Computers fucking suck! Mine is dead. I think its the hard drive, which sucks because its only about 2 years old. Scooty is supposed to fix it, but I don’t know when it will be up and running again. Until then, its just using the computer at the library and going to friends houses.

I was watching TV today and they were talking about another IL marine
that died in Iraq. They were interviewing the soldier’s mother. I
swear, if I have to see one more mother on TV crying about her kid
dying in Iraq…………..its just awful. None of this should be
happening. It makes me sick. We shouldn’t even be there. Meanwhile,
President War Monger plots about which country he can attack next. Its
appalling. Now, I don’t expect him to admit this was a mistake, because
in his eyes, he accomplished what he wanted……….control of Iraqi
oil and taking the attention off the fact that Bin Laden is still out
there. Honestly, does he even give a shit about the people, Americans
or Iraqi, dying over there? I’d like to think he does, but then you
hear about him wanting to go into Iran, which means that he has not
learned anything and he doesn’t care about the death, destruction, and
damage he has caused.  The elections in Iraq were about the only good
thing to come out of this. But, honestly, will there still be free
elections in Iraq in, say, 5 or 10 years? Will forcing a democracy on
another country actually work? Only time will tell.

Really, I got nothing else. I can start making things up for
entertainment purposes. Yes, that sounds like a great idea. So, here
goes.

I got my acceptance into the NRA today. Oh, what a mistake they have
made. First, I went down to my local NRA office, which, ironically, is
located in a back room at the local Wal Mart. Once there, Ted Nuggent
and Charlton Heston were there to welcome me into the club. They
greeted me by firing a few ’rounds in the general direction of my groin
area. Fortunately, most of the bullets missed. Next, it was the
initiation. Heston first made me find and cripple the first black person
I saw, telling me to “put a cap in his ass, YO!” After that, Nuggent
dropped me in the middle of the forest, naked and with nothing but my
trusty AK47 and told me to “hunt my way out.” Upon making my way out
with minimal complications (sure, there was the poison ivy I stepped
in……my foot is the size of a football. And, of course, the spider
bite on my dick and the  band of raccoons that made sweet ‘coon love to
me……..other than that, all was well), Heston insisted I find a way
to “part Lake Michigan, by any means nessacary”, which I accomplished
by dropping Oprah into the lake from Nuggent’s chopper. At that point,
clearly I was winning their respect. Heston said all that was left was
to defeat the planet of the apes, even though Nuggent and I insisted it
didn’t exist. Heston gave me one other alternative: find Michael Moore
and make that “liberal, gun hating, America bashing, cocksucker wish he
was never born.” He suggested I first take him to the Old Country
Buffett and make him watch me eat, all the while not letting him eat
anything. Next, I was to make him watch Bush’s inauguration and state of
the union address. 5 minutes into it, we fell asleep. We woke up, naked
and holding each other, Michael shaken by his first encounter with a
man. Me, on the other hand, I was still sore from the illicit tryst
with the raccoons from earlier. The whole thing was filmed by Heston for
his new documentary “Shooting for Birmingham”. Finally, I went home and
watched a Who’s the Boss marathon.

Today at work, I spoke with a customer who said he knew a possible
realative of mine. This is the 2nd person this week that I have spoken
to at work that recognized my last name. The first person, I don’t
think I was related to at all. This guy today, though, he said he knows
a guy with the same last name by the name of Joe who is in his 30s and
a high school football coach in Berwyn. I’m not positive, but I think
it might have been my cousin. See, my dad had 4 brothers. One was name
Joe. Joe and most of his family have moved to Florida, and I have met
all of them.  One of the other brothers is  named Ron. Long
story, which I will get into, I have never met Ron or any of his kids,
in fact, I don’t even know their names. But, I do know that they lived
in or around Berwyn. And, it isn’t a stretch to say that Ron named his
son after Joe.

Now, here comes the part as to why I have never met him. There are
several different theories. I say theories, because nobody really knows
why this jackass cut himself off from the family almost 30 years ago.
The most likely theory, is that when my brother died in 1977, he
supposedly was upset that my parents wanted to have a funeral luncheon
and he felt that it was inappropriate since somebody had just died. I
don’t know if this is true at all. All I know, is that I have never met
him, his wife, or any of his kids. At least, I don’t think I have met
his kids. See, the ball-less dickhead didn’t even bother to show up to
the funeral when my dad died. He didn’t go when my Uncle Bob (like my
dad, Uncle Bob was his own brother) died. I was told that when my mom
died, his kids were there, somebody pointed them out, but they never
bothered to introduce themselves. I have spent all these years
wondering about them, and resenting my so-called uncle for being like
this all these years. I wonder what they look like, and what type of
people they are. I don’t wonder what type of person my uncle is, I’m
pretty sure he is a complete prick, after all, I have never heard a
good thing about him. I’d like to think, he is over all of this and is
just too ashamed and embarrassed to show his face around any of us.
But, I think that probably is not true. Maybe in his old age (he has to
be almost 70 or older) he will realize his mistakes. Although I think
if he showed remorse, I could eventually grow to forgive him, it would
be mighty tough, mainly because I have little desire to have a
relationship with him. I don’t have many conversations with my family
about him, so I really don’t know much about him, especially since
nobody else talks to him, its gotten to the point where we don’t even
remember or consider him a member of the family. I always say my dad
has only one brother still alive (Uncle Rich), forgetting that
techinically he has 2 left. And, I have never even had a conversation
with my Uncle Rich about this loser, and probably will never have that
conversation. On the surface, my mom’s side of the family is the crazy,
fucked-up side, and it is true. But, my dad’s side has some rotten
apples too.

I took the promtion today. I did the math, and it works out very well
for me, at least financially. And, my boss told me that there is a good
chance they will hire more auditors later in the year, and they seem to really like
me. She even hinted that they would bend the rules if they like the
person enough and waive the whole 6 month rule.

Jeremy fucking Bernitz? Are you kidding me? Even though Maggs was hurt,
I would have preffered him. Or the alternative to both, would have been
Aubrey Huff. As for Burnitz, although he does have power, last years
numbers, especially his average, were inflated by being in Colorado.
The guy is a career .254 hitter and strikes out more then me. On the
other hand, he is a left handed bat, which the cubs sorely needed. Now,
if only they could get a closer……….

Last night on Letterman, he did a whole hour dedicated to Carson. He
even had the little intros and exits (is that what they are called when
going to a commercial?) that Johnny had, and it took me back. I
remember when Mark and I used to share a bedroom and we didn’t have
cable, so Johnny was about the only thing to watch at that time, unless
the Cubs or Bulls had a late night game. Although I know Carson was
better than Letterman, I have always liked Letterman more, as I have
always found him funnier. I have always said that Letterman has long
been my comedy hero, and I still believe that. His timing is perfect,
always knowing the right thing to say when something unexpected
happens……….thats stuff you just can not teach. One of the worst
things about going to first shift (and there are a lot of bad things
about first shift) is that I don’t get to see Letterman as often.
Although his show has declined just a little in recent years, it is
still funny. I just wish he would do more skits outside of the studio,
like when he used to do the hidden camera thing with
Rupert……….CLASSIC!

Today was my mom’s birthday, which can only mean one thing: going to
the boat to play her favorite slot machines, the Blazing 7′s (I wonder
if they have Blazing 7′s where she is). Anywho, I didn’t have much
money to spend, but I still was going to make sure I went. Because of
my unemployment and my lower paying job, I have not gone to the casino
since Mother’s Day, which is unheard of for me. We used to go at least
every couple of months. Oh, how I miss going. The last time I went, it
was just me and the boys, something that will never happen again, not
that its entirely a bad thing. Shit, I would lose my money and would
have to wait for 3 or 4 hours for those 2 bastards to finish. Anywho,
it costs $5 to get on, and I wasn’t planning on spending more than
$15-20, so that didn’t leave me with much more. Unlike other times, I
had no problems getting on her machine. I lost $3 and decided to blow
my wad at a lesser machine. While wandering the casino, I noticed they
now have poker games right out on the floor, as opposed to a seperate
room. And the tables were packed. Thanks to the recent popularity of
poker on TV, there were some real young hotties playing, including one
kid that, I swear, looked about 15. It would suck to be him, if he won
big and was unable to keep any of it because he was underage. I think I
would shoot myself if that happened to me. Anywho, I found a machine to
play and lost my $10 and went home. I came home a loser, just like my
mother would have………..I bet I would have made her proud. No,
seriously, do you wanna bet, I lost more money on the way out to the
parking lot and I have to recoup my losses.