February 6, 2007

• I found out through a guy at work that Cara’s grandma died (long story short, I grew up with Cara, we had a falling out nearly 5 years ago, haven’t talked to her since but have gotten a Christmas card. And she used me as a reference for some reason) and therefore, Cara is coming in from San Diego for the wake a funeral. Even though I never knew her grandma, I have known her family for my entire life, so I’m thinking I’m gonna go. Also, this will be a good chance to reconcile with her. Although I don’t know if a wake is the best place, I won’t have an opportunity to do it any other time. As is to be expected, I’m kind of nervous about it. I would imagine there is going to be a great deal of awkwardness just seeing her. I mean, shit, what do I even say to her? I wonder if she has changed at all. Although she was always one of the most fun people (somebody, please correct my grammar on this………….John, where are you? Oh, right, he doesn’t have the link) I have ever known, she was never a good person. Its not to say that she is some evil, mean bitch. She just has always been a manipulator and a severe user of people. Also, very self centered and selfish, and ever the drama queen. Although I won’t be around her long enough to know if she has changed, I’m still curious. If she has not changed, we can never be friends again. Although I don’t mind hearing from her every couple of years, I want to know she is ok. See, I’m a very loyal person. Once somebody is within my, for lack of a better term, inner circle, or a good friend, they never truly leave, no matter what they do. By my own admission, I’m sometimes a difficult person to get along with and I have been known to hold grudges for years, therefore, my friends have nicknamed me the Grudgemaster (sounds like a superhero……..perhaps I should embrace the name a little more). But, once you are in that circle, even those that have totally wronged me still have my loyalty. I know it doesn’t make sense, but its just who I am, I make no apologies for it. The thing is, you have to be on the inside to remain on the inside, for example, my mother’s evil to the core sister was never in, hence she could die a cruel death and I wouldn’t give a shit. But, I digress. Although I hope Cara has changed and is a better person, somehow, I doubt it. See, she has been in and out of my life for years and always returns the same way as she was before. I have often said, she is not capable of change. I know that sounds close minded, but it might be true. And the thing is, she always used to put on a front like she has changed but when it comes down to it, she was the same person. I promised myself the last time I saw her that I would never let her back into my life. This is much easier to do since now she lives in San Diego. Still the potential exists. And the thing is, I have no reason to even let her back into my life. Why would I do that? No good could be gained from it, if she has not changed than all it could bring is more stress and heartache. Of course, I am always an over analyzer and this is what I’m doing now. And of course, as soon as I leave the wake, I will be overthinking the events of the night. But, why should you have to be bored to tears by reading my overthinking. Than again, I’m sure you stopped reading a long time ago. I will just have to bring you back by doing something to get your attention:

  SEX!!!!!!!!LOTS OF SEX WITH TONS OF STRAIGHT PORN!!!

  • 10:57 pm
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