I just read an article on Yahoo that today marks the 70th birthday of Mt. Rushmore. Before I get too far into the post, first a couple of facts about the monument:

• The sculptor died before finishing Washington’s waist and coat, and Lincoln’s hands. Great. So Washington is a eunuch. 
• The carvings are scaled to people who would be 465 feet tall. Hmmmm……….something tells me that they would then be our tallest presidents.
• Each head is six stories tall. Holy shit that’s a lot of head.
• The noses are 20 feet long. You know what they say about stone carvings with big noses………

I’ve been to Mt. Rushmore twice; once when I was about eight and we were going out to Wyoming to see my sister graduate college and we stopped off there totally unplanned. It was our only vacation we took when I was a kid. And the next time I was there was about 12 years ago. My friend had just gotten back from studying abroad in Australia and he said he wanted to go to “the place with the presidents heads.” Ironically, we planned on going there but afterwards stopped off to see my sister in Denver, unplanned. Not that it was on the way. Denver is not exactly on the way back to Chicago from Mt. Rushmore.

There has been talk for years about adding another president to Mt. Rushmore. Of course, conservatives have the biggest hard on for Ronald Reagan and because many of them believe him to be the second greatest person to ever live, they want it to be him that is added to the mountain. For many obvious reasons, I disagree strongly. But, one of the biggest reasons why I disagree is that I really believe it is perfect just the way it is and why mess with perfection. I say no more, just let it be as it is.

And for those of you who have been to Mt. Rushmore, do you know what Wall Drug is?

I’m late to the game on this post, but as they say better late then never. Thursday was game six of the World Series. I’m a huge baseball fan so the postseason is always exciting for me. I’m a also a huge Cub fan so naturally, I was rooting against the Cardinals. I actually missed a good portion of game six because I was busy working on my house but did manage to catch the last four or so innings at a bar. Those fucking Cardinals just wouldn’t die. I can go into more detail and dish out more of my opinion about the game, but I know most of the readers are not huge baseball fans. Game six though was not a very good game in that there were a lot of errors and the quality of play was poor from both teams. But, it was very exciting and all I can say is that I could not get enough of it from about the eighth inning on.

Friday of course was game seven which I was very excited about as there has not been a seven game World Series since 2002. Sadly, I was only able to catch bits and pieces as I was busy removing the last stubborn chunks of drywall from the studs in my living room and hall. For those of you that don’t know, I’m remodeling my front room (or as Chicagoans call it, “fronch room”), hall and bedroom. We started this project about two weeks ago and it has been much worse then I imagined. Clearly I have bitten off more then I can chew, but now that we have started we can’t stop now. And my goal is to get it all done and completed by Thanksgiving. It is a lofty yet realistic goal.

Yesterday morning I had a dentist appointment in the morning and the afternoon was spent hanging drywall in my front room and hallway. We got a good portion of it done, but still have more to do. I’m hoping that somehow, we can manage to finish hanging it today. I’m not optimistic though. Got my fingers crossed. Gotta go now though. Just wanted to post a quick update.

I’ve been meaning to post about this, but haven’t had the time. As you all know, last Friday President Obama announced that we will be out of Iraq by the end of the year. All I can say is, it’s about fucking time. Way fucking time. Hell, we never should have been there in the first place, but that is a whole different debate. For now, let’s just be excited and happy that the damn war in Iraq is over.

While I would certainly never classify myself as an isolationist, I do firmly believe that we are wrongfully in a whole shitload of fucking counties, pretty much all of which we have no business being in. People have long clamored to bring our troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan, which I’m all for, but what about the other countries we are in but not at war with; our allies like Japan and Germany and even ones we are not so friendly with, like Cuba. Why the fuck are we in any of these places? I know there is an age old argument that we need to be there in case another war breaks out; you know, like we are the parents who need to be home in case their kids start fighting. First of all, it is not like the whole world is going to crumble if we leave these places. And guess what, if a war breaks out and we are needed, we jump in our planes and go there. I think it is plain ol’ American arrogance that keeps us in these places. Furthermore there is a cost that comes with being in these countries; a financial cost for the country and a physical cost, and an emotional cost for the troops. Think I’m being just a tad bit unreasonable? Well, how would America react if all of these other countries decided to build military bases on American soil? Hell, people here go total fucking ape shit when Mexicans cross our border, can you imagine the reaction when France opens a base in Seattle?

While we can take great joy in the end of the Iraq war, I have to wonder if we will be maintaining some sort of presence there like we have in those aforementioned countries. I find it hard to believe we will completely leave Iraq, even if we should. Also, I do know that American contractors and workers will still be there, so that probably means our military will be there in some sort of capacity. If so, one has to wonder when is enough enough? When does “we are leaving” actually mean goodfuckingbye. In meant never after WWII for Japan and Germany. In a hundred years, will we still be occupiers of all of these countries? Call me cynical but I think the answer is probably  yes.

A chilli that won a chili tasting contest in El Paso, Texas has become the Republican frontrunner in the race for the presidential nominee according to the latest poll. Said Barbara Parnoc of her winning chili “Well if that don’t excite me like an ice cube on a nipple, than nothing will. I’ve been making this chilli for decades and to see it finally get the recognition it deserves is wonderful. I wonder if the chili will make me it’s running mate?”

So how exactly does a chili become a leader in a political race? Political pundit and resident jackass Tugger Wendlestat explains: “What we have here is a boring race along with eight lame ass boring candidates and an electorate who with A.D.D. and an unending hatred of President Obama that they are willing to try out anybody and in this case anything to help defeat him. While this chili certainly can stay with you a while, I just don’t know if it has the staying power to me more than just the flavor of the week.”

This isn’t the first time an inanimate object has garnered political attention. Back in the election of 1880, for a brief time a half drank bottle of beer held a lead over Democratic nominee Winfield Scott Hancock by a two to one margin for the better part of six weeks before being dropped and shattered by Hancock himself. Pundits are convinced it eventually cost him the election. Also in 2007 President George W Bush tried to leave his stapler in charge while he had a colonoscopy. The situation was averted when Vice President Dick Cheney shot the stapler in the face.

Of course the other Republican candidates had a lot to say about this new surprise candidate. Previous frontrunner Herman Cain tried to keep up by first saying he was for the people’s right to choose a chili, but quickly shifted gears by saying that a chili as a nominee is an abomination before running off to deliver pizza to a group of Boy Scouts. Texas Governor vowed to execute the chili if he wins stating “we just don’ t know which chili we are getting. Are we getting the spicy chili which was not spicy before the spices which came before the peppers and after the spices but before the garlic spicy peppers or the chili that comes with the chili mac before it was made and made before the chili mac was the chili with the spices or the mac chili spice peppers or the other chili that was served before it actually won.”

The biggest threat to the chili remains former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney who refused to even discuss the chili for fear of getting really bad gas. “I’m running for office for Pete’s sake, I can’t take the chance on farting around with some illegal immigrant chili,” said Romney before a campaign stop in Ohio.

Where do the Republicans go from here? Well only time will tell, next week there is a pie bake off contest in Des Monies, Iowa, a barbecue rib contest in Belmont, New Hampshire, and a elbow licking contest in Frankfort, Kentucky and any one of them can emerge as the latest contender.

Wow it seems like a long time since my last post, but here is a brief synopsis of what has been going on. Thursday evening we started the removal of the old drywall in my living room and hall. Have you ever had to demolish something? Turns out that it is kind of fun. Hell, your entire life you are taught and told not to break things; here you have a goal of destruction. We still have a couple of walls that need to be finished though which I hope to finish today.

Friday night I went to the lamest Halloween party ever. Well, not that I had a bad time or that it was boring. It is just that very few people dressed up. I love Halloween so of course I dressed up, going as the Wolfman. My brother loves to dress up as well and he went as a very funny fairy Godmother. One of my friends went as a golfer. Everybody else didn’t dress up. See what I mean by lame?

Yesterday I went to my cousin’s daughters first birthday party in the afternoon before picking up a friend of mine in the western suburbs and heading to the north side of Chicago for the night. My friend had a friend who was visiting from Texas and we were meeting them up there to hang out. The north side is the gay part of Chicago for those of you that don’t know. One of the biggest pains in the ass about the north side is that there are about three whole fucking parking spaces on the streets of the north side. Parking is always such a fucking bitch so we jumped at the chance to park in a parking garage which was surprisingly sparse on a Saturday night. Found out later there was a reason for the sparseness.

We meet up with a group of people, most of which I had never met, at a Mexican restaurant. The dinner conversation was about as wild and funny as any dinner conversation that I have ever had with a group of strangers. We spent what seemed to be 45 minutes discussing pubic hair, in particular the pubic hair of a rather famous and powerful black lady from Chicago who’s first name starts with an O and last name ends in a Winfrey. The discussion went from there as to what is considered pubic hair.

After dinner we walk quite a few blocks to a gay bar. Although gay, I’ve never actually been to a gay bar on the north side as it really just isn’t my scene. At first the bar was so packed that it was over capacity, but after waiting a few minutes we got in and went to the back of the bar. We probably spent a good hour there before we decided to leave and go to a condo of one of the people we were with. So we slipped on out the backdoor of the bar. Turns out that we were not supposed to go out that way as an employee of the bar yelled at us for unlocking the door and going out. Does anyone else find it ironic that we would get yelled at in a gay bar for using the rear exit?

The plan was to get our cars and go to this dude’s condo in the South Loop which is pretty much downtown Chicago and about 15-20 minutes away. Well as it turned out, the reason why that damn parking garage was so empty was because it fucking closes at 11pm! On a Saturday. I was fucking pissed. The good news is that it opens back up at 6am. The bad news was it was 1am. So this pretty much cancelled our plans for the rest of the night as my friend call up her husband to meet us at the condo. In a few minutes I’ve got to have my brother give me the 45 minute ride to the  north side to get my brand new car which was left alone, unattended for a night in a parking garage in Chicago.

I just watched the first episode of the Starz original series Boss starring Kelsey Grammer as a supposed fictional mayor of Chicago. I can’t help but feel that his character might be loosely based on one of the former Mayor Daleys, or perhaps a combination of both father and son. Still Grammer was amazing in the first episode and I really did like it, although it probably takes on too much for the first episode.

Of course, one of the things I really liked about it was the fact that the city of Chicago play a very prominent role on the show. Perhaps the first episode overdid it a bit by focusing so much on the city and future episodes won’t have the city featured as much, but I doubt it; being that it is about the mayor of Chicago, the city has to be featured a lot. So of course, being that I love everything Chicago, I loved watching the show.

For those of you that don’t know, I’m from a town in the southwest burbs about 30 miles from Chicago. Without traffic it’s about a half hour drive, with traffic it’s like two weeks. Like just about everybody in the Chicagoland area, I say I’m from Chicago even though I wasn’t born there and never actually lived there. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love the city. I really need to spend more time there as I don’t get to Chicago nearly often enough.

For somebody not actually from Chicago, I really do have a lot of Chicago pride. Even watching the show, I still got excited when I kept seeing Chicago landmarks. I think part of what makes Chicago so great is that it has something for everybody and has all sorts of different groups of people living there. I think there is a different neighborhood for just about every ethnic group or culture. This of course, means that there is a wide variety of food along with food that is uniquely Chicago. I’d hate to sound cliched, but you haven’t lived until you have tried an authentic deep dish Chicago pizza.

So if you have Starz, I highly recommend checking out Boss. Oh, and if you have the money and time, I recommend checking out Chicago even more, I don’t think you would be disappointed. Then again, how the fuck would I know, shit maybe you hate big cities.

Recently I bought a brand new car, a 2012 Ford Fiesta. In the few weeks I’ve had it, I have learned to like it a lot, maybe even love it. No, not love………………..it’s too soon for love. But certainly I like it a lot. As is the case when one gets a new car, I’m still in the process of exploring everything about the car, much how when two people start dating it takes time to get to know each other and explore each other’s genitals. So I’m still at the genital exploring phase of my relationship with my car. And I have yet to find my car’s trunk release. I swear, the thing is harder to find then a G spot. Or like a G spot, it’s just a rumor and doesn’t actually exist. Yes, I looked under and around the seat. I looked in the glove box. I looked all over the instrument panel and vents and speedometer and all that shit. I even looked on the ceiling of the car and yet, no trunk release.

And it’s not only that there appears to be trunk release. What is even more crazy is that there is no damn keyhole for the trunk. Oh sure, there is a button on the key that opens the trunk, but what if I lose that key and break the spare key? It wasn’t until yesterday when I was showing it off to a couple of friends that I discovered a button above the license plate that opens the trunk but only if the car is unlocked. By the way, does this mean the G spot is actually located in the ass?

There is, however, a way to open the trunk from inside of the trunk, you know, just in case somebody locks me in the trunk again. Which makes me wonder, how the fuck bad have things gotten that car companies are now making trunks that open from the inside of the trunk? What the fuck type of country are we that there is need to have such a feature; either we are nation of violent people who stuff people inside trunks, a nation of idiots who get locked inside their trunk or both. And why is it that it is easier to get OUT of my trunk then to get in it? I don’t know about you, but I’m not exactly planning on spending more time in my trunk.

This whole thing bothers me though. I don’t have a trunk release from inside the cabin of the car, which I would like, preferably within arms reach of the driver’s seat. Now I know I’m probably being a bit snobbish about the whole thing especially since I didn’t even have a trunk release on my previous car, but at least I had a keyhole that I could insert my key into to get inside the trunk. You know me, I always like inserting things. I dunno. I guess I just have a fear of losing the key or it not working and me having to go in through the back seats to repeatedly gain access to the trunk. Oh well I guess it could be worse, I could keep get locked inside the trunk.

As I mentioned in my previous post, Saturday was the day when I was going to significantly remodel part of my house, starting with my bedroom, front room (or as Chicagoans call it, fronch room) and hallway. I was lucky and fortunate enough to have nine friends come over and help. My first friend arrived at 8:30 to take me to Menard’s (its a home improvement store here in the midwest) to pick up the heavy as fuck insulation blower along with some other things. We got back home, quickly dropped it off, grabbed a cup of coffee and headed out to pick up some drywall.

We got back around 11 in the am. This is when I found out things were not going to be as easy as I had hoped. Turns out that in addition to be being nailed, the paneling had been glued to the drywall. Glue is a motherfucking bitch to remove. That was not the least of my problems. A couple of pieces of the dry wall had mold on it, including the extremely safe and perfectly healthy black mold. Hey, if anybody is looking to get a nice lung aliment and possibly cancer for the holidays, why don’t you swing by and put your nose directly on this black mold and inhale. Mmmmmmm, that’s the stuff. Anywho, I was completely and utterly discouraged and overwhelmed at the task before us. I knew that I had bit off more then I could chew. On the other hand, this was desperately needed so in my eyes, not doing anything was simply not an option.

So that was the living room. The drywall in the bedroom did not have glue on it but it did have some water damage. Also, one of my friend’s accidently put his knee through my bedroom ceiling. Not that big of a deal though, it is widely believed that area used to be where the entrance to the attic was and we were going to be replacing it with drywall anyway. Fortunately outside of a scrape on his knee, he was fine.

The one thing that actually did go very well though was the blowing of the insulation in the attic. I way overbought on the insulation with the intent of totally going ape shit with the attic insulation. Is 10 inches deep enough ape shit? I think so. It looks like a blizzard up there. My one friend actually blew it up there with the hose and I had the sounds like a cushy but isn’t at all job of holding the flashlight while he hosed the shit down. I walked in the bedroom this morning and already noticed a difference. If I did nothing else this weekend, at the very least I needed to properly insulate the attic.

When it as all said and done, at the end of the day, the drywall remained up and the carpeting remained on the floor. I’ve decided though that instead of scraping all of the glue off of the drywall I’m just going to replace all of the drywall and go from there. But, that being said, it is going to be expensive and quite a time consuming project. My house is in complete and utter disarray right now and I hate it. But, I know it will all be worth it in the end. Still, a part of me just wants to light a fucking match and be done with it.

One very good thing though. I won two poker games last night which netted me over $200 and should help offset the cost of the project.

Some of you might remember from a couple of posts recently that I’m involved with a group of friends who get together and work on each others houses once a month. We started this back in July and this month, it is my turn. Now I’ve got no shortage of things that need to be done in or around my house. Quite honestly, my house is the house that 1978 forgot.

Even though I’ve got a lot of work that needs to be done, I had no doubt about where we would start: my bedroom. See my bedroom used to be a garage. When the garage was converted into two rooms, for some stupid reason the attic was not probably insulated. Because of this, it gets unreasonably fucking freezing in there in the winter. And I mean cold. Like on days when it gets single digits or colder outside, my room gets as cold as 50 degrees or even less. One time, I closed the door in there during a day when it was below zero and came back in about a half hour. It was so cold that I could see my breath. So I had a heat guy come out and properly fix the vent going into that room, but it turned out to only partially solve the problem. It is still ridiculously cold; so cold that I still need to use a space heater. Now I know about the attic issue and we are going to going that route. Another part of the house is really cold too and it looks like the insulation there has worn away. So, I plan to insulate the entire attic. Currently I’ve got a couple of cellulose insulation sitting in my living room. And by a couple I mean 56.

Speaking of the living room, that is the other part of the project. The plan is to remove the carpet and paneling (yeah, that’s right, I’ve got paneling) and repair and fix the drywall and will have somebody put in new carpeting. Did I also mention I will be doing the same thing in my bedroom as well? Well I am. So all that right there should be a good start to getting the house lookin good.

There are still a number of other things that should be replaced and or fixed including but not limited to the crawl space. See for the first five years after my mother died we kept her body in the crawl space. Until finally the funeral director and his merry band of men came crashing in through the windows, showed us their badges and told us we could no longer keep her in the crawl space. So they hired a couple of elderly illegal immigrants to take her out.

Although I hate spending money, I am really looking forward to the changes we are making to the house. Quite honestly, because of how old the house is, it has been a bit of an embarrassment and this will certainly help to make it look much better and be a source of pride. It is most definitely a much needed improvement to the house.

Just kidding about my mom. We never put her in the crawl space. She is in the backyard on a lawn chair.

Next to my dead dad.

As many of you probably know by now, October is breast cancer awareness month. Although I do not have much use for these so called breasts, or boobs, or mammies, or tits or titties or jugs or watermelons or airbags or baby feeders or boobies or cans or torpedoes or hands or muffins or boobies or neeners or knockers or Lewinskis or kawangas or the twins or shabba-dos or funbags or dinglebobbers or headlights or bombs or hood ornaments or softballs or Lilo and Stitch or milk bombs or coconuts or Mars and Venus or cha-chas or bosoms or honkers or wopbopaloobops, or wondermelons, or whatever the hell it is the kids are calling them these days, we still need to be doing what we can to help protect ourselves and others against breast cancer.

And it is not only females that get breast cancer. In rare instances, guys have been known to get breast cancer as well. The good news though is that there is a lot of research and hard work being done to to find a cure and to raise awareness in the fight against breast cancer. Also you can go to the link at the bottom of this post to donate at my friend’s page for her walk to fight against breast cancer.

https://secure3.convio.net/tacs/site/Donation2?idb=1528462156&df_id=1009508&FR_ID=36102&PROXY_ID=22938665&PROXY_TYPE=20&1009508.donation=form1

Thank you and let’s all come together to help find a cure and support those with breast cancer.