Friday I took the day off work as my friends and I were planning on going to a haunted corn maze in Malta, IL, which is about 70 miles away. I go to the maze every year as I love Halloween and love haunted houses and shit like that. Anywho check this shit out:

http://www.jonamacorchard.com/corn-maze

At the bottom, you can click on the link for the haunted part. There are two parts to the corn maze; the first part is the non haunted part, the second part is the haunted part. It is a great value for the money, only $10 and between the two sections, you are in there for well over an hour. The first year I went was two years ago and it was shaped like a penny in honor of the 200th birthday of Abe Lincoln. We entered through the bullet hole. What? Too soon? Anywho, last year it was the shape of the Boy Scouts logo. We entered in through the……….wait, probably too far. This year it was in the shape of the Dekalb high school logo.

This was the first time I was going to have multiple people in my brand new car, the Ford Fiesta. There was a total of five of us in the car which is probably too many as the backseat was really cramped. I learned this when I rode in the back on the way home. We met four other people up there shortly after 8 in the pm and much to my surprise, there was practically no line, which was a shock because the weather was literally perfect. It was in the 60s out, very clear and with no wind. It was ideal.

We quickly got lost in the first section of the maze. This part easily took us over an hour, but it was still fun. The haunted section was more fun, made even more enjoyable by my friend’s crazy antics. There is a part of the maze in which you have to walk through this black area which is, well shit, it’s kinda hard to describe. I guess it kinda looks like a jumpy, except it’s not. Right down the middle is a division in which you walk through it, but my friend must not have seen that because he though it was a jumpy. So guess what? He put his arms out literally jumped right in the middle landing flat on his stomach and balls. And what is even funnier is that as soon as he jumped we couldn’t see him anymore. It was classic!

After the maze, we went into Dekalb which is only five minutes away and home of Northern Illinois University. The first bar we went to was Dekalb’s legendary Otto’s, which, I guess is not so legendary as we were practically the only people there. So we bar hopped to a couple of other bars and drank it up before eventually going to the hookah bar. We got there at 1:05, sadly it closes at 1. But, not so sadly, the guy behind the counter was nice enough to let us smoke and he made us a couple of hookah pipes. And then proceeded to let us stay until three in the morning, two hours after they closed!

All in all it was a great weekend. Hope you had a good one too.

I just got through watching Ken Burns’ amazing “Prohibition” on PBS. The documentary was a three part series each of which were about an hour and 45 minutes long. I was transfixed and engrossed the entire time I was watching, but of course, I have always been oddly fascinated with the 1920s. Hell one of my favorite shows is the HBO prohibition era drama, “Boardwalk Empire“. But back to “Prohibition“, the program though, covers so much more then the 1920s, actually dating all the way back to the 1820s when the first seeds of prohibition were planted.

I learned a lot watching this program. One of the things I found most shocking, disgusting and disturbing was that in the 1800s the age of consent was 10! Fucking 10, can you believe that? And to think, people flip out when a 20 year old has sex with a 16 year old, but shit, at least the 16 year old isn’t prepubescent.

Another thing I learned was the lies the prohibitionists (or drys as they were commonly called) told to gain support for their cause. For example, they used children as young as five years old to help further their cause in the hopes that when they became adults, they too would be for prohibition. Among the things they would tell them is that drinking alcohol could cause you to spontaneously combust. Or another good one, that even drinking one sip of alcohol could burn and tear away the lining on your throat, the inner linings of your chest and stomach. On the other hand, those very same people who told those lies to children also fought against child labor, for increasing the age of consent, and for woman’s right to vote, so I guess some good did come of them.

Of course, you can’t talk about 1920s and prohibition without mentioning the person who probably gained the most from it: Al Capone. And a good part of this documentary was about him. Although I do recognize he was a criminal and basically evil, I have always been intrigued by him in a big way. I think it goes back to the fact that not only do I live in the Chicagoland area, but also many of my uncles grew up during the time of Al Capone. In fact, my oldest of my mom’s brothers just turned 90 and my mom’s family was raised in the Italian area of Chicago. The rumor has it that some of my mom’s brother’s had mafia ties (although just past the time of Capone) and even that my mom’s Godfather was an actual Godfather, Tony “The Big Tuna” Accardo, however I have yet to be able to prove that rumor.

Often times when I watch things about history, I wonder how I would have been if I lived in that time. If I could choose to live in any other time besides my own, I would choose the 1920s; what a time to be alive, especially in this town. Although I no doubt would have been strongly against prohibition, just like I’m strongly for legalizing pot, I don’t know how much alcohol I would have drank, after all it was against the law, as poorly enforced law it was. Also, there was a lot of bad alcohol out there, such as booze that contained paint thinner and other toxic ingredients. That alone would have been enough of a reason for me not to partake. But, I could have totally seen myself living it up in those speakeasies until all hours of the morning.

Even before I watched it, I knew how stupid of an idea prohibition was and after seeing this, it not only reconfirms my belief and also leads me to believe that this was the dumbest and worst law the United States government ever passed. The funny part is that as the program said, everybody wanted prohibition and that is why it was passed. And it made the strangest bedfellows. Hell, not only were a lot of Democrats and Republicans for it, but Booker T Washington was for it as well and on the way extreme opposite end of the spectrum in full support of prohibition was the KKK. Throughout the battle for prohibition and the battle to repeal, the issue was supported and fought against by both Democrats and Republicans. Honestly, I think it was more of a regional thing than anything else; people in the south and the bible belt were strongly for prohibition, political party be damned.

I’m quite certain PBS will replay this quite a bit so if you are into this sort of thing, certainly do try to catch it as it is well worth the over five hours you will spend watching it. I loved everything about it; the music, the old videos, the stories and the voices. If you do watch it, pay close attention to the voices as many celebrities lent their voices to this documentary.

I really have a couple of ideas of things I want to post about but right now lack the sufficient time to do them justice. On the other hand I wanted to post SOMETHING as I want to post 3-4 times a week. So that is how you get stuck reading a rather pointless post, pretty much put out here to waste my time and yours. Have fun. And hopefully I will have more time to post tomorrow.

Do you people have any idea how hard it is to be a sexy adonis that people can not get enough of? Let me just give you a taste. A few months ago I wrote a post about a lady at work who possibly likes me. The verdict was that she indeed likes me. Actually, I can’t remember the verdict, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that she likes me. Well, another girl at work found this out and said that she was going to start doing things to make the other girl (who sits right near me) jealous. So she kept coming over there and making comments and whatnot. But, her plan to make the other girl jealous turned out to likely be a rouse and I’m being told that she too actually likes me. How do I know this you ask? Well, she is always making comments to me even when the other girl isn’t around. And a few weeks ago she said something to me that made it pretty damn obvious to everybody I told the story to (and to another lady who witnessed this awkward interaction) that she indeed likes me.

So I was standing there talking to another co worker when this girl who probably likes me came up and asked me if I had gained weight lately. I asked her why she thought that and she said she noticed that I was wearing my belt on the next loosest notch. Seriously, why would she notice this unless she was looking at my, well, cock. When I pointed it out that it was odd that she was looking at my crotch she got all defensive. Later on she told somebody that she was distracted into looking at my belt buckle because the sun was reflecting off of it. Sound plausible? Well, that would make sense…………….if my back wasn’t to the window!

Then there is the story of the lady who is probably 20 years older then me. She is always telling me how much she loves me and giving me food and what not. No biggie right? Then she tells me that she has recently left her husband. And then a short while later she tells me that she can really use a massage. Seriously. Seriously, what the fucking fuck? And then there is another recently divorced lady who is about 10 years older then me who is overly friendly to me and asked a friend of mine why I’m single because “I’m such a great catch.” I’m not convinced the last two ladies like me, but do find it awfully fucking odd the stuff they have said to or about me.

Then there is another lady at work who is a total fucking bitch and who nobody likes. She is really nosy and just a first rate, grade A bitch. So the other day I was talking to a friend of mine who sits near her and I was pretending that I thought cows laid eggs. Obviously, I know they don’t, but it was funny to watch everybody’s reaction to me saying this. Even though the bitch was on the phone, she interrupted herself to say that cows do not lay eggs. And she said it in the most condescending way, oblivious to my dry sense of humor. So today I decided that I would say something really stupid everyday just to try to annoy the shit out of her. Today I said that apples grow out of the ground. She didn’t react to this, but she might not have heard me. Either way, I think it’s safe to say this lady doesn’t like me; I just though that was a funny story to share.

So I realized last week that I had not posted much info on my new car besides, of course, what kind of car it is. Now that I have had a chance to drive it for 10 days or so, I think I’ve had enough of a chance to drive it and get used to it and what not. In case your forgot, it is a 2012 Ford Fiesta, which means that I have given up what was left of my masculinity to drive this car. Of course, previously I owned a Chevy Cavalier, so there wasn’t much masculinity in that either. But, I digress. Now, more about the car.

Everybody always asks what color it is and for the record, it is blue. But, as we know, colors aren’t always that simple. Depending on who you ask, it might not be a very manly blue. I say it’s a Cubbie blue, but honestly, it is not that dark. Somebody else said it is more of a fem blue, but my brother’s sister in law said it is more of a Miller Lite blue.

Now my Cavalier was a basic two door model with no bells or whistles or anything special. My new car is a four door and fully loaded; power locks, power windows; I can unlock the doors and open the trunk with a push of a button. I can also play my IPOD and I have cruise control. Because all of this was such a far upgrade from my previous car, for the first week it felt like I was driving a rental car. I’m used to it now though; it feels like mine. Also, the car has Ford Sync, which means that I can press a button, tell it to play a song or call somebody and it does what it’s told. Finally, somebody who will listen to me! It is a pretty cool feature though; it will even say curse words, for example, I told it to play System of a Down’s “Fuck The System” and it repeated what I said and played it. Holy shit, is there anything cooler than a car that swears?

Today was the first day I put gas in the car. Normally I fill up when it gets to the halfway point but wanted to let it go further to see how it did on the mileage as there is a display that lists the miles per gallon, which so far has said I’m getting no less then 37 miles a gallon, however I have doubts about it’s accuracy. Still, I’m getting way better mileage then I was getting with the Cavalier.

As for the ride, well, it is a tiny car so it is not like it rides much different or has great horsepower. In fact, I think it might even be worse then the Cavalier, however I really don’t give a shit about that sort of thing so I can’t tell the difference between the two. I mean, it’s not like I went from a Mustang to a Fiesta. Going from a bare bones Cavalier it feels like I’m practically driving a damn luxury car! Still, I like it. I wonder how much I will like it in five years when it has some age to it.

Of course, every car needs a good name. When I was setting up the sync with Ford, I gave it the stupid name Blue Party because I didn’t want to offend the dealer with the name I really wanted to give it: Blue Balls. Oh sure, the car has absolutely no balls whatsoever, but any chance I can get to make a sexual reference I’m going to do it, probably because I’m just that immature. So I guess it’s official name is Blue Party, but it’s nickname and the name I’m going to call it is Blue Balls.