April 29, 2007

• I can’t believe the Bulls swept the Heat!!! That totally kicks ass. There is a guy at work who is a bandwagon jumper and has been a Heat fan for the past year and he also hates the Bulls. So, I just got back from buying him a broom! GO BULLS!!!!

  I had to be up at 7 in the fucking AM yesterday morning, but it was for a good cause. Our work is taking part in a volunteer thing in which we help families fix and restore their houses in Aurora. So, yesterday was that day, which was going to make for a very long day since I had plans later in the afternoon and evening. I arrived promptly at 8 in the am and already, quite a few people from work were already there. The house was owned by a retired lady who was very nice and friendly. My job was to paint, something I have never done before. First, we had to cover countertops, cabinets and other things and also tape the woodwork and frames. I don’t know about all of this shit, you guys should all know about this. This took longer than I thought it would, but eventually we finished and started to put on the primer and then the paint. It turns out, I have no idea what I’m doing when I paint, which knowing me, shouldn’t come as a big surprise to anybody. At one point, my short ass was given the job of painting the ceiling. I struggled to keep control of the paint broom thing and to be honest, I was a disaster trying to do this. So, I outsourced it to a lady that is old enough to be my mom. This might sound bad, but what can I say, she did a much better job than I did. Next, I had to paint part of the kitchen and the back door. As I was finishing the backdoor, I did something that was totally me: I stepped on the lid to the paint, filling the bottom of my shoe with red paint. Because of this, I wound up driving home barefoot, which is not as bad as it seems. Anywho, I left there shortly after 11 and the am and headed home.

  After exercising and showering, I headed to Whirley Ball. We wound up having 15 people, which cost each of us about $25 to play for 2 hours. Ok, so all of us didn’t play for 2 hours, but we all took turns playing. Now I will admit that I’m a pretty bad Whirley Ball player which is why I was surprised when I scored 15 goals! Or maybe it was only 1 goal, but honestly, who is keeping track. So, lets just split the difference and say I scored 18 times and call it a day. Anywho, in the last 2 games, I wound up with the fastest car on the court, I mean, this thing really flew. Unfortunately, I struggled to control it, slamming into my own teammates on several occasions. Ahhhhh, you gotta love Whirley Ball. What’s Whirley Ball you ask? Well, if you don’t know, that’s too damn bad, shame on you for not knowing. Ok, so maybe I’m just too lazy to explain it or post the link for you.

  After Whirley Ball, we went to Hooters. When a bunch of guys go to Hooters, there is always a lot of innocent flirting with the waitresses. What made this kinda creepy was that the first waiteress we had was named Rosie, which made everybody at the table laugh since that was my mother’s name. So I went to the manager and demanded a new waitress or else we were going to leave. The manager got upset about this, so I got right the fuck in his face.I came really close to punching him, but instead, I turned over a tray of food and poured a pitcher of beer on Rosie. This worked, because they gave us a new waitress named Vanity. Turns out, she was named after Prince’s ex-girlfriend. This upset Dave, as he has always been in love with Prince. So, he started crying and became so upset, that he started to piss himself. So, he pulled down his pants and urinated on this old man’s cheeseburger. After that, we ordered, at and came home.

  Ok, so none of that happened at Hooters. Instead, we just ate drank  and came home, but honestly, the truth is so boring compared to a made up story.

  After Hooters, we headed to the Ditka Dome to play beanbags. The Ditka Dome is a sports bar in the truest sense, its a bar but also has a huge dome out back which is a driving range, batting cages and you can play beanbags. For some stupid reason, it was closed due to “good weather” which to me, doesn’t make a damn bit of fucking sense. So, we stood in the bar playing darts. It was just me, John, Dave, Jt, and Lance and we separated into 2 teams of 2 and one person was flying solo for cricket. What made this so fucking funny was that somehow, we (ok, mostly Lance, but everybody did it at least once, most people more than once) kept breaking the tips of the darts. I swear, they must have been poorly made because, and I’m not exaggerating this at all, we must have gone through 30 dart tips. We almost didn’t make it through the last game because we started to run out of darts.

  We left Dtika’s about 9ish and headed to Dave’s to play cards, now down to just 4 of us, as John did not play. I wound up getting my ass kicked in both games and really there was nothing exciting to talk about.

  I failed to mention this before, but I bought some shit to plant in the front yard. I bought day lilies (at least, I think that is what they are called) and some onion plants. Now I’m well aware of how odd it is to grow onions in one’s front yard, near the house, but why not? Sure, I know that this might result in animals being near my house. And it is true that I don’t have any fucking clue as to what I’m doing.  And yes, because I didn’t plant them far into the ground but instead just put some dirt that was on the side of the garage, probably nothing is going to grow and its all going to be just a big waste. However, these are onions we are talking about here. My goal is to grow them, and then sell them on the internet, eventually become an internet billionaire! As for the day lilies, well, they are day lilies by day and crime fighting night lilies by night, I mean, why wouldn’t I invest in them?

  My front lawn is fucked, isn’t it?

  • 4:30 pm
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