I had a really tough day at work today and towards the end of it, I came up with a great fucking idea. I asked my boss for an advance on the daylight savings hour we are going to get this weekend. The way I see it, this whole spring ahead bullshit couldn’t happen at a worse fucking time. They do it on a Saturday night and most years its falls right around St. Patrick’s Day. This year, like the previous three or four years, I’ve got a St. Patty’s Day party to go to the same weekend as the fucking time change. Yeah, that’s just what I need, one less hour in the weekend!
See, for most people, Saturday night is the biggest party night of the week. A lot of people drink on Saturday night. And we all know time flies right the fuck by when you are drunk. See, there is sober time and than there is DRUNK TIME. Sober time is usually when you are at work during the week and you can’t wait for the weekend to have DRUNK TIME. So, naturally, sober time fucking drags. It’s like you look at the goddamn clock and you can swear it ticks backward. The work week blows and takes forfuckingever. Then,finally its Saturday. DRUNK TIME!!
And what happens? DRUNK TIME moves at like 10 times the speed of sober time. There you are at a party or hanging out with friends having a total kick ass time. You pop your first beer or down your first drink and think “well fuck, it’s only 8 o’clock, it’s still early, we have like at least six or eight more hours of this.” Than you look at the clock like five minutes later and holy fuck, what the hell just happened, its goddamn 2:30 in the pissfuck morning! MOTHERFUCKER!
So that brings me back to this Saturday. We spring ahead and lose an hour of party time. Like drinking and driving, DRUNK TIME and daylight savings time don’t mix. The last thing you need when you are out having a good time is one less hour to have fun. It sucks. You can’t help but feel ripped off.
See, with my idea, you use that hour any time during the week of the time change. Look, why the fuck should I spend more time at work than I need to and why should I be forced to party and have a good time for an hour less than what I normally would do. It’s total fucking bullshit.
And I think we can take it a step further. Hell, why limit it to the week we are springing ahead, maybe that is spring break week and shit, we don’t need LESS spring break, we need MORE. So I say save it up and use it anytime before the fall time change. Just think how much happier everybody would be. No lost hour of sleep, no lost DRUNK TIME, and less work time. People should be able to use it whenever they want. Maybe I’m some sort of asshole who wants to spring ahead on a Saturday, than fine, you spring ahead then. But, maybe I want to spring ahead on Friday afternoon at like four, than why the fuck not? Everybody has their right to spring ahead whenever they want, it is their own business. Honestly, it is a win win for everybody, I mean what could possibly be bad about it.
Oh. Right. The chaos of everybody picking different hours.