I watched the movie Valentine’s Day recently. It was an okay movie; not bad but not really all that good either, somewhere in between. It certainly helped though that the movie is filled with hot people. It was like you had to be hot just to be in the movie. Well, except for Kathy Bates, but then again she is just so amazing that her acting trumps her average looks. But anywho, it got me to thinking about love, namely my own love life or lack there of.

See, I’ve never been in a serious long term relationship, which sounds all shades of pathetic and while that may or may not be, I should clarify a few things first. Although I’m pushing 35, I have only been partially out of the closet for 6 years now. I tend to look at it as if my dating life only started 6 years ago. I also don’t go to Boystown or any gay hangouts. And I’m still not fully out to everybody, so its not like the avenue of people trying to hook me up with guys is a big option either. Of course, I do fully recognize that all of the above reasons are well within my control. It’s not to say I haven’t gone out on dates or hooked up with guys. One of the reasons I started my Xanga was to showcase my personality and well, get action. And it worked because within about 8 months I had met somebody exclusively here on Xanga and yadda yadda yadda, thank you Uvon (even if you aren’t on here ever anymore). And I have hooked up with quite a few guys since coming out and had a decent amount of dates as I do go to a lot of different websites to meet guys. I should also clarify further that I’m not whining or complaining about not having someone. Like I said, I’m responsible for my own life and to make matters even worse, I’m also very picky.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, so much that I’ve even pretty much stopped looking. Oh, I still go on sites, but I realize that realistically, I’m not going to meet the love of my life on there, I pretty much use those sites for one thing. Sure, should I meet somebody and we hit it off that’s great too, but it is just not realistic. What makes things odd though is that I don’t get down about being alone. I’m never depressed that I’ve got nobody to grow old with or waste my life away with. I know some people who HAVE to have somebody in their life or their life is meaningless. I know other people who get severely depressed that they have nobody. But me, I just go with it. I don’t know if that is normal. I mean, shouldn’t everybody want to have somebody in their life?

Now I completely understand that happiness is not tied to a relationship; there are plenty of people in the world who are totally happy being alone. I guess maybe I’m complacent, apathetic, or comfortable with how things are right now with my life. For the most part, all of my friends are either married or in relationships. I’m not. Although I’m happy for them, a part of me does want what they want. But, I don’t let it rule my life.

Although I would love a companion to spend time with, what I really want is somebody to travel with. I’ve always had this belief that I would meet somebody that would love to travel the globe with me and do things to change the world; you know, make the world a better place. I know that sounds corny, cheesy, and arrogant, but meh, what the hell. I seem to be resigned to the fact that it just ain’t ever gonna happen for me and that’s okay.

But that being said, why the fuck has nobody ever tried to hook me up with somebody? Am I that hideous? I mean what is it about me that is so……………….oh wait, I forgot, the odor. And the boorish behavior. And the rudeness. Did I mention the odor? Let’s see, I’ve got more. There is the violent actions, the immaturity, the crappy house and car, the overwhelming odor, the short body and tiny frame, the even smaller cock, the fact that I kinda look like a dining room table, the odor that one can smell from a mile a way, the loser ass job, the lack of tact and manners, the powerful odor and the lack of a shitload of money to overcome it all. And did I mention the odor?

Ahhhhh………………..fuck me, I’ve got it all! 

So remember my previous post? Shit, I sure as hell hope you remember my previous post, it was just two days ago and if you look a penis length above this sentence you will see my previous post. So I’ve been telling everybody about Dexter and Meryl Streep and the whole reading emails for the past 11 years and shit. Well my friend Danielle Day Lewis and I were telling people at work about it. Most people found it to be creepy, odd, and wrong. Except for one guy. Let’s call him Tricky Dick. I call him that because he is a hardcore Republican. And he is full Polish and therefore I imagine him having a really big and thick dick. And then there is the paranoia which I will explain. And he is very argumentive, I swear he argues with me about EVERYTHING. That being said, he is not a bad guy and I do enjoy debating him. But, I digress.

After Dick Tracy found out the story he had a unique perspective on the whole situation. And by unique perspective, I mean totally fucking nuts. He asked how do we know that the guy was telling the truth. Even after we explained to him that Dexter admitted reading the emails and Dexter and Meryl Streep have not had any contact in the past few years and yet he knew all sorts of things about her life that he couldn’t possibly know, he still did not believe it saying that, among other things, he only believes about 70% of what people say. I was totally taken aback by this, here you have a guy who admitted to reading somebody’s emails for the past 11 years and Dick Clark doesn’t believe him. I told him that we were going to a haunted corn maze this weekend and he said he didn’t believe us. Seriously, why would somebody lie about something like that? He went on to tell me that as a liberal I don’t live in the real world but instead a fantasy world with hope and shit like that and that I shouldn’t be so gullible and believe everything people tell me.

I spent the better part of the rest of the day making fun of him not only to his face a few times, but mainly to Danielle Day Lewis, because, well, he deserved it. I said stuff like suppose he was fucking a chick and she started to scream that she was about to cum would he tell her that he doesn’t believe her? Talk about a fucking orgasm killing buzz kill.

I swear I don’t know how somebody could go through life like that and not believe most of what people tell you. Now don’t get me wrong, I can usually tell when somebody is bullshitting me, but common sense tells me that somebody is not going to lie about something like reading somebody’s emails. And why would I lie about going to a fucking corn maze? Not that I’m really bothered by this whole thing because honestly, I find it more funny than anything else.

Yesterday I was woken up by a phone call at about 9:25 in the am from a friend of mine. I guess I should probably change the names on this post for obvious reasons once you read it. Okay, so my friend Danielle Day Lewis called me to tell me about her friend Meryl Streep who she has known since high school and who I met some 9 years ago from a company we used to work at together. There was another guy that worked there too, let’s call him Dexter. I was never too close with Dexter and didn’t know him all that well. He seemed like a nice guy, but kind of odd. Okay more than just kind of odd, but basically harmless. Dexter was a loner and didn’t have many friends except that he and Meryl Streep became good friends. Dexter was probably about 7 or 8 years older than Meryl Streep and Danielle Day Lewis and probably 3 or 4 years older then me. Dexter and Meryl Streep kinda had a little romance, very minimal though, they never really dated and didn’t even have sex with each other. I think they may have kissed. But, they have grown apart and haven’t talked to each other in years.

So back to yesterday’s phone call. Danielle Day Lewis told me that they just found that Dexter has been stalking Meryl Streep for 11 fucking years! It is a bit confusing how it came to be, but late Friday night Dexter sent an email to Meryl Streep to say that he hacked her email and has been reading her emails for the past 11 years. Meryl Streep had changed her password about 6 months ago and since then Dexter has not been able to read her emails. I should clarify that she did not change her password because of him as she had no idea of his invasion of her privacy until Friday night.

What is even creepier is that Dexter lives just 2 blocks from Meryl Streep and has lived that close to her for as long as they have known each other. We have no confirmation yet as to if he has been following her around or doing anything else, but needless to say, Danielle Day Lewis and Meryl Streep were rightfully freaked out about this. Meryl Streep said she was going to file a police report and I went as far as to say that she should get a restraining order and even carry some sort of protection like pepper spray. Honestly, if I were her, I don’t know how I would be able to continue to live so close to him; hell he doesn’t even need to drive to get to her house. Shit, if I were in that situation, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. Then again, I am a pretty big pussy.

Sometimes, I have no idea how to end a post. This would be one of those posts. So consider this the end.

We are a mere six or seven weeks before the election and things are really heating up. I know a lot of people don’t vote in the non-presidential elections, but my belief is that all elections are of equal importance. In case you missed it, the Tea Party is all the rage right now, although they claim to be different from the Republicans, in reality they are pretty much just an extreme right wing version of the Republican party. Like the Republicans, they believe in less government. Of course they were against the health care reform bill because they don’t believe the government should be meddling in people’s lives. Honestly, who can disagree with that statement. The Tea Party and Republicans have been screaming that they want their country back because they feel the Democrats have gone too far and have taken over many businesses, such as the car companies and many of the financial companies with the bailouts. Their core belief is less government as they believe that is what the Constitution says. Much like the original revolutionaries during the American revolution, they take a hard stance against government intrusion into people’s lives. So if you are against government intervention in your life, here are some reasons to vote for Republicans and the Tea Party come November:

• They are against repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. Why should everybody have the right to fight for their country, I mean after all, being gay is morally wrong. And in a time in which we need every solider we can get to fight, clearly it is more important that we only have straight people in our military.
• They are against gay marriage and gay rights. Look people, the government clearly has the right to tell you who you can or can not have sex with. It is the government’s business what goes on in your bedroom; sure we don’t want the government telling insurance companies how to run their businesses, but it is perfectly acceptable for the government to intrude into your sex life. Even the Republican party in Montana knows how important it is to stop consenting adults from doing whatever they want to each other, after all one of their platforms is to make homosexuality illegal in Montana. 
• And why stop at sex with other people? Delaware Tea Party Senatorial Candidate Christine O’Donnell believes that masterbation is adultery. That’s a relief, for a while there I thought that I would have to spend the rest of my life jerking off, but now that it is adultery and therefore illegal, I won’t have the freedom of choice to do it anymore.
• Republicans hate government so much that are pro choice: when it comes to abortion, they want to make the choice for you, and that choice is no. That’s not intrusive though as they certainly have made the best choice for you and your unborn child, after all, its better to shove a hanger up your vagina to abort the baby yourself than you safely have a doctor do it.
• When it comes to prayer in school, everybody has the right for their kids to be taught Christianity just like it doesn’t say in the Constitution.
• Say you are dying a slow and painful death of something like cancer or some other awful disease. The last decision you should have to make is if you want to die peacefully or not, so the Republicans and Tea Party want to make this decision for you by not allowing you to kill yourself by assisted suicide. Oh sure, if you are a horse who breaks his leg, the humane and legal thing to do is kill the horse, but a person who is dying a slow, painful death, well that would be barbaric to put him out of his misery.
• 420, yo, how about no? It does less damage than alcohol or tobacco, but when it comes to marijuana, adults can not be trusted to make the decision for themselves. You have to be 18 to smoke cigarettes, 21 to drink but pot, nah, that’s not something that only the government knows what is best for you. 

See, the Republicans want to make it easy for you: treat you like a child so you don’t have to make any decisions for yourself, even though you are perfectly capable of making these decisions. So if you want the government to control your life, vote for the Tea Party and Republicans come November.

Well once I got the damn thing in my hands, I found it hard to part with it, so I kept the IPOD touch. Now the tough part…………….how the fuck does this thing work? Apparently Apple doesn’t think $250 is enough to pay for a product AND include an owner’s manual. As it turns out, they want you to go to their website to learn more about the IPOD. I should backtrack a little. I managed to get it out of the container it came in which is a good start. I turned it on and so far all I can get it to do is show an iTunes logo along with a cord showing that it should be plugged into iTunes. Even after I plugged it in, it still didn’t give me an option to do anything else, it just sat there. So when I’m done posting, I will be heading over to their website to not pay attention to their guided tour.

So what to download with it? I’m giving a lot of thought as to what the first album I’m going to put on the IPOD. I think this is a pretty big deal. I’m about to enter a whole new medium when it comes to playing music. Should I put my all time favorite album on it first, Green Day’s American Idiot or should I go with my Rolling Stones two disc greatest hits, Forty Licks? Another option would be to buy a new album that I don’t own yet on iTunes, perhaps Linkin Park’s brand new one. Or maybe I can go old school. The very first album I ever owned was a cassette tape of Bruce Springsteen’s Born In The U.S.A which I got when I was 9 or 10 in 1985, maybe I can upload that one. Or how about the first CD I ever owned, Van Halen’s For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge? Or maybe I can just fuck around with it for a while and not even get into the downloading of the music. I’ve been told I can surf the net. Also, I may or may not be able to use it as a GPS. Or I can see pictures on it. Or I can sit there and stare at that little fucking iTunes logo along with the cord that shows I should plug it into iTunes.

Fuck. This makes me seem REALLY old, bitching about the new piece of technology. Meh……………..I’m having winner’s remorse, maybe I should have sold it.

Every year my work does a United Way week in which we raise money for the United Way in a variety of different ways, among them is to sell raffle tickets. The way to get the tickets is to buy a rubber duck for a buck and there is a number written on the bottom of the duck and whatever number is on the bottom of the duck is the number of tickets you get. Now each month I give at least $100 to some sort of charity so in addition to making out a check for $100 to the United Way, I also was going to buy a fair number of tickets to try to win one of 52 prizes. There were some really good prizes too, such as a big screen tv, a kindle, IPOD, a home theater system among many other things. So I wound up spending $30 on ducks which got me 105 tickets and a fairly good chance to win something. My theory was that if I don’t win than the money goes to a good cause, (even if the United Way is about as crooked as Rod Blagojevich) but if I do win I can walk away with a big screen tv for only $30. I do already have a big screen, but could always sell the one I win should I win.

So Friday came and it was time for the raffle. Well, I wound up winning an IPOD Touch! Now I don’t own an IPOD and honestly don’t have much use for one. Hell, I barely even know what an IPOD Touch is, up until Friday I thought it was a masterbation technique. Sure I listen to music but I’m still stuck in about 1995 as I still have CDs. After I won, I had a million and one offers from people at work who gave me all sorts of offers, most commonly the one in which out of the goodness of my heart I just give them the IPOD. I don’t yet have the IPOD as I didn’t want to keep it in my car Friday night because I was going out after work. So now I’ve got a dilemma (a good dilemma mind you): What to do with the IPOD. Here are some options:

• Keep it for myself. Sure, I will probably not use it much, but it brings me into 2010 in terms of music technology. We all know CDs are going to be obsolete at some point so that I won’t have to buy one when CDs go away.
• Sell it and put it in my savings towards a new car. My plan is to buy a new car within the next year. This can go a long way into helping to save for that car. On the other hand, the new car might not even play CDs, it might only be IPOD compatible.
• Sell it and donate the money. I’ve got a friend who’s dad just got diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He can use the money more than I can.
• Outright donate it. If I just donate it to him or to another charity, he/they can do whatever they want with it.
• Drop it in a tub full of water and see how long it floats. I guess basic science says it wouldn’t float long. Also, basic science says that it won’t work after being in the tub either.
• See how far I can shove it up Glenn Beck’s ass. This would be tough, seeing as there is not much room for both an IPOD and his head up his ass.
• See how far I can hit it with a baseball bat. I can barely hit a baseball out of the infield, what makes me think I will be able to hit the IPOD any further?
• Drop it off the Empire State Building. Sure, it might kill somebody, but I would get to go to New York City!

So please comment and let me know what you think. And I’m not limiting it to something on my list, if you can some up with something better, like using it to beat up a 5 year old, than by all means, please let me know.

Dori: do you know in 1 Cor 6:9 that it states who will not inherit the kingdom of God – will not go to Heaven?
Mike: i did not
Mike: altough im sure i know the answer to this, but have you heard from cara?
Dori: fornicators, idolators, adulterers, homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers, extortioners                Not for a couple weeks, we txt once in awhile
Mike: i saw her brother last weekend, he said she is doing good
Dori:  cool
Mike: yeah
Mike:  so you think im going to hell because im gay?
Dori: according to the Bible, yes.       But I know I love u & u know I would never judge u or any other person for their choices, but I just wanted to make sure u knew & maybe God planned our friendship to save u.  Please don’t be mad at me for bringing this up, I just wanted to make u aware of this and I want u to go to Heaven.
Mike:, im not mad. i knew this is probably what you thought
Mike: however, its not a choice. i know most christians dont believe that, but it is not. believe me
Dori: whew, I was so nervous to ever bring it up
Mike: also…………im an atheist so i dont believe in hell or heavan………..haha. i was nervous too
Dori:  I know a guy that was gay, then he seriously changed because of this and now is saving alot of others because of his experience
Mike: that might be, but honestly, one can not change their sexuality. he might pretend to be straight but deep down he is gay.
Mike: its just who you are attracted to. honestly, its what ive always felt.
Mike: i believe people can not change who or what they are attracted to. some people are gay, some are straight. some girls are attracted to older guys, some are attracted to big muscle guys, its just what we are
Mike: i know its hard to understand
Dori: no, it’s not hard to understand, cuz my choices have changed over the years
Mike: i know most people have a hard time understanding it because it is different, but i always compare it to what people are attracted to. plus, if gay people can choose to be gay than that means straight people choose to be straight
Mike: which would mean that choosing to be straight would be the most important decision that one can make…………..meaning that everybody would how and when they made that decision
Mike: id hate to cut you short, but ive got to get to bed…………im working overtime tomorrow (need to pay for repairs on the house)
Mike: it was nice chatting with you…………i hope dj feels better. give your brother my congrats!

This was copied from my March 16, 2008 post. I would encourage you to go back and read my original post, but the summary is that she was a girl I was friends with for many years. About 7 or 8 years ago, she went all God nuts and a couple of years ago we had this conversation via Yahoo Messenger. I write this post now because today is her 35th birthday and I couldn’t help but think of her. I also figured I would update the story even though nobody that reads me now read me back then. But, the above chat was the last conversation I had with her. She did leave me a message on my voicemail a couple of months later when her dad was sick. And she has sent me a couple of texts wishing me a Happy whatever holiday it was at the time, but that has been it.

For obvious reasons, we can not remain friends. I was  hurt by this whole situation, actually I was crushed for a while. Even now it still hurts. But, I don’t regret it. I can not be friends with somebody like that. She has tried contacting one of my other friends who she was friends with as well, but that friend did not contact her back because she said that she doesn’t want to be friends with somebody like that either, especially since I’m gay. In short, she supported me over her. My friend has no idea how much this means to me.

For the past two and a half years, every now and then I wonder how my former friend is doing. I’ve always been the type of person who believes once a friend always a friend, so I still wonder about her, but my sexuality trumps her radical Christian beliefs in my life so because of that, I have no desire to contact her or befriend her again. To date she remains the only friend I have ever lost to gay bigotry.

There was a time in my life when if this had happened,  I would have cursed myself  and hated myself for being gay. I would have prayed and hoped that I could change and not be gay. But, that was a long time ago. Now, I don’t hate myself for being gay. I hate religion for brainwashing people into hating gays.

Normally my town is not the type of town that does things to be “in”, like a high school student sniffing glue to fit in with the popular kids. My town is filled with people stuck in the 1980s. And just because most of Illinois is Democratic, it’s not the same in the ‘Ville, as there are a lot of Republicans here. We are so far behind the times that I think next year we will finally start wearing M.C. Hammer parachute pants! But, all of a sudden, Romeoville has time warped into 2010! And not in a good way either.

Thursday night I was at a bar with some friends when we saw a news story on the tv about an oil spill in my home town of Romeoville. Of course, being in a bar we couldn’t hear the tv, but found out soon enough that a pipeline in Romeoville burst and you guessed it, oil started gushing out. Although as of yesterday they had stopped the leak, it wasn’t before 256,000 gallons had spilled out. Oh sure, it’s no BP gulf disaster, but it still really shocking to think that it can happen in my town. Okay, so I shouldn’t be too shocked seeing as there is an oil refinery not more than a mile or so from my house, but still, I never expected there to be a leak here. Okay, so the very same oil refinery exploded some 26 years ago (I still have vivid memories of it, even though I was a kid) caused the second worse oil refinery disaster in the history of the country. But, I still never thought this could happen.

Now I should clarify that it not like the whole town is awash in oil and we are paddling our way in and out of town, we aren’t, it’s just a little oil that comes up to our ankles. So our shoes get a little black, who cares? Actually, it is in a part of town that I never go to and therefore I haven’t seen or smelled it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not angry about it, after all the leak moved quickly enough to reach a drainage ditch and nearby pond that feeds water into the Des Plaines River. I do believe that is where we get our water from, however I’m not entirely positive. The good news is that Romeoville’s water has been so bad for years that I’ve been drinking bottle water for over a decade. And since I’m already stinky and dirty, it hasn’t affected my bath water.

As somebody who cares deeply for the environment, what I’m about to copy and paste from an article in the Chicago Tribune angers and saddens me. Oil companies have reported 117 spills and racked up nearly $60 million in property damages in Illinois since 2000, records show, sending more than a million gallons of oil and other hazardous liquids into the environment. Cleanup and repair efforts have resulted in two deaths and 28 injuries in the past two decades, according to statistics from the federal Pipeline and Hazardous Materials Safety Administration. And this has a very good chance of happening again and again, turns out that only six states have more pipeline underground than Illinois. What’s worse is that the county I live in, Will County, has more underground pipeline than any other county in Illinois.

Boy, it sure is good that Republicans don’t believe in regulating companies, ain’t it, after all we wouldn’t want these companies to be responsible for their actions now would we?

As you all know, yesterday marked the 9th anniversary of the September 11 attacks on America. I’m not one of those whack job crazies who believes that it was an inside job, but instead like 95% of the country, I believe that the person behind the attacks was Osama Bin Laden. There was a survey that was done recently in which 67% of Americans believe that we will never catch or kill Bin Laden. Since the attacks, I’ve believed that we would never catch him. Every year around September 11 I post about how he has not been caught because I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that he remains at large.

I wish I could say that Americans were more concerned with catching him, but let’s be honest, we took our eye of the ball years ago and now people have forgotten about him or just don’t seem to care as much. Instead they are more focused on things that don’t matter, like where somebody wants to build a mosque or if somebody is going to burn a Quran. Instead of focusing on the fact that Bin Laden is still alive and free, the media and the American public spent the better part of the past week in a heated debate over a group of Americans exercising their right of freedom of religion to build a  mosque two blocks from Ground Zero in New York City. Honestly, does this matter? Does it bring us any closer to catching Bin Laden? And how about the Florida pastor who was exercising his right to freedom of speech by planning (and since, canceling) a gather to burn the Quran? Being outraged or upset about either means nothing and does little, why isn’t that outrage directed towards our elected officials for not bring Bin Laden to justice?

Every year on September 11 the country pauses to honor the victims and heroes of the attacks. Don’t get me wrong, it is a nice gesture; certainly a well deserved honor for those who gave their lives to save others. Some people refer to it as Patriot Day. But, what is really patriotic is contacting your senator or congressperson to let them know that we have not forgotten that Bin Laden is still out there. President Obama has expanded the war in Afghanistan and while that may or may not be the right thing to do, it is probably not going to help us catch Bin Laden because we know he is probably not there; he is most likely in Pakistan. Contacting our elected officials is the only way to help them remember that the priority should be catching Bin Laden.

And while you are at it, ask them to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” as we can certainly use all the help we can get. Here is a copy of what I sent:

Dear Senator Durbin:

Every year I take the time to write you to ask that we keep our eye on the ball in trying to catch Osama Bin Laden. This year is different than others. We have a chance to do more to catch him and strike a blow for civil rights by ending “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.” Right now Democrats have the means to end this injustice, something they might not have after November. I kindly ask that you strongly push to have this repealed this month before Senators go into full reelection mode in late September and October.

Also, can you give me an update on attempts to catch Bin Laden and bring him to justice. Thank you for your time.

I saw a documentary over the weekend on HBO called Lucky about people who have won the lotto. It was kind of interesting to see how people handle winning. There was one guy from suburban Chicago who was in his mid 40s, single with no kids and had lost his parents. He was severely depressed and was a hoarder who lived in a complete and utter disgusting house and was literally down to his last three dollars when he bought a ticket which won him 5.5 million dollars. There was another guy who won 16.5 million dollars in the Pennsylvania lotto and had spent it all within 2 years. Turns out he was nuts. He wasted his money on lots of things, including 400 pairs of the exact same jeans for some reason. Also, he claims his siblings were trying to kill him to get his money. He was even on Springer once. Crazy shit.

It got me to thinking what I would do if I won the lottery. I should mention that I very rarely play. Now I am a gambler, in fact, I love to gamble, but for some reason, I play the lottery only about 2 or 3 times a year. I do buy scratch offs from time to time, but I really don’t know why I don’t play the actual lottery more often. I don’t often fantasize about what I would do if I won. But, I guess this is what this post is for. So here are a few things I would do:

• Fucking retire!- I know some people say they wouldn’t retire but fuck that shit. Sure, I’m young enough that in order to retire I would have to win several million if I’m going to never work again, but if I did, fuck that getting up early shit every day and working for an evil, heartless corporation.
• Philanthropise- A certain percentage of winnings would be donated to a variety of charities. Or maybe I would start my own charity. And since I wouldn’t be working, I could volunteer more of my time to things that don’t involve building a house. I’m a walking disaster with tools, doing the whole Habitat for Humanity thing would eventually lead me to kill or maim somebody resulting in a lawsuit in which I lose a good chunk of my millions. Unless of course, I kill or maim myself, which would render my winnings useless at least to me.
• Travel the world in places that don’t result in American beheadings- I love to travel. And there is a lot to see. I would go all the fuck over, even outer space if they let me.
• Hook up some of my family and friends- Well I need people to hangout with all day and travel the world, right?
• Get season tickets to the Chicago Cubs, Bulls and Bears- This is a no brainer, shit if I win a fuckload of money maybe I will even buy a stake in the teams. I should rethink this one though, I mean do I really want to subject myself to that much of the Cubs?
• Make a really cheap, bad movie- Shit, why not? Have you seen some of the crap that’s out there nowadays, honestly, I’m not saying it would be good, in fact I’m quite certain it would be bad, but could it really be worse than Glitter?

So that is just a few things I would do. Oh, and I would invest too, but not only in the American stock market because, well, I want to keep my money, not lose it all. So what would you do if you won?