January 13, 2006

• As I have mentioned before, every Thursday my friends and I go to a
  little bar called Clem's. This week was about as odd a night I have
  ever had a bar, and it was all within the first, say, 35 minutes.
  First, my friend Don showed up and he hadn't been there in a few years.
  Don, John, Heather and I started to play pool. Shortly thereafter a guy
  walked in wearing shorts and for some reason, slippers. Sure, it was
  warm today, but it wasn't short weather. Ok, so right now as I type
  this, its 1 in the AM and still 47 degrees out (no global warming my
  ass), but still, it was an odd scene for the middle of January. Anywho,
  first he walked up to the bar. Then, he came over to us, looked at me
  and I assumed he was looking to play pool. Not so. He walked right past
  to be and walked up to Don and whispered in his ear. Don said "No" and
  the guy walked off. I instantly asked Don "Did he ask you if you had
  any cocaine?" And Don said yes. At this point, the guy was asking
  people at the bar for come blow. Of course, nobody had any. The guy
  then left. What the fuck? Its like this guy escaped rehab wearing
  shorts and slippers and came up to Clem's to "get his blow on". Its not
  like this is some sort of seedy, back ally bar. Sure, its not exactly a
  high class place, in fact, some people might call it somewhat of a
  dump, but by all means, it aint a drug bar.

  Shortly after he left, another guy came walking in with, for the most
  part, was Easter fucking dinner. He had a large full size
  ham.........probably 20lbs. He also had mashed potatoes and gravy in
  pots and pans. He also had brought in plates too. And I don't mean just
  paper plates. He brought in actual dinnerware.........glass fucking
  plates. Next thing you know, he starts offering all of this to
  everybody and anybody in the bar (which at the time consisted of
  probably 12 people, but there were more people there later and he
  offered it to them too). And I have to say, this fucking ham was
  amazing. He made it on the grill and put all sorts of seasonings and
  marinades on it. It was very juicy and tender. And the smell was
  amazing. He starts telling us all about various recipes he had been
  making since he is living alone. I assumed his wife left him. He is
  standing there, slicing up ham and talking about cooking like he is the
  Iron fucking Chef. I told Don that this sorta thing doesn't happen
  every week. The guy (Don, that is) shows up for the first time in years
  and he has a guy asking him if he has coke and another feeding him
  dinner.

  A short while later, I went to sit on the ledge next to one of the
  tables and knocked Heather's full rum & coke right the fuck over. I
  felt bad, but I just bought her a new drink and she would have never
  known that it had happened had we not told her, because she was at the
  bar at the time talking to the Iron Chef.

  That's all for now people. Remember, lots of garlic the next time you cook ham.

  • 2:14 am
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