June 19, 2011

• Going East To Go West Part 1

  So for those of you that care, I somehow managed to survive another vacation. Now the hard part: trying to remember all of it so that I can stuff it into posts over the course of the next few days. I guess I should start off by saying that I went to Florida from last Sunday until yesterday. I went with a couple of friends of mine. We flew down to Orlando Sunday evening and upon landing I found out that the Dallas Mavericks had beaten the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals. This made me happy on a level that was probably not sane. But, what can I say, I really hate the Miami fucking Heat.

  So after the flight, we drove 65 miles to the house of my friend's 75 year old aunt so that my friend could pick up some stuff from her aunt. Now I don't want to sound like a dick, but...............she pretty much filled every stereotype that exists about the elderly. In spite of the fact that it was hotter than fuck out with humidity that seemed to be chronically at 10,000%, she kept the house at 79 degrees. This made it damn near impossible to sleep.  Also, she was kind of bossy always telling us what to do and how to do it. When we went out to dinner, she asked for pork chops and when the waiter said they didn't have pork chops she said "well, I guess that means I can't eat." My friend talked her into getting something but the poor waiter had to come back quite a few times before she finally decided on something. Meanwhile, I was STARVING and was ready to eat the food from the table next to us. I promised my friend that I would be on my best behavior around her aunt, so it made for a tough day and a half of dealing with her.

  Earlier in the day on Monday I did this indoor skydiving thing in Orlando called ifly. This thing sounded pretty cool; it allowed me to feel like I'm skydiving even though I'm too much of a pussy to do real skydiving. If this is how real skydiving is, then I'm never going to do it. First of all, it was $69 for two "jumps" and a dvd. Each jump lasted one minute, which means we drove 65 miles and paid nearly $70 for two minutes. Jeez, for those rates I could have gotten a hooker. Shit, two minutes, that sounds like my sex life! I mean it was kind of cool, but the dude that was the "instructor" was not much bigger then me and had a hard time handling most of the people there including myself. Still, it was a unique experience.

  So Tuesday we went to Key West. Unfortunately, we had to fly the 55 minutes to Fort Lauderdale only to drive another three and a half hours to Key West. But, once we got to Key West, it was worth it. We had a room at the Banana Bay Resort, who's website makes it look much better than it actually is. But, I guess that is the job of the website. They had an outdoor pool which was clothing optional. This might sound cool, but honestly, there were very few people naked at the pool. And of course, the ones that were naked were not very attractive. I thought about going naked but didn't want to get a sunburn on my junk.

  Tuesday night was the first night we were there. We went to a really good Cuban restaurant called Havana 1. I had never eaten Cuban food before and this stuff was amazing. All three of us agreed that it was the best food we had on the entire trip. Being that we were right next to the ocean, I tried to have as much seafood as possible so I got a pasta dish that was served with a fish that I could not recall. Nevertheless, it totally kicked ass.

  After dinner, my friends were too tired to hang out, but that didn't stop me. I went to Duval Street by myself. My first stop was a bar that I had heard a lot about called the Bull, The Whistle and The Garden of Eden. It is kind of three bars in one. The first floor had a lady singing songs. The second had some pool tables. And the third, located on the roof was a naked bar. Yes, people get fully naked in there. Of course, most of them were not very attractive. And there really wasn't a lot going on there so I left.

  I wandered over to a place called Willie T's. There was a lady playing acoustic guitar along with a guy playing drums. This type of place is totally my scene. It was there that I met a nice newlywed couple from Harrisberg, PA. I bought them a shot of tequila and we talked for a couple of hours while listening to the music. Finally about 1:15 I hopped in a cab and went back to the hotel.

  That is all for now, be sure to check in tomorrow when I continue with more about the trip.

  • 7:08 pm
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