April 11, 2007

• Its time to go to that special fantasy place where the stuff that is in the bible is actually real.

  In this day and age of everybody having some sort of mental illness, I realized that Jesus probably suffered from any number of undiagnosed mental illnesses. Why were they undiagnosed? Perhaps he was too damn stubborn to go to the doctor. Maybe he bought into the hype of him being “the son of God” and therefore, nothing could be wrong with him. Maybe he didn’t have any money or a good health care plan. Oh, and maybe there weren’t any head doctors back then. It could have been any combination of the above reasons, either way, he was one pissed off, fucked up dude. I think he could have been bipolar. One moment he was peacefully spreading love and the next moment he was damning this person and spiting this other person and flipping over tables. One moment he was helping the homeless and next thing you know, he is saying non-believers should be whacked. Also, maybe he was a paranoid schizophrenic, after all he kept “hearing the voice of God” I mean, exactly what the hell is all of that about. And, he thought that one of his Apostles was going to betray him, if that doesn’t reek of paranoia, than I don’t know what does. Of course, he also must of had many bouts of depression. I mean, he refused to shave for years, seemed to go a long time without showering and also wandered the desert aimlessly for 40 days and 40 nights, all classic signs of depression. Actually, when you think about it, he was a complete wreck, at least mentally. In addition, he also had a pretty big fear of commitment. He left  Mary Magdalane hanging for all those years, refusing to commit to her even though she followed him around worshipping him. Quite sad, actually. I mean, what does a girl have to do to get a fucking engagement ring from the guy? And yet, people want to call her a whore. Well maybe she would settle down a little if her man just gave in and finally married her, I mean, Jesus Christ!. But, its easy to see where Jesus got it from, after all, his father was quite the headcase  himself. You never knew what you were going to get with this guy, was he a loving God, a vengeful God or a angry God? I wish he would make up his own God dammed mind! Both Jesus and God were more moody than a pregnant chick. Between me and you, I don’t think there is enough therapy in the world to cure either one of these dudes.

  We haven’t done this in a while, but its time once again for “PAT ROBERTSON SAYS THE DUMMEST THINGS!!!”

  “God’s pattern is for men to
  be the leaders, both in the church and in the family… “Women should listen and
  learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority
  over them.”
  – Pat Robertson, reciting a
  passage from I Timothy in his book, Bring It On, quoted from Nicholas D
  Kristof, “Peter, Paul, Mary … and God” (The New York Times: February 28, 2004)
  ††

  Oh Pat, you are an endless stream of entertainment!

  • 10:11 pm
  • 1 Comment