January 11, 2010
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I Fought The Vending Machine And The Vending Machine Won…………..Until I Came Back And Won!
I try to avoid writing about work because, honestly, does anybody really want to hear about my day at work? Also I deal with work for 9 hours a day, the last thing I want to do is write about it so that I have to relive work again. But something happened today that I just had to write about. I only wish that somebody had caught it on video so that it could have been You Tubed. Then again in this day and age, perhaps it was caught on video and already on You Tube. And in all honesty, in retrospect I probably should have been embarrassed, but hell if it were me watching the whole thing unfold, I would have found it funny too. Then again, I actually did find it funny.
See, I went to lunch in our lunchroom and saw a lady drinking that Pepsi Throwback, the Pepsi made with sugar as opposed to corn syrup. I’ve never tried the Throwback, so I decided to buy one. A bottle of pop (we here in the midwest call it pop……………deal with it!) in our vending machine costs $1.50. We have one of those state of the art, modern vending machines that has the arm that pulls the bottle out and puts it in some sort of lift thingy and it comes on the side of the vending machine. So I put in my money and made my selection and watched the cool little arm go to the Pepsi and grab the Pepsi. Only this arm seemed to hang onto things about as good as Packers QB Aaron Rodgers hangs on to footballs in overtime. Somehow, it picked up the bottle and knocked it into a bottle of Coke, knocking the Coke to the floor of the vending machine. As for the Pepsi, the arm returned to its normal position with the Pepsi laying slanted across the damn arm. At first I started yelling at the vending machine. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but there probably was a curse word or two involved. Next, my instinct was to reach in there and try to get it, but keep in mind, there is no slot at the bottom to grab things. So then I started to move to try to shake the fucking machine but remembered that oh, right, it wouldn’t matter because the only way things get out is if the arm delivers it.
I thought maybe I would buy another Pepsi, but I only had a $10 and no change. I went downstairs and paid $1.79 for the Pepsi in a deli that is in our building. I rushed back upstairs and who do I run into as soon as I’m coming in from the stairs? The vending machine guy! I told him that I had a problem with him and that his machine was fucked up and stole my money. So he and I go to the lunchroom only to find another poor slob who put money into the machine only to have the same thing happen to him and now the Coke was joined on the bottom of the vending machine by a bottle of Mountain Dew. I’m not sure, but I think the Coke and Mountain Dew were fucking! It was right about then that I realized that I had forgotten to get my change from the $2 I put in the vending machine. Turns out, after he had the problem with his pop, the other poor slob went to get his change and used my fifty cents to buy himself a pop! Well fortunately the vending machine guy was there to refund me for the $1.50 I put into the machine, but I still lost 39 cents on the whole deal.
I should mention that the whole time I was arguing and fighting with the vending machine, everybody in the breakroom, which was probably 20-30 people were watching this whole thing unfold, shaking their heads and laughing. The rest of the day I kept on getting comments from people about the whole ordeal.
You might be wondering if I liked the Pepsi, it was good but probably not worth the trouble I went through. As for the Coke and Mountain Dew, well it turns out they got married. Word is, they are actually expecting, they made an appointment with Dr. Pepper just to confirm.
