December 24, 2004
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You have to read this post, I have made a very important discovery, read a couple of paragraphs ahead to find out.
Its time for the annual Christmas Eve morning breakfast at Bob
Evans. I arrived at about 9:15 in the AM, about 15 minutes early. When
one is walking into a resturant asking for a table for 17, you should
not arrive right on time and expect them to just have a table for 17
ready, even though every year, they usually do, I just didn’t want to
take a chance on them being too busy. Anywho, it took about 5 minutes
for me to get seated, which was fine, because it gave me time to check
out the HOT ass waiter and cook. I got a close up look of the waiter,
but the cook was stuck in the back (wow, that sounds kinda dirty,
doesn’t it?) so I never got a good look at him.Randy was the first person to arrive. He assured me that there was no
chance that the Johnsons will be on time, because he was at their house
’til about 4AM. I told him it didn’t matter if he had been there only
until midnight, there was still no chance in an all glorious hell (why
can’t hell be glorious? why is it assumed to be awful? maybe, for some
people, its glorious.) that they would be on time. Mark shortly
arrived, followed by Scooty and his chick, and then the Johnsons pretty
much at the same time as them. Then Dave and Kelli arrived. This would
be the first time that Scooty has seen them since the vibrator
incident. Scooty walked up to Dave and held his hand out. Dave said
very sternly and forcefully “FUCK YOU, MAN, DON’T TOUCH ME!” Scooty
looked taken aback and Dave said again “FUCK YOU!” and for the first
time ever, it looked like Dave would have pounded the shit out of
Scooty had he persisted. They pretty much ignored each other the whole
time. There was so much tension between them two, you could cut it with
a knife. Kelli, meanwhile, did give Scooty a hug and seemed to pretend
nothing happened. When Scooty left, he extended his hand and said
“Merry Christmas ” to Dave and Dave shook it and said “YEAH, GOODBYE”
without even looking at Scooty. Ohhhhh, its going to be mighty
interesting next week when these two are both drunk together.After breakfast, I headed to get my haircut. I arrived and it looked to
be busy, but apparently, the in thing to do nowadays is for the whole
family to go together so that they can all watch one member of the
family get their hair chopped, even though the remaining members of the
family aren’t getting their hair cut. How boring. So, I hadn’t even had
a chance to read much in ESPN the magazine before it was my turn. The
lady that cut my hair had a new, 12 week old kitty that was there. I’m
not really an animal person, but this cat was sorta cute, and had a lot
of bravado (did I really just use bravado?) because as I was
sitting in the chair, he came right up to me, and crawled into my lap.
She asked me if I minded, and I said no. It was no big deal, but if
this cat was looking for affection of any kind, he came to the wrong
place, as I did not pet him at all. So, I tried to milk him. Ok, maybe
not. he just sat on my lap. He would watch the hair fall onto my chest,
and they sorta claw after it. Now, here is where the important
discovery comes in. The stupid fucking cat started eating the hair as
it was falling. This answers the age old question of “why do cats get
hairballs?” Anywho, eventually, he got off my lap. The funny part, is
that the dude in the chair next to me was practically begging for the
cat to come by him, but he refused, going up to everybody else
but him. Finally, after the cat’s grand tour of the room, he came up to
the dude in the chair. Unfortunately for him, his haircut was just
finishing up, so he had just a couple of minutes with the cat.After the cutting of the hair, I ran to the store to pick up some food
for tomorrow’s breakfast. I found 5 cheese Texas toast! Do you realize
how much this kicks fucking ass? Garlic toast and cheese is such a
great marriage, it can only be made better by adding 4 more cheeses to
it. I will let you know how it tastes tomorrow morning.
