February 3, 2005
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I was watching TV today and they were talking about another IL marine
that died in Iraq. They were interviewing the soldier’s mother. I
swear, if I have to see one more mother on TV crying about her kid
dying in Iraq…………..its just awful. None of this should be
happening. It makes me sick. We shouldn’t even be there. Meanwhile,
President War Monger plots about which country he can attack next. Its
appalling. Now, I don’t expect him to admit this was a mistake, because
in his eyes, he accomplished what he wanted……….control of Iraqi
oil and taking the attention off the fact that Bin Laden is still out
there. Honestly, does he even give a shit about the people, Americans
or Iraqi, dying over there? I’d like to think he does, but then you
hear about him wanting to go into Iran, which means that he has not
learned anything and he doesn’t care about the death, destruction, and
damage he has caused. The elections in Iraq were about the only good
thing to come out of this. But, honestly, will there still be free
elections in Iraq in, say, 5 or 10 years? Will forcing a democracy on
another country actually work? Only time will tell.Really, I got nothing else. I can start making things up for
entertainment purposes. Yes, that sounds like a great idea. So, here
goes.I got my acceptance into the NRA today. Oh, what a mistake they have
made. First, I went down to my local NRA office, which, ironically, is
located in a back room at the local Wal Mart. Once there, Ted Nuggent
and Charlton Heston were there to welcome me into the club. They
greeted me by firing a few ’rounds in the general direction of my groin
area. Fortunately, most of the bullets missed. Next, it was the
initiation. Heston first made me find and cripple the first black person
I saw, telling me to “put a cap in his ass, YO!” After that, Nuggent
dropped me in the middle of the forest, naked and with nothing but my
trusty AK47 and told me to “hunt my way out.” Upon making my way out
with minimal complications (sure, there was the poison ivy I stepped
in……my foot is the size of a football. And, of course, the spider
bite on my dick and the band of raccoons that made sweet ‘coon love to
me……..other than that, all was well), Heston insisted I find a way
to “part Lake Michigan, by any means nessacary”, which I accomplished
by dropping Oprah into the lake from Nuggent’s chopper. At that point,
clearly I was winning their respect. Heston said all that was left was
to defeat the planet of the apes, even though Nuggent and I insisted it
didn’t exist. Heston gave me one other alternative: find Michael Moore
and make that “liberal, gun hating, America bashing, cocksucker wish he
was never born.” He suggested I first take him to the Old Country
Buffett and make him watch me eat, all the while not letting him eat
anything. Next, I was to make him watch Bush’s inauguration and state of
the union address. 5 minutes into it, we fell asleep. We woke up, naked
and holding each other, Michael shaken by his first encounter with a
man. Me, on the other hand, I was still sore from the illicit tryst
with the raccoons from earlier. The whole thing was filmed by Heston for
his new documentary “Shooting for Birmingham”. Finally, I went home and
watched a Who’s the Boss marathon.
