December 8, 2008

• Well that’s it, I got caught masterbating at work again today. At this point I’m very concerned about the consequences of my actions. I’m afraid they might ask me to start wearing clothes.

  I don’t want to say I told you so, but I have reason to believe that Clay Aiken might be at the very least bisexual. Wait a minute, I’m being told now that he came out of the closet earlier this year. That’s quite a shock. Who’s next, Richard Simmons?

  Ever have one of those days when fuckin people won’t stop looking at you as you drive? I mean, what the fuck people, you never seen a guy drive with his teeth clinched around the steering wheel before?

  So last week I was at the bookstore looking for a book to steal or maybe even purchase. I didn’t have any specific book in mind but instead just wanted to find something that really grabbed me. I came across a book called “How the States Got Their Shapes” and thought instantly “Geez, how fucking stupid” and then picked it up. A paragraph into the section on Illinois I was hooked and bought it. Its actually pretty damn fascinating to say the least. I mean, I just finished Florida and have learned all sorts of interesting facts about how the states boarders were determined. Just read these interesting facts I’ve found out so far, and I’m only 10 states in:

  • Alabama- Got its crooked western boarder because nobody in the state was smart enough to draw a straight line.
  • Alaska- We really don’t need to know shit about this state since patriotic”first dude” Todd Palin is working so hard for Alaska to become its own country.
  • Arizona- Back in 1853, a 20 year old John McCain helped form the boarder.
  • Arkansas- A recent poll of Arkansans showed that they confuse Arkansas with Kansas. Not really a fact about their boarder, except to say that its no wonder how their southeastern boarder gets screwed by Mississippi.
  • California- The boarders of California are not finalized because they are waiting for “the big one” to come and break them off and fall into the ocean.
  • Colorado- This state is basically the gay porn actor of states. Its so hung that it carries over and buttfucks Nebraska and shares a massive 4 way with Utah, Arizona and New Mexico.
  • Connecticut- They are pretty much the bitch of boarders. Their boarders have been whored with so much that one has to wonder if Connecticut has any self respect.
  • Delaware- See the thing with Delaware is that its got a size complex and therefore runs around saying “its not the size but how you use it.” Poor little Delaware. At least it has a thick shaft.
  • District of Columbia- Its not really a state but technically its not a city. It wants to be a full square but it got in an argument with itself and couldn’t finish. Really, it suffers from a massive personality disorder.
  • Florida- Homer Simpson once called America’s wang. It actually got its shape so that it could be used to fuck America up the ass for the 2000 election.
  • Georgia- Shaped like a really fat pregnant person which is kinda fitting what with the high rate of teen pregnancies.

  Ok, so 10 states (and one pseudo state) down and 40 left to go. Although I try to read often, I don’t get a chance to read every day but will continue to post “facts” about the other states as I go on.

  • 10:24 pm
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