February 21, 2006

• Today at work, I went out to my car and when I sat down in the car, I
  sat on my badge and it broke right the fuck in half. I don't quite
  understand this, I sit in the car while wearing it all the time and
  this was the first time it broke.

  I went to Meijer tonight to pick up some shit, one of which was a case
  of Pepsi. Motherfucker, if I didn't get a paper cut underneath my nail
  on my flip off finger while picking up the case of Pepsi. That shit
  hurts like a sonofabitch. Anywho, as I got up to checkout, I chose the
  lane with the hot kid. Tall, skinny, spiky hair like it had been in a
  light socket. He couldn't be any older then 17 and was just cute as
  hell. For some reason, he was wearing Spider-Man wrist bands. I, of
  course, had to comment on that:
  Me: "Are those Spider Man wristbands"
  Cute Boy: "Uh-huh:
  Me: "Kick ass. Do they shoot webs out of them?"
  He said no, but I went on playfully bantering with him when another
  worker lady came up and asked me if I had heard about the Pepsi sold at
  Jewel that people had said stunk of fumes. I said I would let them know
  if it stunk of fumes and if it caused a problem, maybe Cutie Spider Man
  could come and save me. He laughed, but I think it was in more of a
  "that's kinda creepy" kind of way. I told them I might not mind the
  fumes if it gave me a good buzz.

  I'm thinking that given the choice of bleeding internally or
  externally, I would choose external, and not because of the fact that
  it would be less of a chance of dying. See, the way I see it, internal
  bleeding is for pussies. Allow me to explain. See, how you bleed really
  says something about your blood. If you bleed internally, that pretty
  much means that your blood is wimpy and gives up easily. I mean, its
  like the blood says "Ahhhh, fuck this shit, its too tough to go all the
  way to the skin and force our way out. Lets just explode in here, its
  easier." Whereas, external bleeding says "Aint nobody or nothing
  holding me back, clear the way fuckers, I'm about to make a mess up in
  here and I don't give a fuck who I piss off." See, its all about
  attitude. Sure, anybody can bleed internally, but it takes real blood
  to uproot itself and go to the outside world. Cracking that skin is
  tough. Its kinda like planning a vacation. Sure, anybody can plan a
  vacation in which they stay home and not do much. But, the real fun is
  when somebody takes a trip, and the further you go, the more fun the
  trip. Its the same way with blood, really. Localized bleeding near the
  pancreas isn't really anything, its kinda like working down the block
  from your house. But, when the blood goes from the nasty cut on the arm
  all the way out the skin and onto the floor and surrounding space, then
  you really have something. Why should the blood give up on the inside,
  when it can have so much more of an influence on the outside? Think
  about it, people actually pass out when the see blood even if its not
  their own blood. But, when you tell somebody that you are bleeding
  internally, they don't pass out or even bat an eyelash. When people
  lose a high volume of blood, they turn pale and get cold and might even
  pass out. When people bleed internally, their aint no pale face, they
  just sorta bleed internally until..........ok, so they might die. But
  blood that everybody can see, that's where its at man, nothing scares
  the shit outta people like a pint of blood spewing out of what used to
  be a leg.

  • 10:31 pm
  • 3 Comments