December 10, 2005

• It has been requested that I write about more gay things, so here goes.
  Cock, dick, ass, balls. Top, bottom, bear, twink. Anal. ORAL! OH GOD,
  ORAL!!!!! Cum, jizz, juice. Penis, beefstick, meat. There. What can be
  more gay than that!!!

  So, we had our first big snow of the season yesterday. This one girl at
  work was in a panic over the snow. She was over reacting like crazy,
  making it seem like it was something that never happens. Hello, its
  December in Chicago. She also said that she would rather go through a
  hurricane than what we went through yesterday. I think she is nuts. In
  spite of all of that, it wasn't exactly a picnic on the way home
  Thursday night. What is normally a 30 minute drive for me turned into
  70 minutes. For my brother John, his 30 minute ride took 3 hours. Other
  people at work had 2 or 2 1/2 hour drives, so all in all, I felt I got
  off pretty good. And, of course, I also didn't have a fucking plane hit
  my car (imagine telling that one to the insurance
  company..........seriously, would they cover something like that?) like
  some other poor people in the Chicago.

  Funny scene while I was shoveling last night. My neighbor's 17 year old
  son (the one I think is gay.........the son, not the neighbor,
  although, I guess he is still my neighbor too) came outside WITHOUT a
  coat on to clean off his car. He started to clean off his car with, get
  this, a fucking t-shirt. I asked him if he had a snow brush and he said
  "not in the car". Honestly, where else would you even have a need to
  keep a snow brush? I mean, what the fuck else are you going to use it
  for? So, being that I have 3 snow brushes in my car, I gave him one of
  mine and he was ever so grateful. I then told him to put on a coat, as
  I wasn't going to give him a coat too.

  Perhaps some of you science people could answer a couple of questions
  for me. First of all, why is it that the first night of a snowfall (a
  decent snowfall of say, 3 or more inches) it is always very bright out?
  My brother's theory is that the snow is fresh and therefore not yet
  dirty from pollution. I have no other theories, so please people, help
  me out with this one. The only other thing I could come up with is the
  reflection of the white of the snow and something something
  something.............I really don't know, science was never my strong
  suit. Come to think of it, I never really had a strong suit, so I guess
  I should say science was the weakest of all my weak suits.

  The second questions is more of a medical one. Why is it that when its
  really cold outside, your nose runs? Aren't we supposed to have nose
  hairs to help control this sort of thing? Or does the nose hair say
  "fuck this, its too damn cold for this shit, I'm migrating closer to
  the brain where its warmer." I mean, it doesn't make sense I tells you.
  After all, this is what we have nose hairs for and they abandon us when
  we need them the most. I wish there was some sort of way to punish the
  nose hairs for their cowardness. In the military, if a solider runs out
  on the unit in the middle of a battle, that solider can expect some
  serious repercussions as a result of said soilder's actions. I try to
  get even with the nose hairs by plucking them and pulling them when
  they least expect it, but it does no good, they still hang me out to
  dry when things get runny. What else can be done? I'm at a loss here,
  people. What a bunch of wimps; if they were any bigger of wusses they
  would be living near a pussy. And its not like I can just replace them
  with other hairs and expect a better result. That breed of hair has a
  history of acting the exact same way time and time again under the same
  circumstances. So, I ask you people, whats a guy to do?

  • 12:42 am
  • 1 Comment