I mentioned this in a post from last week and decided that since I’ve got jack shit to write about, I should write about my first job. I should also clarify that my first actual true job was going door to door selling candy when I was 15 years old, but that doesn’t count because, well, it wasn’t a real job. We would get picked up by a couple of guys in a van and dropped off on a street corner to sell “candy”. Wait. Maybe that was a job………….I’d come home at night real worn out and with a…………….uhhhh, I’ve said too much.

But back to my first job. I had no prospects of doing anything with my life when I graduated high school; after all, I barely scraped by, sleeping with 3 of my teachers just to get a D average. So I happened to be in a car circa July 1993 with a couple of friends when we stopped off at this place called Maritz Marketing Research. I had no idea what it was, all I know is that before I knew it, I seemed to be hired. For the record, it was an outbound call center; we would call people and get their opinions about all sorts of useless shit, like cars and pizza with cheese stuffed in the crust.

So best friend at the time, Rob and I started at the same time. We had a three day training class when I needed a much deserved vacation. So I took four fucking days off and went camping! I told one of the girls I was camping with, Heather, about my job and she told me that up until 2 weeks ago, she had worked there for the better part of……………I dunno, 5 years? Or maybe it was three years? Nevertheless, she had just quit. And that would not be the last bit of irony with this place.

This was a part time job and I worked only about 4-6 hours a night including on Saturday mornings. I quickly started to make friends with a lot of the people who worked there. I remember a bunch of us used to go out to IHOP every Monday night after work and sometimes if IHOP was closed we went to Denny’s. Such was the life of teens who worked second shift.

I remember getting away with murder at that job. Literally, I once pushed somebody out of the window and………….no wait, I didn’t, I just thought about it. But, we would get away with a lot. We used to use fake accents on the phone. We would sometimes prank call our friends. There were all sorts of office high jinx and grab ass going on. It was wonderful! We even gambled at work mostly with change but sometimes with dollars. It was great.

Maritz was also where I would meet some of my best friends. I met my friend Don there. Ironically, I didn’t like him when I first met him because he and my friend Rob were chasing after the same girl. Of course, the funny part is that while I talk to Don all the time now, I haven’t seen or heard from Rob in 10 years.

I met my two best friends there too, Jt and Dave. Dave’s mom worked there too for many years; in fact, she was my first boss. Not many people liked Dave’s mom, but I did. Dave had worked there for years too; hell I was convinced that he had been born there.  I could not stand Dave though. I thought he was such an ass………..which, I guess he is! And Dave and Jt, well, they nearly came to blows the first time they met. Of course, none of us remember what they were fighting about, but all I remember was Dave calling Jt pretty boy and Jt calling Dave pizza face! The whole thing instantly endured me to Jt though, since I couldn’t stand Dave. But, the thing about Dave is that he is kind of like a fungus, he kinda grows on you. And eventually, I grew to like him.

One day, August 31, 1995 we walked into work and THE MAN announced that they were shutting us down effective immediately. And with that, I was unemployed. But it was a great two years for a shitty ass fucking job. For years I resented the place but now I look back at how important that job was to my life. I met some of the best friends I ever had there; people who I’m still very close with. And it started me on the career path that I’m currently on, so I guess in that sense it was either a blessing or a curse. Still, I wouldn’t change any of it. The place is iconic in the life of our friends. My friend Don and his wife met there. My friend Heather and her best friend, Rene met there. It was certainly a place that changed many of our lives.

Everything about this weekend seemed to be old school. Long story short but Friday night I was supposed to go out but wound up home and even longer story, I was stuck watching regular tv. And by regular tv, I don’t mean basic cable, I mean, where you have a selection of about 10 channels to choose from. It made me really appreciate the premium cable that I normally have and not miss the old days of regular television.

Yesterday I went out to dinner with a friend of mine to a steak place called Cattleman’s. Over dinner it was determined that this was probably the first time in like 6 years and just he and I had gone out to eat together. It was cool though to be out to eat with just the two of us like old times. I had the hankerin’ for a nice, big, juicy t-bone but made the mistake of getting it with cheese, mushrooms and onions on top of it. Although I LOVE cheese, mushrooms and onions, and I love steak, the taste of the steak was lessened by everything that was on there.

While I was at my friend’s house Saturday night, my mother’s sister called me. I didn’t recognize the number at first so I answered it and was surprised to hear her. I should give you some background. It would not be an overstatement to say that I don’t get along with her. In fact, I went the better part of 9 1/2 years without speaking to her until last year when my uncle died and we kind of reconciled then. I should also mention that I’m trying to plan a family reunion for my  mom’s side of the family for the end of this month. This of course, was how she got my number.

As for Saturday night, I got a chance to finally place Green Day Rock Band. I’m a huge Green Day fan, so this was very much up my ally. My friend and I had a great time playing it, in spite of the fact that I only sang and didn’t play any instruments. By the way, is it considered playing an instrument if its on Rock Band? I also found it ironic that as we played Green Day Rock Band, the real thing was playing 30 miles away in Chicago at Lollapalooza. After playing Rock band, we wound up going really old school and playing Super Mario Bros 3 on the Nintendo Wii. I have not played this game in probably a decade and a half. My friend though some how seemed to remember every little trick and nook and cranny in the game. It was crazy. No wonder why he never got laid as a 12 year old!

Every year this weekend my town has a fest complete with fireworks on the final night. It is within walking distance of my house, so my friends and I always walk down there. While on the way back I literally ran into (okay, maybe walked into) the mother of a guy I was friends with back in high school. I had not seen her in 10 years. Her son and I grew apart due in no small part to the fact that he became a bible beater. It was really nice to see her though, although it was really kinda weird.

I had plans to do an entire post about one topic, but then the whole Prop 8 decision got overturned in California, meaning that the gay marriage ban got overturned. While this is of course a good thing, it might not actually be a good thing, at least not in the long run. For starters, right now there is a stay on the law so gays can not marry just yet, pending an appeal. Why this is not a good thing is that the whole gay marriage debate is eventually going to make it to the U.S Supreme Court and right now, the court is too conservative to overturn any and all gay marriage bans, however ridiculous the bans are. I’d like to think that eventually, gay marriage is going to be legal across the land, but the Court upholding the ban would be a severe set back.

Okay, so a lot of people are doing posts listing interesting tidbits about themselves. And while I’m never the type to give into trends, I do know a couple of people who wanted me to do a similar post, so here it is, and for once I won’t do a bunch of make up bullshit in a pathetic attempt to get cheap laughs. So here are some facts about me:

1. I’m obsessed with Rold Gold pretzel rods and pretzel rods in general. I bring Rold Gold rods to every social event I go to, so much to the point that my friends kids all ask for them as soon as they see me. I happen to think rods are one of those rare things that are cool and funny at the same time. For starters, they almost look like a cigar, so that makes them cool but its also funny to think they can be confused as a cigar. And they also make me look ridiculous.
2. For some reason, when I was a kid, I used to think AAA was evil. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I think maybe I thought it had something to do with alcohol, kind of like AA. Of course, after working for AAA Chicago for 3 1/2 years I had a different opinion.
3. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was almost 22. I tried to get it when I was 16 but failed the driving portion of the test. I went back numerous times to try to take the test again, but each time ran into problems with not having an ID or something crazy like that. It got to the point where I just said fuck it and stopped trying.
4. Although my mother was really handsome, I really don’t look like her. When I look at older pictures of my parents, its hard to see who I look like. I do look like my oldest sister though.
5. I have a pretty big vomit phobia. Nothing disgusts me more than vomit. When ever somebody tells me they are or were sick, the first question I ask them is “Did you throw up?”
6. I’m a naturally hyper person. In addition to being very talkative and social, I never seem to stop moving.
7. I’ve never really talked much about my job here, but I will just say that I’m in customer service, as I work in a call center. I won’t give more details about where unless you message me.
8. I didn’t go to college. Shortly after graduating high school, I happened to to riding in a car with a couple of friends (who I no longer talk to) when we drove past one of my friend’s old job. We stopped so he could try to get his job back. He did and in the process I applied and got a job working in an outbound call center. It was at this job that I met the best friend I ever had along with other great friends. 17 years later and I’m still working in call centers, but this is totally different than what I used to do. Ain’t it funny how one simple car ride can change your entire life? Remind me to do more posts about that job.
9. I was once unemployed for nearly 2 1/2 years. My first job closed in August of 1995. I didn’t get another permanent job until February of 1998.
10. The name Heckels was my clown name. In October of 1997, I worked for a haunted clown house in Aurora, IL called Fear Fest. My job was to dress like a clown (for some reason though, I didn’t wear clown make up. I still don’t know why) and entertain people in the line. I created an alter ego that would heckle people and called him Heckels The Clown and I would go around heckling and yelling at people.  It was the most fun I ever had at a job, its too bad it paid minimum wage and only lasted a month.

All right, so now you know just a little bit more about me.

“I don’t want to die, I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all“- Queen “Bohemian Rhapsody“

Ever since I was a kid my biggest fear has always been death. I guess there is nothing overly unusual about that, I mean pretty much everybody is afraid of death and those who say they aren’t are probably lying and for the most part, nobody wants to die. I’ve always had a bit of a morbid obsession with death though. And obsession that is probably borderline unhealthy. Depending on various situations going on in my life, I have a habit of thinking of death throughout the day and sometimes, its even the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night.

My sister in law has a friend who is only 31 and is dying of cancer. When I asked last week how she was doing, she gave me a rather grim update that made me start thinking of death all over again. Everybody hopes to live a long life, but let’s face it not everybody does. And that is a big part of the fear, that I’m going to die young. Sure, I’m never going to be ready to die, hell nobody is ever truly ready. But, its a whole different situation when somebody dies young, and by young I mean under 50. Don’t get me wrong, people in their 50s aren’t old, but they aren’t really young either. But, at this stage in my life, I’m still relatively young and I still feel I’ve got a lot of life left to live and so much more to experience.

When I was younger I would get so scared of death that I would wish that I had not been born so I wouldn’t have this fear. I have outgrown that feeling though because I love life too much to feel like I wish I had never been born. But, my fear of death goes on. I do want to stress that its not a crippling fear of death; its not like it controls my life, I don’t really get sad about it, I just probably preoccupy myself with the thought more than I should.

Sometimes I feel like we are all just biding our time until we die. I’ve always been a very curious person, I need to know answers to things and need to have conclusions to situations. And let’s face it with death, there are no answer. Nobody knows when or how they are going to die. And regardless of what some people say, nobody knows what happens when you die. These are also things that bother me greatly.

Some people might suggest therapy, but I honestly don’t feel that I’m to that point. If it totally consumed my life and I’ve still got control over my phobia. Honestly, if I felt like I just couldn’t take it anymore and my fear of death was overwhelming me, I would seek help. But for now, I can mange it on my own. In a few weeks, I’m sure the fear will subside to where I’m not preoccupying myself with it.

Today (and by today I mean Monday August 2 regardless of when you are reading this) is the 40th birthday of one of my all time favorite directors, one Kevin Smith. Oh sure, he might be known right now for being too fat to fly on Southwest airlines (by the way, what was a rich guy doing flying Southwest anyway?) but before that he made some damn good movies, starting with the legendary indie classic, Clerks which is pretty much required viewing for anybody who has ever worked in customer service. What was so amazing was how he made Clerks, he sold his comic book collection and maxed out his credit cards to come up with the, get this, $26,800 it cost to make the movie. And since it went on to gross $2,058,957 at the box office, and millions more in dvd/video sales along with other merchandizing, that made it among the most profitable films of all time. It also launched his career.

Not so secretly, I wish I was Kevin Smith, minus about 200 pounds. I’ve always dreamed of making comedies, I’m just not nearly as talented as he is. To hear that his best movie was made for the cost of a luxury car at the time, gives hope to dreamers like me. Of course, he is much more than just a director, he also writes all of his own movies too. This is where not only does he put me to shame, but also where I realize that I’ve got no chance of writing anything. His dialogue is just out of this world. For proof of this, look no further than Chasing Amy which every gay person can relate to on at least some level. After Chasing Amy, he made another classic, Dogma which offers an interesting take on Catholicism and again is filled with great dialogue.

As with any artistic profession, its tough to remain at a high level for a long period of time. He has made some bad movies since then, for example, I really did not like Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and I didn’t even bother to see Jersey Girl or Cop Out both of which looked awful. Right now, he is probably hit or miss. He did make a really good sequel to Clerks. And last year while everybody was gushing about how funny The Hangover was, Smith made his own movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno which I felt was funnier and better than The Hangover.

I can go on and on about Kevin Smith, but the only way to fully appreciate him is to see some of his movies if you haven’t yet. And if you have, well, why not watch them again.

Friday I took the day off work to have my 9 1/2 year old car looked at. The traction light has been going on occasionally and it has caused the car to be a little sluggish. So I took it to THE MAN to have it looked at. I didn’t know how I was going to work this, I decided that I would go there and then walk to a nearby truck stop and have some hot truck driver sex while waiting for the car to be looked at. Well when I got there, they told me they can check it real quick to see what the computer was telling them. The computer told them that the car was elderly and probably should be put down but also could not say exactly what was wrong with it. The guy at the place said they would need the entire day to run some tests to see what was wrong with it and potentially work on it.Well, I didn’t have the whole day for them to take it because I had shit to do. So I told them I would bring it back at the end of August while I’m on vacation.

Yesterday was the annual Birthdays In July party that a friend of mine has every year. See, quite a few of us in our group of friends have birthdays in July so my friend came up with this great idea about 10 years ago to have a party every year, if nothing else it is an excuse to party. Also, two couples in the group live right next door to each other, so we always have the party there as between both houses it can accommodate many overnight guests. This year, in particular, one of the guys in the group turned 40 on July 27. So this year the party was mainly focused around him. The party was to start at 3 in the pm and I had every intention of getting fully liquored up and passing out on the couch.

I swear, time goes by so fast when you are drunk. And I wasn’t even all that drunk but for some reason the night just flew by. And just like every time when I drink for some reason, I woke up way earlier than I should have, right about 7:20. So I got up and went for a walk as they live right near a wooded walking trail with a little stream and shit. It was nice and peaceful, but honestly, I would have rather been sleeping.

I just don’t feel like writing much today.