Now the Tim Tebow’s team has been eliminated from the playoffs, we are going to be hearing a whole heck of a lot less about him, but I wanted to get one more post in about him before he goes away for 10 months. Many people have different opinions of Tebow but he is pretty much a polarizing figure; you either love him or hate him. That being said, I think he is kind of the exact opposite of another polarizing figure, LeBron James. Allow me to give you a little comparison:

LeBron- Is great for the first three quarters of a game before sucking ass and blowing it in the fourth.
Tebow- Is awful the first three quarters of a game until finally playing good in the fourth.
LeBron- Looks much older than what he actually is
Tebow- Looks much younger than he actually is.
LeBron- Quite possibly might be the most self centered, narcissistic athlete in all of pro sports, always giving himself credit for everything while forgetting all about his teammates.
Tebow- Quite possibly might be the most God centered, humble, athlete in all of pro sports, always giving Jesus credit for everything while forgetting all about his teammates.
LeBron- Has children out of wedlock and presumably has had much sex with many different ladies.
Tebow- Has never had an orgasm.
LeBron- About as straight as a player can get, unless you consider his weird homoerotic friendship with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.
Tebow- Quite possibly gay, after all just look at his mannerisms, laying the Christianity on soooooo thick and his lack of a girlfriend.
LeBron- Left Ohio to play in Florida
Tebow- Left Florida to play in Denver.

And with that, a farewell to Tebow for 10 months. Hopefully, we can get rid of LeBron sooner and for even longer.

We are at the start of the presidential election year (in spite of what the candidates and media tries to claim, it does start this month and not two years ago) and of course, me being a bit of a political junkie, I’m paying close attention to the race. Now being a hardcore liberal, I really can give a shit about the Republican party. Except that there are some candidates who are in my opinion more acceptable than others. For example, I would not mind so much if Jon Huntsman became president. Heck, even Mitt Romney would be kind of tolerable. But the doomsday, absolute can not stomach, candidate who I would quite possibly vomit until I bleed if he won would be Rick Santorum.

I’ve been appalled by Santorum for years, since he was still a senator. It is not bad enough that he is extremely right wing on every issue, but it is also his statements he makes, for example, comparing gay sex to beastality or pedophilia. Such statements are not only wrong, but they are also irresponsible. What makes it more appalling is that I think he actually honestly believes his intolerant religious bullshit, like how he wants to outlaw contraceptives and birth control. And of course, his position on abortion is extreme as well. A strict Catholic, he seems to be in line with the Catholic Church on just about every issue. He potentially could be worse than George W Bush. I never actually believed that Bush was as religious as he claimed to be; faking it just to get elected. But Santorum? Yeah he is genuine.

Fortunately, he has yet to win a primary or caucus, putting him behind Romney. But, that doesn’t mean he still can’t win. So here is a frightening, doomsday scenario which while unlikely, is not out of the realm of possibility. With Michelle Bachmann dropping out and Rick Perry probably next to drop out follow by Newt Gingrich dropping out probably by month’s end, those votes will need to go somewhere. And since most of the Republican party detests Romney, there is a chance Santorum can pick up a ton of extreme conservative votes pushing him past Romney. And while Romney probably wins the more moderate states like California, Illinois, and New York, it is realistic to think that Santorum cleans up in the more conservative, bible tooting south like Florida and Texas, two states with a ton of people. And even if he doesn’t win, there is still a chance Romney (or whoever else wins) will pick him as his running mate.

So here is to Mitt Romney kicking his ass and picking somebody else as a running mate. And even better, here is the economy rebounding and no Republican standing a chance to beat Obama.

As requested, this is the long awaited closet post. So why exactly am I halfway in the closet, after all it is a total half assed way to live one’s life. I guess I can sum it up with just a few words: fear and arrogance. I know, odd right, I mean it’s not like the two exactly go hand in hand. But then again, this is not exactly a normal way to live one’s life and the typical way to handle one’s homosexuality. Most people are either firmly entrenched in the closet or so far out their homosexuality can be seen from space. That is not the case with me. Also, it is easy for me to hide my sexuality as I am masculine and people rarely suspect me as gay. But, that in itself is a blessing and a curse. And it is also probably the only thing that allows me to remain half in, half out.

But about the fear and arrogance. First, let’s discuss the fear. This is pretty easy to understand and something that I think everybody can relate to, the fear of rejection. I’m full Italian and like most Italians was raised Catholic and unlike fear and arrogance, Italians and Catholicism do go hand in hand. This, of course, means that sexuality of any kind is taboo and should never  be spoken about or expressed. My twin brother and I were the last of six kids and the oldest of our siblings died in a car accident when we were one, almost two. Our dad died three years later, leaving my mom to raise us on her own. After losing her son and husband, she was bitter and angry towards God, kind of turning her back on Catholicism, but in a half assed sort of way. See now you know where I get it from. While we did not go to church EVER,  pray during meals or anything else that even a moderate Christian would do, my mom still made us go to CCD every week. Go figure; just our luck, she was angry enough to not make us go to church but not angry enough to stop sending us to CCD on Saturday mornings.

So with that, you have a good understanding of religion’s effect or non effect on me as a child. Like many lapsed Catholics, my mom still clung to some firm traditions of the Church, like no meat on Fridays during Lent and the suppressing of sexuality. I’m quite certain my mom never had sex after my dad died, which amounted to the last 20 years of her life.  She also never had the sex talk with us. Ever. There was never ever any discussion of sex in our house even when we were teens and in our early 20s before she died. Heck, when we were kids she made us cover our eyes when a topless lady was on the television. So you have an idea of what sex meant in our family. It was taboo. It was dirty. It is also probably why none of my mom’s kids are big into public displays of affection. In addition, homosexuality was never discussed, however my mom did make fun of a guy she knew who was gay.

As you might imagine, when I realized I was gay, this meant that my natural instinct was to cover it up and keep it to myself. With this came fear. Homosexuality is wrong and immoral in many cultures, among those cultures are Catholics and Italians. I’ve got a large Italian family on both sides and not a single person is out, although I do know for a fact that one of my cousin’s on my dad’s side is gay, however it is kind of a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. Also recently my cousin’s step son, who is a flaming gay, came out which made my cousin very upset. I feel bad for the kid, he is from the Phillippines and his mom is practically married to this raging, anti gay asshole.

While I am a at times a confident, strong willed, person who is usually never afraid to tell anybody anything, I think probably for all of the above reasons, I draw the line at sexuality. I am more willing to share the fact that I am an Atheist with people than the fact that I am gay. Go figure, I mean after all it is not like people don’t get discriminated against for being an Atheist.

The other reason I mentioned was arrogance. When I first started coming out to friends in 2004, I figured I would quickly find a boyfriend and that would pretty much do the job for me. I assumed that getting into a long term relationship would be easy because, hey, after all I think I’m very good looking, funny, and at least semi smart. I’d like to think that I am a good catch; a type of guy that many people would want to date. I know, very arrogant of me.  A part of me even thought that I would go on these gay sites, keep my pictures private or locked and guys would still flock to me. I would be able to easily chat with them, charm the pants off of them both figuratively and literally and have my pick of guys. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Most gay guys are out. And most want a guy who is out too. And it turns out that people avoid profiles with no pictures or locked pictures as if they were the plague.

So here we are, eight years later, still no boyfriend and still partially in the closet. It is not a horrible way to live life but it certainly can be better. I mean, after all, it is not like I’m buried in the closet like I was before. However, it prevents me from getting the most out of life and living the best life I can. It also makes life very difficult to live as I have to ask myself and others to almost play this game of hiding who I am. This is nearly impossible and at some point, needs to stop.

I hope this certainly helps to explain things a little more. I know, I have made my life much more complex and complicated as I need it to be. And perhaps I should seek some form of therapy or help so that I can overcome the fears and sexual suppression that have been engrained in me since childhood.

The other night I was at a local bar that I frequent with some friends and although I don’t smoke, I always go outside with my friend (I should mention here in IL you can’t smoke in public buildings) so she doesn’t have to smoke alone. While we were out there talking, this guy who happened to be black (this is a big part of the story, you will understand later) overheard us talking and asked if were married because he said there was a connection between us. Of course we told him no but then started up a conversation with him about traveling and different places. We were talking about California and San Diego in particular when he said “Oh you don’t want to go there, ain’t nothing but a bunch of fags there.” I quickly blurted out “That’s okay though because I’m gay.” He was stunned. And more than just a little taken aback by by response. He instantly apologized “if I offended you” as he did not realize or expect me to be gay.

This started us on a conversation about being gay. He spent a good part of the night kind of kissing my ass because he felt bad about offending me. Although I was offended, I did not show it so much, taking it in good stride as I saw it as my duty to open his mind and influence him to not be homophobic, which he admitted he was. He even told me that he has a sister who is a lesbian but the whole family disowned her because of it. He said that he was from the south side of Chicago and was a gangbanger and being gay in a gang would get you killed. He also said in the black community homosexuality is NEVER ACCEPTED, all of which I knew. I explained to him that being gay was not a choice which of course he disagreed with. So I asked him when he decided to be straight to which he said he has always been about the pussy to which I replied “well since I was about 12 or 13 I have been about the cock but wondered what the fuck was wrong with me since I was not about the pussy”. He said I was brave and admired by honesty.

The conversation evolved into a comparison of gay civil rights and black civil rights. He was bothered by the fact that gays try to compare their struggle for rights with blacks struggle for rights. I explained to him that while it is different there are a lot of similarities but as I saw a gay black person write on a message board, “it is sometimes harder to be gay than to be black, after all, I never had to come out to my mom as being black.” He was stunned to find out that there were gay black people.

As the night went on he kept on offering to by me a drink to make up for offending me, but I was driving so I didn’t want anything to drink. Call me crazy, but although he was a total homophobe, I actually found the guy kind of likable and not without hope. He was also playing a lot of music in the jukebox that you wouldn’t expect a black person to play, such as Aerosmith and Eric Clapton. He was also a big fan of the blues which I like as well. While we were talking a little bit about music, he told me something that I did not believe: his dad was blues legend Muddy Waters. I asked him several times if he was serious and he said yes. I then asked him how his dad was and he said that he died in 1983. Now I knew this couldn’t be true, I know Muddy Waters is still alive. I did, however, feel like quite an asshole when he said that, proving that he was not the only one who could embarrass himself.

In spite of the fact that we were getting along fine, I still felt very uncomfortable being around this guy. I left the bar a short while later and Googled Muddy Waters as soon as I got home. I found out that of course as I knew, Waters live in Chicago for many years before dying in 1983 in the suburb of Westmont which was not all that far from where I live. I also saw pictures of him and guess the fuck what, the guy I spent much of the night talking to looked pretty much like him. Holy shit, he was probably telling the truth.

This was an unusual night for me though. I actually felt pretty proud of myself for several reasons; one for not flipping out on him when I found out he was a bigot towards gays. Of course, it also helps that he would have totally kicked my ass. But, I also was not afraid to go debate him on the issue in spite of being exactly what he hates. And, I’m proud that I at least might have had somewhat of an influence on him.

One thing about 2011 is that I seemed to get a ton of great pics from my various trips and outings. And since I don’t have much to post about, I figured I would show you some of these pics, many of which have never been posted here before.

My friend and the infamous naked cowboy in Times Square on New Year’s Day. He is wearing underwear, but the guitar is brilliantly placed as to cover it.

This is my friend Dave with the royal flush and my twin brother Mark flipping off the camera at my yearly poker game in honor of my mom.

I put this picture on here because it very well might be a lifesaver. Well, I think I might be over exaggerating a bit but recently I noticed a mole on my chest has turned black. When I went back and looked at this pic from February, I noticed it was brown then. Also it is like picture that sums up many of the stories from my previous post: it was the night before my nosegasm, you can see the remains of the blizzard and can see my old car behind me.

This pic kinda speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Same party as the previous pic. My favorite part of this picture is my brother casually grabbing my chest while he looks away as if he isn’t doing anything.

This is me an the boys at Dodger Stadium with Don Mattingly on May 2.

This is me and Marilyn Monroe in Key West. What can I say, shit have you ever been to Florida in mid June? It was fucking hot and I needed the shade.

My friend Dave and I at the Taste of Chicago at the end of June

This is the gang camping in Wisconsin in August. I’m holding the infamous air horn.

That is my brand new car the week after I bought it in September

This is me mixing costumes at a Halloween party.

Me in November on my brand new carpeting with my freshly painted wall in my bedroom.

This………well this is an interesting story. You can see, but I’m wearing lady’s shoes.

I could have posted many more, but this it it, in chronological order from the start of the year until the end of the year. Hope you found them as amusing as we all did taking them.

2011 was by most accounts the best year of my life. I’m sad to see it gone. Here is a brief summary of what my year was like:

• Rang in the year in the biggest way possible: in Times Square. On January 1 I saw my first Broadway musical, Green Day’s “American Idiot” which was nothing short of amazing. Of course it also helped that Green Day is my favorite band and “American Idiot” is my favorite album.
• Somehow manage to survive the Great Blizzard of 2011 in spite of some major incompetence on my part.
• I had what a friend of my named a “nosegasm” at a weekend long party. This was a night that will go down in infamy for my friends and I and was the single hardest I have ever laughed in my entire life. As for the nosegasm……..use your imagination.
• Applied for the Major League Baseball dream job contest. Shocked to actually find out that I made it to the next level and although I did not get the job, it was certainly still exciting.
• Won a trip to L.A. to see my  beloved Cubs lose to the Dodgers. As part of the contest, I also got to go on the field before the game, watch batting practice and meet Dodgers manager Don Mattingly. While on the field my friends and I somehow, inexplicably wound up being in an episode of FOX’s “Hell’s Kitchen” for about half a second. 
• Spent a weekend in Milwaukee with some friends. I know what you are thinking “uhhh Milwaukee?” but honestly, we liked Milwaukee better than L.A. and had a great time.
• In June I went to Key West with a couple of friends for an unforgettable experience. A couple of the nights there were so memorable and fun. I would go into more detail but I did post all about it back then. All I can say is that I really need to get back there someday. And more then just once, I want to go back again and again. Just like New York. 
• Went camping with my group of friends in August for the first time in eight years. It was just like old times and we all loved it and can’t wait to do it again sometime.
• Went out of town for work for a week in August. Sure it was only Iowa, but it was another trip and the first time I have ever gone out of town for work.
• Bought a new car in September. This was single handily the best day (September 22) of the year; on the same day I bought the new car my unemployed brother got a job. 
• Also in September I started swimming lessons.
• October might have been the craziest yet best month of the year which I guess is fitting since my birthday is in October. Speaking of which, on my birthday some friends and I went to a haunted corn maze and hung out in the college town of Dekalb for the night. The next weekend, we started the project of remodeling my front room, hall and bedroom, complete with about 10 inches of insulation in my attic.
• December was another great month; hell I had two weeks of vacation in November. Oh and December also had the World of Chocolate which is ALWAYS a great time and this year was no exception.

I’m sure I’m leaving some things out but this is just a rough summary of what was an amazing year. Tomorrow I hope to post pics from the past year.

Saturday I woke up not entirely sure what I was doing for New Year’s Eve. I had an idea though, and it was what I wound up doing, going over to a friend’s house for a New Year’s Eve party. The last time I was there for NYE was two years ago and to be honest, I did not have a very good time. But, this year was much different, we had more people and more to do, the combination of which is always better.

The night started off fairly well, we were all just hanging out and talking. I showed everybody pictures of last New Year’s Eve in Times Square. We also played darts on an old metal tip manual dart board. For some reason, I always find these darts much easier then the electronic darts. It showed; I did very well the first couple of games. Shortly before midnight, we wound up playing a game that involved having your hands tied together with another person’s hands. You had to get unconnected from each other without untying the knot or cutting the twine. As you  might expect, this was kind of difficult, but the girl I was partners with had played years before and eventually remembered how to get undone. Eventually everybody else got untied without 10 minutes to spare before midnight.

Midnight came and with it was another year, ending what was the best year of my life and starting a new one with all new potentials and possibilities. The year ended much more different for me than when it started, but it was still pretty cool. We hung out until about 4 in the A.M. at which time most of us went home.

Even though it was fairly late, I still wasn’t tired. I didn’t actually fall asleep until well after 5 and for some stupid and annoying fucking reason, I woke up at 10 and could not fall back asleep. I got up and exercised and put on some coffee to drink after breakfast. I don’t know what part of the country you are in, but it was windy as hell yesterday (and even still now) with wind gusts upwards of 55 miles an hour. This was no doubt the reason why the power went out as I ate my Cocco Puffs while the coffee brewed. This left me with not all the coffee made and luke warm coffee by the time I drank it.

We were supposed to go to my brother’s house at about three o’clock and we left at 2:30 with the power still not back on. By the time we got home at one in the morning, the power was back on but the furnace was not working. This was a problem because with the high winds came low temps, in fact the overnight low was 16. By the time we got home it was only about 50 degrees in the house. I tried starting the furnace but had no luck. Fortunately though I still have heated waterbed in my old bedroom which not only is great to sleep in when cold but also manages to heat the whole room. By the time I woke up this morning I was nice and toasty and very reluctant to get out of bed. Although today is kind of a holiday we were still able to get somebody out here to fix the furnace and I’m happy to say I am cold no more.

Happy new year everybody, I hope your 2012 will be as great as my 2011.