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Last night I went to Rene's house for a birthday party celebrating all
of our friend's that have July birthdays. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda
yadda, we all had a good time, but I write about that sorta stuff all
the time and I'm sure you all are getting sick of it. I'm gonna write
about something different now.

My dad's last remaining brother and his wife are soon to be celebrating
their 40th wedding anniversary. Their daugher asked me to go through my
father's vast picture collection and see if we have any pics of their
wedding. My dad was quite the............whats the word..........uh,
picture taking person, yeah, thats it. So, he had many.........er whats
the word, you know, what photographers do............pictorials, yeah,
thats it. Anywho, the search was on for photos. Although I did not find
what she was looking for, it gave me a chance to look back on my dad's
brief, 50 year life. A lot of these pics I had seen before, but
many, I had not. If my dad were still alive today, he would be 75 years
old. He died when I was 4,(July 15, 1980) almost 5. To tell the story,
I should go back 3 years prior to that.

My oldest brother died in a car accident at the age of 20 on August 9,
1977. Although I was not yet 2, this single event changed the course of
my life forever. Dad did not take it well. Although, he was already an
alcoholic, he pretty much gave up on life and essentially, drank
himself to death. For the sake of sticking with the story, I will not
make anymore mention of my resentment and bitterness towards him for
his giving up. I wonder had my brother not died, if my dad would have
lived longer. This is what brought me to the questions that arose while
looking at those pics. Pictures, they tell the story of ones life. My
mother, I'm told, was totally different after my brother died
(understandably so, I don't know if I could handle something like
that). Before he died, I'm told that she was more religious, afterward
she said that she was mad at God (my mom died, by the way, on Jan 2,
2000 at the age of 65, no word from her on if she has made amends with
him since she died). Mom was always sorta..........well, she had a
short fuse, but to be honest, I don't think that had anything to do
with Anthony's (my brother) death, as her whole family is
short-tempered. One of my favorite pics of my parents is a pic of my
mom holding myself and my twin brother, we had to be only days old and
she had a big smile on her face and my dad was standing behind her, two
fisted.........a bottle of champagne in one hand and an Old Milwaukee
in another. She never looked happier, it very well could have been the
happiest day of her life.

Back to my dad, though. I know so little about him, and for various
reasons, have not asked much about him, but I'm very curious and have
many questions. One thing about him I did now, is that he was a HUGE
Cubs fan. Yes, I guess thats where I get it from. I think of him a lot
when I watch the Cubs. I feel is it my one connection to him. One of my
few memories of him is him going to a Cubs game and coming back with 3
Cubs cups (which I still have and use) for me, Mark and John.

The pics, have answered more questions. For example, I always knew my
dad was racist. I hate that part of him. But, I was suprised to see him
in pictures with a black man. That says something. Maybe he wasn't as
racist as I believed. He had so many pics of him in the Korean war and
with his army buddies. I'm telling you, some of these pics that I saw
yesterday were litterally, 50 and 60 years old, some even older then
that. I saw many pics of him playing his acoustic guitar, the very same
guitar which sits in my room today. After my mom died, we found a
picture book of a road trip my dad took with 2 of his
friends..............in the summer of 1948! Think about this for a
second. This is before interstate and AC in cars. What made this so
special is that before we found that, I already had a picture book and
road journal that I had made of road trips I had taken with 2 of MY
friends. I felt such a connection to him. I think he and I would have
had a pretty good relationship, when I think about the baseball and
road trips.

I also wonder where he stood politically. Was he conservative? A
liberal? A moderate? No interest in politics at all? After all, my
mother could give a damn about politics. Was he concerned about social
issues? What were his opinions on the Vietnam war? What about other
social issues, such as abortion, equal rights, woman's rights and gay
rights. This, of course, leads to my next topic.

He was, however, quite the ladies man, as there were lots of pics of
him with various girls and little things he wrote to them or they wrote
to him on the back of the pics. The impression I got of him was that he
was a very........lets just say, overly heterosexual, which brings me
to my next topic: how would he have reacted to having a gay son. I try
to put the pieces together and see if I can come to some sorta of
conclusion. He was Catholic. That is not good. I have no idea where he
stood politically, although he did have some sort of banner thing with
JFK on it, which leads me to believe that he was more democrat, which
is a good sign. My mom, I never told, but I think she would have been
accepting, but embarrassed. To be honest, my mom could be embarrassing
and without shame, but my dad, I have no idea. I'd like to think he
would have come around and been ok with it, but I just don't know. I
have to keep in mind that he was old enough to me my grandfather and
therefore came from a previous generation, a generation that was not
accepting or very tolerant of gays and those different. As is my
understanding, he was racist, and racism and homophobia go hand in
hand. And being as into females............ok, I should just be honest,
he was a bit of a perv..........as he was, all of this probably leads
me to believe that he would not have accepted my being gay.

Maybe, I'm not meant to know the answers to my questions. Maybe, he
died when I was young because he would not have approved of my
sexuality. Maybe we would have clashed on the issues such as the war
and race relations. Perhaps we would have attended Cubs games together,
perhaps that could have been the one thing that brought us together and
kept us on the same page. Maybe, just maybe, he would have had a hard
time understanding my homosexuality, but eventually, in the end, grown
to love and accept me as his son.

Its just amazing how one event can change a person's life and shape
their future. All those same questions I have about my dad, I also have
about my brother. Had he not died, chances are, my dad would not have
died at the age of 50. I'm quite sure he would have been dead by now,
but, I would have probably gotten a lot more time with him and
understood him more and been a different person then I am today. One
thing is for sure, I would have still been gay.

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<TD class=left vAlign=top>Posted by: SunLair

Original: 7/24/2005 11:10 PM
Comments: 2
eProps: 6

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<TD class=left vAlign=top> 2 eProps from:
cantBfaded
Grapeclover
AnnEiy25

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<TD> xanga blogrings web users
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
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Ut-Oh!! If I don't pay the Xanga people I'll lose all the nice piccy's on my reviews! I'll REVERT.

Oh well. The world will continue to turn!

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<TD>Posted 7/24/2005 at 11:10 PM - email it

Give eProps or Post a Comment

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moragoo?
Posted 7/25/2005 at 2:44 PM by cantBfaded - delete - block user

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Sorry,
but this chain letter is for real.
When Anne Wichert got it for the first time,
she ignored it and a week later the love of her
life dumped her for no good reason so
BEWARE,
and just send the stupid letter!!!!!!

The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form
a more perfect kiss,
enable the mighty hug to promote
to whom we please
but one kiss.

Article 1:

Statement of Love:
The Kiss

1.
Kiss on the hand
I adore you

2.
Kiss on the cheek
I just want to be friends

3.
Kiss on the neck
I want you

4.
Kiss on the lips
I love you

5.
Kiss on the ears
I am just playing

6.
Kiss anywhere else
lets not get carried away

7.
Look in your eyes
kiss me

8.
Playing with your hair
I can't live without you

9.
Hand on your waist
I love you to much to let you go

Article 2:
The Three Steps

1.
Girls:
If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.

2.
Guys
If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.

3.
Guys &Girls
Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.

Article 3:
The Commandments

1.
Thou shall not squeeze
too hard.

2.
Thou shall not ask for a kiss,
but take one.

3.
Thou shall kiss
at every opportunity.

* Remember *
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss
Without some tongue.
So open up your mouth
close your eyes,
and give your tongue
some exercise!!!

Here are a few reasons
why guys like girls:

1.
They will always smell good
even if its just shampoo

2.
The way their heads always
find the right spot on our shoulder

3.
How cute they look when they sleep

4.
The ease in which they fit into our arms

5.
The way they kiss you and
all of a sudden everything
is right in the world

6.
How cute they are when they eat

7.
The way they take hours
to get dressed
but in the end
it makes it all worth while

8.
Because they are always
warm even when its minus 30 outside

9.
The way they look good
no matter what they wear

10.
The way they fish for compliments
even though you both know that you
think she's the most
beautiful thing on this earth

11.
How cute they are when they argue

12.
The way her hand always finds yours

13.
The way they smile

14.
The way you feel
when you see their name
on the call ID
after you just had a big fight

15.
The way she says
"lets not fight anymore"
even though you know that
an hour later....

16.
The way they kiss when
you do something nice for them

17.
The way they kiss you
when you say
"I love you"

18.
Actually ...
just the way they kiss you...

19.
The way they fall into your arms
when they cry

20.
Then the way they apologize
for crying over something that silly

21.
The way they hit you
and expect it to hurt

22.
Then the way they apologize
when it does hurt.
(even though we don't admit it)!

23.
The way they say
"I miss you"

24.
The way you miss them

25.
The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not....................
Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

*
This chain started in 1887.
It is a love chain letter.
In an hour you are
supposed to send it to
25 people.
It is easy, just look into
chat rooms and find them.
Anyway,
send it to 25 people in 1 hour.
Now here
comes the fun part.
You then say
the name of the person
you like or love
and then the person will say
"I love you,"
or
"Will you go out with me?"
NO JOKE!!!!!

NOW
THE CONSEQUENCES

The consequences are:
If you break the chain letter,
you will have bad luck
in future relationships.
If you don't
break the chain,
then you will be a
happy camper!!!

CoNgRatULaTioNs!!

You have been chosen
to participate
in the
LONGEST
and the
LUCKIEST
chain letter on the Internet!
Once you read,
this letter you must
IMMEDIATELY
(meaning within the hour)
be sent to
25
people
After you send it,
make a wish
and it will come
TRUE

YOU MAY NOT WAIT
FOR A CERTAIN TIME
TO SEND IT........ REMEMBER,
IT MUST BE SENT
TO
25
PEOPLE WITHIN 1 HOUR,
OR
YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME
TRUE!
If THIS
CHAIN LETTER
IS CONTINUED UNTIL
THE YEAR 2004, IT WILL BE PLACED IN

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS!

PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!

*WARNING*

IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON,
SOMETHING BAD OR WORSE
WILL HAPPEN TO YOU:

NOTE*
THE MORE PEOPLE
YOU SEND THIS TO
THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL
HAVE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE.
IF YOU BREAK
THE CHAIN LETTER

(IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1887)

YOU WILL HAVE
BAD LUCK
WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE
FOR SEVEN YEARS.
THIS IS
NO
JOKE.
GOOD LUCK
Posted 7/26/2005 at 4:40 AM by AnnEiy25 - delete - block user

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- 7/26/2005 6:12 AM
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July 24, 2005

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