Normally I don’t like to post about my dreams. Hell I don’t even like to talk about them. Personally, I find it boring when people talk about what they dreamed about the night before. As Bill Maher said, “there is a reason why dreams have an audience of one.” But every now and then I have one that is worthy of a story. Last night was one of those dreams that was just totally out of left fucking field that it needs to be mentioned.  Last night, I had a dream that Jerry Seinfeld was trying to kill me. And not just trying, he actually shot me in the abdomen and ran off. I then woke up and could not fall back to sleep for a while because it was kinda like a nightmare almost, but when I got out of bed in the morning I found it funny as hell.

I’ve had a pretty busy, non stop three day weekend, which actually goes back to Thursday night, so I guess that would be five days. For the purpose of this post though, it will go back to Friday night, which really seems like such a long time ago. The plan was for me to meet some friends at Naperville’s Ribfest to see the Sammy Hagar. I’ve always been a big Van Halen fan, so seeing him would be cool. I worked only about 10 minutes from where the concert would take place so meeting them there would make sense. Now being an outdoor festival of ribs, it meant that there would be tons of people. I should go into more detail about what Ribfest is, however it is pretty self explanatory, it is a fest in which ribs rain from the sky and then a bunch of people season and put a bunch of shit on the ribs to make it taste like it had not landed on the nasty, dirty ground. At least, that’s what I think Ribfest is. So the city of Naperville hired Sammy Hagar to sing at their fest, hence the reason why I was going to see the Sammy Hagar at Ribfest.

Well, I got down there and of course, there were a ton of people. I saw a sign that said “Ribfest parking at Edward Hospital”. So I turned into the Edward hospital campus, and parked for free in their parking garage. When I got out and walked around, I could see this was probably a bad idea, as there were tons of lots in the area that were charging as much as $15 for parking. I had been in contact with my friends and told them that they could park there but they didn’t think it was a good idea because they are not fans of having their motorized vehicle towed. We still had yet to come up with a meeting place so that they could give me my ticket (which they pre bought) and whatnot. Then for some reason, perhaps it was because of the large crowd or being near a hospital, I was unable to get service at all on my cell phone. I walked around quite a bit, even a few blocks from the hospital but still could not get fucking service. Long story short, I never met up with them. And I was worried my car would be towed because it was in the garage, so I left and paid my friend for the ticket later on that night.

Saturday morning shortly after I woke up a friend of mine called and asked if her brother could stay with us for a few weeks or months. After discussing it with my brother (who lives with me) we both agreed to let him come live with us. Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Or maybe not. I dunno…………..you know what, let me just finish up that part of the story. Yadda, yadda, yadda, he moved in this afternoon. The end. At least of that part of my weekend.

Saturday night I went to a party at my brother Mark’s house. My other brother drove so that meant that I would get a chance to drink, which was cool since Mark told me that I need to help  him drink some Mexican tequila that his neighbor gave him. This was authentic shit that was bought in Mexico, so authentic that the writing on the bottle was in Spanish. It was good though and had quite a bite to it, in fact it even seemed kind of spicy. I also forgot to buy beer but there were enough people at the party that I decided that I would mooch for a change, just stealing one beer from everybody who brought beer, because after all, who is going to miss one beer. Besides, I’m a total lightweight, they don’t call me two can Sam for nothing. So soon I was drunk, as was one of my friends, who’s girlfriend made a really good ass desert that involved Chex cereal, powdered sugar and chocolate. After it was all gone, there was about 12 feet of powered sugar left in the bowl. My friend was good and drunk and for some reason, he decided to put the bowl on top of my head and all the powdered sugar went all over me, in my hair, ears, shirt, pants, hell it even got into my pockets and onto my cell phone. It was wonderful! I looked like a human line of cocaine! People and crack whores were trying to snort me. And a raccoon may have licked me up and down, we just don’t know what it was.

Yesterday was our annual 4th of July baseball game, complete with baseballs and bats and gloves and a naked midget named Sam. Just kidding about the midget. Maybe. Anywho, although it was pretty hot out, there was also a decent breeze which kept things from getting too hot but also kicked up a bunch of dirt and sand to blow onto us. I had a lot of sand on me; I looked like a human sand bar. People and crack whores were trying to snort me! And a naked midget named Sam may have licked me up and down. We just don’t know. So when I got home, I got in the shower and started to wash it all off, there was a decent amount of dirt and sand at the bottom of the tub. I picked up my shampoo and had to squeeze out a tiny drop about the size of a dime to wash my hair! Wasn’t one of you fuckers supposed to buy me some shampoo? DAMN YOU XANGA!!!! DAMN YOU!!!

As for the baseball game…………….our team got our asses kicked. That’s all you really need to know.

I also had a bbq at my hizzy yesterday. That’s all you need to know.

Today was fine…………..well, that’s all you need to know.