October 21, 2008

• Once again the Republicans have proved just how truly hypocritical they are. For months they have been running around saying that Barack Obama is an elitist. For years they have been saying that Democrats believe they are better than Americans. Yet, if you listen to Sarah Palin and many other Republicans, they like to brag about the “real America” and how life is so much better in the small rural towns and how they grow better people in those towns as compared to the big cities. Of course, these small towns are your typical flag waiving, God fearing, gun lovin Republicans. First of all, I had no idea that people were grown. Since I was about 12 I believed that people had sex and that is how people were made and were babies came from. Then again, Republicans have never been ones to believe in science and since they don’t believe children should be taught sex education, maybe the Palins of the world actually believe people are grown. And another thing, by saying how much better Republican small town people are, they are pretty much being elitists themselves. Then again, I should be careful how I throw around that word, after all the terms Republican and (wait, I should end this sentence now.) And elite should not be used in the same sentence. Technically this is a separate sentence since there is form of punctuation at the end of previous sentence and a capital letter at the start of the next  sentence.  Sure, I know  that is not  grammatically correct, but consider it an ode to Republicans small town people, seeing as most of them never went to college and don’t believe in good schooling. So lets take a look at how those people in those small towns just might be better than us city slickers.

  • Instead of believing in the scientific proven evolution, they believe in creationism. They fight against teaching the science of evolution in schools and fight to have prayer and religion taught in schools. This contributes heavily to our nations declining test scores and why we have fallen so far behind other countries in not only education but also in many other things as well, such as finding cures for diseases, technology and inventing robots we can have sex with. These people fight against science so much that pretty soon they will be trying to convince us that the world is flat and the sun revolves around the earth. 
  • They believe global warming is a myth. So when their town year after year continues to get hit by increasingly more powerful hurricanes, its not global warming, but instead God taking revenge on the nearest big town for allowing gays to have a sperm bath all over each other in the privacy of their own bedroom. But don’t forget, those are real Americans in those towns. I guess they can use the water though, after all they have lots of people to grow.
  • They believe our boarders should be closed and immigrants should not be allowed to come to America. You know, because after all, their ancestors were all grown- er I mean, born in the United States. I guess they seem to conveniently forget that unless they are of Native American ancestry, they are only Americans because somebody in their family had the great idea of coming to America.
  • They love to hate the French and like to say things like “If it weren’t for us, you French people would be speaking German now, so you should all just shut the fuck up and kiss our asses.” As true, patriotic Americans you would think they would know that if it weren’t for the French fighting with us against the British in the Revolutionary War there would be no America, plain and simple. Hmmm………plain and simple, you would think even they would be able to understand that.
  • They are against abortion, are also against teaching safe sex in schools, yet are also against teaching masterbation. So let me get this right the way to prevent abortion is not condom use or masterbation? Is it just me or does that make about as much sense as sleeping in a closed coffin just in case you die during the night?
  • The best way to help people in small towns is to raise their taxes and cut the taxes on the rich people in those very same big cities they loathe. Oh, I get it, they like to hurt themselves. I guess that explains why they are all for torture.
  • Visiting foreign countries and seeing the world is anti American, you know, unless a bumbling dumbfuck of a president wants to march your kids off to some Godforsaken so that he and his friends can get rich off the blood of Americans and the tax payers hard earned money.
  • Gays must be stopped at all cost from being allowed the right to marry. Even me as one of those unpatriotic America hating liberals from the big city understands that: “……We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created
    equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
    Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. I’m pretty sure I remember reading that somewhere. 
  • They believe that one should never question their government, as to do so would be the closest thing to an act of treason. I guess we Americans all owe a debt of gratitude to the founding fathers for not questioning their government.

  Well, when put so clearly its easy to see why people in small towns are better than those in bigger cities. After all, its those people in small towns who the rest of the world is striving to be like.

  • 10:00 pm
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