And now you practically outlaw it and that only makes it cooler.

At the bar I go to every Thursday night the smokers all stand outside the building smoking and socializing, like a group of renegade outcasts who are told they can no longer do something. Honestly, who does not want to be part of that? Certainly this would be appealing to teens, I mean, teens are obsessed with being cool and rebeling. I’ve never been the type to do something because its in or cool but even as an adult, how could you not want to join in a scene like that? Leave it to a bunch of government squares to unintentionally make something that is cool  even cooler. Oh, and by squares I mean people who are nerdy and play by the rules, which smokers are not.

First smokers were ran out of airplanes. Then, they were ran out of office buildings. Then restaurants. Then delivery rooms and emergency rooms at hospitals. Then everywhere else. Next thing you know they are going to make it illegal to smoke inside in iron lung. Again, its making it cooler and cooler. I mean, how do you get people to do something? You tell them they can’t do it anymore. Ohhhh, smoking, how much fun it must be if they don’t let you do it. Just think of sex. Its already GREAT but made even better because those over obsessed God lovers say its wrong. Its so wrong you have to do it. And cheating on a spouse? Even hotter because there is a danger of getting caught.

So I say if they want people to quit smoking you don’t limit people’s access to smoking you give them more access. That will turn off people who want to smoke to be cool, because after all if everybody is doing it, where is the rebellious spirit?

After the Cubs game the other day we were hanging out at a local bar. There were a couple of disgustingly hairy guys who were wearing sleeveless shirts. These are the types of guys who have such hairy chests that the hair lovingly overflows out of the top of the shirt, you know, kinda like nasty seaweed that is oozing out of the ocean. Now the hair has moved on and has overtaken the back and arms. So, needless to say, one could see hair all over up and down the arms. Its really sick. What makes me wonder is what the fuck are these guys thinking? Yeah, I’m sure they really don’t care what others think, which is great and all but it doesn’t mean its pretty. I think they should take into consideration the fact that they are practically making people throw up in their beer at the sight of their head arms. Now it wasn’t even that it was all that hot. It was really only about 60ish out, which is not really shirtless weather. The thing is, I would think they might be at least a little bit insecure about their hairy arms. But no, they aren’t insecure in the least. Now I can understand why they don’t shave them. As I have mentioned before, razors are outrageously and unreasonably expensive and with the amounts of heavy, thick hair on their arms, they would be spending a small fortune on razors and shaving materials. And there is always the fear that if they shave it, the hair will grow back in thicker and heavier, which may or may not be true. But why not just keep them covered as not to sicken everybody?  Maybe they are hoping that people will be so disgusted that they will shave their arms for them. I mean, after all its easier for somebody else to shave your arms than you shaving your own. And I know they aren’t clueless, you know they have to know that their hairy arms are making people queazy. I say cover that shit up for the good of everybody.

I should specify I’m talking about the biceps and not the forearms.

Recently I watched the HBO movie Recount which is about the 2000 presidential election. I did think the movie was good, it was well told and gave what appeared to be a good sense of what each side went through. That being said, it really pissed me right the fuck off. It reminded me of the just how evil to the core Republicans are and how they basically stole that election. I remember before the election I thought of how much I wanted Bush to lose because I knew he was not good. I never thought he would have been THIS bad. I also remember at the time that after the whole thing dragged on for over a month I just wanted Gore to give up because he could not win. Had I known the disastrous effect the Bush Abomination would of had on the country and the world, I would have hoped Gore fought it to the very last tooth and nail. I’m sure Gore and about 100 million other people now agree if they had known then what they know now.

With all due respect to those of you that live in Florida, I’ve never liked Florida at all. After that and in the years since, I have come to resent and hate Florida even more. I almost want to blame Florida for handing Bush the election. Homer Simpson once said that Florida is America’s wang and who am I to argue. Now we just have to take some preventive actions before the November election. I say we cut Florida off. Literally. Republicans are always saying that illegals take our jobs, while here is a job for Americans that is going to take a ton of people some time to complete. We need to saw Florida off. I say decapitate it like like Marie Antoinette and let it float off into the Bermuda triangle never to be heard of again. Its imperative that we do this soon before the Republicans use Florida to steal another election. Oh, I know people can say that because Bush is not running and Jeb Bush is no longer governor we have nothing to worry about. And I do understand that, but let’s face the facts, Florida is the political equivalent of a bisexual, meaning its a swing state and much like 2000 can go either way. And with the disaster that has been the Florida primary many of their democrats and independent voters are good and pissed. So pissed that they would probably vote for John McCain. So I say let’s first build a wall so they can’t come over and then break it off and have some steroid abusing baseball players push it way the fuck away so they can’t fuck things up again. As a complete and utter dumbass once said “there is an old saying in Texas or Tennessee, uhhhhh………..fool me once………….uhhhhh………..ffff………….uhhhhh…………..well, we won’t be fooled again.”  Enough said.

Speaking of politics, the Dems finally decided what should be done about Florida and Michigan and as a strong and ardent Obama supporter, I disagree entirely with the decision. Giving them half a delegate  is a slap in the face to the voters of Michigan (I only include Michigan because the other state is dead to me. Yes, that’s right, I’ve officially disowned it until after the election). As I have said all along, how can the dems reasonably expect an independent voter to vote for them if they only considered them half a delegate. Now I know people say they broke the rules and they don’t deserve anything. And while I don’t totally disagree with that, this isn’t about what is right or wrong. Its basically a public relations battle. Only counting them for half is a PR nightmare. The only logical solution that is fair to Obama, Clinton and the voters is to hold a special election where both candidates are on the ballot and both have had an equal chance to campaign.

And yes, I do agree, Clinton pretty much has no chance to win the nomination. And people have been saying that the longer she stays in the more it hurts the Democrats. That may be true. But, consider this. Bad attention is better than no attention at all. As long as this battle continues, people will be talking and paying attention to Obama. Ever since he sowed up the Republican nomination, people have not had much to say about McCain. Yet, everybody is still talking about Obama. It keeps him on people’s minds which has to be good. As for Clinton, I don’t like her in the least. If she somehow got the nomination I would not vote for her; instead I would vote for Mike Gravel. But, I can’t blame her for staying in. Its pretty much now or never for her. This is her best chance and the best chance she will ever have to be president. Also, with all the time, money, blood sweat and tears put into this, its tough to let go and quit when you have come so far. I have heard rumors that she is knows she can’t win and she is staying in the race so that she can sabotage Obama so that she can run again in 2012. I’m not convinced that is true, but if it is, it will probably backfire. If she costs him this election, how many democrats will she alienate to the point that they will flat out not vote for her in 2012.

Politics. Is there anything so frustrating?

This was the view from my seat at the Cubs game today. Hard to believe, but this is was taken from the upper deck at Wrigley Field. Those of you who have not had the pleasure of sitting in the upper deck at Wrigley, it really is a great view. Its not like a lot of other stadiums where the upper deck is so high airplanes fly below you. Wrigley is known for being close to the action and the upper deck is no different. Even though we were in the first row of the second section of the upper deck (I know that sounds confusing, so let me explain it this way. We weren’t in the front row of the upper deck, however there is a front section of the upper deck, where the front row of the upper deck would be and there is a back section. We were in that back section) we still had a good view and it really didn’t feel like we were very far from the action.

The game started at 1:20 in the pm. I got up at 9 and was out the door by 9:40, speeding down I55 on my way to Lincoln Park to meet this guy from work (some of you might remember him, I wrote about him a couple of weeks ago, also he and I went to opening day as well) which is where his girlfriend lives. I was to take Lake Shore Drive and get off at Fullerton. As I got up to the Fullerton exit, for whatever reason there was a cop car blocking the exit with a cop standing in front of his car to prevent people from getting off. Oh sure, of all the tons of streets that one can exit off of LSD and on the one day I need to get off it was blocked. None of the other streets were blocked, just that one. So as I drove by I unrolled my window and threw a coffee mug at him.

Now even though in recent years I have driven a lot more in the city and gotten to know my way around a little bit, its a rather large city and easy for a dope like me to get lost. I got off at Belmont and it seemed instantly I was lost. The ironic part is that if I were going straight to the ballpark I would have been fine as I know how to get there, in fact, I would even get off at Belmont. But, I wasn’t and this was the problem. I had to call Terry several times for him to help get me unlost. As luck would have it though, after I got going in the right direction I was able to find a prime spot right across from his girlfriend’s condo. This worked out nicely. Within about 10 minutes I met him on the street and we headed on the train to the game.

It was a quick 10 minute ride to the park. Honestly, the next time I go to the game even if I don’t go with him, I’m totally going to do this. It was only $2 to ride the train and only $4 per person to take a cab back. It sure as hell beat paying at the very minimum $30 for parking, especially since I would be the only one paying for parking since he would have taken the train there. Plus, its always nice to take the “EL”. Those of you that don’t know what the “EL”, its stands for elevated train which is what we have here in Chicago instead of subways. Its nice because it means that you still get a view of the city as you ride and its always cool to see the park rise up from the distance as you ride the train.

We got down to the park shortly after 11. We walked around for a few minutes before heading to the Cubby Bear for some beers and a bloody mary. Ok, I should be clear here, he was the one doing the drinking as I didn’t drink at all today. Because this is Terry’s last week at work, it was nice to spend some time with him outside of work. We spent some time talking about work but also did talk about other things.

We headed into the park about 12:30. Although it was a glorious picture perfect day with a high in the upper 70s, we were actually still cold. Ok, again, I should clarify, after he had a few beers in him he was not cold. Being in the upper deck and underneath the awning we were completely shaded. And there was a breeze that was blowing in from the lake. This made it a little bit chilly since I was in shorts and a Cubs jersey.

The game itself was of course tons of fun, in spite of dumb ass Alfonso Soriano’s error in the top of the first. It was also University of Illinois day at the ballpark what with their head football coaching throwing out the first pitch and singing the 7th inning stretch. It also meant that there would be a TON of U of I fans at the game. Throughout the game they kept doing this stupid U of I cheer. Honestly I would have loved it and joined right in had I gone to U of I or even gone to the game with somebody who had gone to U of  I. But, I didn’t and therefore it was not amusing really. Granted, it didn’t really bother me at all. Terry on the other hand………….well he had gone to U of  I……………University of Iowa, that is. He spent a good portion of the game making fun of the U of I people.

The Cubs wound up winning 5-3 to finish the homestand an impressive 7-0, even if it was against one decent time and another team who is the worst in baseball. As soon as the last out was recorded, they played “Go Cubs Go” over the PA system and many people in the crowd, including myself sang right along. The song has been stuck in my head ever since. Then again, when the Cubs are going good the song is often stuck in my head. Fortunately I have it right here on this page to listen to whenever I want.

After the game we went to another bar in the area for a couple of beers. Terry managed to find the only other person in all of Wrigleyville who was an Iowa Hawkeyes fan. We sat there talking to him for a good half hour. After a while though we left and tried to grab a cab. As we walked down the street a very drunk, dumbass Terry kept stopping to pet random dogs on the street. Not that they were stray dogs, but people’s dogs. He even pet a dog that was in a truck. And he started to bend over to pet a sleeping dog on the sidewalk. I started to pull him away when the dog’s owner started to yell at Terry to leave the dog alone.

Soon though we found a cab and went back to his girlfriend’s place. I hung out there for about a half hour before coming home. Oh, and I did manage to get lost coming home as well.