April 2, 2007

• There are no 2 greater words for a baseball fan than opening day. And I am so excited about baseball and my beloved Cubs being back. I want to stress though that I'm not nuts about this, I'm realistic about the Cubs chances this year. A lot of Cub fans have them in the playoffs because they spent a lot of money in the off season. I see it for what it is, they spent a lot of money, but not wisely, it was dumb money. With how bad they were last year, I think a 500 record is about where they should be, which would not be good enough to get them into the playoffs. Still, what doesn't make any sense is that I'm still very excited about this season, as I am every year. Every year, this team lets me down and in some cases, totally breaks my heart and yet, at the start of each year, I'm so excited for the season to start. I've said before and I will say it again, its a disease, a damn fucking disease. Every year I like to try to predict the World Series and then at the end of the year, look back at how stupid I was. Well, this year is no different. Red Sox beating the Dodgers is what I say. The White Sox will be strong again, but no playoffs, they are just in too tough of a division and too tough of a league. You know what, fuck it, I just thought about something. The way things are going, 2004 the Red Sox win, 05 the White Sox, 06 the Cardinals, each of these teams a dagger straight through the heart of Cub fans. So with that, I should change my pick to either the Brewers or the Mets winning it all this year because it would only add to the misery of Cub fans.

  Big news today, though, the Cubs are for sale! Or, at least they will be for sale after the season. Its not like we couldn't see this one coming though, they have been spending money like never before and the Tribune Company (they own the Cubs) have been financially struggling and they have been talking about selling assets for the past year. The Tribune and all of its assets have been sold, but as is my understanding, they will sell the Cubs before that sale of the Tribune is final. So, if anybody wants to float me a little bit of money, say, in the neighborhood of $350 million, it would be very appreciated.

  More good news, I got a $100 American Express gift card today for my perfect attendance for last year. Also, I'm going to be getting a jacket with my company name on it. I have now not missed a day since Feb of 2005. I'm very lucky, though, I have been able to stay healthy and not had anything unexpected come up, such as car issues. Plus, it helps that I don't have any kids, so that has made a big difference as well.

  I have never been a normal person, so why would my disorders be any different. I think I might be OCD, but here is the thing, its only when I'm sleeping. Now, you might be asking yourself "how the fuck does one have OCD in their sleep?" Trust me, if anybody is going to have OCD in their sleep, its me. Well, let me attempt to explain. I always have trouble sleeping, its just the way I am, I'm very hyper and my mind is always going. I wake up often each night baffled as to what time it is, even though I look squarely at the clock and it says something like 2:13 in the fucking morning or 5:28 in the stupid fucking morning. I don't get up until 6:30, but this only adds to the confusion. Now, here is where the OCD part comes in. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm confused and have no idea what is going on. So, I re-set my alarm, just to make sure it is set. Then, I reset it again, just to make sure its set. I then put my head back down and fall right back to sleep. I barely remember doing this, in fact, I'm usually not completely conscious when I do it. I also do other odd things in my sleep to, like.............well, take off my underwear, which is the only thing I wear to bed. If I had a million damn dollars  for everytime I went to bed with underwear on and woke up not wearing anything, well, I just might have enough to buy the Cubs. The funny part is that I will wake up in the middle of the night, take off my boxers and then proceed to whip them across the room, you know, kind of like I'm trying to scare off a fly. And its not like I'm taking any sort of sleeping pills to be doing this odd shit, I'm doing this with out the anything. The thing is, I think if I play my cards right, I might be able to profit from this. Maybe I should film it all and put it on the internet. Shit, people would pay money to see somebody do some weird shit in his sleep. If it weren't for the OCD, every night would be something different. And plus there is a potential for nudity, well, that's all the more reason for people to pay. When it comes to the internet, people don't care if the person is not attractive, just as long as they are naked. So tomorrow you might see videos of me sleeping and doing crazy shit. I just hope I don't get really nuts and sleepwalk to Bolingbrook like my brother in law did years ago.

  Whenever I use the term OCD, the song "Opp" by Naughty By Nature goes through my head and I replace the lyrics and instead sing "You down wit OCD, Yeah you know me, whose down wit OCD?"

  This is as good as an excuse as ever to post the lyrics to this song since I can't think of another time in which I would post the lyrics. Still, its a funny song and I realized something by reading the lyrics: pussy and penis have the same number of letters.

  Harm me with harmony
  Dave drop a load on 'em
  OPP, how can I explain it
  I'll take you frame by frame it
  To have y'all jumpin' shall we singin' it
  O is for Other, P is for People scratchin' temple
  The last P...well...that's not that simple
  It's sorta like another way to call a cat a kitten
  It's five little letters that are missin' here
  You get on occassion at the other party
  As a game 'n it seems I gotta start to explainin'
  Bust it
  You ever had a girl and met her on a nice hello
  You get her name and number and then you feelin' real mellow
  You get home, wait a day, she's what you wanna know about
  Then you call up and it's her girlfriend or her cousin's house
  It's not a front, F to the R to the O to the N to the T
  It's just her boyfriend's at her house (Boy, that's what is scary)
  It's OPP, time other people's what you get it
  There's no room for relationship there's just room to hit it
  How many brothers out there know just what I'm gettin' at
  Who thinks it's wrong 'cos I'm splittin' and co-hittin' at
  Well if you do, that's OPP and you're not down with it
  But if you don't, here's your membership
  Chorus:
  You down with OPP (Yeah you know me) 3X
  Who's down with OPP (Every last homie)
  You down with OPP (Yeah you know me) 3X
  Who's down with OPP (All the homies)
  As for the ladies, OPP means something gifted
  The first two letters are the same but the last is something
  different
  It's the longest, loveliest, lean-- I call it the leanest
  It's another five letter word rhymin' with cleanest and meanest
  I won't get into that, I'll do it...ah...sorta properly
  I say the last P...hmmm...stands for property
  Now lady here comes a kiss, blow a kiss back to me, now tell me
  exactly
  Have you ever known a brother who have another like ah girl or wife
  And you just had to stop and just 'cos he look just as nice
  You looked at him, he looked at you and you knew right away
  That he had someone but he was gonna be yours anyway
  You couldn't be seen with him and honestly you didn't care
  'Cos in a room behind a door no one but y'all are there
  When y'all are finish, y'all can leave and only y'all would know
  And then y'all could throw the skeleton bones right in the closet do'
  Now don't be shocked 'cos if you're down I want your hands up high
  Say OPP (OPP) I like to say with pride
  Now when you do it, do it well and make sure that it counts
  You're now down with a discount
  Chorus:
  You down with OPP (Yeah you know me) 3X
  Who's down with OPP (Every last lady)
  You down with OPP (Yeah you know me) 3X
  Who's down with OPP (All the ladies)
  This girl ah tried to OPP me
  I had a girl and she knew that matter-of-fact my girl was partner's
  that
  Had a fall out, disagreement, yeah an argument
  She tried to do me so we did it in my apartment, bust it
  That wasn't the thing it must have been the way she hit the ceiling
  'Cos after that she kept on coming back and catchin' feelings
  I said, "Let's go my girl is coming so you gotta leave"
  She said, "Oh no, I love you Treach" I said, "Now child please"
  You gots to leave, come grab your coat, right now you gotta go
  I said now look you to the stairs and to the stairwindow
  This was a thing, a little thing, you shouldn't have put your heart
  'Cos you know I was OPP, hell from the very start
  Come on, come on, now let me tell you what it's all about
  When you get down, you can't go 'round runnin' off at the mouth
  That's rule number one in this OPP establishment
  You keep your mouth shut and it won't get back to her or him
  Exciting isn't it, a special kinda business
  Many of you will catch the same sorta OPP is you with
  Him or her for sure is going to admit it
  When OPP comes, damn-- skippy I'm with it
  Chorus:
  You down with OPP (Yeah you know me) 3X
  Who's down with OPP (This whole party)
  You down with OPP (Yeah you know me) 3X
  Who's down with OPP (This whole party)
  Break it down!

  
  

  • 9:50 pm
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