June 1, 2006

•  I found out today that I won’t know until next week at the earliest if I got the position I applied for. If I don’t find out by Thursday, I probably won’t know until, and this REALLY sucks, the end of the fucking month. Damn, Tom Petty was right, the waiting is the hardest part.
  
  I think that if Geena Davis were a male, she would have a big dick. Does anybody else know what I mean?
  
  Its been a while, since I did this, but I’m sure glad its back. Its time for another edition of “PAT ROBERTSON SAYS THE DUMBEST THINGS.” 76 year old Robertson, who is one of the world’s biggest dumbasses, claims he recently leg-pressed one ton, which is twice what most elite athletes can press and reportedly a lot more than the world record. He said he did it with a protein shake containing flaxseed oil, and yes, flaxseed oil is the same stuff Barry Bonds claims he thought he was taking, but instead was steroids. Yeah, this is just what the world needs, Pat Robertson on ‘roids. Could you imagine, it would take his squinting to a whole new level. And if you thought he hated gays before the steroids, just wait until they take full effect. He would be unstoppable. The 10 Commandments issue in our courts? Well, don’t look now, but here comes Robertson, pushing the Commandments with his powerful legs right back in front of the court. And, those pro choice protesters? Well, here comes Pat, beating the shit out of them in a mad fit of ‘roid rage. So-called activist judges that rule in favor of evolution? Well, I hope they have security walking them to their car tonight. And he would be back in church on Sunday morning, praying that God can find a way to fix the window he broke when he shut it with his massive steroid sized biceps. Lets just try to add up this crazy ass claim of his. One ton, which is pretty much the weight of some cars. Pat is not a fat fuck like his fuck buddy Jerry Falwell. Pat is an average sized man, actually, probably even smaller, I mean, the guy probably tops out at 190lbs, and that is being generous. And ok, lets say he is 6ft, that is not very big. Here is a picture of the man that can leg press a ton

  
  

  

  
  

  See, he sure as hell isn’t big, hell, he doesn’t even look as big as, say, Jerry Seinfeld. So unless he turns into the fucking Hulk, I don’t see he did this. Another point is that he is 76 years old. Jack Lalaine couldn’t even do that. Just picture this, your grandpa pushing a Pinto down the street with his legs and you would have the equivalent of what Robertson is claiming.

  • 9:38 pm
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