So I went to the doctor for my yearly physical a couple of weeks ago. I’m one of the only people I know who goes for a yearly physical, but what can I say, I enjoy a good tug on the balls by a doctor. Of course I had all of the routine tests but mainly should tell you about the ever so fun blood test. Now since I usually don’t do things easy, of course I’ve got a story to tell about the blood test.

See, I’ve got a fear of needles. Well, not afraid of needles really, but afraid of a needle in the main vein in my arms. I swear I could never do needle drugs. Or at least I would have to be totally drugged to do needle drugs. And by totally drugged I mean knocked the fuck out so people can stick the ever living fuck out of me which really defeats the purpose of doing drugs if you are out cold; I mean, what is the fun in doing a drug if you are not conscious enough to enjoy it. But I digress.

In my doctors office they have a little tiny area for somebody to draw blood and for me to piss in a cup so they can test for shit that way too. So I go over there and tell the lady to drain me……………except I don’t do the whole arm thing, I want my shit to be taken from my hand. Now the lady seemed a little cranky but in her defense she made a good half ass try to get the blood out of my hands but to no avail. She then told me to take my urine sample with my bruised hands and go to another place. I was kinda pissed because this had never been a problem before, but whatever.

So off I went with urine sample and paperwork in hand.  I drove a couple of miles up the road and walked into this crowded blood test place with my urine in one hand and paperwork in another. A real person with actual shame and dignity would have been embarrassed by this, but not me, instead I was pissed at having to go out of my way because the other lady couldn’t get blood out of my hands.  It was worth it though because there was this wonderful lady who’s name I can’t remember right now (which really sucks because she was totally fucking awesome) was very patient and was able to get the blood out.

Well last week I get the results of the blood and urine test back. Turns out, my cholesterol is 1257! And by 1257, I mean 210. So I’ve put myself on a strict low cholesterol diet. Oh and as for everything else, I’ve got no STDs, no diabetes or nothing else wrong but it turns out my estrogen level is low. So I got breast implants.

Just wanted to write one more post about my impressions of Los Angeles. I guess I can say overall, I was not impressed with L.A. Now granted, obviously I have not spent as much time in L.A. as I have in Chicago or even New York, but let me tell you something, L.A. is no New York. Hell, it isn’t even Chicago. In fact, I would say it fails miserably in comparison to Chicago. Oh sure, there are certain things that were better in L.A. than Chicago, but good weather can only take you so far. Here were some things I noticed:

• Everybody in Los Angeles is hot. So much that it makes me look fat and ugly. I’m a pretty thin guy and I think I’m at least a little good looking and in Chicago some might say I’m hot but in L.A., I’m below average. Not that it was a bad thing. I think everybody likes to look at hot people.
• L.A. will never be confused as the city that never sleeps. All of the bars we managed to get into closed at two. Hell, even some of the bars in the suburbs of Chicago close later then two.
• L.A. has really wide streets. Maybe it is because of the potential for earthquakes, but it seems like it takes forever to cross a typical, downtown L.A. street.
• Speaking of downtown L.A., it kinda sucks. And by kinda, I mean totally. It reminds me of downtown St. Louis in a way because of how small it is, the difference being though that I love St. Louis. And the skyline of L.A. pales in comparison to, well, just about every city I’ve been to. I think Chicago, New York, St Louis, Detroit, Pittsburgh and the Twin Cities all have a better downtown skylines.
• There is nothing quite like Venice Beach. What L.A. lacks in downtown, Venice Beach more than makes up for, the place was simply amazing.
• Hollywood Blvd is not all that it is cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, I did like it; hell there are sex shops pretty much every three feet. But, I like Chicago’s north side better and New York’s Times Square way better. And outside of the shops, there doesn’t seem to be much nightlife in the area of Hollywood Blvd we were on.
• L.A. seems really dirty. There seems to be a lot of graffiti everywhere. There seems to be so much that it is even on the people who live there. I swear, I never saw so many people with tattoos, especially on Venice Beach where a lot of people have their shirts off. It just seemed like every asshole had a tattoo.

I guess I probably should not base my entire judgment of the city on one three and a half day visit. I probably should go back someday but don’t know if I ever will as there are plenty of other places I would rather visit first.

I watched the 60 Minutes interview last night with President Barack Obama last night. I was captivated on the edge of my seat for the first half of the interview when he was talking about the Osama Bin Laden raid itself. The whole thing was truly amazing in every way; amazing that we actually found him; amazing that Obama made the right decision; amazing that the plan went off nearly without a hitch and amazing that for the most part, people on both sides of the aisle are praising Obama. Oh sure, there are people who believe that Obama acted illegally in doing what he did and there are still yet others who believe that Bin Laden is still alive and yet even others who believe that September 11 was an inside job and therefore Bin Laden should not have been killed. But, I’m not in any of those categories as I believe that Bin Laden was behind September 11 and that he  is dead. As for the legality of it all…………..well, that is the story for another post, so I will just bury my head in the sand for the rest of this post.

Contrary to popular belief, my praise of Obama has been far and few between mainly because, let’s face it, overall I have been more disappointed in him than impressed. But, as far as the whole Bin Laden thing goes, I think he handled the whole thing great, I can’t think of anything I would have done different or any president who would have handled it any better. You can say Obama is a pussy and while that is true when it comes to politics, when it comes to national defense and this situation in particular, he has balls as big as church bells. The swift, precise and tactful manner in which he handled this dangerous and delicate situation left me grateful that he was president at this time. And it is not only me who is saying this. He has garnered far more praise from Republicans than criticism with regards to the Bin Laden situation. I think it goes to show you that in spit of all of our differences and fighting, we are truly, for the most part, all on the same side and all of us wants what is best for America. And a dead Bin Laden is best for not only America, but the whole world.

I was trying to think of the importance of what Obama accomplished with this raid. Perhaps I’m overselling it, but I think this was one of the greatest national security things any president in American history has done. It is certainly among the greatest accomplishments since WWII. Some might say Harry Truman’s dropping of the bomb on Japan was greater, but I’ve always felt deeply conflicted about the bomb. As for other presidents since then, I think the Cuban Missile Crisis ranks as JFK’s greatest achievement and certainly as important as any post war event in terms of a crisis. I think of when George H.W. Bush captured Manuel Noriega, but that does not nearly compare to Bin Laden.

So here is to Obama, his national security team and the entire special opps team that actually captured Bin Laden. I think this was a once in a generation, earth shattering accomplishment and I think we should all appreciate what we have in this team and give thanks for a job well done.

Yesterday we had tickets to the Cubs game again. This was my second Cubs game this week; the first one of course being just a short 1,998 miles away at Dodger Stadium. Unfortunately, we had four people who were supposed to go with us but for various reasons had to back out and were unable to go. We were, however, able to find two people to use two of the tickets but still had two tickets go unused so if anybody has a time machine you are more than welcome to go back in time and go with us to the game.

And what a game it was. First of all, it was Lou Gehrig Day at the ballpark so the first 5,000 fans were given Lou Gehrig’s Disease! Our seats wound up being in the second section of the upper deck all the way down the right field line. I know this sounds like it might have been bad, but at Wrigley Field, even the furthest seats still don’t seem all that far back. Plus, it wound up being good because it did rain off and on throughout the game but we remained dry thanks to the awning that was located above us. Sometimes, you gotta love crappy seats. The Cubs were up 1-0 for most of the game before falling behind in the top of the seventh. They went into the bottom of the ninth losing 2-1 but staged an exciting comeback to win 3-2. This made for the long, wet, walk back to the car much more pleasant, however we were still soaked by the time we got back to the car.

Normally every year a couple of friend and I go to the OTB together to bet on and watch the Kentucky Derby. Unfortunately, both of them had to back out of the Cubs game and therefore it made it impossible for us to watch the Derby together. I was able to have my friend place some bets for me which I promptly lost.

Later we went to the casino where at one point I was up $75 only to lose it all but another $50. Yay for gambling! As for today, Mother’s Day, I’m not a mother so I didn’t do much, but if you want you can still wish me a happy Mother’s Day!

I don’t know if I can even begin to tell the entire story of our trip to Los Angeles in one post, however you can get some of the story by checking out any number of the poorly recorded 36 videos on my YouTube site right here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/heckels

But, here is a brief summary of the trip starting with Saturday, April 30:

Saturday April 30- We left for the Milwaukee airport pretty much on time at 5:30 in the fucking ugly A.M. Although I was totally petrified about both flights to and from L.A., both wound up being very good. In fact, with the exception of the decent as we pulled into L.A., both flights were the best I’ve ever had. After picking up the rental car which turned out to be a Dodge Charger, we were at the hotel fairly quickly, so soon that we couldn’t even check in yet. So we grabbed a slice of pizza, got some scratch offs and some booze before finally being able to check in.

First place we went after checking in was to cruise around town mainly along Hollywood Blvd, eventually parking and walking. Within minutes of parking we saw a group of teenagers who were giving away free hugs. They seemed liked nice kids except I think they stole my wallet! Shortly thereafter, we came upon a hookah bar called Hollywood Hookah that I wanted to check out. The guys that worked there told us stories about how people would have sex right there for everybody to see.

After a few hours on Hollywood Blvd, we headed over to what we thought was Venice Beach but we found out later that it was actually Marina Del Rey. Either way, we ate at this great Italian place that lured us in with there really good garlic balls which they were giving out as free samples right in front of the restaurant. The place was awesome though you should check out the video of the entire restaurant singing “That’s A’more” as the employees went around toasting all of the customers.

After dinner we went back to the hotel so that we could go out to a club or two for the night. Turns out that most clubs in L.A. require that patrons wear non gym shoes, this was a problem in the fact that everybody else besides me had only gym shoes. We spent most of the night wandering around trying to find a place and when we finally found a bar at Hollywood and Vine, we got there just in time for last call. Turns out the bar closes at 2. What the fuck, this is L.A. man, I guess it’s not the city that never sleeps. That sucked.

Sunday, May 1- Sunday morning almost seemed like a repeat of Saturday night. We drove around for quite some time trying to find a place to eat breakfast before settling on a tiny, yet good, Mexican restaurant. I had breakfast tacos for breakfast. Afterward we drove up to Beverly Hills and checked out the town hall, library, and police station. I tried my damnedest to get arrested, but they don’t throw you in the clink unless you are Charlie Sheen or Lindsey Lohan. We also hit up a farmers market before going to the real Venice Beach.

Have you ever been to Venice Beach? Wow, it was amazing, clearly the best part of the trip besides the baseball game. There were so many people doing so many different things, you really need to check out those videos. I can’t even begin to describe some of the stuff going on there. I will say this much, with pot being legal for medicinal purposes in California, they were selling a chance to get a card to get some weed. All you had to do was say you had pain in your back or anxiety or something else that masterbation can’t cure.

We ate lunch at about 6 in the pm which consisted of us stopping off at some taco stand where I got a couple of fish tacos. Good stuff, but they had no tables so we had to sit on the damn curb. While on our way back to the car, we came across a guy who had been dressed up as a clown on the beach. He was riding a bike and was not wearing any clown stuff except the make up. I’ve always liked clowns but this guy was creepy. He was babbling something about “rich or poor, its all the same.” I’m just going to assume he spent his day killing people.

Sunday night we went to Larry Flynt’s Hustler Casino. It was the strangest (and maybe the worst) casino I’ve ever been to. Did you know they don’t allow slot machines or video poker in California casinos? This made for an eerily quiet casino. They also served meals at the tables. And when I say meals, I don’t mean like a sandwich, I mean a full meal, like steal and shit. They set up a serving tray that they put the food on and it is located right behind the player as they play. Weird.

After the casino we made our way back down towards the hotel where we found ourselves at fucking bowling ally until about 1 am. At this point, two of the four of us was drunk and I had a pretty good buzz myself. So we wandered the streets and realized that we had not eaten dinner. So we had tacos at a taco stand on the street. Yes, that’s right, I had tacos for every meal!

Monday May 2- This was the reason why we were there: the Cubs and Dodgers at 7P.M. We started off by going to breakfast at a good place just a couple of blocks from the hotel. Next we went to the La Brea tar pits before heading over to Hollywood Blvd so that we could pick up some souvenirs. We had to be at Dodger Stadium at 4:30.

Now I should clarify, as part of this trip I won, we get to go on the field before batting practice and meet Dodgers manager Don Mattingly. I also asked the lady if we could get a tour of the ballpark. During the tour, she took us into the press box where I briefly met Cubs radio color analyst Keith Moreland. Next, we met Cubs radio play by play guy Pat Hughes who honestly, could not have been any nicer. I even told him all about my friend who was supposed to go but couldn’t because of a collapsed lung and he showed a great deal of concern for him.

After meeting former Dodger “Sweet” Lou Johnson, we went down onto the warning track behind home plate to watch batting practice. While down there, we saw Cubs t.v. play by play guy Len Kasper who was very nice as well. I asked him if he could give a shout out to our friend back home he said he would. Come the 6th inning, he actually lived up to his promise, much to the pleasure of all of us. In fact, my friend’s dad recorded the clip and emailed it to him and he forwarded it to me and we were actually able to listen to it on my phone before we even left the park!

I should also mention that my friend Don got a foul ball in the bottom of the first. We each signed the ball and tonight we gave it to my friend who was unable to go on the trip.

As for the game, we had all we could eat from a little mini buffet which was pretty good. Unfortunately, the Cubs lost, but it still wound up being an amazing time.

Tuesday, May 3- This was getaway day, our flight left shortly before noon and we were back on the ground in Milwaukee a short three and a half hours later. All in all, it was a good trip, but I will save my impressions of L.A. for another post.

Sunday night my friends and I got back to our hotel from Venice Beach to get ready to go out for the night and turned on CNN to hear that the president would be making a major announcement about our nation’s security. I knew this was going to be a major announcement as he was making it at 10:30 eastern time on a Sunday night; this sort of thing is unheard of. Being totally afraid to fly, I gradually got concerned about a potential imminent attack or something that would strand us in Los Angeles unable to get back home. At first, we were given no idea as to what it could possibly be, but my friend Dave speculated that it could possibly be that we had finally caught Osama Bin Laden. I thought that was certainly a possibility, but also thought that it could be a very big threat. This made for a very tense 45 minutes before the word was leaked: America had killed Osama Bin Laden.

For years we have waited for this day or at least waited for him to be caught. The fact that the person responsible for multiple terror attacks over the course of over a decade was finally dead was certainly good news to hear, however it was not like we jumped up and down and started celebrating, as I don’t know if that was the right way to react. That being said, it was certainly more than just a little moving to see the images of people descending on the White House and Ground Zero in patriotic celebration of something good actually being done by our country. In a time when the news is often bad and when people are as divided as nearly any time in our country, to see all sorts of people from all different backgrounds come together and celebrate is really cool.

There is much debate about many things since the story broke like how we should have handled his body or if we should release pictures of his corpse among other debates, but for a few days it was great to see everybody coming together and forgetting about politics or fighting over how Obama was wrong with what he did. In a very rare instance for any U.S. President, just about the entire country was behind him and supporting him over this; people fully recognizing the victory for America and not for any political figure. If only there was a way to keep the country this unified.