January 29, 2007

• We got on a conversation today at work about something that i have always said: retirement is wasted on the elderly. Think about it. When people are young, they are vibrant and full of energy and ready to party and go anywhere and waste tons of money. Elderly people, well they are old and cantankerous and chronically tired. So I say, why wait until you are old to retire. People should retire when they are young, you know in their early 20s and as they get older, start to work more. After all, young people are not very responsible and most of them have a crappy work ethic. Older people, well, they take pride in their work and are always the ones that get shit on by the younger generations. Sure, some old people travel when they get older, but most of them just sit around waiting to die. They watch pure shit like Wheel of Fortune, Matlock, The Golden Girls and Murder She Wrote. Honestly, if you told me that was what I had to look forward to when I get older, I would kill myself before Pat Sajack becomes the highlight of my day. Also, older people are always in bed early and up at like 5 or 6 am. My thinking is that the only real reason to be up that early everyday (and stay up, this isn’t like the mom that gets the kids off to school and wisely goes back to bed) is for work. Younger people, they stay up late and struggle to get up in the morning. Young people are always on the go and are impossible to keep in one place. See, this is how retirement should be, you should be going out seeing the world and doing things, instead of getting up at 5AM so that you can be sure to catch Good Morning America. And while they are sitting at home wasting away, they are usually crabby and bitching about something, usually younger people. Why not just transfer all that negative energy to the workplace, where they can point out the flaws of a business, making it better for everybody. After all, the young people don’t give a frozen rat’s ass about the company. They would not bother to complain, but instead just slack off and do things real half-assed. You want good, quality work, you need to rely on old people with real values and pride in a job well done. When you are young you can go on that road trip and drive 12 hours, party, sleep for 4 hours and back on the road the next day to do it all over again. Old people drive for 5 hours, stop for the early bird dinner and get a hotel so they can see that bitch Angela Lansbury (who my brother John secretly always wanted to nail) butt into some crime that was none of her damn business to begin with. That’s a hellva lot of time that could be spent traveling and experiencing the world. Things the younger generation love to do. Why go through retirement with health issues and having to go to doctors and deal with all that bullshit. Its hard to see the world if you gotta be back every month so they can check your white blood cell count or go on a dialysis machine. And why waste all that extra time with doctor appointments and driving 5 miles under with your left turn signal on for 75 miles? I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t exactly sound like retirement fun to me. I say nothing says retirement like being able to party until your pants come off. Take it from me, I know. I didn’t spend 2 1/2 years unemployed watching Diagnosis Murder, I can tell you that much!

  • 9:36 pm
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