April 11, 2010
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ZZ Top!
Now that I’ve got contacts, I realized that I could finally purchase sunglasses! I’ve always wanted to wear sunglasses, nothing says cool like sunglasses. And unless they are obnoxiously huge, its virtually impossible not to look good in sunglasses. Having never bought sunglasses before, I have no idea what looks best or what is hip or anything like that. All I know is that I’ve long heard stories about people who spend obscene amounts of money on sunglasses. I was at a college party once and there was almost a massive fight over a pair of “$300 sunglasses”. So as I drove to the store to buy sunglasses, I got to thinking why would I ever pay that much money for a pair of sunglasses?
I started thinking about different scenarios that would lead me to pay $300 for a pair of sunglasses. I thought about it, maybe if I were a millionaire I would pay $300 for a pair of sunglasses. Then I thought more about it………..no, even if I had a million dollars I still can’t see the need in spending $300 on a pair of sunglasses. Unless there was a warning sign on the glasses that that read “WARNING: WILL CAUSE POWERFUL, SPONTANEOUS ORGASMS” there is probably nothing that would make me pay $300 for a pair of sunglasses. Why do they need to charge that much for a pair of sunglasses, is there something that they are doing that the cheap sunglasses aren’t doing? Are they x ray sunglasses? Are they bullet proof, because I’ve got a ton of people who would love to take a shot at me? Are they HD glasses, because I work with a whole ton of people that I would rather not see in hi-def? There has got to be something really fucking special that makes them worth more than your typical $20 pair of sunglasses. Its not like when buying a car you can buy a nicer car with better features; I don’t see any sunglasses that are going to come with air conditioning or power fucking windows. There is no reason that sunglasses should cost more than a pair or seeing eyeglasses.
So of course, I bought pair of sunglasses that cost $20 and went about my life without a powerful, spontaneous orgasm.
