July 22, 2009

• Form FU666J8675309

  We here at the Mafia have decided that going forward a God damn form will be needed for all fuckin’ whackins. Please fill out the following form and allow 6-8 weeks for processing before being contacted for a potential sit down about having the sonofabitch whacked. All questions are required to be answered honestly, failure to answer honestly could result in you being fucking fitted for a new pair of concrete motherfucking shoes. Please fill out the following form taking note to answer every fucking question.

  “Name”:

  Non-tapped phone line you wish to potentially be contacted on:

  Address of  home in which you live in and that will be burned down to the ground should you fail to fucking pay:

  Are you a fuckin’ rat:        No       Fuck no

  Name of person you wish to have “eliminated”:

  Is the person you havin’ whacked a fuckin rat:     YES             NO         I took a sacred oath not to tell nobody nuthin’!

  Is the person you havin’ whacked a made guy:     YES             NO 

  If he is a made guy, do you have a really good fuckin’ reason for orderin’ the hit and do you have the required form stamped and dated by a Godfatha. Keep in mind that failure to get approval to whack a made man will result in your own whacking:    YES   NO     Too scared to answer

  Where do you want the whackin to take place:       At the sonofabitches home       At the opera       Comin’ out of an Italian restaurant

  How would you like “it” done:    Shot in the mout’       Shot in the head       Shot in the chest       First shot in one knee, wait 20 minutes then shot in the other knee, wait another 20 minutes before being shot in the head, mout’, chest and groin

  Seriously are you a motherfuckin’ piece of shit rat:       I said no the first time       How could you even ask me that after all I’ve done for you

  How many times do you want the piece of shit shot:                12       15       31       Everythin’ you got and than another fuckin round

  How would you like the body disposed of:        Properly       Left in the back of a meat truck       Cut up and thrown in a dumpster       Buried in the endzone of Giants Stadium       Weighed down and dropped into the bottom of the fuckin’ ocean       Head sent via US mail as a warning to others

  Are you upset that Jon and Kate broke up:       Who cares       It’s about time, I bin bangin’ that broad for a fuckin month!

  Do you swear to never tell no one nuthin’:       Yes       Please shoot me anywhere but the face

  Legal mumbo jumbo (and by legal we mean the Feds better not find out shit or else): If you dare tell anybody shit, than yous will be the ones gettin’ the fuckin’ whackin, you understand? Failure to pay the fuckin money ta-day will result in fuckin broken legs. If you don’t pay after dat, then you are gonna get fuckin whacked, you hear? No doin’ some stupid shit like makin copies of this form. No emailin’ this form. No talkin’ about this form. If anybody asks, we are in waste management. If anybody else asks we are in construction and we are doin’ this “thing” for you. If anybody else asks tell us who and we’ll “take care of ‘em”. Don’t contact us, we’ll contact you. Oh, and you better not say fuckin shit!

                                  

  Signature (to be signed in blood):

                                                                                

  Form FU666j8675309

  • 11:21 pm
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