So none of my teams made it to the Final Four. For me, the only team of even the slightest interest is Duke, and that’s only because they have Jon Scheyer, who I find to be really hot. Also he is from Illinois which is another reason to like him. And I also think he is gay. Ok, maybe its wishful thinking because I think he is hot. But, something about him makes my malfunctioning gaydar go off as him being gay. I can’t wait until he accidently sends nude pictures of himself to the wrong person who then posts it online. Until then you can just look at this picture.

I know he might not be everybody’s type but man, what a body……………and that smile………….ohhhhh man that smile can melt butter.

Have you all heard about the whole Republican National Committee scandal in which some people from the RNC went to a sex club in California? The Republicans can’t do something like this again because it makes me defend them and the last thing I want to do is defend Republicans. That being said, who gives a shit that they went to a sex club? Oh sure, they might have used RNC funds, but honestly is it any different than when Republicans use RNC funds to be entertained in any other way?

Did anybody give up Catholicism for lent? Well I say don’t end a good thing, keep it right the fuck up right after Good Friday and Easter.

I’ve got a tooth ache. Do you really think the people at Chrysler give a shit?

The other day I bought a pair of brown shoes. Sketchers to be exact, but not the skater type but instead the business casual type. Why is this significant you might ask? Well I’ve been wearing the same pair of brown shoes since about September of 1999! I’m not exaggerating at all either. I still remember buying them and why I bought them. I used to always wear Nike; in fact, I had no other shoes. But, one time I went to a bar in Chicago and they would not let me in because I was wearing gym shoes. I was with a group of people and them not letting me pretty much meant that nobody else was going to go either. So I realized I had to buy some non gym shoes which is how I wound up with those shoes. On the surface they still looked wearable. There was a hole though in the bottom heal of the shoe that allowed pebbles to always get in and I would on occasion hear them rattling around in there. This went on for at least two years, probably three or maybe even longer. Yet, I never bought new shoes. The way I saw it was that they were still wearable so why buy new shoes? Now don’t get me wrong, I did have a black version of those shoes. I realized I needed them to go with my black pants. So I bought those probably 6 or 7 years ago. Still on that pair. They look fine.

See, I’ve never been a person too overly focused on fashion. In recent years I have tried to be more aware of what I’m wearing. But, I still don’t often buy new clothes. In fact, last summer I bought three new pairs of jeans. It was the first time in 5 years that I had purchased new jeans. My previous jeans were worn out very badly so I figured it was probably time. People were amazed that I had gone so long without buying new jeans but the way I saw it was if they still fit and did not have tons of holes, then why not still wear them. Oh sure, I had lost some weight and they were kinda big on me, but again, its not like they made me look like a vagrant.

A friend of mine recently told me that somebody he worked with was selling a Chicago Bulls windbreaker for $10 and since he knew I was a big Bulls fan, he thought he would ask me if I wanted it.  It was an XL and I’m a medium, maybe a large at best. But, he showed it to me and I tried it on and it really didn’t seem all that big on me. So I bought it. I showed it to a coworker yesterday and he asked me if it was an Apex. I told him yes and he explained that it was a very old jacket as Apex had its apex of popularity right around 1995. I told him that for me, that was still fairly new as I have a Chicago Cubs jacket that I still wear that I got as a Christmas gift when I was a sophomore in high school………………in 1990! It barely still fits. Barely. I should probably stop wearing it, but hey, what can I say, it is not in bad condition and its not like its really tight on me. So its a Starter jacket and that company went out of business over a decade ago, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wear it.

Its not that I’m cheap. Wait. Actually maybe I’m a little cheap, as I never like to spend money. Its just that I tend not to buy things unless I need them. It also doesn’t mean that I’ve got tons of money from not spending because that’s not the case either. After all, I always tip a good amount whenever I eat out or go to a place that requires a tip. And its not like I hate to go shopping or wear new clothes, I mean who doesn’t like to look good with what they wear? In fact, I don’t know what it is. All I know is that I should probably dress better than what I do. You might want to know what I’m wearing now? Well who the hell said I was wearing anything?

Oh come on. Don’t any of you do any naked blogging?

 This morning I woke up and before my feet even touched the floor, I had the Who’s The Boss? theme song stuck in my head. I know. Pathetic right? See, there is this new manager at work who looks an awful (and please, do stress the word awful) lot like Judith Light, circa 1984. She has the big goofy blond hair and the shoulder pads and everything. So for some sad and disturbing reason my first thought this morning was her soon followed by the Who’s The Boss? song, which when I got to work, soon became stuck in the head of many of my coworkers. They loved me for that! In return, they got a bunch of other 1980s really bad tv show theme songs stuck in my head. See, I’m the king of useless information and tv theme songs are among my specialities. There was a time when I had good use for shit like this because there was this bar my friends and I used to go to that had a tv theme song contest and I pretty much won every single time and with the winning came free food and shit like that. Geez, I don’t know if I should be proud or embarrassed…………..or maybe a little proud and a lot embarrassed.

It got me to thinking though, how really bad television was in the 1980s. It wasn’t bad enough that every sitcom seemed to be the same, but they were all bad. And I watched nearly all of them! Of course, I was a kid at the time so I was easily amused, but when I look back on it……….geez, these shows were horrible. I managed to catch some old episodes of Growing Pains about 10 years ago and all I kept thinking was “wow, I can’t believe I used to watch this shit!” Back then it was literally a golden era of crap. Just look at these awful shows: Who’s The Boss?, Growing Pains, Gimme A Break!, Different Strokes, Webster, Just The Ten Of Us, Three’s Company, (although that was more of 1970s show, it did run until 1984) and hell even some of the shows that were not supposed to be funny, like Knight Rider, were awful too. Its hard to pick the worst one among them, but when I think about it, was there anything worse than Small Wonder, about a 12 year old girl who was a fucking robot. And I don’t mean a robot that fucks, but an actual robot that looked just like a real girl but talked like, well, a robot. It was awful. I loved it………..at the time. But looking back on it now, they were all so lame and formulaic. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there were still some good shows out there, although I never got into it, Cheers was a classic and I still like Night Court and Moonlighting neither of which were all that bad. The Cosby Show was good too, but even that got old after awhile. What was so amazing is how long some of these shows managed to stay on the air. I mean, Who’s The Boss? was on the air for 8 fucking seasons! EIGHT!! Growing Pains for 7 years! Seriously, 7 years? That’s longer than real growing pains last. And for fuck’s sake, even Small Wonder somehow managed to stay on the air for 4 years. I’ve got to wonder who comes up with these shows and what the hell exec gives them a chance? Then again maybe I’m the dumbass, after all, people loved them and they were on the air for years.

Its not to say that shows before or after were good. Hell, I’m sure there were just as many bad shows in the 1960s and 1970s. Outside of a few shows, (like Get Smart and Soap, I love both of those shows, I think they are just as great now as they were then………..of course, I wasn’t around then but have seem them countless times in syndication) I haven’t seen a lot of 60s and 70s television. And the 1990s and 2000s have had their fair share of shit. Its just that the 1980s there seemed to be so many really bad shows. What was it about that decade that produced so much shit? And hell, even if you take the shit ass reality shows off of tv, there still is not a lot of quality programming left on the networks nowadays. But the 1980s? Well, it serves a special place in Shitland, complete with horrible theme songs and bad acting. They all seemed to be the same.

Fortunately there came a few shows that were different enough and groundbreaking to bring us out of the 80s. I’ve always been a big fan of The Wonder Years, I think that show was great and at the time, unlike anything that had been on tv. And then there was Roseanne, an edgy take on your typical sitcom. And then came probably the two most influential shows of the past 30-40 years and my two favorites: Seinfeld and The Simpsons both of which changed television forever. We really had seen nothing like them, but thanks to them we have shows that broke the trend. And then there was HBO and FX and the rest of premium and basic cable. We no longer had to put up with the lame shit on network tv.

I typically don’t watch too much prime time tv. Perhaps I’m too scarred from those lame 1980s shows. Hell, even since the 80s I’ve been a sports guy. In the past 10 years, I can count on one hand the number of new prime time network shows I’ve watched. There was 24 which was amazing its first few seasons, but it got old after about the 4th season so I stopped watching. There was Arrested Development, which was not on nearly long enough, however IFC replays old episodes and there is talk of a movie. I’ve borrowed several seasons of Scrubs from a friend of mine, but I’ve never watched it besides the dvd. And last but not least, I allowed my brother to get me into Modern Family which has the same humor as Arrested Development. Of course, I still do watch The Simpsons and Family Guy but that is all of my prime time network tv viewing. Instead I watch most of the HBO shows, such as Big Love, Entourage, Hung, and the amazingly funny Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I know a lot of people who have a different set of shows they watch every night. While there is nothing wrong with that, I realized a long time ago that you can only watch so much tv as there are of course, only so many hours in the day. And if I’m going to devote my time to a show, I want to make sure that it is a good or great show, otherwise, its just not worth watching and wasting my time.

Is anybody else disappointed that Hollywood Video is closing? Although I don’t know if all of them are closing, the one in my town is closing and honestly, I think its only a matter of time before the rest of them start to close. I guess this is the cost of technology, what with Netflix and Red Box and shit like that. Doesn’t mean that I have to like it though. Actually its quite the opposite…………….I hate it. I know Netflix likes to sell you on the whole convenience of not having to leave the house to get a movie, but there is something to be said about being able to just jump in your car at the last second and go down to the video store instead of having to wait for a movie to come by mail. And sure, you can rent a movie from your cable or satellite provider but it doesn’t come with all the DVD extras that I love. And its even more money than renting from a video store; for example, its $4 to rent from Hollywood Video but $5 to get one from Comcast. And with Comcast, you only have it for 2 days and like I mentioned before, it does not come with the extras but with Hollywood Video, you get it for 5 days and it does come with the extras.

Last night my plans got canceled, so I decided to get a movie. I’ve got an odd taste in movies, at least for a guy. Or for a gay guy. For example, I’m not big into action movies, which I find to be unrealistic; you get one guy who is taking on 500 people and he is kicking the shit out of all of them because for some reason, they all decide to wait and take turns to fight him. That would be my feminine side. And I’m not into those romantic chick flicks, you know the ones, where the guy and girl meet once and fall instantly in love and they can’t live without each other. Soon they fuck and its all nice and slow and romantic and they both cum at the exact same time. And before he has even pulled out, they are each professing their love for each other. See, that’s total cornball shit, and that would be my masculine side talking. Instead I tend to gravitate towards comedies, dramas, indies, documentaries and suspense. I guess to simplify it, I’m kind of a movie snob.

So last night I watched what could be described as a chick flick. Or at least a black chick flick, however I wouldn’t say it was a chick flick as much as it was a dark and disturbing story about a black teenager who’s life is, well, utter hell. You might have heard of it and maybe even seen it, as it was nominated for Best Picture. It was called Precious and outside of Mo’Nique (who by the way looks a hell of a lot like Dr. Dre in the movie) and a small roll for Mariah Carey and an even smaller role for Lenny Kravitz, stared a bunch of unknown actors and actresses. That being said, it was an amazing movie, although very tough to watch especially if you are the type of person who is human, unlike members of the Tea Party “movement”.  Although the movie would appeal more to females, some guys would like the movie a lot because in the end, it is about somebody who is in the worst of possible conditions and who is trying to overcome so much.

Remember last week when I said that finally did a NCAA tournament bracket? Well, today I got the results of the first two rounds. Out of 39 people, currently I am in………………….

Last fucking place. And quite honestly, its not even close. I’ve got 56 points the next highest score is 66 points. The person with the most amount of points has 90. It was a fun first day and I would like to do it again sometime. I didn’t expect to do good so I guess I’m not surprised. And after all, I can say that I’m the best…………at being the worst. I always say one should always strive to be the best at what they do, well clearly there is nobody better at being awful!

Geez. Less than two weeks until opening day.

For some reason, every year I do a post that is dedicated to 10 years ago, just to remember events and things from 10 years ago. Of course, this year, we look back at the year 2000.

• Remember the Y2K bug? Turns out it was nothing.
• Sony launched Play Station 2. Man, just look at how far video games have come. Hell nowawdays they do everything but jerk us off.
• January 30, 2000- The St. Louis Rams win one of the most exciting Super Bowls ever.
• February 13, 2000- Peanuts creator Charles Schultz kicked it old school.
• March 26, 2000- Vladimir Putin elected president of Russia. 10 years later he is still creepy.
• April 22, 2000- Remember the whole Elian Gonzalez saga? Well it was on this day that federal agents seized him from his relatives home in Miami and returned him to his father via Federal Express.
• April 25, 2000- The state of Vermont legalizes civil unions for same sex couples. Now it finally had something to be known for besides screen doors.
• May 4, 2000- Remember the ILOVEYOU computer virus? Well this was the day it was unleashed on the world, ironically making people hate their computers.
• October 12, 2000- The USS Cole is attacked by Al-Qaeda killing 17 and wounding 39. Gee, I wonder if we ever caught the leader of Al-Qaeda?
• November 7, 2000- The election of 2000 was like none other in American history. Remember waiting 6 weeks to find out who won and then having George W Bush appointed president by the Supreme Court? Is it just me or was that the biggest damn mistake they ever made?
• The world population was over 6 billion people.

Here were some of the songs that were released in 2000:

• Again- Lenny Kravitz
• AM Radio- Everclear
• Beautiful Day- U2
• Bombs Over Baghdad (B.O.B.)- Outkast
• Deep Inside Of You- Third Eye Blind
• Down With The Sickness- Disturbed
• Follow Me- Uncle Kracker
• Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse
• It’s My Life- Bon Jovi
• Last Resort- Papa Roach
• Music- Madonna
• One Step Closer- Linkin Park
• Outside- Staind
• Pinch Me- Barenaked Ladies
• Renegades Of Funk- Rage Against The Machine
• Right Now- SR-71
• Stan- Eminem
• Superman (It’s Not Easy)- Five For Fighting

Here were some of the movies from 2000:

• How The Grinch Stole Christmas
• Cast Away
• Gladiator
• Meet The Parents
• Scary Movie
• Me, Myself & Irene
• Almost Famous

Here were some of the top tv shows from 2000

• Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
• ER
• Friends
• The Practice
• Touched By An Angel
• Daddio
• Dharma And Greg
• The Drew Carey Show

As for my own life in 2000, on January 2 my mom died, but that has been documented here before. It was her death though that led me to later finally get a job with health insurance and benefits, but that wasn’t until 2001. In this day and age of the health care debate, I went about 6 or 7 years without health insurance, and 2000 was one of those years. In March of 2000, I took a road trip to Florida with my friend Jt. The trip was cut short because of a reason that I can not get into on here. Also in October of 2000, myself and 3 friends took a weekend trip to St. Louis to go to some haunted houses if you can believe that. It wound up being a very fun trip, the haunted houses were great. And I won money at their casino down there.

So that was 2000. Doesn’t seem that long ago, does it?

Have you all heard about this lady who’s goal in life is to be the fattest woman in the world? Currently she is about 600lbs and to reach her goal she would need to get to 1,200lbs. Now I will be the first person to say that to each’s own, I mean if this is what she wants out of her life, so be it, its her own damn business. Also, she does not have a self confidence issue as somehow she thinks she is sexy. And not only does she think she is sexy, but she also wants to gain the weight and then go to the beach in a bikini, that is assuming there is enough fabric in the world to make something to cover her, after all she is already a size XXXXXXXL. Then again, if they can make those American flags that cover an entire football field than they should be able to make something twice the size of that to fit her.

But, its not just that she is fucking stupid. Or even fat fucking stupid. She is motherfucking fat fucking stupid on a level that I can’t even begin to comprehend. Its not just the goal of being the fattest chick in the world. It’s one of her theories of thinking that makes her already the record holder of being the dumbest person in the world. She said she wants to do it in a way that is smart and that is healthy. Huh?

Yes, because weighing as much as a Hyundai is healthy, you know much in the same way that going from smoking cigarettes to cigars is healthy. Just the mere fact that she thinks she can do this in a way that is healthy puts her in her own class of stupid. And not just stupid, but really fucking double fucking fucking stupid.

She is already on record for being the fattest person to give birth. Fortunately, no doctor had to risk suffocating to death by going under the tunnel of fat folds to get to her fatbox, instead it took a team of 30 medics to deliver the birth by C-section. When you need more people than a baseball team to help you give birth, you might want to wake up and realize that “oh shit, maybe my eating has become a problem?”

At 600lbs I have all sorts of questions, but not nearly the questions I would have one she reaches the magic 1,200 mark. For example, just how big does the toilet have to be for her to take a shit? And will she need a team of 30 to wipe her ass?  Hell I don’t think there is a toilet big enough or strong enough to hold somebody of that size, at least not a toilet that isn’t the Pacific Ocean. Also, if the  biggest bed is a king size, than what size would she have to have, universe size? And just how doe she plan on getting to the beach, by tow truck? And when her heart finally says “you know what, fuck this shit, I’ve had enough of your fat ass, I’m checkin’ the fuck out” and she has a massive heart attack, just how exactly are they gonna get her from the massive padded concrete slab she will have to sleep on to the Titanic sized ambulance to take her to the horse stable to try to give her heart surgery, since she could never fit in a real hospital?

I guess I should show you a before picture of the fat fuck. Keep in mind, this is before.

Really, I don’t think the picture does her justice. I saw a couple of other pictures that made her look even fatter. Well, I’m sure it wasn’t the picture that made her look fat, but instead the layers and layers of fat that made her look fat.

Now I know I’m probably coming off as a complete insensitive dick. Wait. Maybe insensitive is not the right word, after all, this is her choice. But maybe shallow and juvenile. And while that is all true, I’m completely disturbed by somebody who has such a hazardous goal. And like I said, if this is what makes her happy, than good for her, after all its nobody’s business how she chooses to live her life, after all, she is not hurting anybody. People have a right to do stupid shit like this, which is part of what makes America great.

And another part is that I have the freedom to say just how fucking disgusting this is.

Ohhhh, I’m so excited, “the man”is coming out with a Green Day Rock Band. It should be released sometime in June, I think around June 4th. Of course, my problem is that while I’m a big Green Day fan and also love Rock Band, I don’t have a video system. Fortunately though, I’ve got a friend who has a Wii is also a big Green Day fan. I will have to buy it for him.

Saturday night I went to my friend’s 40th birthday party. That is all.

Say, do you think this looks infected?

So they passed the health care bill last night. I watched much of the coverage and although I’m glad it passed, I was totally creeped out by one Nancy Pelosi. I swear, she is like a fucking an animal. Or maybe just a………..I dunno………..but for those of you who watched it, did you see when she was speaking she kept on making this funky noises? Geez, what a fuckin freak!

Well, if you heard a lout crash and burn over the weekend, that was the sound of my NCAA bracket crashing and not just burning, but going up in absolute flames. Not only did the 2 teams I had in the final both lose, but I think I’ve only got about 5 or 6 teams left. Still, somehow, my 2 other final four teams are still alive. The rest of the bracket is a disaster.

Will somebody please kick that fuckin dog in my neighborhood that won’t stop barking?

My boys and I went to the casino Friday night. We had free coupons for the all you can eat seafood buffet. After waiting in line for an hour and eating some damn good food, we went into the casino. The plan was just to gamble a tad and than head over to my brother’s house. While I did play about 10 minutes of video poker, Jt and Dave were not done yet. So I went over to the bar section of the casino to watch some of the NCAA basketball tournament (don’t ask about the brackets………….both of the teams I had in the final are done……….and for the most part, so am I). Unfortunately, for some reason instead of having the games on they were playing music videos. There was, however, a very cute young guy sitting alone drinking at the bar. I pulled up a seat 2 chairs from him. We both sat silently for the better part of 20 minutes before the bartender said something to which I made a joke and the cute guy laughed. That was all it took to fire up a conversation.

He turned to me and started to talk to me. In the process he crossed  his legs in a feminine way, which certainly made me think “Hello………..jackpot, this cute boy is gay!” He asked me what I did for a living and I made some cracks and made him laugh. He was wearing a Butler University hoodie and I asked him if he went to Butler. He told me he did and he was a history major set to graduate in about 6 weeks and then will be moving back to Joliet.  I love history and told him that I had recently read a book called “Don’t Know Much About History” to which he informed me was a pun based on a song from the 1960s. So did all you fuckers know it was pun based on that song and didn’t tell me?  At first I told him I didn’t know the song, but about 10 minutes later when he sang a little bit of it, I instantly recognized it. We also talked about the tournament a little bit; turns out that he had a bracket too and had Butler going all the way. Then the band played “American Pie”  and he said that it was another old song that he liked and I told him it was my all time favorite song.

A short while later, the bartender told us that they were closing the bar and we would have to move into the casino. As soon as we walked back into the casino, I saw Jt and Dave. It seemed they were ready to leave. Shit. All these years and all those times when I had to wait hours for them to finish gambling and they were going to cock block me. Instantly though they could see that I was trying to get to know this guy because we were both gay. So Dave suggested that we go into the smokers lounge to smoke.

I talked to him for another hour or so in the smokers lounge. Turns out that we have a ton of things in common, such as:

• We are both named Mike
• We were both raised Catholic but no longer consider ourselves Catholic. 
• He loves Seinfeld. We both even quoted a few lines from it.
• He likes to gamble.
• He is a big Cub fan. In fact, he knows about as much about baseball as I do, which is to say a lot. We even talked about baseball from the 1920s and 1930s.
• He doesn’t like Saturday Night Live nowadays, but really liked the same cast I liked with Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey  and so forth.

There were several times that I just wanted to lean in and kiss him. I could feel such a connection to him. We still had not discussed the obvious: our sexuality. Until he said that he saw a young blond girl in the smoker’s lounge a short while ago. He asked if I liked blonds. I said no. He asked if I like brunettes and I said they weren’t my type either. He asked if I had ever been married, had any kids or a girlfriend. I said no. He said no to the same questions. I thought about it then. I decided to just come right out with it. I said “actually, girls really aren’t my type. I’m gay.” I certainly hope he wasn’t surprised by  it, but he didn’t exactly react the way I hoped he would. He didn’t say that he was gay. He didn’t say that he wasn’t gay. He just kinda said “Ohhhh……….ok.” Certainly he had to know I was interested in him. I quickly changed the subject back to the basketball tournament and within a matter of 5 minutes told Dave and Jt that I was ready to leave.

Of course, the 3 of us discussed the situation the whole way home. Dave seemed to think that either the guy was gay or he was gay and didn’t realize it. Jt said that he was interested in me until he found out how much older I was then him. Or he was gay and wanted me as a sugar daddy. That would explain why he asked me some odd questions about my job, like if I was salary and if I had benefits. And I just sat there wondering if maybe I left too soon. Maybe I should have asked him if he was gay too. Hell a guy like that doesn’t come around often. In fact, if he was gay, then I had more in common with him than any other gay guy I’ve ever came across. Certainly I can’t say that he was the one that got away  based on one 2 hour conversation, but I have to wonder if he and I could have had something. He is a regular there though, he said he goes up there often on Fridays just to drink. I’m thinking I’m gonna have to make my way there again on a Friday  just to see if he is there and see how he reacts to me. Maybe that is a bit creepy and and overreaction, but I just can’t live with myself knowing that if he is gay, we could potentially have something great.

I’m a huge sports fan. I also love to gamble. So one might think when it comes to the NCAA basketball tournament, it might be like a wet dream for me. Well, that is not the case. I’ve never been into college sports. I’ve always been a big fan of the pro games, as the quality of play is that much better. In the past though, I have always had a casual interest in the tournament, and every year I would say that one of these years I would participate in a bracket for the tournament, after all, it is a combination of two of my favorite things: gambling and sports. Hell, its kinda like sex and chocolate; it doesn’t get much better.  So this year, I finally did it. Now I should stress that I don’t know much about college basketball. I do know there are some hot players out there, which certainly makes it fun to watch. I’ve always found Jon Schyeyer of Duke to be smokin’ hot! And he is a local kid, at least for me, he is from suburban Chicago.

I’ve always thought picking the games is a crapshoot. Its kinda like pickin’ horses or NFL games, anything can happen and anything usually does happen. I’d like to think I know a decent amount about football, but I still struggle to pick games. And I know more about baseball than just about any other subject and I still can’t pick winners in the post season. So I just kinda winged it, trying to pick a few upsets along the way. My Final Four has Kansas, Xavier, New Mexico and Baylor. And odd final four to say the least. In the championship, I’ve got New Mexico beating Kansas.

So how am I doing so far? Better than I expected. Of the 12 games played so far, I have won 8 of them. Not bad. If I want to win though, I have to do much better than that. The first round is 2 points per game, it goes up by 2 points for each round thereafter except for the championship game which is 15 points. Which means that thus far, there have been a total of 24 points for me to get and I have 16.