January 16, 2006

• I think I want to spontaneously combust one day. I was watching this
  thing tonight on spontaneous combustion and it made me realize that
  would be a classic way to go. Think about it, how many people have just
  burst into flames? Not many. Sure, burning to death would be an AWFUL
  way to die, but it would be different. Imagine being at a party and all
  of a sudden POOF!!! up in flames you go. As long as you don't take
  anybody else out with you, it would be a great exit, sorta like how
  Elway won a Super Bowl in his last game or how the Beatles quit while
  at the height of their popularity. Now, I'm not saying this is
  something that needs to happen right now for me, but should it happen,
  say, 35 years from now, so be it. Imagine, people would be talking
  about your exit for years. They would tell everybody that they knew and
  those people would tell other people and so forth. You would be a death
  legend. Sure, anybody can go via car accident or heart attack and those
  deaths are not memorable in any way. Now, just standing there, drinking
  a beer and watching the game with friends and all of a sudden flames
  and then instant ash, well, now you got something.  Think of the
  money that will be saved on a funeral. Its sorta like, instant
  cremation. They just sweep you up and have your ashes spread before the
  game comes back on and they don't miss a single play. No coffins, no
  shyster funeral director, no undertaker having sex with your body, no
  priest pretending to know you, just instant death and funeral all in
  one. In this day and age of speeding things up, imagine the time that
  will be saved. It would be sorta like the death equivalent of fast
  food. Sorta like, Dominos for death. Your ashes spread in 30 minutes or
  less or your  death certificate is free. And you would have given
  them something to talk about, imagine what they would say: "Fred was
  just sitting there watching the game and next thing you know, BOOM! Ash
  Wednesday right there on the couch." Its a no lose situation. Ok, maybe
  not a no lose situation, I mean, you would be dead, but shit, everybody
  has to go sometime, why not go out with a bang. I mean, in the show I was watching,
  they said it usually happened to elderly people, so that makes it even
  easier. Why go through the pain and suffering of a terminal disease or
  waste the time of going through a windshield when you can just die and
  instant, fiery death. And, if you are around bunch of smokers, they can
  just ash their cigarettes in the pile of ash you have already begun for
  them. You would be doing people a favor. The more I think about it, the
  more I see how it is a good idea. Now, if only I can survive for
  another 35 years to see it happen.

  So, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has said that Hurricanes Katrina and
  Rita and other storms were a sign that "God is
  mad at America" and at black communities, too, for tearing themselves
  apart with violence and political infighting. What a fucking dope. It
  goes to show you that using Godly fear is not exclusive to just
  Republicans. How these people can use fear the prey on the
  vulnerabilities of those that have just gone through a horrible tragedy
  is appalling. People such as Ray Nagin and Pat Robertson should be
  ashamed of themselves. Of course, Robertson has no shame, so his being
  ashamed is not possible.

  I didn't do much today. I met some co-workers at Denny's for breakfast.
  All the people I met had worked OT today and got paid triple time for
  it. I, on the other hand, turned down the money for a chance to sleep
  in. I'm well aware of how crazy this sounds, but fuck, what can I say,
  I hate getting up early.

  • 10:33 pm
  • 3 Comments